Ranking the Alien Franchise, from Classic to Calamity

by Cláudio Alves

They call it a perfect organism. The beast brings forth destruction like nothing else in the universe, designed for maximum lethality and single-minded bloodlust. It slays and reproduces, only ever caring about the perpetuity of its kind over other living creatures. There are many ways for it to come into the world, whether through a mysterious black liquid or intelligent spores, an infection, or insemination by a violating face hugger. It is the product of mutation, ravaging existing beings as incubators or raw material for a further step in monstrous evolution. So, is it perfect or just good at killing and hard to kill? Is it perfect or an abomination? Am I talking about the xenomorph or the franchise that birthed it?

Through transforming genres and crossbreeding with other movie legacies, through artistic inspiration and corporative rot, through thick and thin, masterpieces and mediocrities, the Alien movies have persisted across decades. With its ninth installment now in theatres, it's a good time to take a look back at the saga and rank its nine films...

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Good Movies v Terrible Movies

Josh here to talk battles.

Currently yelling in cinemas is Batman v Superman, a dazzling acting showcase about Batman and Superman getting divorced and having a heartwrenching custody battle over their son Billy. Both characters were created in the 1930s and onscreen in one form or another since the 1940s. It's surprising that it's taken this long for the powers that be at Warner Bros to put them in the same movie, and have them spar. The Avengers beat them to it by a blockbuster mile with characters created in the 1960s an onscreen much later. It, too, had its iconic heroes having a tiff even if only ever mildly sparring (until Civil War hits cinemas later this year). There's an audience itch that is scratched seeing two things we know, putting them into the same box and shaking it to see what happens. For Batman v Superman? A 33% Rotten Tomatoes rating.

Let's look as the history other Vs to see if they fare any better. 

Freddy Vs. Jason.
Once Destiny's Child disbanded, Kelly Rowland was not going to let Beyonce be the only break out star, so she did the only thing anyone would do to ensure mega-stardom: appear in a horror movie where the human characters don't matter at all, and still get murdered anyway. The premise isn't that bad; people have forgotten Freddy and forgotten fear so he resurrects Jason to pave the way. But then they get fed up of each other playing with each others toys and THEY want to be the one to impale post-coital teenagers not the other facially challenged undead monster! The execution is as sloppy and lacking in tension as the stomach muscles on the other end of Freddy's machete.
Sequel/Prequel to: Direct sequel to Friday the 13th (1980) and Nightmare on Elm Street (1984). The last film in each franchise before they were both rebooted.
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 41%

4 more battles after the jump

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