Thoughts I Had... While Looking at the Nymphomaniac Teaser

A day or two ago I casually linked to the first poster for Lars von Trier's Nymphomaniac though this flippant "oh and..." way of dealing with it doesn't do its succinct brilliance justic. So, it gets a whole post.

• Classic Lars pranksterism
• Although... does Lars love or hate Charlotte Gainsbourg's punani? This is difficult to suss out. I mean he obviously hated it in Antichrist (rusty scissors anyone?) but despite this tagline "Forget About Love" this strikes me as a very affectionate nod to Charlotte's private parts
• Best use of the parenthetical since Me and You and Everyone We Know

))<>((
Back and Forth Forever

• Pedro Almodovar probably already has this poster framed... (The Shrinking Lover anyone?)
• I don't see how this would work for a matching penis poster. No, I was not just trying to figure that out on my keyboard. Shut up.
• There's been a lot of talk about "real sex" rather than simulated sex on the set of this movie but we heard that before with Lars von Trier's The Idiots and he actually used body doubles for that so who knows if the starry cast (Shia Labeouf, Willem Dafoe, Connie Nielsen, Jamie Bell, Udo Kier, Stellan Skarsgård, Uma Thurman, etcetera) are being spared the grunt work (get it, "grunt" work? no, never mind) 
• Remember when Charlotte Gainsbourg was married to Heath Ledger in I'm Not There and how great she was in their scenes together? She's so undervalued as an actress but at least Lars gets her.
• In real life Charlotte is married to Yvan Attal who once made a picture co-starring Charlotte in which they played "Yvan" and "Charlotte" called My Wife is an Actress. The plot involved him worrying about her being unfaithful on set. I demand a sequel that takes place during the shoot of Nymphomaniac.

Thoughts I Had... While Staring at the First Image From "Nymphomaniac"

Behold the first still released from Lars von Trier's Nymphomaniac which will star Charlotte Gainsbourg (in her third collaboration with the director following Antichrist & Melancholia). These are the thoughts I had in actual chronological order...

• That's a really odd choice for a first still. It's a tremendously vague tease but better this than those movies which release "first looks!" that might as well be headshots of the actors, they're so generic.
• Remember when Laura Dern got high from inhaling glue in paper bags in Citizen Ruth? 
• If that were Michelle Pfeiffer and this were 1992, a bunch of cats could run into frame and resurrect this poor soul.

• Who is this poor soul? 
• This doesn't look as fun as the movie's title. Bleak it looks.
• If this movie is as good as The Idiots (1998), my vote for the single most underappreciated von Trier marvel, I will want to have sex with it.
• Did you see Smashed? That scene where Mary Elisabeth Winstead accidentally smoked crack during a Lost Weekend really threw me.

• Will this movie have a mix of pathos and humor like many of von Trier's films or will it be an across the board icky provocation like Manderlay or Antichrist.
• Oh, I actually just looked up the plot synopsis on IMDb which suggestes that this is an image of Charlotte from perhaps the opening scene of the movie:  

A self-diagnosed nymphomaniac recounts her erotic experiences to the man who saved her after a beating.

• Interesting cast I think: Returning von Trier alum Charlotte herself plus Jens Albinus, Udo Kier, Jesper Christensen, Stellan Skarsgård and Charlotte's Antichrist hubbie Willem Dafoe; Scandinavian von Trier Virgins: Shanti Roney (who was marvelous in a sexually charged uncomfortable scene in Applause) and international actress Connie Nielsen who turns it out when a director challenges her (i.e.  infrequently but enough to make you long for the next time); People we most hope have sex very naked and super often in the movie even if its uncomfortably von Trierian sex: Jamie Bell & Uma Thurman; Stunt Casting: Christian Slater (as Charlotte's father?!) and Shia Labeouf who one assumes wanted to get naked and artsy again. 

p.s. here's a second official image, less vague, less safe for work. 

Thoughts I had looking at The Guilt Trip poster

presented without self censorship or editing as they come to me...

• Initially I kept comparing this to Something's Gotta Give (2003) as to its awards chances -- Oscar Best Actress Nominee -- and now I'm embarrassed about that and wish I had compared it to Mother (1996) -- Golden Globe Best Actress Nominee.
• Babs still gets top billing. As it should be but she hasn't made a movie in how many years?
• those Focker movies don't count.
• How much would your typical Barbra Streisand fan(atic) pay to have their cheek pinched by her? I'm guessing thousands because the prices they'll pay to see her in concert. Yeesh!
• People who do not think Barbra is a brilliant actor have not seen Funny Girl or The Way We Were. They have maybe seen Prince of Tides or Meet the Fuckers.
• Who else is in this movie? Wouldn't it be so weird if it was all Sleuth like two-hander?
• My whole life I've loved the tradition of seeing a movie on Christmas day with family & friends. But now every movie opens on Christmas and it's so annoying! I'm buried in prezzies and I'd prefer them metered out a bit.
• Do you think Abbas Kiarostami is totally dying to see this? Road trip!

Thoughts I had while staring at the first official photo from "Before Midnight"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!! !!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!! 

I realize now that that was more singular. "Thought I had" ...whilst drooling. (An exclamation point is so a thought. At least the way I do it.)

In all seriousness, my only wish is that that wondrous trio of soulful romantillectual conversation (Ethan Hawke, Julie Delpy and Richard Linklater) do not drop this ball. Please do not drop this fragile perfect ball.

(As to the sordid topic of Oscar, will the third time be the charm? They did give the last one a Screenplay nomination.)

Thoughts I had while staring at Nicole Kidman in "V" Magazine

Nicole Kidman just keeps whipping us into submission. Yes, yes, "Uncle!" You're a great actress and infinitely obsession worthy. But bow down we must, again, as The Paperboy nears movie theaters. Hurry up and get her already, movie! Her latest ploy is dressing up (by which I mostly mean undressing) for V Magazine.

The V doesn't stand for "Voilà" but... Voilà. Here she is boys...

More thoughts / drrty photos after the jump... 

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