How Olivia Colman broke my heart in "The Father"
Thursday, February 25, 2021 at 11:15PM 
We always carry part of ourselves into the films we watch. Memories, past events, half-forgotten trauma and half-remembered dreams, inform how we perceive art, how it affects us and persists in our mind long after the screen fades to black. When dealing with a work about a universal experience like aging, we can only assume each viewer will see a slightly different picture. The Father I saw isn't The Father you'll see, or even The Father its makers intended to create. Many came out of the film raving about Sir Anthony Hopkins' tour-de-force as an old man suffering from dementia, his reality warped into a nightmare of perpetual disorientation. While I appreciate him a great deal, it's the work of another thespian that most affected me.
Ever since I watched the film weeks ago, I can't stop thinking about Olivia Colman's performance, how I saw myself in her, how I saw my parents in the character she portrays, how she broke my heart…
Losing someone to dementia or Alzheimer's is an experience I wish I wasn't familiar with. From the ages of 13 to 26, I lost all my grandparents and the only person who was relatively lucid by the end was my maternal grandmother. Breast cancer had destroyed her body long before the mind had any chance of catching up. As for the other three, I witnessed up close how some of the people who had raised me, who I love dearly, slowly disappeared, their bodies ever-present while their mind, their memories and identity, floated away on the chilling breeze. Few things will ever wound as much as my paternal grandmother, the woman who had taken care of me when my parents were at work and I was still a kid, didn't know who I was.
The worst part may have been the fact I got angry at myself for those dark feelings. She wasn't to blame. Nobody was to blame. Only time, which stops for no one. Or maybe the worst part was seeing my grandfather and my dad cope with the same horrible reality. The person who meant the world to them suddenly didn't know who they were or else thought they were somebody else, often another individual who had been lost long ago. On those occasions, through clouds of confusion and misunderstanding, my grandmother went through a flash of grief, mourning those she had forgotten were gone. Living through that with a loved one makes you a sentimental illusionist of the highest order.
In the past two years, as I've reckoned with the realities of my mental health, there have been long meditations on how my grandmother's gradual demise helped me hone the skills of deception. As adulthood came about and depression settled in, I had already perfected the art of pretending everything was fine. When talking to my ailing grandmother and later my grandfather, I tried never to let my feelings of sorrow show through, comforting rather than adding more stress to their plight. The same thing applied to my parents. Why burden them with my pain if they were already going through their own tempest of emotion? And so, I perfected masks and learned how to paint a hollow smile. When that didn't work, a plastering of annoyance or irritation usually did the trick. Anything to hide the despondence.
There's a reason for this self-evisceration, this confession of mine to you, dear reader. I want to make it clear why I responded so intensely to Olivia Colman in The Father, to her crystallization of that experience of watching someone slip away inside a crumbling mind. So many choices rang true, so many actorly bits of business smelt of the particular kind of despair that affects those who put on a cheery face while the world burns. It's all in the way she moves around Hopkins, how her expressions and vocal cadences are calibrated for each person in slightly different ways. To her ailing patriarch, she might put on a placating bout of patient cheer, while presenting her husband with a silent plea. When nobody is looking, a more severe expression might blossom, followed by a self-recriminating sigh, a weary deflation as if all the energy had left her body for a merciful breath.
Dealing with this personal hell is to see the domestic space become a stage and Colman plays the performance within the performance. A trip to the doctor is especially great in how it allows us to see her switch modes, asking for understanding while mediating a broken conversation. She might try a strategy of well-paced reasoning with her father while exchanging knowing smiles with the medical professional, asking for their fortitude with a tiny show of artificial camaraderie. But then, a couple of words from the senile pater familias will take her by surprise. We've seen her hurt in so many different ways at this point that it also shocks us how unready she seems for this latest indignity. Still, there's no time for misery, the world must go on and the consultation can't last forever.
One must choose another hollow pleasantry to smooth the conversation, calm the father down, get back to business, put all that hurt in the back of the mind where it will fester. Katharine Hepburn once famously criticized Meryl Streep, saying you could see all the clicks inside her head, the projection of internal thought too overt, too mechanical. The same criticism could be applied to Colman's take on this beleaguered daughter but I'd argue the clicking is a feature, not a bug. So much is confusing about The Father -- we're often trapped inside the titular character's subjectivity -- that one needs an anchor to sustain. Colman's clarity of thought, her emotional transparency, is needed. She's an urgent element of brittle order within the smoky amorphousness of The Father.
Colman's particular brand of externalized internal struggle is as crucial to the picture as Hopkins' star turn. While privileging the father's fractured perception of time, space and identity, the film is built as a juxtaposition of two people experiencing the same dilemma from distinct viewpoints. It's the mingling of these opposing refractions that creates much of the piece's particular mood. It hurts to feel Anthony Hopkins losing himself. It hurts much more to see Olivia Colman be a stoic witness to that horror. It's the same symphony played by two radically different musicians, their incompatible renditions joined to create a most frightening sonorous monster. Deliberate cacophony is the essence of their dynamic.
If you'd allow me one last morsel of autobiographic rambling, the final scenes of Olivia Colman in The Father felt like reliving the last months of my maternal grandfather's life as 2020 reached its end. There are no words eloquent enough to describe how lacerating it can be when a daughter talks to her dad and he regards her as a stranger. Somehow, the actress overcomes the limits of language and delivers a perfect encapsulation of that specific torment, the nightmare I saw play out in my mother's face.
Sometimes, no mask can hide the pain, no wall of stoicism can hold back the tears. All of that is in the way Olivia Colman leaves the picture in a cold haze of guilt holding hands with resolution, a loss so absolute it's hard to comprehend how a single human can withstand it. Seeing your own pain reflected on the screen can be cathartic and for that, I thank Olivia Colman. She shook me to my core, made me cry, and, paradoxically, allowed me to glimpse the light at the end of the tunnel.
The Father is now opening in select US theaters. The film will then be available on VOD starting March 26th.
Reader Comments (33)
This is such a beautiful piece Cláudio. My heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how terrible this must be to live through. I have been spared this particular tragedy thus far but The Father helped me get a sense of it in ways that almost no other movie on the topic has... and it seems like there have been a lot of movies about this topic recently.
To think most people including myself won't get a chance to see this until a month from now. Criminal, really.
That is beautiful dude. You're the best writer here. Way better than that hack Ben Travers at Indiewire.
Easily the best writer on here. Love Colman and her surprise deserved Oscar and can't wait to see this film. Complainers and discontents will underrate her for all time because the one time they wanted an overdue makeup award based on being due the Academy actually went with the best individual achievement of the year. Kael, Ebert, Alves.
As much as I love Olivia, I can't see this in theaters even if there are only 25 people allowed in there. Like you, Claudio, I'm much too familiar with this subject matter and it's fresh, so this will be a movie I have to see when I know the day after is clear, when there are few obligations apart from allowing myself two hours to fall apart and the essential time after to pull myself together again, hopefully a little stronger, lighter, better able to carry the load.
Thank you for this article, Claudio.
Oh my goodness Claudio this is a breathtaking piece. I'm so sorry for your losses. They would be beyond proud of you I have no doubt.
Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you for sharing this heartfelt beautiful piece. Nathaniel has a tricky high wire act now: to hang onto Claudio, the bringer of TFE golden age, for as long as possible, but knowing when his superstar needs to be freed to ascend.
This is a great article and Olivia Colman is a national treasure! So excited for it to open in NZ!
Why does every article here by Claudio turn into a weird praise fest/comparison piece? Can’t we just be spoiled by the greatness on offer from all of the writers here and enjoy it all? We don’t have to bring others down when praising greatness - I really enjoy Claudio’s pieces but I really enjoy a lot of the others too and it seems a weird complaint to repeat. In these dark times, isn’t an abundance of good filmic thought something to be thankful for?
Awesome job everyone - nice writing :)
Oh Morgan!, you philistine! The Michael Jordan/Tiger Woods, etc. Of modern film critism appears and you are blind. If Jesus rose again you'd say 'Nice fella, decent miracles, don't get the hype'. Bit sad for you, but if you can't appreciate greatness don't attack others for basking in transcendent beauty.
Morgan! It's just a matter of taste and how individuals take in and assess writing. Some folks do it like others do with acting. Personally if there was an Oscar lineup of 4 average performances and one all time great performance I would feel okay in expressing that, analysing the work the person did. Much the same with a Claudio piece. It's okay if many others see him as being on another level at this time. It will just inspire others up to his level! Anyway, i'm a bit more open minded than you on the different ways people absorb creativity and express their opinions on it. You're less so than I, and unlike you I can respect that. Glad you also enjoyed this brilliant piece.
Great point Kiko. I'm like Nathaniel is with politics when it comes to different folks expressing praise and allowing relative qualative comparisons that add clarity and specificity to said praise. It's a big tent, if someone praises in a way you don't like, maybe you aren't like Nathaniel and I with our ideals about big tents and you can work on that, keep it to yourself, or be compelled to mention it to other commenters. I say do you boo, live and let live, take a breath and stay safe. Xo
Right on guys. Lately Claudio pieces are like Nomadland and other writers are like Mank or probably more accurately The Trial of the Chicago 7. The quality difference is noticable enough that it becomes an elephant in the room not to mention it. Be glad no writers here are like Music this year.
I don’t know when and how I’ll be able to watch this film, since the pandemic is still out of control here in Brazil. But based on this writing, I assume it is a must-see when the Oscar frenzy is over, no matter what happens. Nice job, dear Cláudio!
This is a splendid piece. Thank you, Cláudio.
Juan -- LOL. I dont have Claudio locked up in a basement. We don't even live in the same country.
Everybody writing here does it because they want to. That's literally the only reason. :)
Morgan -- thank you. It is strange... especially since Claudio himself has expressed that it makes him feel uncomfortable ao he writes this BEAUTIFUL piece -- seriously, one of his best -- and then instead of people making him feel good or saying something comforting -- they go straight to what he has stated multiple times makes him feel bad. It's actually kind of mean. I don't get it.
Kiko -- that was some strange mental acrobatics there in order to praise yourself while negging a fellow commenter. Please consider kindness.
whunk -- I KNOW. It is so frustrating how long SPC has kept it from view. I hope it pays off becaus the film is such a beauty but i worry that this in a very old tactic that will backfire wherein scarcity makes people piling into theaters from pent-up excitement. There is no piling into theaters and scarcity is not something that works as well in the age of streaming when people are used to more convenience. BUT it's still possible that this old trick will still work for SPC given the quality of the film.
Cláudio, this is my fav part...
It's such a smart scene, and you've really honed in on why. Colman is such a great actor... in general for her transparency but also as you point out because of her specificity... this is all clearly mapped out for us. I doubt she's sitting her in dressing room drawing a map as to how she's going to take the audiences places but sometimes it feels that perfectly calibrated.Heart-rending writing. Am so keen to see The Father, although it seems like a while away.
And smile Nathaniel. It increases your face value!
Thank you for this, Claudio. My maternal grandparents have suffered from mental deterioration in various ways over the past few years, and I saw my mom so clearly in Colman's performance. So many of her line readings, facial expressions, and mannerisms were so exact that it almost felt like she had been spying on my mom. I was lucky enough to see The Father on Broadway and Kathryn Erbe was very good in this role but WOW did Colman take it to another level. It's a testament to her performance that the film is just as much about watching someone you love descend into the depths of dementia even though she doesn't have one scene from her POV.
Sounds like I will have to see "The Father" even though it will be a hard watch. I have no doubt about Olivia Colman's abilities, having been a fan since her Mitchell & Webb days. I believe her years in comic improv honed the skills you are praising now.
Btw. her ability to play the average person dealing with a family in crisis was on display much earlier with "The Iron Lady" as well as "Broadchurch".
Unlike some, her post Oscar career is not a disappointment. She simply continues to amaze.
All Nat's writers keep writing these articles,I like reading all of them though may not comment if it's something i'm unfamiliar with.
ladyedith -- despite the depressing elements of the theme and performances, i was surprised that it's actually not a tough sit at all. It helps that it's economical and fast (97 minutes) but it felt more cathartic for me than difficult. Of course i haven't been through this personally so perhaps others will feel differently.
Thanks Nathaniel. Your reassurance is helpful because this is an issue that haunts all of us. We fear that it will happen to older relatives and friends, and may happen to us.
But that is what good works of art do, they allow us to watch, feel, and learn from them.
"The Father" sounds like it will be as incisive and moving as "Away From Her" was.
Btw. Your website is part of my morning routine, just after I check on the weather. Cheers!
Olivia Colman is on her way to becoming Oscar's new English darling, like others who have had their moment, like Vanessa Redgrave, Maggie Smith, Glenda Jackson, Emma Thompson, Kate Winslet, Judi Dench. The love story between AMPAS and the actresses of England is very old with Vivien Leigh being the first in a series of Oscar winners.And Lynn Fontanne the first nominated as soon as started the talkies.
Absolutely heartbreaking. You made me cry, Cláudio.
Beautifully written, Claudio.
It somehow frustrates me that The Father has not picked up awards it richly deserves. It is my favorite movie of the year and Colman and Hopkins are by far the best in their respective categories. Hoping for a miracle for these two because they really deserve to win.
Sorry for your loss. I really like Olivia Colman and look forward to seeing this. It would be tragic however for Glenn if she lost again to Olivia, like Annette Benning losing twice to Hilary Swank.
Katharine Hepburn was so jealous. She could have gone out gracefully.
Your description reminds me of the Oscar winning performance of Jim Broadbent in ‘Iris.’
An incredible piece, Claudio. So sorry to hear of all your personal loss.
This has been one of my favorite pieces I've read of this Oscar season. You have an beautiful way with words and I love the way you express yourself. Also, you've given me a completely new outlook on Colman's performance, which I already really liked.
Brilliant piece. I'm emotionally preparing myself for when I can see it. Lovely comments too, a couple of innoculous ones disappearing gives me pause, but despite what certain people say, The Film Experience isn't really a big tent place for all well intentioned commenters. I thought Nat would be gleeful all Oscar season but alas.
Thank you for sharing this. Beautiful article. <3
This so beautifully written. <3