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« Sweet Bird of Link | Main | Best Supporting Actress. My Ballot »
Wednesday
Feb022011

James and Anne Vs. The World

 A little ditty 'bout James and Aaaa-aanne... two American kids growing up in the heartland... ♫

THE OSCAR BALLOTS HAVE GONE OUT.

Since the Oscar race is all over but the gowns and speeches and the checking of ballot boxes --once the Weinstein Co have finished reediting their film shouldn't they just retitle it The King's Sweep ? --  what should we focus on in regards to Oscar? How about the hosts? I polled The Film Experience team to see what they most want to see from James Franco and Anne Hathaway on Oscar night and here's what they said.

 

Alexa

I'd love to see Anne and James reenact a scene from Bride Wars.  We all know he can do drag.

Kurtis

What I'd really like to see them do is reenact scenes from their own films, namely "The Devil Wears Prada," with Franco as Meryl Streep: "Everyone wants to be us!"

Two votes for James Franco in drag, heh? Whaddya think readers?

 

 

JA

They reenact scenes from each other's 2010 movies: Anne saws off her own arm on the stage in spectacular Grand Guignol fashion, spraying blood down onto Jack Nicholson and other folks in the front row; a large bed is wheeled into the middle of the stage where James Franco and Jake Gyllenhaal will reenact the most memorable moments from Love and Other Drugs.

Robert

Duke it out as Catwoman vs Goblin

I will co-sign all of these things. Except for maybe Anne sawing her own arm off. I'd prefer she keep all her pretty parts attached. And YES to Catwoman.

Craig

A series of pre-prepped comic sketches - live on stage with a lot of costume changes. Bring back the horrible/marvelous days of Rob Lowe and Snow White!

Finally, Jose and Michael step off of preexisting James & Anne movies. They do a little sidestep.

Jose

I'd love for Anne Hathaway to use the entire ceremony as a big audition for her future Oscar
winning role as Judy Garland and have her do a whole "Born in a Trunk" kinda number. "Mrs. Norman Maine" siiiigh.

Michael

I'd like to see James and Anne fight Oscar's seven evil ex-hosts for the privilege of hosting together

Yes. Musical numbers for Anne.

All praise the unexpected Scott Pilgrim vs. The World reference. Pilgrim for the win. It's too bad that skit/joke would fly over the heads of AMPAS because how undefeatable would that extended show narrative be.

 

It would mean cameo battles with the following people, the last Seven Evil Ex-Hosts:

  • Alec Baldwin & Steve Martin
  • Hugh Jackman
  • Jon Stewart
  • Ellen DeGeneres
  • Chris Rock
  • Billy Crystal
  • Whoopi Goldberg

Our new favorite fantasy (thanks Michael) doesn't count Steve Martin both solo and paired, mostly so we can squeeze in Whoopi Goldberg. If any of those seven evil exes can't show you have to reach back to David Letterman who is next in line. Billy Crystal hogged the duties for so many years that you have to go back nearly a quarter century to get to Chevy Chase.

Your turn!
Oscar night is just three weeks away. What are you hoping to see?

 

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Reader Comments (25)

As long as there's no interpretive dance, I'm good.

February 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRipley

James and Anne both must be naked for the entire telecast.

February 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPhilip

Best Original Song performances return, as a medley, performed by Anne Hathaway. How will we go from If I Rise to We Belong Together? Oscar Magic.

February 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterWalter

You didn't seem to be so bothered and bored when the Oscar race was over and TSN was winning everything.

The acting categories are signed, sealed and delivered, by the way. I think your problem is not that the race is over, is that it may not end the way you wanted it to.

February 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

OK, I'll go for broke:

James (in King's clothes) and Anne as White Swan.
We here a voice: You will spend your life thinking that people don't like you because you stutter. But the truth is that they don't like you because.. you miss an arm!
Woman! Leave this man. He's a nobody.

Anne sings "As long as he needs me".
Then she [insert the correct word which i can't remember] an egg. She gives it to James. He swallows it and the stutter goes away. Plus, a black swan-ish arm comes off his shleeve.

(Of course his one arm must be inside the suit so that we think it's missing and he must say something so that we know he stutters and then not. But they don't pay me so I leave it at that.)

OK it was awful. Sssh.

February 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJames T

The ceremony should be a classic night, so the hosts should be Judy Garland and James Dean, all night! ... For some reason I manage to make the oscars even more gayest :)

February 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLuiserghio

how avant garde that would be Oscar hosts pretending to be other movie stars for the entire hosting gig.

February 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNathaniel R

If I had it my way, I'd accompany them (as an Annie, James, and Eli sandwich) and take them out to Astro Burger afterwards (Hillz Swank style).

February 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEli

Amanda is exactly right. I'm honestly baffled by the hypocrisy and pettiness of the sudden anti-TKS slights.

February 2, 2011 | Unregistered Commentervv

Dude, that animated gif is awesome. Made my night.

February 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMichael C

Amanda and vv - he actually said it was boring then, too. I remember being surprised since he loved The Social Network, but if I remember correctly, he wished for more variety rather than every critics group just checking off the same film just because they don't want to seem irrelevant. He hates consensus more than anyone else I read, even when he agrees with it. :)

February 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterWalter

How long have some of you been here? Nathaniel has complained about awards sweeps and group thinking for as long as this site exists. Even when it's for films/performances he loves - ok, maybe not Brokeback Mountain ;) You don't have to hate TKS to not be thrilled at the prospect of it winning 7 or 8 Oscars (and TSN, even when it was the frontrunner, was never going to win that many)

February 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRax

Ok, maybe Nate has always hated consensum but I sense something else, some sort of bitterness , boredom and anger since the wind has changed in TKS favor.

February 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

And I'm not even a TKS fangirl. I like TSN very much, I think its very very well made, I just dont think its this philosophical, deep, transcendent, life altering, profound intellectual experience and I dont think it is jaw droping, groundbreaking, earthshattering, landmark revolutionary cinematic inovation

I think its a good movie. That's it.

February 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

What does really bother me are the borderline hysterical, obnoxious, full of themselves, childish TSN fanboys who think they are better than those who dont like the film, who believe that those who dont worship at Sorkin's altar dont get it, are not inteligent, smart, educated or cultivated enough to understand it, that anyone who doesnt think its the second coming is plain stupid and ignorant and below their level.

Come on, fanboys, its TSN movie, not Wittgenstein, Heidegger, Hegel or nuclear physics. Get over youselves., Liking a movie doesnt make you a genius who's above everyone else.

February 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

amanda -- i understand this frustration having felt it when i did not agree with the consensus pick... but i hardly think making a joke about "the king's sweep" is being mean to a movie.

I have never liked it when movies won more than like 6+ oscars and even 4-6 is pushing it. it's almost always too much since no movies are the BEST of everything in their given year.

michael c -- glad you liked it.

February 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNathaniel R

It is one thing to make a joke. Its an entirely diferent think to behave like Sasha Stone and other bloggers are doing right now, or like TSN fanboys are. Its irrational, arrogant, blinded worship is ridiculous, childish, snobby and only shows that they are not the elevated souls they believe they are and claim to be.

February 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Some blogger said the following on a round table:

"I cant believe someone in that panel said that “when i go to Rite Aid, I say that’s Kings Speech person, that’s King’s Speech person. and they wouldnt get The Social Network in a million years”.

How condescending is it? How arrogant? How obnoxious? Who does this person thinks she/he is? Slavoj Zizek? Noam Chomsky? Claude Levi-Strauss? Hannah Arendt? Kierkegaard? What does she think "TSN" is? "Being and Time"? "The archeology of knowledge"? Neuroscience? Astrophysics????

February 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

I'm sorry what the blogger said was:

“when i go to Rite Aid, I say that’s Kings Speech person, that’s King’s Speech person. and they wouldnt get The Social Network in a million years”.

How condescending is it? How arrogant? How obnoxious? Who does this person thinks she/he is? Slavoj Zizek? Noam Chomsky? Claude Levi-Strauss? Hannah Arendt? Kierkegaard? What does she think "TSN" is? "Being and Time"? "The archeology of knowledge"? Neuroscience? Astrophysics????

February 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Amanda, my dear, I must say, with all your verbose, highfalutin name-dropping, you're making yourself sound like the arrogant, obnoxious and condescending one. Not to mention you chose a totally innocent post to unload an unwarranted tirade.

February 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKurtis O

Amanda -- are you talking about that Santa Barbara Film Festival panel?

February 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNathaniel R

Thanks to Amanda, we now know the difference between TSN and TKS fanboys - the former are 'borderline hysterical', the latter are just plain nuts.

February 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRax

When I look around, all I see are "Inception" people. I'm confused...

On another note, I guarantee James Franco will end up in a "Black Swan" parody, possibly in a tutu.

February 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnthonyDC

Host? Who cares...I just want to see what everyone is wearing and who sits by whom !!

February 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJ

Rax, I'm not a TKS fangirl. Its not even in my year's top 5, which would be: Blue Valentine, True Brit, Winter's Bone, I am Love and Carlos. If you consider Carlos a TV product, then replace it with Toy Story 3.

And I'd give this year's Oscar to Williams, Lawrence and Benning before giving it to Portman.

And I dont deslike TSN. Quite the contrary, actually. I think it is very good. I just dont think its the Holy Grail.

Yes, Nate, that one!

February 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda
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