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Beauty vs Beast: All Their Jazz

It's Monday and this is Jason from MNPP writing at you, so it must be time for another round of "Beauty vs Beast" -- this week's duo are each individually and together beautiful and beastly all at once, and I don't know which their prouder of, honestly. A little of this, a little of that, some razzle dazzle and a lotta sheba shimmy shake. Indeed we speak of that pair of murderin' funny honeys Velma Kelly (Catherine Zeta Jones) & Roxie Hart (Renée Zellweger) in Rob Marshall's 2002 Oscar winner Chicago. Today is Renée's 47th birthday and this we do in celebration of her. Now make like Lipschitz and choose.

PREVIOUSLY Last week we took a little ride on the Pineapple Express and y'all decided it was James Franco's Saul that two-thirds of you decided you wanted bringing up your caboose. Seth Rogen had his defenders though -- taking up his cause in the comments forever1267 had this to say:

"Big laugh. Big personality. Big Dorkiness. Big Chest hair. Seth Rogen is my secret crush boyfriend."

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Reader Comments (22)

VELMA is the one who took home the Oscar!! Just sayin'

April 25, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterDAVID

This really isn't fair because tour de force doesn't do CZJ's turn justice, but Zellweger was also quite good. In fact, everyone was good in this movie. I need to revisit.

April 25, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSawyer

Velma all the way. No explanations are needed.

April 25, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLadyEdith

The poll seems pretty even, oddly. I guess zeta jones simply couldn't do it alone! ;)

April 25, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterRizz

All hail team Roxie, for Zellweger clearly having a ball and being hilarious, quick wit with no brains, being as good a singer and dancer as she needed to be (and not as bad as some other cast members), and being the best in her category after Julianne. Besides, I'll pay any retroactive mea culpas to Roxie Hart if it means Ruby Thewes gets nothing.

Also, who won the Cabaret face-off?

April 25, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNick T

I dont understand how Roxie is winning. Velma is the pro. Roxie just stole her best bits is all.

April 25, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNATHANIEL R

Nick T -- LIZA!!! With about 65% of the vote

April 25, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJason

I voted for Velma because, well, COME ON. Bitch is impossibly fabulous, even in prison garb. But I'm glad Roxie's winning at the moment because Zellweger is really great in the part.

April 25, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterdenny

also: blocking out richard gere's face. LOL.

April 25, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNATHANIEL R

Loving the shade of where that "vs." sign is placed. I'm Team Roxie. CZJ tragically kept her Velma accent for every American role she's had to play since, so, demerits.

April 25, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterDave S.

Team Roxie mainly because Velma's 20's bob is awful and CZJ insisted on it so people would know she was actually doing her own dancing.

Actually, no, Team Christine BaranskI because always.

April 25, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterRooma

@Jason - Thank you!

@JA - And thank you, for blocking Richard Gere. It's the right thing to do. You're the real winner here.

April 25, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNick T

Team Roxie because RZ did an exemplary homage to Madonna in the "Express Yourself" video throughout her performance. I generally prefer Velma (on stage) because Chita/Bebe but CZJ, as great as she was, was a little too Robo-Velma for me.

April 25, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterPaul Outlaw

Team Roxie, and am (pleasantly) surprised that the votes are currently about even.

And Velma Kelly will shit I know, to see her name get billed below...ROXIE HART!

April 25, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSomeone

I can honestly say this was difficult as I adore both of them in the movie, but I had to give it to Velma.

April 25, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBrian

I voted for Velma but I am happy to see how tight the poll is. In fact, the perfect result for this one would be a tie, as nothing would piss off both Velma and Roxie more than tying each other. xD

April 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCarmen Sandiego

Vote for Velma cause ALL THAT JAZZ baby!
But yeah, Team Baranski all the way.

April 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCraver

Team Roxie.
I thought Team Velma was winning by a landslide! So I'm (positively) surprised Roxie Heart is leading. (for now)
But I echo the voices for Queen Baranski. Really, why can't she just get a bigger supporting role in a movie? She's AMAZING! In just everything.

April 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSonja

The last time I was actually happy with what won Best Picture.

Team Roxie, for working so hard to make it look so easy.

April 26, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterforever1267

The fact that these women are so close to tying is probably the best way to reward two great characters who'd be livid that they're tying with anyone at all, especially each other.

April 26, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNick T

Both r quite good, but I alws felt Zeta-Jones performance is a tad too OTT (The -Hey I can do Broadway anytime, Baby!!- kinda Loud). Zellweger naive vapid sex kitten wannabe is surprisingly perfect for the part and IMO better o the two

Choosin between Velma & Roxie is somewhat like asking the fanz to choose between Carol & Therese!! Lol

If not for the nose, Zellweger wld have seriously won the Oscar (She beats Kidman in SAG!!). It wld have been perfect if Zellweger won best actress & Julianne Moore won best supp actress in 2002 instead! Her following yr win for Cold Mountain is obviously a conso prize

April 27, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterClaran

Aw, thanks Jason, for the defense quote. I understand my minority position in this, but, to keep this on topic, I would totally do the Cell Block Tango with him!

April 27, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterforever1267

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