10th Anniversary: The Kids Are All Right
Friday, July 31, 2020 at 5:54PM
by Deborah Lipp
In the second year of Oscar’s expanded, ten-nominee slate for Best Picture, the change proved its worth. The occassion was the nomination of The Kids are All Right, a film of such perfection that there can be no doubt of its worthiness, yet who could have imagined its inclusion? In 2010, we definitely weren’t ready for a queer picture to win, and ten years later, it seems like we’re still not ready for a female-centric film to win. But inclusion is victory, and anyone who watched The Kids are All Right solely because it was nominated was also a winner.
The Kids are All Right is an intimate and human movie. Everything and everyone here has skin that is fully lived-in, fully human, and perfectly, adorably messy...
The story in brief: Jules (Julianne Moore) and Nic (Annette Benning) are a long-married couple with two teenagers. When Joni (Mia Wasikowska) turns 18, younger brother Laser (Josh Hutcherson) convinces her to contact their biological father/sperm donor, thus bringing Paul (Mark Ruffalo) and assorted complications into their lives.
The plot machinations are a little contrived, and some lesbian heads exploded at the taboo way that interactions with a sperm donor were portrayed. But machinations are just that—the machinery by which character is revealed. And character is the point here.
Within the first few minutes, we understand this family—a marriage with love and tension, warmth and resentment. This house is so occupied, its people so real. All the small touches can rightly be called “grace notes” because they are truly graceful. Each of the teens has a really problematic friend, and those friendships hold a mirror up to our main characters, letting us see their struggles. None of which is readily summed up; it’s all that stuff, growing up and sexuality and rebellion and longing, hung out to dry for all the world to see, except the kids themselves don’t see it.
But the starring characters, Nic and Jules, are where most of the attention deservedly falls. Annette Bening was Oscar nominated for Best Actress. The Golden Globes and BAFTA nominated were yet more generous nominating Julianne Moore along with Bening. All of this is due to a level of nuance and truth that I just can’t praise enough.
Of course, much of the praise belongs to the script (also nominated). I’m a Lisa Cholodenko fan—she writes scripts that are moody, honest, and queer as fuck (see High Art). But she’s also kind of gloomy. For The Kids are All Right she brought in Stuart Blumberg to add some comedy to the script. Great idea! The film has a few real belly laughs that don’t compromise its authenticity in the least.
In 2010, I adored this movie; its very real lesbians, its honesty, its humor. I’ve seen it two or three times since, and happy to share that it gets better with each viewing.
Reader Comments (32)
Finally got around to viewing this film during quarantine, and I liked it even better than I thought I would! Many more belly laughs than I expected. And impressively frank and dirty!
When I first wanted to watch this film at the cinema I didn't check the age restriction and was quickly turned away (sad) which meant when I watched this film for the first time I had to watch with my mam. This film really hit me and I vividly remember being a in a flood of tears at the end especially when Joni taught her family had left her to college without saying goodbye.
The cast all around is excellent and I think Wasikowska deserves more credit for her work as she's just as magnificent as her adult co-stars. I too love Cholodenko and think each of her films is incredible. Especially this and High Art.
I wish main stream awards bodies were more accepting of films made by and featuring queer female narratives because there is so much great stuff out there. Instant films I'd consider great female queer films would be:
Bound
But I'm a Cheerleader
Carol
Desert Hearts
The Handmaiden
Pariah
Portrait of a Lady on Fire
Set It Off
The Watermelon Woman
I am happy The Kids are All Right was a Best Picture nominee. However, its inclusion only makes the snub five years later of Carol for Best Picture more difficult to understand.
Truly such a lovely film, and for my money, one of THE great ensembles of the past decade. Bening, Moore and Ruffalo are of course marvelous, but Wasikowska and Hutcherson are also great. I must watch it again because it has been a while since the last time I saw it!
I hope Cholodenko makes another film soon, though she's been doing great work on television with UNEBLIEVABLE last year and OLIVE KITTERIDGE in 2014, the latter of which I consider her greatest work so far.
Moore definitely had the last laugh since she was able to win an Oscar before her Kids costars.
As a male homosexual, I would also like to thank them for casting scruffy adorable Mark Ruffalo, and getting him to take his clothes off. Terrific movie that was just on HBO this past month.
I always thought this was overrated when it was released
James, I think that Carol's formality and emotional acuity almost counted against it, whereas the combination of easy structure and the relative innocuous nature of the Cholodenko helps. I actually thinknits easily the worst best picture nominee of its year.
Marty - agree, tho I did like the whole lesbians being into gay male porn observation.
I read this and am still stunned that The Benning gave us this and her performance in 20th Century Women. Oscars are weird.
@Marty-You're not alone. Plus, I thought what happened to Mark Ruffalo's character in the end was wrong as he was trying to be apologetic and he really did care about those kids.
Some films have certain scenes that stick in your mind. Annette Benning sitting at a dinner table singing a Joni Mitchell song, just perfect, and is one of those truthful moments you were mentioning. Thanks for this article.
As a lesbian I just don’t understand this movie. Why are they watching gay porn? Why is the lesbian having sex with a man? This is so ridiculous.
That movie was essential to my conversion to Bening. I hate her Being Julia/American Beauty scenery chewing, but in this movie I saw a real person.
Ashley, I wholeheartedly agree...it's ridiculous.
I'm in the overrated camp. A supposedly "queer" film that can't help but fall instinctively back on a heterosexual relationship for its crux. Performances are lovely but the script just isn't up to snuff.
Ashley & Beth -- i have personally known a couple of lesbians who were into gay porn. So to each their own I guess. It must not be that rare if I've personally known two women (who were not connected to each other) and this movie was written and directed by a lesbian. so that's at least three ;)
I like the idea of this film more than the result. It's warm and held my attention while I watched it, but also had lots of clumsy notes and didn't stick with me long after viewing. Julianne Moore is one of our finest actresses, but I wasn't digging her here--I saw the acting.
Annette Bening was good, but I was all about Michelle Williams in 'Blue Valentine' for Best Actress that year.
One of the things I like about Cholodenko's movies is that they’re messy, just like life. She also captures what life in LA is really like (not the La La Land version).
In addition to High Art and The Kids Are Alright, I recommend Laurel Canyon for it’s bad ass performance by Frances McDormand (and nice turns from Kate Beckinsale, Alessandro Nivola, and Christian Bale).
Julianne Moore’s “Marriage is hard...” speech toward the end of the film is one of my favorite monologues of all time. The writing, the delivery. It’s perfect. As a queer person in a long term relationship, I have felt all the feelings shown by both parents in that scene. I even send that clip to friends when they’re having relationship woes. It just makes you feel not crazy by how messy adult relationships are.
Movies like this together with 20th Century Woman are my reason why I'm so in love with Cinema in the first place ... yes there are a loooot of other reasons ... but when it comes to the core of what I crave these movies have the answer ...
Every single cast member is on point.
James: Another possible reason Carol didn't get nominated while this did:
In 2010, voters could list up to 10 films on their Best Picture nominee ballot, and so it's possible that The Kids Are All Right was helped to its nomination by a lot of sixth-placed votes (assuming the first five films on those ballots were no longer in the running for a nomination).
But the following year, the rule changed to allow only up to five nominees on each voter's ballot (with up to ten films being nominated in total) - a rule that was still in place in 2015. This means that Carol wouldn't have been able to benefit from what The Kids Are All Right might have benefitted from, simply because there weren't as many spaces on the individiaul ballots.
I really liked this then, and still think fondly of it, though I understand some of the criticisms against it a little better now. The one thing I always was strange was how Mia's friend in the movie nonchalantly insinuates that she's been molested, and they just breeze right by it. I always thought that was a weird choice.
@Ashley, orientation is weird and not particularly linear. Lots of real life lesbians have sex with men, or think they might, without not being lesbians. Some of those women may later come to identify as bi (as I did) but others do not.
Honestly, that's one of the things I love about this movie -- the messy truth of its sexuality. Julianne Moore is thrilled to get Ruffalo's pants off, but when he wants to run off with her, her response is, "I'm gay." She knows who she is, momentary thrill-seeking aside.
Jules and Nic aren't all lesbians. They're two particular people. Nic didn't understand how Jules could be gay and still sleep with a man -- she asked, "Are you straight now?" and Jules responded no. It's a story that absolutely legitimizes your thoughts--that gay women don't sleep with men (embodied by Nic's question) and also legitimizes the reality that, well, sometimes they do.
deborah, thanks for this article! this movie is a damn masterpiece, one of the rare movies that upend expectations in its characters, giving them surprising textural details that are sometimes contradictory, the way people are in real life. they're not smoothed out comfortably for people the way we're accustomed to seeing in american movies. and i agree with RV about julianne's marriage monologue, which is stunningly written and performed. possibly bening's greatest performance? and mark ruffalo is monumental in it...a massive narcissist, but with a charm so cunning that many viewers, including some in these comments, think he's a good guy. i can't remember a movie that at its heart is about personal responsibility that has this level of depth, subtlety, wit, and soulfulness.
I liked Lisa Cholodenko 's work in Olive Kettridge but this is hardly best-picture worthy in my opinion. I remember a lot of people (the IMDB message board crowd) thought this was a very ordinary film and typical indie fare. The "love is hard" speech is good though
That whole scene with Annette Bening and Mark Ruffalo bonding over Joni Mitchell's BLUE is just sublime!
I saw this in the theater with Colleen. I was 24 and worried that my crush on Josh Hutcherton made me a certified creeper.
Time for a rewatch, always liked this film. I remember loving Bening in this and being really esp hot for Ruffalo, he has never been sexier.
This is one of my favourite LGBT films - and certainly a worthy inclusion amongst the Best Picture nominees. And I still get a laugh over certain scenes.
Watching Annette Bening sip wine and look around is so, so satisfying.
This was such a great film that hit all the right notes. So glad it got honored by the academy.