6:30 I was writing an (unrelated) short little note about Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy moments ago and am suddenly thrust onto a red carpet with fast talking E! reporters uttering inanities while stars explain who they're wearing. These are things old spies never have to think about. But tonight is not about the spies. It's about bridesmaids, silent film stars, time travelling writers, Hawaiian land barons and maids. The first four things I hear are two engagement stories (good news for Bridesmaids or mere coincidence?), one ode to George Clooney via The Good Wife herself. Then Octavia Spencer -- love that bun (is there are name for those high buns on steroids?) -- announcing that she's robbed Cougar Town of Josh.
Which begs the question: Is anyone in Hollywood not friends with Octavia Spencer?
6:37 Armie Hammer on his wife's bakery. He's not the baker, he's the, uh, taster. The reporter or his wife I can't recall calls this "out of the closet taster?" which he confirms. I'm not making this up.
I'm an out of the closet taster and Elizabeth is the master baker: lemon pies, tiramisu, many cupcakes. Let's just say we now have the most special red velvet recipe there is.
For some reason when he's talking about food it sounds utterly filthy. I'm having a flashback to Rock Hudson talking about recipes in that one movie.
6:40 Rose Byrne is wearing a sparkly jumpsuit and reminding me that she is Australian. I always forget the she's Australian and that jumpsuits exist. The latter by choice. Although she says Scarface was her inspiration and I can sort of see Michelle Pfeiffer circa 1983 in this look. The BEST part is when she leaves the reporter who is going to commercial and Glenn Close (Damages reunion!) looks her jumpsuit up and down... more than once. She doesn't know what to make of it until...
No, she definitely doesn't like it. Hee.
6:53 Viola Davis is talking about her new daughter. I didn't realize she had adopted. Somewhere I missed that. She sounds happy and nervous and she definitely isn't completely comfortable in her Jimmy Choos. Since we're talking about feet, I feel the need to share this photo.
Regina King tweeted "toes done" an hour ago.
I did not retouch this photo so either her camera phone has some issues or her feet are sunburned. Ouch. Put some aloe vera on that. If feet horrify you I apologize. But, true story, it's how I remembered it was time to live blog.
This live blog is brought to you Regina King's pedicure.
7:02 Jonah Hill says everyone can't believe he was Oscar nominated. To his credit he says that he can't believe it either so he understands.
7:08 Michelle Williams, who clearly does not like talking to reporters about her personal life, does a pretty good job of pretending to be okay with it whilst astrally projecting herself away. I'm reasonably certain she was floating somewhere over Montana whilst Guiliana was inundating her with questions about child rearing.
7:17 E! talks to so many people I don't care about. I sometimes wish I was their boss so I could redirect their energies. But then I'd probably not bother and just fire them all.
7:20 Giuliana is so intrusive into celebrity lives. She's constantly asking about children and boyfriends and romance and underwear and personal stories. Jesus! I'm actually shocked that she restrained herself and didn't ask Sofia Vergara how big her boyfriend's dick was once she started grilling her on her own body parts.
7:27 It's weird to be annoyed with George Clooney but I really really am. It's like the Charm Offensive. Stop it. "Is it still so humbling to you? It's really nice."
7:29 NOOOOoooooooooooo Guilana. Down girl. I didn't mean to be predictive. She is now asking Clooney about his dick. I'm not making this up. "Would he ever drop trou for a movie?"
7:34 A conundrum. I watch Glee and though it's totally wrong, I look forward to doing so. But when Glee actors are interviewed I always astral project myself away. Right now I'm headed north trying to spot Michelle Williams.
7:39 Brad and Angie have arrived. I tried to take a photo but they're all blurry like a mirage. A mirage of beauty. Movie Stars. Two people you can say that about with a straight face.
7:41 Meryl Streep was talking to Guiliana and it seemed so unnatural. Curiously, perhaps momentarily stunned by the realness of The Meryl, Guilana was gazing at her as she left and narrating Meryl's conversation with Steve Carrel once she had left the stage -- Meryl and Steve looked like they were laughing and Meryl did this cute little crouch thing as if she was giggling/giddy. Guiliana "This is obviously a real moment, a real conversation. Not like some Hollywood conversations.' GUILIANA SAID THIS.
It is 2012. I worry.
7:53 And Ross and Guiliana talking to Brad are suddenly all sincere... talking about particular moments they loved in Moneyball (like they've actually seen it). Ross telling Brad his kids won't be embarrassed by him when they grow up and see his movies is somehow endearing against all odds.
The Mayans were right.
THE SHOW !!!
8:03 The writing on this SAG Awards info is hurting me. "Have a great night Brad and Angelina". "Jean Dujardin. No words are needed. And now they're starting with Ducky (Jon Cryer forget his name for a sec). Not a good sign, Jon Cryer not my forgetfulness.
8:06 SUPPORTING ACTOR goes to Christopher Plummer
Heartfelt speech, longer than he's been giving with a nice shout out to Ewan McGregor for making acting look so effortless. Exactly. That's why he never gets nominations.
8:13 George Clooney is mysteriously bad at a teleprompter tonight
8:15 SUPPORTING ACTRESS goes to Octavia Spencer
Team Help is really good about playing their awards wins for emotional narrative value. She let's out a squeal of Ohmygooooodddd as she leaves the stage. Octavia and Plummer are now mortal locks for Oscar wins... not that they weren't before.
I believe Joe called The Golden Globes a "bullet train of awards" on the last podcast but honestly that's even more descriptive of SAG. There's no time to type before they're handing someone else an actor.
8:23 They're showing clips from Supporting Actor in a Comedy and Two and Half Men feels like such a dinosaur. Laugh tracks are so anachronistic. Ugh. Stop it. If you can't make people laugh on your own you don't deserve a nomination as "Best"
8:24 ACTOR TV COMEDY goes to Alec Baldwin, his sixth consecutive win! After a bunch of squealing "ohmygoddddd"s he gives a bunch of credit to Tina Fey's writing. Nice.
8:26 ACTRESS TV COMEDY goes to Betty White
My dears. My dears. I don't think they can read. I think they made a terrible mistake."
Gooey Love for her castmates with just enough bite to also be funny.
8:30 This is maybe my favorite thing I've ever seen on the SAG Awards. Theyre highlighting dayplayers by showing clips of various movies with these unknown actors getting their names on screen. It's like my bit player awards (coming soon) only less specific.
8:35 BEST COMEDY SERIES ENSEMBLE goes to Modern Family
The speech, naturally it's a joke, doesn't quite come off. Which is weird for this cast. I do feel the need to point out that young Nolan Gould (who got speech duties today) who plays Luke Dunphy on the show is the brother of Aidan Gould who played Tilda Swinton's kidnapping victim in Julia.
ISN'T THAT CRAZYYYYYYYYY?
8:43 BEST ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE goes to Kate Winslet for Mildred Pierce. She's not there so Glenn accepts on her behalf.
8:46 Team Help is on the stage introducing their movie clip. The clip has this really sitcomy music over Viola's "you a godless woman" bit. Awkwaaaaard.
8:50 BEST ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE goes to Paul Giamatti for Too Big To Fail. He's also not there. The other nominees look around for him like he'll spring up from a seat heretofore unknown.
8:56 I'm sorry I'm so slow with the live blogging tonight. Computer acting up and I don't have $1,500 for a newbie.
9:07 Fact: There has not been enough Bridesmaids up in my awards season.
Their Scorsese drinking game --" drink every time you hear the word "Scorsese". It happens more than you'd think" -- will get you very very drunk here in NYC. The only single name that might rival it in terms of speedy inebriation would be "Woody" or "Tarantino"
9:10 MARY TYLER MOORE TRIBUTE
Lovely to see her and Dick Van Dyke again. I couldn't buy MTM as a nun in that one clip. Ah well, you can't win them all. I love career tributes. There is a strange gap when she finishes speaking where she says nothing on stage and there is no music and no cut to commerical. Dick Van Dyke rescues her with a kiss and they cut to commercial. Whose fault was that? Was someone chatting in the control room or did Mary just space out? This is not necessarily a sign of age as I've been doing that since i was like 10. Sometimes you're just suddenly not there. Like Michelle Williams on the red carpet.
9:15 Commercials. But maybe everyone is just tired. Nick being his brilliant self, tweets:
His math seems right.
9:19 BEST ACTRESS DRAMA SERIES Jessica Lange for American Horror Story
It's her first SAG Award and it's spooky that I name checked her super-fan Nick just before she won it.
It's great to play such a BIG character with so much to do."
Ummm. what other size characters do you play, Jessica?
9:28 Meryl Streep introduces the In Memoriam segment: Farley Granger, John Wood (in Ladyhawke clip no less!), Betty Garrett, Doris Belack in Tootsie (LOVE) Jane Russell, two principal cast members of They Shoot Horsese Don't They? (Such a great movie. See it!) Elizabeth Taylor gets the ending "Bye now". Okay, I'm sad. Thanks a lot Meryl! There will never be another La Liz.
9:35 The SAG Actor statue looks so indecendent when it's brightly lit what with that huge package. I always want to move one of its face masks down for a fig leaf. #Prude
9:37 BEST ENSEMBLE DRAMA SERIES goes to Boardwalk Empire
I just can never become interested. But I have too many shows anyway. I'm okay with my lack of interest.
9:41 BEST ACTOR FILM goes to Jean Dujardin !!!
Zoinks. I think this needs three screencaps for the excitement.
Love Penelope Ann Miller's reaction. She's feeling what I'm feeling. Although I'm also feeling what Bérénice is feeling at the end there, glowing pride. Not that I had anything to do with it. But it really is quite a performance.
He says "mygodmygodmygod" a bunch of times. God has been name checked a lot in a comic way tonight. He reads his speech (he doesn't speak much English) with nice shout outs to his cast -- which prompt him to finally look up from the page. Lovely. Clooney & Pitt both seem totally fine with it, happy even.
10:01 My laptop all but froze up for the last 15 minutes of the show. So sorry. Time for it to go to... where do old computers go? A few observations about Viola Davis and The Help, which won all three of its awards tonight... (give me a sec)
Amazing reaction from the crowd and another really heartfelt speech with very specific inspiring honors going to Cicely Tyson (the first actress that made her want to be an actress) and Meryl Streep in her college years for inspiring her. Lots of tearful eyes in the crowd. She's clearly loved. Viola's speech about racism is beautiful and I'm thinking back to the Peggy Siegal luncheon I attended in which she talked about the controversy surrounding The Help and she and Octavia both understood some of the criticisms of the film but were completely proud to be a part of a movie that had sparked so much dialogue and discussion.
10:15 I must power down. But congratulates to all the winners! Did you enjoy the show? Do you think all these winners will repeat on Oscar night?