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« Beauty Vs Beast: Let It Be... On!!! | Main | 6 Days Til Oscar. Cuarón and His Gifts »
Monday
Feb242014

Ranking the Oscar Presenter Lineup

Which categories will they present?The full list of presenters has been announced. If we know Oscar, this means Best Picture is being presented by either a) Sidney Poitier b) Harrison Ford or c) Bobby De Niro. They totally can't deal with women who aren't named Streisand getting that honor for reasons we'll never fathom.

So who do you think it will be?

I'm personally disappointed that Liza with a Z isn't listed among the 40+ names. They're honoring The Wizard of Oz, so why not wheel her out for Best Picture or something? The biggest non-nominee name I was hoping to see given the film year being honored: Scarlett Johansson. But it was not to be.

After the jump, the full list of presenters. Alphabetizing is for sissies, so let's rank them

The Mandatories - I live for the cross gender statue-passing acting category tradition
01. Anne Hathaway (shut up! I miss her)
02. Jennifer Lawrence
03. Daniel Day Lewis
04. Christoph Waltz

Bring it. Yaaaaas

05. Kim Novak (wth????)
06. Viola Davis (Best Actress winner of 20-- oh, shit. FU Oscar)
07. Ewan MacGregor (man of our dreams)
08. Penélope Cruz
09. Sidney Poitier  
10. Sally Field
11. Glenn Close
12. [TIE] Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie

Good Choices
13. Charlize Theron
14. Joseph Gordon-Levitt
15. Anna Kendrick
16. [TIE] Amy Adams & Bradley Cooper
17. Kristen Bell (sudden extra points - her singing voice is so underrated in the Frozen/Idina frenzy)
18. Michael B Jordan (this is their annual -- 'you think we didn't notice you this year, but we totally did. Nice work. What's next?' choice)
19. Channing Tatum 
20. Goldie Hawn (She'd be a good if weird choice for Best Picture but since her daughter is also presenting, one supposes they're together which means that is not happening) 

Fun Choices
21. Benedict Cumberbatch (a bit of prep work for 2014?
22. Bill Murray
23. Gabby Sidibe
24. Andrew Garfield (I'd be happier about this if this wasn't entirely due to Spider-Man)
25. Whoopi Goldberg (I'd be happier about this if she still made movies)

Dissipating Enthusiasms
26. Emma Watson
27. [TIE] Harrison Ford & Robert de Niro
Here's the thing. They're movie legends so respect is due but I will be pissed if either of them gets the Best Picture honors. AMPAS need to stop it with their highly predictable Iconic Older White (Male) Actor for that presenting gig. Can we get an Actress other than Streisand or a Director other than Spielberg for a change?)
28. Chris Hemsworth
29. Will Smith
30. Naomi Watts
31. Samuel L Jackson (Still wish he'd been Oscar nominated for Django Unchained)

When Oscar Pretends Its the Emmys
32. Kerry Washington (Listen, movies. You had your chance with her. You blew it.)
33. Kevin Spacey (I'm allergic. And if they wanted to go with a big name who's won two Oscars and is now popular again via TV, 100% it shoulda been Jessica Lange.) 

Oh, Oscar You're trying too hard. Or not trying hard enough. 
34. Matthew McConaughey (He'll already be on stage, you know? Why double up?)
35. Zac Efron (guess he's replaced the Twilight actors as the 'see, we're young!' choice)
36. Jason Sudeikis
37. Jim Carrey
38. Tyler Perry

When you are suddenly uncomfortably reminded that the Academy is sometimes years behind the curve... of the People's Choice Awards!
39. Jamie Foxx
40. Jennifer Garner
41. John Travolta

42. Kate Hudson
43. Jessica Biel

I welcome your agreements and dissents in the comments

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Reader Comments (78)

very bitchy rankings , I love'em. all ofthem except Garner, she's in a best pic nominee. She should be slightly up... but not by much.

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermurtada

Maybe, just maybe, Sidney Poitier has been called in to deliver best picture honors? One can dream...

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSteven

Bell and Jordan hosted the Sci-Tech Awards so that's why they'll be at the ceremony.

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRyan T.

Way too harsh on Emma Watson, who (in spite of Noaugh) I'm choosing to believe is presenting because she was so fantastic in The Bling Ring. Andrew Garfield is a far more dull choice.

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLaurence

I had a dream a few nights ago that I somehow ended up working for some catering company and they put me in charge of a green room for Hayley Mills, Patty Duke, Jodie Foster, Drew Barrymore, Kirsten Dunst, Abigail Breslin, and Quvenzhané Wallis who were at the Oscars to present a tribute to Shirley Temple. I woke up so wishing this Oscar tribute were really true. And somehow having backstage access to the Oscars would be nice too. Dreams are weird!

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJonn

I totally expected Tom Hanks to present Best Picture as a big "We're sorry, man".

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPeggy Sue

Why is Jim Carrey ranked so low?? I get that he hasn't been doing any meaningful work recently, but anytime he's presented (or been awarded) in the past, he's been 100% comedic gold. Looking at the big picture, awards shows are meant to entertain and he delivers all the time.

I'd like an explanation please and thanks.

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMDA

Umm. Sidney Poitier is so presenting Best Picture to .... Gravity (it's gonna be akward!).

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterThe Infamous

I agree about the Best Picture presentation. They need more variety in the types of people they have presenting that award. There are so many female legends, or legends of color or just people of immense talent who fall outside of the "De Niro, Nicholson, Pacino, etc, etc, etc" school of thought.

Like...why not Diane Wiest? They liked her enough to give her two Oscars back in the day. Or Whoopi? Or Shirley Maclaine? Or, o go way back to someone who was a great screen actress, but doesn't work anymore...Dorothy Malone? I'm biased because Dorothy Malone is, for my money, the BEST Best Supporting Actress performance. I just wish the Academy would gesture more to their own history, which is so varied and diverse, yet they only seem to ever want to acknowledge the usual suspects, even in their montage of other best picture winners. As great as they are, other films have won the prize other than Gone With the Wind, The Godfather, Casablanca and Lawrence Of Arabia.

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterThe Pretentious Know it All

If Kim Novak doesn't get a standing ovation, I won't be happy!

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRobMiles

These are the ones I DON'T want to see:

1. Tyler Perry
2. Anne Hathaway (sorry, I'm a hater)
3. John Travolta
4. Matthew McConaughey (like him as an actor, hate him as a celebrity)
5. Jamie Foxx (idem Matthew)

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSad man

Please can we have a woman present Best Picture for once (and no, Michelle Obama no matter how AWESOME she maybe, doesnt count). My pick Glenn Close.

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMustafa

Jessica Biel... has she made a movie recently?

For Best Picture I would go with a pair who are celebrating a 15th anniversary of their film. 1999 was a great year for movies and there are some good options to bring out.

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBia

Nat - What is your problem with Kevin Spacey? I'm really curious as he is my number one dream choice to host the show.

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAmir

i still, after all this time, don't understand the Hathahate. ive enjoyed her movies and i respect her activism... like... why do people hate her so?

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBilly

I'm sorry, but if Emma Watson keeps blinding us to her Harry Potter work with performances as good as "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" and as wonderfully bitchy and funny as "The Bling Ring" then I'm all for Hollywood, and the Oscars for that matter, to embrace her growing talent.

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBVR

Every time I see or read about Travolta, all I think is YUCK!

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMark

It'd be somewhat awkward if Sidney Poitier is brought out to present best picture and 12 YEARS A SLAVE doesn't win. Like when they got Barbra to present best director and if it'd been anyone other than Kathryn Bigelow she likely would have punched them and given her the statue anyway.

My thing with Oscar presenters is this: if John Travolta, Jessica Biel, and Zac Efron were in a movie together... would you go and see it? If Kate Hudson and Tyler Perry made a movie together, would you even care?

I'm not a fan of the movie, but I'm kinda glad that Jennifer Garner is a presenter given last year's Arm Candy Tour of Duty. I'm also glad that Affleck isn't a presenter this year. Let Jen have her moment to shine as the start of a best picture nominee.

The inclusion of Gabby Sidibe is super interesting though. I'm so glad they remembered her. Will they be lazy and put her with Whoopi Goldberg?

Who wants to take bets that John Travolta presents best original song? Kate and Goldie present... animated feature (usually Cameron Diaz's go to category)? Chris Hemsworth and Will Smith for visual effects? Naomi Watts perhaps given the, ahem, honour of introducing the accountants?

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGlenn

billy -- i'll never get it. she's so great

amir -- i've hated him since 2000. i just can't deal with the amount of smarm. and i have tried to watch House of Cards a couple of times and can't take even 5 minutes of that performance's overstated sinister drawl. blargh. one of my least favorite actors (though i like both of his oscar winning performances)

bia -- i think she does still act once in a while but i cant fathom why they chose her other than their own cluelessnes. she hasn't been a thing since, what, 2007/2008? she's a perfect poster child for what happens to beautiful actresses if they don't reveal any particular specialness in their talent by the time they hit their late 20s. People lose interest really fast.

February 24, 2014 | Registered CommenterNATHANIEL R

My biggest wth is Jason Sudeikis. I guess he's had some hit movies at this point, but is he a movie star now?

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMike in Canada

I'm still disappointed that Mo'Nique never got to give out a statue. "And the Oscar goes to...Jared Leto, baby!"

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMike M.

As per usual: Nathaniel at his bitchiest is Nathaniel at his best.

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterWilly

Bia: Brad Pitt and Kevin Spacey, for Fight Club and American Beauty respectively? That's the only pairing that would make sense (The only other presenter they've chosen who was in a movie that endured from 99 is Penelope Cruz and...All About My Mother is very thematically dissimilar to either of those). What I'd have loved is for the alienated white office drones FROM the "Alienated White Office Drones" movies from 1999 (Ed Norton (Fight Club), Kevin Spacey (American Beauty), Keanu Reeves (The Matrix) and Ron Livingston (Office Space)) to present Best Picture. They joke about how common that thematic template really was in 1999, talk about how their careers have gone since their appearance in that movie format, talk about how different this year feels than that year and then finally present Best Picture. That'd be cool.

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVolvagia

MIke M -- yes. too bad Mo'Nique doesn't care about movies. we're so missing out. everytime i think of a hattie mcdaniel biopic starring her I practically come undone with the need for it. alas, it shan't ever happen. Movies are hard to make and you have to really really want to make them.

February 24, 2014 | Registered CommenterNATHANIEL R

Someone explain why they have nominated actors like Amy Adams, McConaughey and Bradley Cooper also present, they're already getting a chance to be on stage and in the spotlight. Let someone else present or introduce.

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMustafa

The presenters usually don't mean anything to me because they always seem so nervous and awkward (they're actors, for goodness sake, but perhaps it's the ridiculous copy they're asked to read?) and so I feel disappointed. But that said, I will totally miss Emma Thompson (the queen of presenters) and Emma Stone (remarkably poised at these things).

Also, agree with other commenters about Jennifer Garner. Why so harsh?

And, big yes on a woman presenting Best Picture. Why not Kathryn Bigelow? She doesn't have a pony in this race. And she can look very stunning in a party dress, and not a weirdo (like Keaton).

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPam

My immediate thought was that Sidney Poitier was going to present best picture. I call him a fantastic choice no matter what film wins. The man is a legend and the public doesn't see him nearly as often as Harrison or DeNiro.

Also, I'd be tickled if Sally Field presented best picture. Am I a fool for thinking it's possible? She's as legendary an Oscar winner as you get thanks to her speech.

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered Commentercash

Call me cynical, but I think if it's getting near the end of the night and Sydney Poitier hasn't presented yet, then we know 12 Years a Slave is our Best Picture. If he has presented by then, then it'll probably be Gravity.

The only way I see them passing on a Sydney Poitier awarding 12 Years a Slave moment is if they have him present it as a Best Picture nominee earlier in the telecast.

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterEvan

The only one I really disagree with is Emma Watson, she could have really coasted on her Harry Potter fame and instead has done interesting work in Perks and Bling Ring. I really do love her. As for people hating on Hathaway, guess what people, she won last year, she deserves the honour of presenting this year, deal with it ;)

Oh and Naomi Watts, she has gone off the deep end with her last couple of movies, she is such a forgettable movie star isn't she?

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRami

OK she was bad in Dallas Buyers Club, but Garner is a totally acceptable choice, as is Foxx. Love Spacey and Carrey should be an Oscar winner by now (for The Truman Show, and should have been nominated for Eternal Sunshine), but for Efron and Biel, I'm with you. Happier than you about Emma. Thrilled the tradition brings back Hathaway - not thrilled I have to see Waltz at the Oscars AGAIN.

While drag has failed spectacularly recently, I really want to see Adams and Cooper come out in each other's costumes. Just picturing her in poodle perm and him in the sparkly dress... it would be amazing. Also, let's randomly give Viola a standing ovation so Hollywood knows we're ready for her Oscar.

Is Poitier doing BP? That would be interesting. Ford should do Director.

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered Commentereurocheese

What if they put Poitier, Davis, Jordan and Jackson together to present Best Picture? Just like that Scorsese situation...

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered Commentercal roth

People, people.....the Oscar presentation show is not about the movies. The order of qualifications for presenting is: Who can bring in viewers, do they have a link to film, will they do it (Lawrence is the Holy Grail--hot, young, star of HUGE franchise, beloved, actor cred, has to appear to pass on the crown and nom'ed again........). Its about ratings, advertising dollars and trying to build interest in product (the number of people going to the theater to see a film is dropping, dropping, dropping). I'm surprised they didn't skew younger with more ABC stars (Washington and Goldberg are the only ones I see). Every other awards show is peopled with stars from the broadcasting network, even if they have no context to the awards subject. If this were on CBS, you can bet NPH and the Big Bang Theory people would be all over it.

MacFarland was the host last year and Ellen this, not because of film ties but their work on television and links to demographics the advertisers want watching their ads. (Ellen's promo ads are great as were Seth's.)

Everyone on that list has a genuine tie to the film world, but is also being eyed to bring in a certain demographic (in various degrees). Kevin Spacey has two oscars, hot, hot, hot television show that even the president has mentioned and he is a named producer of a best film nom (I think hes there to introduce Captain Phillips). Jessica Biel, hot, married to Justin Timberlake (her arm candy "Who are you wearing?" who is also on tour, was in the Coen brothers film.....he probably turned down presenting but agreed to appear if they let the wife get up on stage), new film coming out and who knows what else. Jason Sudeikis, comic (same reason Carrey is there, laughs equal ratings) is hot off SNL, three new films in the works and "We're the Millers" made money. Emma Watson, hot, young, principal from the still fresh biggest franchise film series in history, indie movie cred and NOAH (the behemoth that will drown in its own drek) is about to open. If anyone is there just for film, its Novak and even she will pull a certain number of the AARP crowd. Kathryn Bigelow has no following outside film lovers. Hurt Locker and ZD30 were great films, but its Pacific Rim that is flying off the DVD shelves. I agree she is deserving of being up there, but this is about money, not merit.

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHenry

Agree:

Kim Novak: Unless Russell Tovey agrees to marry me, this is the best news I'm going to have all day-I LOVE when they trot out certain old movie stars we haven't seen in a while. Here's hoping Melissa Leo wins whatever category she's presenting and steals her cane.

VIola Davis, Gabby Sidibe, Whoopi Goldberg: Women of color are wildly underrepresented at the Oscars and in Hollywood in general.

Michael B. Jordan: Because I'm guessing he can rock a tux.

Jamie Foxx, John Travolta, Kate Hudson, Jessica Biel: Yawn

Disagree:

Emma Watson: Considering her past couple of years, how can anyone's enthusiasm be dissipating for Emma Watson?!?

Jennifer Garner: Any other year I'd agree, but she was in a Best Picture nominee, and could well be presenting that Best Pic clip, so you know, she deserves it this year. She just didn't every other year.

Kerry Washington: I know it's not the Emmys, but still-can't ABC get at least one plug in with their presenters?

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJohn T

Glenn-I 100% agree that Streisand was giving that award to Bigelow regardless of what it said in that envelope.

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJohn T

Michael B. Jordan is there because he is HANDSOME. he´ll look amazing in a suit. No need for anything else. That´s all- Oh, the fact that he was AMAZING in Fruitvale Station helps, too.

What if Poitier & Viola are there to co-announce best picture winner? it would be a hell of a moment. It could also work as a "sorry we failed you last time, Viola".

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Nathaniel - I rarely comment, but have read your blog for almost 5 years now, and just had to say thank u 4 this list. I love it (and you and your blog) <3

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

Nathaniel,

Mo'Nique has actually come back to the movie business. She recently executive produced and starred in 'Blackbird,' a film about growing up black and gay in conservative Mississippi. I'm really excited for it.

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMike M.

Sydney Poitier is going to present best picture because I guess the producers are dying to pull off the narrative of him giving the award to 12 Years a Slave.

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLuiserghio

Sydney Poitier is going to present best picture because I guess the producers are dying to pull off the narrative of him giving the award to 12 Years a Slave.

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLuiserghio

Sydney Poitier is going to present best picture because I guess the producers are dying to pull off the narrative of him giving the award to 12 Years a Slave.

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLuiserghio

I know she's in a Best Picture nominee, but Jennifer Garner has presented practically every year since her Alias days.

Angela Lansbury will be there - couldn't they have given her something to present?

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuzanne

Luiserghio that was my thought... which means it will be hilariously awkward if Gravity wins.

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered Commentereurocheese

Oh my God I´d DIE if Angela Lansbury announced Best Picture.

Sidney Poitier announcing Gravity´s win would be awkward, but I could be worse. he could be annuncing American Hustle´s win.

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

eurocheese -- i'm not i would use the word "hilarous" in that context

suzanne -- that's exactly my issue with Garner. i mean she is NOT an important actor. She is just very famous and married to an important actor (fwiw i think she's a better actor than he is but they both have limited skill sets) but she lucked out being in a best picture nominee

henry -- i am fully aware that it's about money. My point is always that they don't seem to ever think a little outside the box and consider which people also have high profiles that are maybe more worthy of being there. I mean who cares about JESSICA BIEL anymore? hasn't even middle america moved on from her by now with so many new stars having arrived in the 6 years since people cared about her? (other than her marriage to justin timberlake, the last time i heard anyone mention her outside of hte context of him was in 2007, the last time people seemed to think of her as a movie actress)

Jessica -- thank you. i love hearing from "the hidden ones" ;)

February 24, 2014 | Registered CommenterNATHANIEL R

Speaking of Ben's acting talent: I have NEVER understood why Casey never wound up going anywhere.

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVolvagia

I wanted the big snubees to present Best Picture: Emma Thompson and Tom Hanks. Sort of a consolation prize, i.e. sixth place in the voting (I'm guessing, don't hate me Robert Redford).

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDave in Alamitos Beach

I'm intrigued by the choice of Jessica Biel, if only because I always wonder how bitter she is about missing out on the David O. Russell lovefest.

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLiz

@Volvagia

Why wish movie stardom on Casey Affleck? He enjoys his privacy and the luxury of booking mostly quality gigs. Unlike big brother, Casey received his Academy recognition for his acting. I don't want movie stardom to ruin or dilute what made him initially special.

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered Commenter3rtful

What if they put Poitier, Davis, Jordan and Jackson together to present Best Picture? Just like that Scorsese situation...

Scorsese had won the DGA, and pretty much everything else. They knew he was going to win. 12 Years' prospects are up in the air. Any sort of presenter geared around it winning would run the risk of looking awkward if it lost (and, if they had four black actors with no links beyond skin colour up there, outright embarrassing).

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSean C.

Turns out the Liza Minnelli moment will happen. http://insidejamarifox.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/tumblr_lrub8tvu8o1r0tml9o1_500.gif

February 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGlenn

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