Too few people speak of Demi Moore anymore and that truly saddens me. I grew up with Demi as a big screen goddess and though her star went supernova, flaring so bright you couldn't miss it before unarguably fading, she's still worth celebrating. The 80s and 90s would NOT have been the same without her. Younger generations know her best as the former Mrs. Ashton Kutchner! What a world. What an ignomious fate for someone as good at being a celebrity as she!
50 Ways to Celebrate Demi Moore. I Double Demi Dare you!
- Scream until you're hoarse to achieve her suitably sexy voice.
- Hook your star to a sexy bald man.
- Indulge your inner cougar.
- Practice the fine art of being friends with your most famous ex. (Let Bruce & Demi be role models for all)
- Refer to yourself as "Mrs. [Whoever You're Dating]" this week on Twitter or Facebook
- Hit the gym at 5 AM all week
- Stay there for hours.
- Pick up an important cause like ending child sexual slavery.
- Or donate to one.
- Refuse to speak to your mother
- Pose provocatively whenever there's a camera around.
- Preferrably naked.
- Let someone body paint you. That's such a good look.
- Rent St. Elmo's Fire and memorize all of Demi's lines and line readings and throw them into every conversational possible. They're awesome and you will enjoy this.
- Have lots of babies
- Or collect lots of dolls...
- Buy a house in Idaho just for your doll collection
(actually... maybe don't do this one if you don't want people to think you're a serial killer)
- Rename your pets or household objects or friends or, okay... dolls, "Scout", "Rumer" and "Tallulah" and call them this all week until it drives them mad.
- Make so many demands that your friends start calling you "Gimme Moore"
- If they object, shave your head and tell them to "suck my dick"
- Tell someone who looks like Viggo Mortensen to suck your dick.
- Rent G.I. Jane if #s 18 and 19 confuse you.
- Rename your current posse "The Brat Pack"...
- Decide which of them is Emilio, Anthony Michael, Rob, Andrew, Judd, Molly, and Ally.
- Send Emilio confusing mixed messages but do not sleep with him!
- Have a late night naked fridge run with your own personal Rob Lowe.
- Sexually harass someone who looks like Michael Douglas.
- Take up Kabbalah
- Indulge in late night pottery sessions.
- Listen to "Unchained Melody" while doing that
- ...don't be afraid to get your hands dirty, especially if you can convince your lover to reenact the most famous "Ghost" sequence with you. (If you do this thing, please send me a thank you note and maybe a photo.)
- Blame it on Rio!
- Admit that you've never read "The Scarlet Letter".
- Open all your windows and sit in the middle of a cold empty room in just a night shirt and be a big drama queen about it until a friend talks some sense into you. (This one will be hard to accomplish since what's so dangerous about sitting in a room with windows open?)
- Practice crying until you can make one teardrop fall dramatically from your left eye.
- Have dinner at Planet Hollywood. Unironically.
- Build contentious relationships with the help.
- With litigation if necessary.
- Take the fall for someone else's error and refer to it as a 'Margin Call'
- Do a striptease routine in the mirror to an Annie Lennox tune.
- Remember that you are still hot shit.
- Remember that weird split second when Demi was rumored to be joining the cast of Magic Mike
- Post a tasteful nude or near nude photo of yourself on Twitter
- ...swear it isn't photoshopped to anyone who will listen !!!
- Dare to parade around in bikinis with people much younger than you.
- Rent Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle.
- Rent A Few Good Men
- Plan for the future as only a true diva can...
This is the 80s. Bop him for a few years. Get his job when he gets his hand caught in the vault. Become a legend. Do a Black Mink ad. Get caught in a sex scandal. Retire in massive disgrace. Write a huge best seller and become the fabulous host of my own talk show."
-Demi as "Jules" in St. Elmo's Fire
- You've reached the end of this celebration, and if you've done even, oh seven of these things, please seek help for exhaustion. You've earned the R&R!
- Consider the past 49 ways to celebrate and find renewed appreciation for Demi. So few 'bad girl' celebrity divas have entertained on & offscreen with as much style.
"And waste all this good coke?" -- St. Elmo's Fire 25th Anniversary Celebration
Bridget & Demi - a moment from Jackie Brown (1997)
'Appropriate Ways to Celebrate'... Elizabeth Taylor
'Appropriate Ways to Celebrate'... Meryl Streep
'Appropriate Ways to Celebrate'... Tilda Swinton