Review: "The Snowman"
Sunday, October 22, 2017 at 10:00AM by Eric Blume
There aren’t words in the English language which can adequately describe how terrible The Snowman is. Talented director Tomas Alfredson (Let the Right One In and Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy) has let the press know that “10-15% of the screenplay” was never shot during principal photography, which certainly explains why nothing in the movie makes a shred of sense.
The film might be about a detective (Michael Fassbender) who is partnering but not partnering with another detective (Rebecca Ferguson) to track someone who may or may not be a serial killer, the identity of whom may or may not be traced back to a prologue which is undeniably heavy-handed and portentous...
Along the way, we get one confusing scene a piece with Chloe Sevigny, Toby James, and J.K. Simmons. We also get a few disconnected flashback scenes with an unrecognizable Val Kilmer. [the actor has recently confirmed that he had been battling cancer]
The Snowman is the kind of movie that doesn’t even adhere to the basic language of film storytelling: we cut from Fassbender seeing a flashback that doesn’t include him or even include characters connected to him. One is never quite sure of who the characters are, or their relationship to each other. The killer leaves a snowman with a coffee bean face at the site where he murders, and eventually the cutaways to these snowmen set the entire audience into a fit of the giggles.
There’s a small window two-thirds of the way through the film where the awfulness almost becomes fun. Could the movie actually keep geting worse, you might think with delight. But then it does, and instead of it being enjoyable, it's just more depressing. There’s a boatload of talent associated with this film, Frankensteining it together out of desperation, and desperation is never fun.
Please skip The Snowman, whether in the theater, in airplanes, or years from now on television. I am a Fassbender Completist, and felt I couldn’t miss my man playing a character literally named Harry Hole. But experiencing Fassy’s Harry Hole was a shockingly joyless venture.
Grade: G (is that worse than an F?)
Reader Comments (13)
After seeing multiple TV ads for the movie which made it look like the kooky 1990s horror film "Jack Frost," I can't imagine that it would be any good.
I know you say to stay away, but this review makes me want to see it even more.
"But experiencing Fassy’s Harry Hole was a shockingly joyless venture." i applaud you emphasizing the gay and refusing to let the film get away with that name <3
As a movie star, Michael Fassbender has ended up a complete failure. With his marriage to the equally dull Alicia Vikander, I am seeing two careers completed to a dead end. The Harry Hamlin and Lisa Rinna of boredom.
Truly stunned by how horrible this movie was. Aware that it had received poor reviews, I went with a friend expecting that it wouldn't be great left the theater speechless as to how anyone could have watched a final cut and thought this movie was fit for release. In addition to wildly jarring shifts in tone that make the it frequently feel like an SNL parody of itself, the logic of the film just truly doesn't make any sense. The killer's motive was convoluted and never clearly explained, and his death had to have been an intentional joke, right? Why exactly is the killer taking time to make these snowmen in the first place? How is the fact that's it's snowing in the WINTER in NORWAY during each murder something worth commenting on? Why is the bid for the Oslo Winter Games taking up so much screentime??? Probably the worst movie I can recall seeing in theaters in recent memory.
i just dont understand how the director of LET THE RIGHT ONE IN (great) and TINKER TAILOR SOLDIER SPY (well made good) directed what is by every account i've read an incompetent movie. I mean, what happened?
Yeah, I need to see this if only to answer Nathaniel's question.
How about instead of G, you can put the rating of..... MINUS FIVE-STARS!!!!!!!!
Is it worst than The Counselor? I'm so glad Fassy is taking a break. I hope he reconnects with the actor that chose Hunger or Fish Tank.
I really enjoyed The Counselor (although Fassbender was easily the film's weakest link) and didn't understand the venom aimed in its direction. It was a film that risked foolishness and, for me at least, ended up something close to sublime. I will always come to that film's defense.
That said, what the hell happened to Michael Fassbender?
His last okay film was Steve Jobs and his last truly great performance was in 12 Years a Slave. Apparently, his agent advised him to play it safe given how many franchises and sleepy literary adaptations litter his filmography.
Then again, maybe he's just had a long stretch of bad luck? It's not like he's chosen schlock directors to work with. Alfredson, Derek Cianfrance (Light Between Oceans), Justin Kurzel (Assassin's Creed, Macbeth), Terrence Malick (Song to Song) and Scott again (the latest Alien movie) all have excellent pedigrees even if their most recent work has been mediocre-to-abominable.
All that's to say: Snap out of it!
W.J.: Bad luck's part of it, but the only thing he currently has upcoming is X-Men: Dark Phoenix. Yeaaaaaaaaah. They're doing it in space this time, but they've already hit the 8-ball, HARD. Simon Kinberg is the director (which just goes to show how much NO ONE willing to work with Fox wants to work on the "main" X-Men franchise at this point), and they're making the same basic mistake on Jean Grey. Instead of trying to present a modernized variant on the "Sandy in Grease but psychic powers" arc of the classic, they're leaning into the Carrie angle. To an extent, it's another case of the "these powers = this personality" problem, like how MOST Super Speedsters made or adapted after Sonic the Hedgehog are trying to copy Sonic the Hedgehog, except where most of the Sonic influences work (MCU Quicksilver as the main exception), this repetition just makes the story boring empty spectacle. Here's hoping he's getting something else ready for 2018, because Dark Phoenix is probably going to bomb.
You can't blame Fassbender for wanting to work with Tomas Alfredson, guys.
Can it possibly be worse than "Assasin's Creed"? The trailer made the movie look like a creepy thriller- even if the central idea of a killer leaving snowman's head seemed kind of silly. " Let the Right One In" is a great horror film so you really can't blame Fassbender for making a movie with the same director. But he better start picking better projects