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Wednesday
May092012

6 Thoughts I Had While Staring at Tom Cruise's W Cover

The Rock of Ages push has begun...

• The model to the left must have heard our theory about Tom Cruise's magic sperm: it unlocks great actressing powers ... time-delayed. The effect is only triggered once you are no longer in contact with the stuff (see Mimi Rogers, Penélope Cruz, and Nicole Kidman who all began to do magical work after dumping him)

• Dragon tails are the new nipple clamps.

• Of all the movie stars who have ever worn guyliner, Ewan McGregor wins.

• Why do they photoshop movie stars -- who, generally speaking, are the best looking people on the planet -- to the point where they're barely recognizable? No matter what you think of Tom Cruise he looks pretty great for someone hitting the half century mark.

• What do you suppose the model to the right is whispering in his ear? I'm guessing "Xenuuuuuuuu"

• If Paul Thomas Anderson's 2012 release The Master is really a thinly veiled Scientology movie, do you think it was inspired by his time with Cruise on the Magnolia set. And if so, is Mr. Cruise going to be pissed?

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Reader Comments (25)

Thought number 7, he's clearly not interested in the women and staring at himself in the mirror.

May 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAlejandro

On the note of PTA and The Master - I remember reading an interview with PTA after Magnolia in which he couldn't stop heaping praise on Cruise. By that interview it would've appeared that they were actually quite good friends so I don't think Cruise inspired the Master. I do, however, wonder what, if the movie is the clear take down of the religion that it's said to be, the impact of it will be on Hollywood and everyone involved with the movie. Will PTA and PSH and Amy Adams and all of the others involved face backlash from the rather large group of Scientologists in Hollywood? Will there be more broad effects of Scientologists fighting Hollywood?

May 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCasey Fiore

I'm sorry but Penélope Cruz was doing magic work way before her Cruise "thing", at least in Europe. Anyway, that cover is totally creepy. Is it supposed to be sexy?

May 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPeggy Sue

the neck on the right hand model is positively alienesque; it'd be creeping me out if tom hadn't already pushed me past my ick limit

May 9, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterpar3182

The model to the left, remind me of Lauren Bowles from True Blood, and is significant accurate with her trashy, cult-follower character... you know she is going to throw herself to any cult-leader who comes to Bon Temps, and who fits better in that description that Cruise? ;)

May 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLuiserghio

So why is Nicole Kidman flopping non stop? The only reason she had a career was because of Tom Cruise. Now look at what she has become, along with her frozen face.

May 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMenace99

Menace99 - I'm having some difficulty understanding your grammar, but it seems you're of the opinion that Nicole Kidman's career has gone downhill since she split with Cruise...

If you're expecting to find like minds on the subject I can assure you you're at the wrong blog.

May 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCasey Fiore

The model on the right is obviously whispering, "You're still super gay, no matter how close my tongue comes to your face."

May 9, 2012 | Unregistered Commentertimothy

a cover of Rolling Stona as character would be more accurate

May 9, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterfrench girl

Hah, well even if they split, I highly doubt his "magic sperm" will affect Katie Holmes.

May 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPhilip

Some people love to hate. Nicole Kidman was immediately huge following "The Others" and "Moulin Rouge." She was, for a time, on the verge of being bankable. But moves such as "Bewitched," "The Stepford Wives" and smaller indies haven't exactly helped her cause. As for Mimi Rogers, what exactly has she done? I remember a sitcom on Fox and the "X-Files" towards cancellation well before that. And you're wrong about Cruz. She was doing great work well before Cruise and has continued to do so well after.

May 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTruth in posting

Truth -- Mimi Rogers made "The Rapture" shortly after breaking up with Tom Cruise and it was an Oscar calibre performance. But sadly, her career never took off because of it.

May 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNathaniel R

Two of Kidman's best performances were in the Cruise days: To Die For and Portrait of a Lady.

And I dislike the backlash against Cruise. He is a fine actor who makes bold choices and has a filmography way better than Meryl Streep, for example. He is hated because of his beliefs, and that's just disgusting.

May 9, 2012 | Unregistered Commentercal roth

Cal Roth, that's what society is now - disgusting. People try to make themselves feel better by talking rubbish about these incredibly successfull moviestars.

Whoever wrote this article doesn't even know who dumped who. It's creepy enough this moron would make an entire post about a magazine cover. We need to build more mental wards for idiots like these who are contaminating our society.

May 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

That fact that you wrote "whoever wrote this article" basically means you don't even read this blog and that you have no idea that this is a TEMPLE FOR WORSHIPPING KIDMAN. Some people... :)

May 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGlenn

@Rachel

Kindness please. Thank you.

May 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterThe Disciplinarian

Rachel & Cal-- I never actually talked rubbish about Tom Cruise in this article. People see what they wanna see. I actually think he's a good actor and I agree he sometimes makes really smart choices. But if you've never disliked someone because of their personal beliefs I have to freely admit that you're a better human being than me ;) I think plenty of personal beliefs that people have don't reflect well on them . Just saying.

May 9, 2012 | Registered CommenterNATHANIEL R

Um...Can I push back a little on the comment that Cruise has made better acting choices than Meryl Streep? I actually like Tom Cruise as an actor. Risky Business, Born on the 4th of July, Magnolia, Tropic Thunder (is that the title?), Rainman, The Color of Money... I have enjoyed all those movies. But seriously, let's not get carried away. Manhattan, Kramer vs. Kramer, Deerhunter, Silkwood, Cry in the Dark, French Luitenent's (sp?) Woman, Sophie's Choice, Postcards From the Edge, Julia and Julia, The Devil Wears Prada, maybe August:Osage County (or maybe not?).... that filmography ranks with any actor from any era...let's not get carried away.

May 10, 2012 | Unregistered Commentertimothy

@Glenn & timothy......work is quite tough for me at the moment,
but that was really funny.

I find it completely hilarious that these CoS freaks can't figure out that you're pulling their chains and enjoying watching them get all worked up?

May 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLace

I didn't say you did talked rubbish about Cruise here, that was Rachel. I am just saying this in general terms. I'd never attack somebody (not saying you did that) based on his religion or lack of religion, or whatever. I just can't accept the fact that people turn against a fine actor because he is scientologist, no matter what I think about his faith. I mean, who cares? His movies are fine, and yes

@timothy

I give you the first four movies of your list (and The Bridges of Madison County, too), but come on, the day Meryl Streep look for a guy like PTA (or Kubrick, or Michael Mann, or Neil Jordan, or Scorsese...) and say she would work in any role for him we have this conversation again.

May 10, 2012 | Unregistered Commentercal roth

Bold choices? Really? Well, not since 1999! The rest of his career has been quite predictable and, sorry, but comparing him to Meryl Streep is just absurd. They belong to different leagues.

Generally speaking, I can't help disliking someone because of his beliefs. If that turns me into a disgusting person, I'm fine with that.

May 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPeggy Sue

Oh, Peggy, of course I am not comparing the actors, I am just pointing that I love his approach of looking for the best directors in the business. You know, even the MI series, the movies were directed by De Palma, Woo and, in a minor scale, Abrams and Bird. We're certainly not talking about David Frankel and Phillyda Lloyd.

That is what I've always loved, from Ingrid Bergman to Juliette Binoche: superstars with auteur lust. Praise Cruise for his good taste.

May 10, 2012 | Unregistered Commentercal roth

Just for the record, I'm not a Scientologist and don't want to be. That being said, I realize that I live in a vast world that might not include beliefs that I particularly care for. If we're going to discount someone's accomplishments because of their religion or lack thereof, we're not necessarily being good stewards of humanity. If we're supposed to live in a liberal society where everyone has a place, regardless of their religious affiliations, why attack Cruise because of his? I think that our society is too quick to mock those who are different than us, especially when those who are different are successful. Btw, I'm not directing this towards the author of the article, just towards some comments that I thought were based mainly on pettiness.

May 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTruth in posting

Cruise is a MOVIE STAR and sometimes a very good actor... not lately

Streep is an ACTRESS and most always an excellent actress ... a hug difference.

Cruise for me is not hated because of Scientology ( although I think it is not reality ) ut because of other factors such as a swollen head!!!!! He found out the backlash from that one!!

May 10, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterrick

That cover is still creepy, but this is an interesting debate.

I think it's different for celebrities. Obviously, they're absolutely entitled to speak their minds and share their beliefs, but they must be aware that there might be a cost to that. I just can't help feel repelled for Mel Gibson, Kirk Cameron or Isaiah Washington.

May 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPeggy Sue
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