The Bening Returns
Friday, May 15, 2015 at 2:15PM 
My loyal subjects!
You may trumpet the glorious news, loudly. I am soon returned to you. As you prepare to indulge in Mad Max: Fury Road this weekend, please understand that I had no choice but to turn down the role of "Imperator Furiosa," a fierce military commander. For who would believe me as anything less than "Empress" or "Immortan". The help? Please.
My man-servant Beatty has yet to title his next picture but I deigned to offer my support for his loyalty since 1991. The first still features the film's biggest draw, pictured below with Lily Collins. After that epic, sure to sweep the Oscars, I have agreed to star in three more films. Why should Mary Louise have all the roles/fun? I am to play Catherine, the eponymous character in "The Great" though we only have a script right now so you must be patient. Before that I will headline the film adaptation of the classic play "The Seagull" (with some upstart named Saoirse Ronan).
After that tour de force, I will lead ladies-in-waiting Greta Gerwig and Elle Fanning through Mike Mill's film "20th Century Women." Forgive the title for I bridge centuries.
Your Queen,
- The Bening
Reader Comments (17)
Your Highness,
For over a decade you only had kids so you really need to compensate your loyal subjects. Anything will be welcomed although I have to say that Chekhov doesn't work well on screen.
I don't get why they keep insisting.
Sincerely
Sorry Annette,
I like you and prefered your work in TKAAR to Portman's scared as sh*t performance in BS, but I refuse to call you a majesty.
This is dedicated to the golden Lady only, but I wish you well.
Your Most Excellent Excellence,
I greatly look forward to what is sure to be your triumphant return to the moving pictures. Your absence is always felt and missed. Please continue to show your sustained mercy to the handmaiden Swank for the wrongs which she has wrought you.
Respectfully yours,
Is it that time again? Guess I gotta go crap out something to beat you with again, Netty! This is exhausting work.
All this news fills me with such joy. The Bening has been gone from our screens for FAR too long, and The Seagull is EXACTLY the kind of project I want to see her in.
Plus, anything from the man behind Beginners would have me in titters, but that cast is TO DIE.
Fantastic news, but it's a shame about THE SEAGULL because I had really hoped that Christopher Hampton adapted one with Kristin Scott Thomas would have gotten off the ground.
Dear Ms. Bening-
Though you're at a certain age to play long-suffering or self-absorbed wives and mothers, you have too much style, comedic timing, sex appeal, and witty verbal repartee to lend your talents to yet another angst-y family drama. Arkadina is SO needy and loathsome. Surely, there's a good screenplay or television pilot calling your name that falls in the thriller/film noir or comedy genre, that also features a romantic entanglement (that not's Ed Harris)? Maybe you need some "endolphins"?
Also, please don't do remakes. They haven't bode well for you.
Your fan since Postcards
Pam -- The Bening does not DO television
Andrew K -- Your sentence structure is very confusing because it seems to suggest that you prefer another actress to us?
Troy H -- my mercy is as beautiful as the sunrise but you do see how she provokes me (I shan't respond to her comments)
EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS PERFECT, THANK YOU
Chekhov can work brilliantly if they went full-on "Atonement" with it; Chekhov had great ideas why be humble when doing film adaptations? Bring out the epic forces he was clever enough to provide more than 100 years ago. Considering the fact that Ms Ronan is attached I'm sure Joe Wright is sitting somewhere in a pub thinking "why not me?"
Annette will win an Oscar sooner or later, all she needs to do is stick to the good projects and directors.
If Warren's Howard Huges bio pic arrives this year, I am predicting her for best supporting actress
Your Majesty
I will forever revere you. Accept nothing but Best Actress nominations from here on out. For Best Supporting is a trick of the Devil. Hence our resident jester's reminder of Best Actress: Bit Players. We would never want to be there under any circumstance.
Your Majesty and Saoirse Ronan (as Nina I assume) in Teh Seagull? Great news! Welcome back, by the way. We have you even if we don't deserve you. But who does, but God?
Bad news on The Seagull, because Kristin Scott Thomas is a much better actress than you. Now THAT is royalty.
Sorry Annette, I have been a fan since Postcards, and I wish Portman hadn't robbed you of your Oscar, but DAME Kristin Scott Thomas should be doing The Seagull not you.
She won over the toughest west end critics and was a revelation in that part, what a shame we won't get the best Arkadina on film.
Bashing of The Bening is unacceptable.
Team KST on Madame Arkadina, but Miss Bening, isn't it time you did that Ida Lupino biopic? I would have preferred to see it 15-20 years ago, but it could still be quite interesting if the film eschewed the greatest hits format and focused on the making of The Trouble With Angels and that period in Lupino's life. Surefire Oscar bait (unless your nemesis happens to have something up her sleeve that season).