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Team Experience: Swim with Mermaids, Ride on Gaga

This week I asked the contributing Film Experience team how they felt about Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides and I also wanted to gauge whether we had any Little Monsters in our midst via Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" droppings.

You refused to see Pirates 4. What would ever bring you back to this franchise?

Michael: It's hard to imagine what could bring me back to the franchise at this point, (I feel like I only just got done sitting through At World's End) but a a 90 minute running time would be a step in the right direction.

Andreas: If Disney ever wants me to shell out for another Pirates movie, they'll have to go down a really surprising route, like selling it as "Andrei Rublev on the high seas." Or maybe they could introduce interesting characters! Some outrageous twist like that. What if they solved all their problems by just making Pirates 5 into Dead Man 2? They could bring in Jim Jarmusch to guest-direct, and use William Blake quotes for all of Jack Sparrow's dialogue!

Craig: Can they get all the sequels over with in one go and amalgamate the whole lot: The Hungover Kung-Fu Transformers of the Caribbean in the City of the Deathly Hallows Parts 2, 3 & 4 will be showing near you THIS SUMMER! Either that or they just cast the muppets instead of Depp, Cruz and company. I could easily do with another Muppets Treasure Island, thanks.

You saw Pirates 4. What did you think of the Mermaids?

Jose: The mermaids were truly preposterous! Where were their nice sea shell bras and their fuzzy crab and fish friends?

Although on the bright side, if it hadn't been for Syrena, we wouldn't have had a chance to see Sam Claflin shirtless. Is it only me or should Pé have played the queen of the mermaids instead of being stuck with that crappy character?

Kurt: It's such a shrug of a movie. That said, I liked the mermaids -- collectively, they were one of the film's very few inspired elements. The mermaid attack was the first action sequence I actually paid attention to. The depiction is neither totally accurate nor blasphemous. Just a new interpretation. And thank god for it.

What if Lady Gaga's "Borth This Way" was a movie?

Who should ride her cyborg self?

Andreas: I imagine Born This Way: The Movie as a cross between The Terminator, Showgirls, and Un Chien Andalou, but with extra preachiness thrown in. To be honest, I've always wanted Gaga to branch out into large-scale filmmaking just on the basis of the "Bad Romance" music video, so if she made exactly that, I'd be perfectly happy. The weirder, the better.

Jose: It would be a freaking Heavy Metal like extravaganza. Only two passengers should ever ride Gaga: Hedwig (from the Angry Inch)... 

...and  the Governator himself. Can you imagine those two in an action movie together?

Though you didn't ask who are they chasing/is chasing them  but I'll answer. There is only one being who can do that: Madonna. She needs to find the one camp movie role to make her a cinema icon.

CraigThe Gaga videos to date, all strung together, are like a kind of movie anyway, aren't they? But if Born This Way were a movie it would be directed by Alan Smithee. Burn (rubber), baby, burn! Edward Furlong would clearly have to ride on Gaga's mutant-motorcycle. And Gaga herself would have to talk in a weird robo-Austrian-motor dialect. Doesn't she already do that in some of her songs anyway? It's part of her charm.

Kurt: If Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" were a movie, it would, of course be Labyrinth 2, and on the back of Gaga's cyborg motorcycle would ride David Bowie's Jareth, clad in his signature wig and junk-hugging leggings. Together, Gaga and Jareth would rule over their combined armies of little monsters, and anyone who spoke against their doubly strong maze of fabulousness would be swiftly tossed into the Bog of Eternal Stench.


  • Who would you pay to see riding on Gaga's mutant-cycle?
  • Do you prefer your mermaids carnivorous or sweet and tuneful?



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Reader Comments (13)

Gaga's "Born this Way" *IS* already a movie. It's called "X-Men: First Class". At one point I actually expected Jennifer Lawrence to recite dialogue like "you're beautiful in your way because god makes no mistakes. You're on the right track, Beast, you were born this way!"

May 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGlenn Dunks

ohmygod. X-Men: First Class is a musical? I can't wait!

May 26, 2011 | Registered CommenterNATHANIEL R

I liked the mermaids... especially Gemma Ward. And that was a good scene. And I agree, if it wasn't for them I wouldn't have seen Sam "Cheekbones" Claflin shirtless.
Ugh...Gaga. But apparently Tarantino wants her in the new film. That's the only way I will see her.

May 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNikhat

Gaga just needs to play Judas in a new film version of "Jesus Christ Superstar." I would KILL to see that happen.

May 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAlex

Does anybody think Tilda Swinton could play Gaga in 20 years time? She could. She should.

As for the motorcycle, definitely Rooney Mara. Have you seen her Lisbeth Salander look? TOTALLY Gaga.

Just Sayin.

May 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNic

Who would ride that motorcycle? Master Shake from the show Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

May 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterVolvagia

Nic -- rooney mara ay? as for tilda she can do anything. But the person i think needs to play gaga right now is ARI GRAYNOR :)

May 26, 2011 | Registered CommenterNATHANIEL R

In the next logical step from his Knight Rider heyday, and earning himself a whole new generation of devoted (non-German) fans, David Hasselhoff should be the one to ride the Gaga-mobile. Together, they travel around the US, solving hate crimes.

C'mon, you know you always wished KITT was a sassy female pop singer!

May 26, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterdenny

I haven't seen Pirates 4 (nor do I intend to), but Ariel will always be my preference. I was actually going to see the movie for the mermaids alone, but then I came to my senses.

As for Gaga, I love the David Bowie suggestion. Throw in Grace Jones as the villain with Prince as her illegitimate son (fathered by Bowie of course)/minion and I'm there in a heartbeat! I know they're too close in age to really be related in that way, but who needs logic?

May 26, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterthefilmjunkie

thefilmjunkie - logic is out the window as soon as anyone's riding a half woman/half Harley :)

May 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNathaniel R

I only went on to see Pirates 4 because of Penélope Cruz (I've never watched 2 or 3 cuz I tought there was no way Depp would repeat the magic of the first and didn't want to ruin it for me) and tought it was damn too long of a movie and seriously, you cast Penélope and that's all you got for her to do?

And I agree with everyone about the religious hottie...

May 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFernando Moss

No no no, if anyone should play GaGa it is Marisa Tomei! Ever since she herself mentioned it I just can't get out of my head how much they look a like.
And I'm a proud little monster and i must say that Born This Way is so much better than I expected. It's actually really good! It's kind of a mix between Madonna, Queen & Kylie Minogue with some great beats thrown in.

I saw Pirates 4 a day after the première and I didn't really like it but the mermaids were hypnotizing. And the holy fool and the mermaid made a great (gorgeous) couple.

May 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNina

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