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« Burning Questions: The Dumbing Down of Star Trek | Main | Do you plan to read any of the books this season's movies are based on? »
Sunday
May192013

Red Carpet Convo: The Great Cannesby

Because we aren't in Cannes, we're gazing at the gowns and only dreaming of the films -- I personally don't like to read too many reviews months before seeing the pictures -- for this edition, which was actually recorded a couple nights ago, I have Jose with me. He's been tracking Nicole Kidman's every move but he's stepping away from the Australian Icon (okay, being dragged away. He really dug his heels in) and joining me to talk other beauties...

NATHANIEL: Hey, Jose. Welcome back to Red Carpet Convos and thanks for taking up the Kidman-Watch. She was absentia today in Cannes (at least to the paparazzi) so it's going to take 11 women to replace her.

JOSE: No one replaces Nic *sobs*

NATHANIEL: Eleven beauties, Jose. Let's start with the ladies who came out for The Great Gatsby but weren't in it.

Bai Ling, Juli, Rooney, Fan Bingbing, and Moneypenny

I'm cheating a little bit to include her as, as far as I can tell, she wasn't at the actual premiere but at some sort of afterparty. [lots more after the jump]

JOSE: I always endorse Rooney inclusions. 
NATHANIEL: I include her mostly because I wonder how long she's going to stick to her severe black and white glamour. How many more seasons can she do this?
JOSE: Forever? The worst thing is she's infecting others too, Carey Mulligan has been SO boring at everything Gatsby related. No makeup, no color, no nothing!
NATHANIEL: Didn't Carey Mulligan audition for The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo?
JOSE: OMG that's right.
NATHANIEL: Also I would officially like to thank most of the celebrities for not trying to go all 1920s because you're not -- you're just not -- going to best Catherine Martin's costume design so it's best not to compete. 
JOSE: Ugh. Word. I'm already pissed at her losing the Oscar next year to some dead royal movie. I had no idea Julianne was at the festival though! Why aren't she, Nicole and Meryl the only jury members? 

NATHANIEL: Right. Meryl as Jury President and Nicole & Julianne back her up. All traditional awards are replaced by Actressing Honors.

 

JOSE: I also, I'm not sure when was the last time I saw Bai Ling before this...what the hell has she been up to? 

NATHANIEL: Being crazy. Writing poetry. She went all shimmery just like Naomie Harris. And speaking of Moneypenny shouldn't Bai Ling have been an evil Bond girl by now? 

JOSE: I feel like Bai and Fan Bingbing are like the evil/good twins who only make appearances on red carpets 

NATHANIEL: Fan Bingbing also makes appearances in "thank yous" at the end of motion pictures. She's crazy connected. And I don't know if you remember this but I once tried to track what she wore each day at Cannes (like you're doing with Kidman now) and it was INSANE. She must have had hundreds of trunks of gowns with her. 

Fanbingbing is also in the new X-Men movie. 

JOSE: Bless her. Is she playing a mutant with sartorial powers? 

NATHANIEL: No. Because those X-Men movies have shitboring costumes, amiright? 

JOSE: You're right. I'm sure I've seen her photobombing every single thing I've seen about this year's festival. Question, how do we know she doesn't have an army of clones that wear all those beautiful clothes for her? 

NATHANIEL: Fan Bingbing as MULTIPLE MAN. No one remembers him from X-Men Last Stand anyway. I love this concept of Bai & Bingbing as evil/good twins though. Someone should pitch a movie about this *immediately* Baz Luhrmann should direct (i will be assigning him all future film pitches that I'd rather seen then another Hamlet... which means I will be assigning him literally ALL future film pitches. 

JOSE: Ha! Or maybe they can be in that new Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon sequel. I'd pay good money to see Bai kick some wuxia ass. 

NATHANIEL: Speaking of clones, I'd prefer if Michelle Yeoh played all roles in that movie, including Chow Yun Fat's. 

JOSE: *co-signs * 

NATHANIEL: Let's move on to the actual Gatsby team... though I can't say I have much to say about them. 

Flo, Lana, Baz, Carey and Myrtle

 

JOSE: Not even how much you wish you could be Florence Welch and wear your Miu-Miu nightgown to a red carpet in France? Or how much Lana del Rey's Lana Hoschek's, Rorschach test-dress freaks you out? And how much it reminds you of this?

NATHANIEL: I do not ever want to be reminded of that. I told you I had nothing to say about the Gatsby team though I love Isla Fisher's pose here... oh, this ? who, me? Baz probably doesn't even remember she was in the movie by now -- this is the point in the post where I am experience extreme Kidman withdrawal -- Let's look at her Gatsby premiere dress again. AHHHHhhhhh much better

JOSE: I think Isla decided on red like Satine to make Baz notice her. But obviously failed. Can you please add a huge yellow car running this look over? 

NATHANIEL: LOL. This is beyond my photoshop skill... though I'll try and use the 1949 Gatsby murder as inspiration

JOSE: Well, at least readers can have the image in their minds I guess. All they need to do is add yet another version of that awful Lana del Rey song in the background and ta-dah = Gatsby clip! 

NATHANIEL: You've already turned against next year's Best Original Song performances? 

JOSE: I will run over Oscar in the big yellow car if he makes me listen to that Lana del Rey song on Oscar night. They should just bring back Shirley Bassey and have her do "Goldfinger" every year

NATHANIEL: "Goldfinger" five times each Oscar night. Ha!

 

Okay, moving on to The Bling Ring.

Sofia & Emma.... and Sofia & Emma

JOSE: The most important movie of the summer. Bling Ring is my Iron Rim of Dark World Steel 3 -- I don't need any superheroes this year.

NATHANIEL: I've included two shots of Sofia & Emma, to the left we have their premiere looks and to the right the photocall, always more casual.

JOSE: Did you see the picture of Florence Welch's apartment in Vogue? it reminded me of both Fiona Shaw's shop from True Blood and Sofia's Marie Antoinette.

NATHANIEL: That's it, I'm subletting. Get her on Airbnb!

JOSE: Emma's Chanel is lovely, but it ages her so much. She should've gone crazy ass HUGE skirt. 

NATHANIEL: Emma can afford to be aged a little. She is all of 23! I hope her acting keeps improving cuz we're stuck with her for a LONG time. Her photocall look is very "Accio Throw Pillow*"

JOSE: LOL. I actually love that -- it's the puffy skirt equivalent of a faux-hawk

NATHANIEL: *Joanna at Pajiba couldn't be here tonight for our discussion but sends that joke in her place!

 

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Reader Comments (12)

carey mulligan looked like carrie white.

May 19, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermarcelo

Florence...

Honey.....

No.

I'm glad to hear the Rooney exhaustion. The constant black and white, or black or white is so boring. She can let go of Lisbeth Salander since they're not even trying to film the rest of the series. Plus, IT'S CANNES. You go big or go home. You go there in a giant gown with a long train covered in sequins and crystals weighing 20 pounds and take breaks every 10 minutes so you don't pass out.

Carey gets a pass because she's worn way more boring things before...
but then she also gets a fail for not going all out since she's the star of the movie.

May 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDerreck.

and i happen to love "Young & Beautiful"! Lana del Rey is definitely an acquired taste. I initially couldn't stand her but i warmed up eventually and can now appreciate her "unique" vocals.

I thought Baz relied on that song a bit too much in the movie though. Pieces of it kept popping up for at least a 15 minute stretch. It's the love theme for Gatsby and Daisy. We get it.

May 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDerreck.

Rooney looks like Ghandi. She needs to brighten up. Sofia Coppola has an easy glamour but these looks say funeral and then bouncing back from depression.

May 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMika

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2327009/Cannes-Film-Festival-2013-Nicole-Kidman-Keith-Urban-eyes-premiere-Inside-Llewyn-Davis.html


She is back at the Red Carpet

May 20, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterColombianKidmaniac

Fan BingBing kind of came out of nowhere... I think I first noticed her last year at Cannes when she showed up everywhere looking fabulous. Now, she's getting vanity parties thrown by Hollywood Reporter and is the brand ambassador of every luxury brand in China.

May 20, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBia

Re: about the Gatsby team. Mulligan looks like a third Fanning sister in that photo

May 20, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteriggy

When it's raining and windy like it was at the premiere, honey, make it WERQ! Use that fabric and hair to your advantage.

On a separate note, do we know what the reaction from Cannes audiences was of the film yet?

May 20, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoel V

Umm Jose take that LDR hate somewhere else, I hope she gets that Oscar!

Also, I don't know who Moneypenny is, or what that references or whatever, but she looks like a black Allison Janney to me. Like in that picture the face just completely made me think of Allison Janney. Idk, thought I'd share lol

May 20, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPhilip H.

Hmmm I didn't realize there would still be people who don't get the moneypenny reference.

May 20, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTony T

Phillip -- Moneypenny is a character from the James Bond franchise.

May 21, 2013 | Unregistered Commenternathanielr

Eww, although I'm not even a big LDR fan, no way that dress even closely resembles that ugly black and gold dress from Bey.

May 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBee

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