"Worst" of 2011. A Quick Purge
Wednesday, December 28, 2011 at 3:30PM I use the term "worst" loosely as I am generally not paid to see the obviously terrible films that open all year round. Plus, I'm not feeling the negativity this year. Or, rather, I'm trying not to feel it. With Bridesmaids and Melancholia both speaking so eloquently on the subject of depression this year like some perfect if unlikely double feature (more on that in the top ten column) why should I wallow in my own? No, 2011 was a good year for cinema. So here is a very quick purge of the things that momentarily led me to believe otherwise.
Hell's Multiplex
Hell's multiplex has noisy audiences, crying babies, constant texting, and 50 million miniature screens showing only 50 movies, a million microscopic screens for each sorry movie! All of them requiring 3D glasses... even the ones in 2D. I wisely avoided the films I thought might play there -- if I hear the names Nicolas Cage, Adam Sandler or Kevin James or "Part One" I run -- though I inadvertently stumbled on a few grotesqueries. I've no wish to bury amateurish festival films but bigger names and wider releases are fair games. The 8 worst films I saw this year, then, were:
- Beastly and...
- I Am Number Four
This Double Feature of Dickery tops the list (bottoms the list?), with both of the films starring Prince Charmless himself Alex Pettyfer. What possessed his management to give the go ahead on Beastly in particular in which he must sell -- and sells all too well -- utter despicability of character devoid of all traditional humanity? And selling that so well while playing the hero? - Abduction [reviewed]
- Cars 2 -Cars was Pixar's previous worst film. So naturally all of Cars's worst impulses were jacked up for the sequel. Michael said it best to me when we were leaving the screening "It's like George Lucas deciding to make a Star Wars prequel with Jar Jar Binks as the lead character!"
- Green Lantern [reviewed]
- J Edgar - Less outright terrible than devoid of any reasonable expectations of entertainment value or historical insight. Cliche filled stuff spun from complex fascinating real life. [reviewed]
- The Other Woman [reviewed]
- Kaboom [reviewed]
Michelle & Nicole in widely hated filmsWorst Reviewed Movies of 2011 That I Myself Did Not See
New Year's Eve and Trespass ...yes I have every intention of seeing these two films; I am willing to suffer for my Pfandom and my Kidmania. But I'm no hurry. But those I intentionally avoided include: Jack and Jill, Just Go With It, The Roommate, Dylan Dog: Dead of Night, Season of the Witch, Red Riding Hood, Dream House, Zookeeper, I Don't Know How She Does It, The Rite, The Smurfs and Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked
Worst Actress
True story Part 1: I had never* seen Vanessa Hudgens act before seeing Beastly.
True Story Part 2: I still haven't seen her act because no reasonable person could call it such.
Mating Rituals From Hell's Multiplex: BEASTLY
Worst Actress That Has Been Good In Other Things
If you figure out what Abbie Cornish was doing in W.E. besides counting down the days till the shoot ended please share this information. But my guess is that's what was going on because otherwise I can't figure it...
Worst Actor
Let's play "Jeopardy" instead...
Violins, totem poles, Grandma Willow, trees, 'Mr. Pointy', antiques, wardrobe, pianos, chaise lounge, picket fence, Treebeard, staves, matches, witch's broom...
THINGS MADE OF WOOD THAT ARE MORE EXPRESSIVE THAN TAYLOR LAUTNER?
*ding-ding-ding*
Worst Supporting Actress
Dustin Lance Black for making that actress in J Edgar say "All the admiration in the world can't fill the spot where love goes." Really, what was she supposed to do with that line? It would probably defeat La Streep.
Most Frequently Miscast But Actually Good Supporting Actor
John C Reilly has been romantically paired with the following actresses onscreen: Marisa Tomei, Julianne Moore, Catherine Keener, Jennifer Aniston, Renée Zellweger, Melora Walters and Jenna Fischer. This year he added Tilda Swinton (We Need To Talk About Kevin) and Jodie Foster (Carnage) to that List O' Improbability. I actually think he's a fine actor but I haven't bought a single romantic screen relationship he's had onscreen since... ever (?) so it's always taking me out of the movies. I exaggerate a little, it's true... Foster & Reilly made believable marrieds to an extent in Carnage but it was utterly inconceivable to me to imagine that alien goddess Tilda Swinton had ever fallen under his carnal spell in those ravehippie flashbacks in ...Kevin.
Utterly Pointless Movies That Didn't Need To Be Made At All But Were Too Forgettable To Get Worked Up / Angry About
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides and Arthur
Often Irritating False Notes Sparring With Very Moving Individual Moments But The Movies Have Been Pronounced "Great" by the Rest of the World So What Do I Know. Point Being: I'm Not Sold.
The Descendants, War Horse, and We Need To Talk About Kevin
Movies With the Most Going For Them That Were Still Somehow Deeply Unsatisfying
The Adjustment Bureau and Contagion
Performances That Were So Much Better Than The Movie House They Lived In One Could Swear They Weren't Even Sharing a Zip Code... (note this does not always imply that the movie is bad.)
Andrea Riseborough (W.E.), Demian Bichir (A Beautiful Life), Viola Davis (The Help), Janet McTeer (Albert Nobbs), Meryl Streep (The Iron Lady)
Pearls Before Swine (i.e. Performers Who Were Given No Discernible Character to Play But Still Were Seen Giving It Their All)
Vera Farmiga (Source Code), Emily Blunt (The Adjustment Bureau) and Maria Bello (Abduction)
Blogger Who is Really Ridiculous With the Procrastination
Nathaniel. Always Nathaniel. I know you're like "but what about The Iron Lady?"
WHEW. Done. I'm not sure I feel better now but we do have our rituals. Feel free to share your worsts.
To make you feel better but keep it in line with this post's content, here's The Tree of LULZ from Kevin B Lee and Ali Arikan courtesy of IndieWire and Press Play.
What if Terrence Malick had directed some of the worst films of the year?
Tree of Lulz indeed.
*I amend. Apparently she was in Thirteen. I do not remember her in it as Hunter/Wood absorbed 100% of my focus.
Reader Comments (36)
I hate to break it to you, but your Kidmania will also force you to see Just Go With It. While some would say she has a cameo, it's a full fledged villain for Jennifer Aniston's character. Obviously she's the best part of the movie and she does hula dance so... put that on your hate-watch queue.
OMG Nathaniel...John C Reilly had incredible chemistry with Marisa Tomei in Cyrus! I wish John had been GG nominated for Cyrus.
Oh no, Kidman is not the best part of it Just Go With It...there is no best part (maybe Dave Matthews)...proceed with caution...or stay away...forever..
I would nominate Bridesmaids as the biggest disappointment I've seen. It's not even funny. Total fail.
I would recategorize The Adjustment Bureau like so: Movie With the Least Going For It That Was Still Somehow (Sort Of) Satisfying
I'm glad to say that I haven't seen any out-and-out awful films this year. But, then again, I'm usually not interested in what end up being the worst films of the year anyway. I even enjoyed Green Lantern (except for the whole subtext about outer beauty, which I found disgusting), although how much of that was due solely to Ryan Reynolds's prettiness is anyone's guess. In fact, all the movies I less-than-liked this year all had at least one redeeming factor: chemistry between the leads saved Sherlock Holmes and Adjustment Bureau, Colin Farrell saved Fright Night, smart choices in the first half saved Don't Be Afraid of the Dark, the offbeat humor saved Super, and Heather Morris's boobs saved Glee 3D (which is probably the only movie in 2011 I felt truly bad about spending my money on).
Abbie Cornish in W.E. is worst of 2011? I really don't know what film have you seen, but I'm sure that it's not the same I've seen in Venice last september...she has done good performance like Wallie (a great Andrea Riseborough as Wallis Simpson is her co protagonist)...Madonna's W.E. is a nice surprise, if you don't understand it means that The Film Experience is the worst cinematic website of 2011!!!
Andrea -- thanks for the quote "THE FILM EXPERIENCE IS THE WORST CINEMATIC WEBSITE OF 2011!!!". I love a superlative!
p.s. i 100% agree that Andrea Riseborough was fantastic.
I rather liked Nicole in Just Go With It--actually not that bad overall, too.
Lol Nathanial, Ur website is the worst of 2011 :)
The worst movie I actually sat all the way through? Thor. The worst movie I walked out of? Horrible Bosses. The movie I really liked that Nathaniel didn't? The Descendants.
I'm surprised you didn't mention Sucker Punch; a horrible excuse for a film and one that did irreparable damage to my retinas; never have I been closer to walking out of a film (a glutton for punishment perhaps).
Totally enjoyable movies that completely botch their endings: The Adjustment Bureau and Source Code.
LOOOOVED Contagion, but I know it LEFT some people cold. I say LEFT some people cold, because saying Contagion is 'cold' or 'chilly' is a weird critique of a movie that is purposefully so.
Damn those botched Source Code and Adjustment Bureau endings...and Super 8's last chapter too. Come on sci-fi-ish movies, get your heads in the game!
Though we part ways on most things KEVIN, even I can’t defend the casting of John C. Reilly and attribute it to a lot of the dislike/ambivalence detractors throw at KEVIN. Would have loved to see Dan Futterman, Ewan McGregor, Clive Owen, Ralph Fiennes, or even Lior Louie Ashkenazi in the role.
Worst Underuse of an Actor: Rene Russo (Thor)-what was the point of hiring an actress who can totally hold her own against Anthony Hopkins and barely using her? Honorable Mentions: Anna Kendrick (Twilight 4)-they better be paying her LOADS to keep appearing in these, Helena Bonham Carter (Harry Potter 7.2)-how could they not ham up her scene in the bank a bit more?
Worst Performance in An Otherwise Good/Great Movie-Rachel McAdams (Midnight in Paris) HM: Freida Pinto (Rise of the Planet...)
Worst Performance By Once Great Actors: Angela Bassett/Peter Sarsgaard (The Green Lantern)-while you're marching to the bank to cash those checks, you better be hanging your heads in shame HM: Julia Roberts/Tom Hanks (Larry Crowne) (tie)
Worst Scene-Taylor Lautner "challenging" his fellow wolves (Twilight 4), HM: Every scene in The Green Lantern
Actors I Do Not Want to Grace My Movie Screen Again (or until they have done forty Hail Meryls): Blake Lively, Jason Bateman, Ken Jeong, Ryan Reynolds
Actors Who Can Do Better Who Desperately Need to Challenge Themselves Again: Naomi Watts, Judi Dench, Matt Damon, ScarJo, Julia Roberts, Johnny Depp, Anthony Hopkins
Worst Movie of the Year: The Green Lantern
I like RyanSt's casting of Kevin. When I was reading the book with Tilda in mind before they cast the husband, I was imaging Aaron Eckhart all the way! John C. Riley did not fit the bill for the book or the movie.
John T.: The big problem with Green Lantern is it should be a huge warning to studios that they can't be indiscriminate with their directorial choices. denny: Green Lantern has a subtext about outer beauty? Obviously you've never bothered to look up Hector Hammond's character design in the comics because he's the kind of big-headed character who really only works in non live-action mediums and anti-intellecutalism is an easier claim to make, something implicit in both comics and film. Dave: Thor as one of the worst of 2011? Huh? It's not offensive, stupid or badly acted. It's just a bland. I'd say B-.
Volvagia -- the stuff about outer beauty is not subtext. it's just plain old text. it's right there in the dialogue. Grossly offensive movie (Green Lantern). who cares if Hector looked like that in the comics.
The worst for me, by far, was "Battle: Los Angeles". It actually broke me. I literally had to stop on my way home and pull myself together. "Big Mamma's Boy" was horribly offensive; "Friends with Benefits" was far worse than "No Strings Attached" because it had a conceit (rom-coms are silly) and then succumbed to the very ideas it was making fun of; "A Heartbeat Away" was Australia's answer to "The Room"; "Rubber" was a director furiously trying to be cool for the arthouse set AND make it into Hollywood, but transparently so; "Sucker Punch" was indeed like a punch to the face; the best 20 minutes of "Norwegian Wood" were the 20 minutes I fell asleep in the cinema; "Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows" is Downey Jr game of charades as he mugs mercilessly to revive a plot that limps to its fascicle conclusion; "The Three Musketeers" was... well, I'm sure you can guess; "Cars 2" was stupid and nauseating and gave me a headache; "My Son My Son What Have Ye Done" was Herzog in full on practical joke mode; "Needle" was a boring horror flick with a resolution pulled out of thin air; "Fighting Fear" was a terribly self-congratulatory documentary; "Kidnapped" ugly and repulsive; "The Iron Lady" is offensive for its politics and offensive for its crimes against filmmaking; "Arthur Christmas" was gangly and too chaotic for its own good; "Snowtown" rolled around in its miserbalism like a pig in shit and I'd seen it all before; "The Hangover Part II"'s worst offence was not being funny in the slightest; "Green Lantern" was dingy, crass and completely misreads the text; "TrollHunter" was flat; "War Horse" was flat; "Red State" was lazy; "One Day" was flat; "Albert Nobbs" was flat; "Stake Land" was lazy; "Cave of Forgotten Dreams" was an over-extended IMAX doco; "The Cup" was flat and lazy...
Yeah, that's about it. :)
W.E. was actually really wonderful and I loved Cornish's nuanced performance. People are far too judmental and subjective in their opinions because it is a Madonna film.
CI -- not me. I am an über Madonna fan. You will find no way in which I am not rooting for Madonna. My whole life is one long Madonnathon ;). LOL. I just thought the film was a mess. Not TERRIBLE per se but a lot fo problems. Definitely an early effort from someone who is still figuring movie making out.
I have walked out of 3 movies in my whole life and one I saw on HBO later and loved it ( The Hurt Locker ) ,,, the other two were Gigi and J. Edgar....
Myself, I would like to list In Time under Movies With the Most Going For Them That Were Still Somehow Deeply Unsatisfying. Andrew Niccol usually turns out well-made and interesting scripts (GATTACA, The Truman Show, The Terminal), and even his lesser efforts (S1m0ne, Lord of War) still had a lot to commend them. But In Time...what a stinkburger ("K.C.! Pull!"), made completely half-assed and riddled with plot holes. And the concept was fairly interesting, too...*sigh* If you missed it, be thankful.
As for John C. Reilly, I must come to the defense of his casting in Chicago. Of course it wasn't a romantic relationship, wasn't that the whole point? As for the rest, okay, yeah, but don't get all Jeannette Catsoulis on us and repeat her dictum that no movie with Paul Giamatti as the romantic lead can be believable because he looks like a hobbit.
I totally agree about John C. Reilly's obvious actorly skill yet perennial miscasting/implied bedding of screen goddesses, and I'm pretty sure I had a purge on this topic on this very site back when I found out he was cast opposite Swinton in "Kevin". For some reason though, his presence in "Kevin" didn't bother me too much. I think because I already spewed all my fury at the [mis]casting in the TFE comments section, I was able to approach the actual film in something closer to a Zen state. (Well, semi-Zen. Ezra Miller's performance belonged on daytime TV, not on the big screen. That's what really unbalanced the film for me.)
Another thing that helped me get over my somewhat unfair allergic reactions to Reilly: "Terri". FYC: Best Supporting Actor, a beautifully pitched performance and also a shockingly solid film. The plot synopsis sounds like an extreme, insufferable indie quirkfest, but the film is tender, sharp and touching. It got solid reviews too, so I'm surprised it's completely AWOL in all the end-of-year discussions.
And, by the way, @Glenn, I didn't think a single Australian critic reacted so savagely against Snowtown. I am in full agreement with you. Unwatchable torture porn. And by unwatchable I mean, you literally can't see what's happening on the screen because it is so pretentiously underlit.
New year is coming and it's time to look back to the things that happened to us in 2011. We may look forward also in making our lives better next year.
When we agree, Nathaniel, we REALLY agree. My sentiments on "The Adjustment Bureau," "Contangion," and "The Descendants" are almost identical to yours. As for "The Roommate" (which I rented from Red Box) and "I Don't Know How She Does It" (which I ultimately saw because my pregnant best friend some inexplicable interest in it), they are irrefutably awful, so their notoriety was well-earned.
I think W.E. is beautiful escapism, I felt the same with Marie-Antoinette (although Sofia's is a more superior film)--I just loved sitting in the theater and watching it. But it was far too ambitious a project for a debut filmmaker, I think.
Nat: We still have to care about how the character looks in the comics. Sorry, but we do. But the problem with Green Lantern is 1. He has no massive iconic villain. This should give them freedom to pick any villain, but they chose the guy that would have to look ugly and constantly note it. I'd even say Goldface would have been a better choice. That actually could have looked good. 2. Martin Campbell was the wrong director for this. He'd never really gone for the fantasy elements before. He'd mostly done normal action movies and there was no way a studio should have given him this property.
@Nathaniel and RyanSt, I suspect that Reilly gets the leading man roles opposite such screen goddesses because:
a) He's a competent actor and probably quite likeable in real life, being professional, gracious...etc
b) He's less expensive than Ewan McGregor, Clive Owen...etc.
Alas, it's likely point 'b' that is the real deciding factor. We are conditioned to believe that good looking people will naturally pair up with other good looking people of their level, and for the most part it's true. In real life, we often seen handsome men with beautiful women. Though good looking women in real life imo, will often pair up with men that are less handsome if they have a nice personality and/or strong socio-economic stability.
With regards to fillm, I think that we're suppose to believe that it's the nice personality and economic stability that these screen goddesses are buying into in these relationships. Unfortunately, the directors don't bother ever showing this even in a short scene, so the audience is left to wonder why someone like Winona Ryder would ever marry someone like Kevin James in 'The Dilemma.'
Ah, yes. Red Riding Hood. The film so bad that I wrote a lengthy piece on lycanthropy as a metaphor for sexual maturation rather than actually review it. And yes, I did turn down money from someone to review it for them. I take no joy in trying to construct a review where the best I can say is "that two minute dance scene in the middle of the film was ok."
It's not that the film is just bad. The film doesn't even try to do anything right. No characters, minimal plot, poor effects, bad lighting, editing that kills any chance at suspense, and zero scares for a horror film. It's a room temperature glass of water in a chipped cup at a restaurant. You just don't want to touch it.
I think Kevin James is totally hot (just hate his movies), but John C. Reilly? Not so much. I think he would be very interesting casting as an evil yet charismatic drug lord. Oh wait, that's the problem for me with Reilly. No charisma. I've seen lots of fairly ugly screen actors who were inexplicably hot due to charisma.
And about Thor from way up above, I said it was the worst movie I actually saw this year. You don't think I'd go near the likes of The Green Lantern or or any godawful rom-com do you? Life is too short.
Nat, you're hilarious.
Even when I don't agree, I look forward to reading these. Thanks.
I will say, for me, the worst film that had so much potential is both J. Edgar and Carnage, and I love everybody associated with Carnage, so go figure.
Nat, you've made some good points there. I haven't seen a lot of your most awful films, but then, I have a tendency to avoid films I figure that I really won't like. Sometimes, though, I succumb: My worst film of the year was, I believe, "Gnomeo and Juliet." I still can't figure out the state of temporary insanity I must have been in when I decided to see it. (Incidentally, it was actually much worse than "Atlas Shrugged, Part 1.")
I think the big problem, for me, with "The Adjustment Bureau" was that I couldn't believe the romantic tie between Matt Damon and Emily Blunt. I couldn't see them totally longing for each other for years after a one-night stand, longing enough to run all over the place trying to escape the behatted henchmen.
I agree with J.P. above re the unsatisfyingness of "In Time." It starts with a pretty interesting idea, assembles a fairly decent cast...and then gives them the clunkiest script to interpret. This one should have been a lot better than it was!
I also have to agree with Dave in Alamitos Beach...Kevin James IS totally hot. Unfortunately, he's only an ordinary actor, but I've seen far too many Adam Sandler movies just because James was there to drool over.
Nat, I have to disagree with you on one thing...I don't see John C. Reilly as a good actor. In fact, I find him very annoying...his voice in particular. He's just about on my "Must Avoid" list, and it's possible that "Carnage" may put him there.
Finally, Nat, I have to agree with you on "The Descendents." Sure, Clooney was good...but the rest of the movie was so "meh" that I keep wondering if most reviewers and I saw the same flick!
Correction! Demian Bichir in "A Better life" not "A Beautiful Life"
Bill_the_Bear: Huh? Boogie Nights? Magnolia? Chicago? He's a really good performer. If his voice gets on your nerves, you don't say "he's a bad actor", you say "he's an actor I can't listen to and, thus, I can't really make an informed decision as to the quality of his acting."
John T, Freida Pinto wasn't given a character to play in "Rise of The Planet of The Apes". They cast her because she was a name and made her be the generic love interest so audiences wouldn't think Franco was getting too involved with his simian friends. I don't know how anyone can criticize her performance when there wasn't one.