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Friday
Jun082012

Unnecessary Sequel Alert: Queen White and The Huntsman

Well, last weekend's box office did it. Universal has OK'ed a sequel to Snow White and the Huntsman (reviewed right here). In retrospect, they really ought to have saved the current film's actual title for the sequel since Queen Ravenna (Charlize Diva Theron) is no more -- oops, Spoiler Alert!* -- and the film will now have no choice but to focus on the title characters. The Huntsman (Chris Hemsworth) is likely to steal focus but do we really need him as the lead? Quoth The Film Doctor:

...the huntsman of Snow, proves to be a rabble-rousing drunk corralled by the evil Queen to retrieve Snow from the Dark Forest.  A blank drunk he remains.  I couldn't see why he's mentioned in the title, or what he's doing in the film except to look handsome backlit by the flames of a nocturnal fishing village set afire by the Queen's henchmen. 

But it's gotta be the Huntsman because surely they'd never push their luck and attempt a Queen White movie. I mean eve Kristen Stewart's most ardent Twilight fans wouldn't be interested in seeing her governance of a fairy tale kingdom dramatized. She isn't Streep or Mirren!

Kristen's Dilemma

If the new/old fairy tale's fresh stack of money was so lonely that it needed a sibling in 2014 wouldn't a prequel have been far more compelling since it was Evil Queen Ravenna that acted as Human Defribillator for the arrythmatic film? Not that a prequel could claim "Necessary!" either given the amount of flashback scenery Ravenna already chewed through.

Still and all... try to imagine staying awake through Snow White and the Huntsman WITHOUT Charlize Th-- hello? HELLO? WAKE UP! You can't possibly be this sleepy this early in the day.

*I apologize to all toddlers reading who are meeting Snow White for the first time. The Evil Queen dies and Santa Claus isn't real.

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Reader Comments (12)

Here's to hoping that Prometheus scores major box office as well and the public craze for Charlize continues. It's nice to see someone with movie star charisma and movie star talent get to the movie star treatment.

June 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTB

I am sorry, but Kristen is not an actress .. she doesn't even seem to have a personality!!!!!

June 8, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterrick

"*I apologize to all toddlers reading who are meeting Snow White for the first time. The Evil Queen dies and Santa Claus isn't real."

Harsh.

June 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGustavo

I wholeheartedly agree with this not needing a sequel because A) The current film is quite boring to begin with and B) Everything is wrapped up. As for Theron, I don't think she was the saving grace of the film at all (SOME of the visuals hold that title). Sure, most of the rest of the cast was DOA but she went to the other extreme and made most of her screen time this awkward "is it over yet" type waiting game. Anyway, no matter what way you slice it, this doesn't need to happen... especially if it follows the non-existent character of The Huntsman.

June 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDaniel Armour

S... San... Santa's not real? *passes out*

June 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLuke W.

The plan has to be to make the sequel a comedy in which, after inevitably wedding the huntsman, Snow White employs the seven dwarfs as caretakers of the royal spawn, ensuing in the hijinks that audiences seem to love in such situations. Poop and spitup jokes abound as the vertically challenged group navigate their way through the challenges of keeping up with the kids.

June 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTroy H.

Hopefully, in the sequel, Queen White will be forced to marry Prince William, even though a) she really loves the Huntsman and b) William and the Huntsman are carrying on a torrid affair, a relationship that is filmed with documentary-like precision. Because, honestly, is there any other reason to see such a film?

June 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJoseph

The awful truth is the next film will almost certainly focus on the unimaginative love triangle and maybe have a wicked patriarchal kingdom next door attempt to bring down the new monarchy.

June 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBJT

This must be one of the few sequels I'm really curious to know how they can make it. plotwise. All my life I've believed there was no more closed ending than "they lived happily ever after". Stupid me.

June 9, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteriggy

Iggy -- haven't you ever seen "INTO THE WOODS" ? Happily ever after is just the act one curtain.

Joseph -- i believe you should sneak onto the expensive sets and wardrobe trailers of the sequel with your own mini army of lookalike actors and make your own movie of this exact description on the sly in their off hours. Yours will be better. ;)

June 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNathaniel R

The best thing about the movie are the Evil Queen ( and great supernatural villains never die) the Huntsman ( its Thor with an ax)

June 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJaragon

I mean eve Kristen Stewart's most ardent Twilight fans wouldn't be interested in seeing her governance of a fairy tale kingdom dramatized. She isn't Streep or Mirren!

You are giving her fans WAY too much credit. Anyone who is rabid about four installments of Twilight will watch anything. Remember, Keanu Reeves not only had a big career, he had a major blockbuster franchise built around him as a lead.

June 12, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterT. AKA Ricky Rawness
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