Good Movies v Terrible Movies
Friday, March 25, 2016 at 10:20AM 
Josh here to talk battles.
Currently yelling in cinemas is Batman v Superman, a dazzling acting showcase about Batman and Superman getting divorced and having a heartwrenching custody battle over their son Billy. Both characters were created in the 1930s and onscreen in one form or another since the 1940s. It's surprising that it's taken this long for the powers that be at Warner Bros to put them in the same movie, and have them spar. The Avengers beat them to it by a blockbuster mile with characters created in the 1960s an onscreen much later. It, too, had its iconic heroes having a tiff even if only ever mildly sparring (until Civil War hits cinemas later this year). There's an audience itch that is scratched seeing two things we know, putting them into the same box and shaking it to see what happens. For Batman v Superman? A 33% Rotten Tomatoes rating.
Let's look as the history other Vs to see if they fare any better.
Freddy Vs. Jason.
Once Destiny's Child disbanded, Kelly Rowland was not going to let Beyonce be the only break out star, so she did the only thing anyone would do to ensure mega-stardom: appear in a horror movie where the human characters don't matter at all, and still get murdered anyway. The premise isn't that bad; people have forgotten Freddy and forgotten fear so he resurrects Jason to pave the way. But then they get fed up of each other playing with each others toys and THEY want to be the one to impale post-coital teenagers not the other facially challenged undead monster! The execution is as sloppy and lacking in tension as the stomach muscles on the other end of Freddy's machete.
Sequel/Prequel to: Direct sequel to Friday the 13th (1980) and Nightmare on Elm Street (1984). The last film in each franchise before they were both rebooted.
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 41%
King Kong Vs. Godzilla.
BIG THING SMASH OTHER BIG THING. Roll credits. For all the simplicity of it's plot and premise, this film was historic. It actually started off as a King Kong vs Frankenstein film in Hollywood, but the budget was too high. Japanese blockbuster studio Toho was celebreating its 30th anniversary and forked up the money and the script was changed to King Kong vs Godzilla. It was the first time both characters appeared in colour and was a huge box office success in its time. Now, for full 10/10 cheese, you can't go past King Kong being dropped via balloon onto Godzillat at Mount Fuji to fight Godzilla.
Sequel/Prequel to: King Kong (1933) and Godzilla (1952) franchise.
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 33%
Alien Vs. Predator.
We've had two of these "movies" now, and had been long coming since that skull of an Alien hung teasingly in the space craft of the Predator in Predator 2. Blantantly disregarding mythology of the Alien franchise, these spin offs barely make sense in their own universe. For both films the premise is the same: humans are in the wrong place at the wrong time when Predators willingly engage in a hunt of Aliens. The human characters are fodder and there is literally more characterisation from the Predators than the humans.
Sequel/Prequel to: Predator, Predator 2, and borrows some mythology from the Alien films
Rotten Tomatoes rating: 21% and 12%
Frankenstein Meets Wolf Man.
One the first crossover "vs" films, features the Wolf Man seeking out the findings of Dr Frankenstein to cure him of his propensity for clawing people to death in the moonlight. Frankensteins Monster and Wolf Man inevitably come to blows. It's influence can clearly been seen in the fact that the film is referenced in Alien vs Predator, Freddy vs Jason, and the the final fight music is used again in King Kong vs Godzilla.
Sequel/Prequel to: The Wolf Man (1941) and Frankenstein (1931) franchise.
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 25%
Duck Vs. Duck.
Ok this one's a cheat. It's not a whole film, but the piano duel between Daffy Duck and Donald Duck in Who Framed Roger Rabbit? is about as iconic as it gets. Two highly flappable ducks dueling on pianos more verociously than Saliari and Mozart. Forcing two universes into one is always verbose, which makes the cartoon violence so perfect. This is the most ducking entertaining duel of the bunch.
Sequel/Prequel to: Characters from Disney and Looney Tunes universe.
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 97%
What other crossover duels have you seen? What duels would you like to see? Miranda Priestly vs The Black Swan? Pick a side in the comments
Reader Comments (15)
This is awesome. How about a butler battle? James Stevens vs. Charlie Carson!
KRAMER VS. KRAMER IS THE BEST!
Notes on that Freddy vs Jason thing: Direct Sequel to Freddy's Dead (1991) and Jason Goes to Hell (1993) and a character/weapon confusion at the end of your summary.
There is actually a movie called Bonnie & Clyde vs. Dracula. Please tell me someone reading this has seen it.
Raymond Deagan (Far From Heaven) VS. Carol Aird (Carol)
I meant Frank Whitaker Vs. Carol Aird... :D
Seeing my two childhood heroes duck it out was always such a treat!
Cris - Okay, but Frank Whitaker v Harge Aird in an Inconsiderate Husband-off as Carol, Cathy, Therese, and all their friends glamorously drink lemonade and watch from the porch table.
Man, I was really hoping for a shoutout to Ballistic: Ecks v. Sever. Or a full-fledged tirade.
"Frankenstein vs Wolfman" is pretty good and it has one of my favorite musical numbers with such classic lines as " life is short but death is long"
Currently yelling in cinemas is Batman v Superman, a dazzling acting showcase about Batman and Superman getting divorced and having a heartwrenching custody battle over their son Billy.
This is the funniest thing I read all day. Can this be the movie?
Jesus Christ !
OMG Kelly Rowland's scene with Freddy in that movie was sooooooo bad. Made me laugh though, so I guess there's that. I've only seen Freddy vs Jason and Alien vs Predator, which I had good, "stupid" time with both.
Also, though: If you know each franchise inside and out, you should probably be cheering for Jason. Jason mostly just wants to be left completely alone in a specific location. He'll kill to get there and kill to make his makeshift home solitary again, but his end-goal amounts to "Get off my lawn!" Freddy, by the sixth movie, wants to kill EVERYONE. ("EVERY town has an Elm Street.")
Kelly Rowland calls Freddy a "faggot" doesn't she? I think she does. I remember being quite alarmed by that in 2003 even though I enjoyed the movie as a whole.