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« Yes No Maybe So: "The Rewrite" | Main | Yes, No, Maybe So: Jon Stewart's Rosewater »
Sunday
Aug312014

Beauty Break: Stars in Chains

I was all prepared to write a short and snappy post about Historical Inaccuracies via Hot Bodies when I saw Adrien Brody buffed and chained for Houdini. Only then I looked at photos of the actual Houdini and it wasn't such a stretch after all. He must have spent as much time in the gym as he did locked in vaults underwater. Houdini, a new two night miniseries about the famous magician and escape artist, premieres tomorrow on the Discovery Channel.

Let's ignore for the moment that Adrien Brody has had a very strange career post-Oscar (and pre-Oscar come to think of it). Can he get back in the awards game with this. Or, rather, does History Channel ever win Emmy attention? You tell me, Emmy experts.

And we thank Brody for the sudden beauty break inspiration. Let's ogle stars all chained up, some even voluntarily, with a gallery after the jump. I mean, can you guess who this is for instance?

Yup, it's our favorite silent goddess Louise Brooks. Nope, I have no idea what she's doing in chains.

Russell Crowe gets a little shut eye in captivity. Or is he trying to control his inner beast from raging 'the sun. the moon. the truth'  (I don't remember this scene at all from Gladiator)

Tom Hiddleston tempting bondage enthusiasts everywhere.

This image is a metaphor for how Tim Burton and Johnny Depp are chained together for eternity. Yes, Johnny, that's frightening. You have a rare break with Big Eyes. RUN FOR IT. 

Pop Divas in self-imposed chains

 

Though shalt not lust after Charlton Heston. Pick some shirtless extra to lust after instead. 

 

David Arquette in chains. I apologize profusely for putting this image in your head but if I had to endure it for "research" than you must, too. (This is from his upcoming movie Orion)

Bruce Campbell is always in trouble.

This counts as "beauty" if you count crisp black-and-white cinematography and old school soundstage set design as beautiful and we certainly do at TFE.

Possibly the greatest girlpower moment of the 1980s as Princess Leia kills her opressor with the very chains he's bound her with.  Ohmygod I miss puppets in movies. And also Carrie Fisher. And also slave girl bold bikinis. And Star Wars movies before they got ugly with frantic CGI in every square inch of screen surface.

Exit Music. She's a wonder... wonder woman ♪ ♫

 

 

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Reader Comments (9)

remember when Russell Crowe was sexy?

August 31, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermurtada

Adrien Brody can get it. That is all.

August 31, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHayden W

remember when russell crowe was sexy?

no.

August 31, 2014 | Registered CommenterNATHANIEL R

Dude! Where is Issac Hayes at the Oscars ('72 broadcast) for the Shaft theme?

Russel Crowe was sex on a stick back in Romper Stomper. Before he became a "serious" actor and got all mannered. (I like Crowe, but prefer him pre-ego).

August 31, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHenry

Russell Crowe is the man and so underrated in some circles nowadays. I hope his fun little performance in Man of Steel and strong turn in Noah indicates a career upswing for the guy who weirdly got a lot of hate/backlash during the first half of the decade, even though he was consistently giving strong performances one after another (The Insider, Gladiator, A Beautiful Mind, Master & Commander, Cinderella Man...etc.).

FYI - that's the scene at the end where Joaquin Phoenix stabs him in the back underneath the coliseum.

August 31, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnon

"...Historical Inaccuracies via Hot Bodies..."

i'm not paying good money to see some naked schlub onscreen; i can see that at the beach for free

August 31, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterpar

Victor Mature in Samson & Delilah.

August 31, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHenry

par -- oh, i agree. i was just saying.

henry -- i will look it up

September 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNATHANIEL R

Some Emmys info from an awards nerd:

The History Channel isn't a huge Emmy player, as they aren't as schooled in the game of Emmy campaigning as the big dogs are (HBO, AMC, Showtime, etc.). But they did break through big a couple of years ago with the "Hatfields & McCoys" miniseries. That won Kevin Costner an Emmy in lead actor in a miniseries or movie for the title role. So it isn't entirely out of the question that Adrien Brody make an awards run for "Houdini" next year at the Emmys. Let's see if the Globes and SAGs bite first though.

September 1, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterZ

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