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Thoughts I Had... While Staring at Lindsay's Lohan's Alleged Sex Partner List

Maybe you're one of those ready-first-thing types? To the rest of you I apologize. If you were online yesterday (and when aren't you?) you probably saw this list which is rumored to be in Lindsay Lohan's own all caps writing, detailing her sexual history.  

After the [NSFW] jump, thoughts I had in the order they came to me

• Only 36? I thought it would be surpass her traffic violations at least
• Awww ♥ that she spells Joaquin Phoenix wrong. Bless her.
• Zac Efron is also spelled wrong but everyone reading TFE knows that I have committed the same sin. The spelling not the sexing.
• You may think that I wish it were the other way around but I am that 2% of the population that doesn't find Efron very attractive. He'll have to make do with the other 98% of the world. Too plastic/perfect? Too trainered-too-death muscles? I dunno. Doesn't do it for me. Although I did enjoy that scene of Nicole Kidman peeing on him in The Paperboy. No, I am not into water sports! I'm just into Kidman sports.

In this context Nicole Kidman's ultra-trashy beautician looks so much like Lindsay Lohan's blonde phase. Eeep.

• Where is Jude Law? 
• Is this a Scattergories form? LOL. I so wish it had been a Clue scorecard instead so we'd know the location and the weapons, uh, accessories.
• Is this chronological? By cock size? Ranked? I have so many questions as a compulsive list maker.
• If she's ranking them shouldn't Jamie Dornan be higher?

I mean...

[Tangent: I don't really have an opinion on Jamie Dornan as an actor so he doesn't necessarily sell me on 50 Shades of Gray but he has been inside one of my favorite movies (Marie Antoinette) and inside Keira Knightley and is also related to Greer Garson (!!!) so he's been absurdly blessed by life.]

• I heard people on the internetz (happy birthday internet!) immediately disbelieving men on the list they were fans of but I 100% believe this list. I do. The list of women any of these famous guys have slept with is surely much longer and you know they wouldn't be slut-shamed for it.
• Not that Lindsay Lohan is a great celebrity to pin gender or sex-positive politics on because, frankly, she is too messy to pin anything on. 

•  Am I supposed to know who Ryan Rottman is? I'm so sick of not knowing who celebrities are and I blame the Disney Channel and Reality TV - they are the two culprits every time I find myself in a position where I don't know Who Someone Is. They're ruining pop culture with their speed of creating disposable celebrities who are famous for no discernible reason other than fame itself. 
• If this is a sex list why isn't that DJ Samantha Lindsay was steady with listed?

• Wait, James Franco?
• How many of the 35 names here would also show up on his list? [OMG reminds me - stop everything. Read this review of Franco's Interior. Leather Bar. It's perfect] 

• Lindsay doesn't seem to have any clear preferences beyond major attractiveness: musicians, movie stars, non headline tv regulars, and P.C. Valmorbida. All are welcome
• Why are some of the names redacted?
• Washed away by Linday's tears?
• Reserved for print so that you'll buy sleazy In Touch magazine?

Linday in "The Canyons"

• I never saw The Canyons. Did you?
• Since Lukas Haas is on here are DiCaprio and Maguire under the blurred names because you know they shared -- the name "Pussy Posse" doesn't stick for no reason. (Suddenly the 90s seem so much crasser in retrospect.)

• Speaking of the 90s... the best thing about this list is that it's sending me back to great memories of Vickie Miner (Janeane Garofalo) in Reality Bites. One of the very best 90s characters. She kept a similar list if you'll recall though her hand writing had more personality. I couldn't find a relevant screencap *sniffle* so this one will have to do.


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Reader Comments (32)

The Canyons is



and not in a guilty pleasure way. It's good-good.

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered Commentercal roth

cal roth - No it's not. It's really fucking awful. And not in a campy way either. It's awful awful.

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAmir

From what I've read, some of the redacted names are married men, and that is why InTouch chose to blur them out.

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterwade

The Canyons is



and not in a guilty pleasure way. It's bad-bad. (sorry I coudln't resist, Cal. But I do think it's terrible. It's bad porn without the fun parts)


I don't find Zac Efron attractive at all, either. But Joaquin Phoenix is another story...if he cuts his hair.

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSad man

A couple of things:

1. I heard from someone Aaron Carter could be one of them. They did it when they were very young.

2. I don't think James Franco is gay BUT it wouldn't surprise me if he tried sex with men a couple of times just to see what it's like since you know, he's the try anything type of guy.

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterIrvin

Oh Lindsay. That's disgusting. And on a Scattergories score sheet? My childhood memories of that game will never be the same. Wonder who the married men are?

And James Franco announced his conquest of Lohan in "This Is the End." Guess it's true.

Wilmer Valderamma spilled all the details on the Howard Stern Show.

Adam Levine? Colin Farrell? Get tested right now, Lindsay.

Heath Ledger? Joaquin Phoenix? Oh God. Not the "thespians"!

Isn't Guy Berryman in Coldplay? Thought the British had higher standards. And one of those guys is from The Wanted, correct?

Evan Peters is engaged to Emma Roberts. Awkward! Justin Timberlake married Jessica Biel recently. Double awkward!

I don't get the Zac Efron appeal either. At least he uses condoms.

And it's sad too knowing that all of these guys have fucked countless thousands of random snatch, but Lohan is going to get slut-shamed for 36. Oh, the horror!

What a gross and sickening "list."

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPaulie

Jamie Dornan's bare ass and penis are the most important thing about this post. How sad/bizarre is it that this is probably more than what they'll show of him in the 50 Shades movie?

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterthefilmjunkie

She definitely dated Jared Leto for awhile, too. Although, he dated a lot of starlets in the early aughts.

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBia

Efron turns me off completely, besides he seems incapable of reading two lines in a row. She can have him. Right now, I only want to fuck with Oscar Isaac and Adam Driver.

PS Cock size and "Best kisser" are the only parameters I manage in this sort of list.

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPeggy Sue

The Canyons amounted to nothing. It was a conventional love triangle movie. There was zero chemistry between LL and James Deen.

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSam

Actually the most important part of this post is the reference to the One True Supreme, Kidman, and her trashtastic goodness from The Paperboy. Lee Daniels is fucking nuts, and I love it! Efron is very pretty, but in exactly the way you described it Nat. He needs some gayness or something edgy (but still legal. stay clean Zac) to make the plastic more interesting. I also cared not for Jamie Dornan... until these pics! You were not kidding about NSFW, but a look at that ass and all the rest of it would be worth a warning.

As for Lindsey, "Boo, you whore."

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVal

So are we thinking James Deen was also on this infamous list? But why would he be crossed out though? He's been with thousands of women already. What's one more at this point?

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKyle

I really wish there was a black guy in this list.

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCris

Has anyone else watched the premiere of LINDSAY on the Oprah network? Would be fascinating to hear others' takes on it.

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDave

YAAASSS @ Vickie Miner. I love that bitch. She is through-the-roof amazing and THE best bff a female rom-com lead will ever have. Trust.

Re: LiLo - Can I also drop a well-timed Mean Girls quote with a sprinkling of irony?

"Do not trust this girl! She. Is. A. Fugly. Slut."

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMark The First

I would expect your list to be a lot classier, Nat!

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJoe (uk)

@Val - a heinous oversight on my part! Let me correct that ASAP:

It goes -

1. Kidman
2. Jamie's ass, penis and everything attached.
3. Everything else.

I repent!

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterthefilmjunkie

fine, i'll take efron if you all don't want him. even though if this is to be taken seriously the rumors of his heterosexuality might, alas, be true.

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRoark

I have to believe that half of this list is really her shopping a/k/a "to do" list.

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDave in Alamitos Beach

Nathaniel, you've expressed your indifference to Efron's sex appeal and I just have to say: Aren't you, like, 15 years older than him? Or is that not a problem in other cases? It shouldn't be but..
Anywy, love the post and hope Lindsay confirms the list is authentic without a bit of shame.

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJames T


Anyways, no problems with Efron since he butched it up a bit after his High School Musical days. I can't even hate on this list.

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDerreck.

Names of some of the blurred names: Ben Affleck, Ashton Kutcher, Brett Ratner (ugh this is a desperate bitch to fuck this guy), Chris Klein, Leonardo DiCaprio, Harvey Weinstein (gross), Carson Daly, Robert Pattinson, Tara Reid, and Jason Biggs.

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterXYZ Affair

Why is TheFilmExperience a blog i have loved for 10 yrs spending anytime on this self centred attention seeker,Make a list of the things you need to get that Means Girl actress back instead of phony lists like this.

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermark

She sucked Joaquin. #thankscunt

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered Commenter3rtful

Jamie is related to Greer Garson! So cool! He's got class by blood.

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterbrookesboy

From what I've read, some of the redacted names are married men, and that is why InTouch chose to blur them out.

I read InTouch will be unveiling more names next week. More web hits that way!

Didn't know Jamie Dornan was related to Greer Garson so now I can say reading this thread was educational!

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterClaire

Nathaniel and I have discussed this... yes, Zac Efron is physically attractive and if you saw him walking down the street then I would definitely be like "phwoar!", but... he's a movie star? Celebrity sex appeal feels like it should have a little bit more to it. He sees not particularly talented, nor all that smart (many of his interviews are just painful to watch). Kinda takes away from the lustiness of his muscles.

THE CANYONS is terrible. There's two good scenes (one thanks to Lindsay and the other thanks to the lighting designer). The rest is amateurish rubbish. And I'm sure many will say that it's commenting on trash cinema while emulating that, but I don't buy it for a second. Some other directors, sure, but this is play out Paul Schrader being forced to use crummy low-rent actors to tell a skeezy, boring Bret Easton Ellis story.

I'm going to imagine that since Nico and Evan are right next to each other that it was a threesome since those two are similar ages (right? they certainly play characters of similar ages) and similar personalities.

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGlenn

Nathaniel your article is interesting and amusing but this situation generally makes me sad. Sad not that Lindsey supposedly made a list, or that it's being splashed all over the internet or that the blacked out names are "allegedly "married men. No what is sad is that this seems to have provided an excuse for aggressive misogynistic language to be thrown around the net and the fact that when quoting from "Mean Girls", people so often miss the point.

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJoanne

this is far too tabloid for the film experience

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterpar

Get it, Linds! She's like, yeah, I fucked ALL ya men, and I'm outing them on a SCATTERGORIES score sheet lmao! Get at me, bitches! This list is gangsta. It's nothing that men haven't been doing since forever. I ain't mad at cha, LL! :-)

March 13, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDorian

NATHANIEL, we are 2 percenters together... I think I will need to be caught with tar in my lungs before I "get" Zac Efron.

But it's still a movement; albeit a stupid one. And I currently still hold "pariah" status with my generation because I object.

RE: the list. Some of these names are the only things that Lindsay can be proud about. Kudos to her.

March 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMs V.

I think the blurred persons are non-celebrity, because they still put celebrities who are married or engaged, and even a deceased one in the list

March 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCraver

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