"New Year's Eve" Throws Pfeiffer in the Trash

The headline may be provocative but it's unfortunately (and literally) true. To my great distress veteran director Garry Marshall has decided to throw Michelle Pfeiffer in the garbage in a scene from the all star "comedy" New Year's Eve (2011). Here she is filming in NYC.

Sigh.

Honestly Mr. Marshall, this just seems like asking for trouble. If you make jokes involving movie stars and garbage, aren't you daring the reviews to write themselves? It's not like the star-studded lead-in Valentine's Day (2010) was a critical darling!

And if you're going to cast Michelle Pfeiffer why do you want her drabbed down? I hate it when they make her mousy. She looks better than this just walking around with her husband without a team of makeup artists handy. Mousy Michelle is not what audiences come to see. There better be a makeover moment later in the film.

New Year's Eve, which like its predecessors charts the intertwining lives of several couples and singles throughout a holiday, has a couple dozen stars in it including other big names like Hilary Swank, Julie Andrews, Halle Berry, Sarah Jessica Parker,  some TV biggies (Sofia Vergara, Lea Michele) and many more but apparently La Pfeiff is paired with a bike riding Zac Efron somehow (mother/son? fateful strangers?)

I can't decide whether I should be happy to see her onscreen again on December 9th or dread the very likely probability that she is adding another terrible movie to her weirdly haphazard filmography.

On that note the actress herself has generously demonstrated this How I Feel / How I Wish I Felt conundrum for me.

When thinking about this movie, which look best describes your mood: left or right?

"Baby there's no other superstar you know that I'll be... ♫ "

Michelle Pfeiffer sightings are so rare these days that I have to share them every time (the last big day out was the White House Correspondents dinner in May of last year). Here she is at the Lady Gaga concert at Madison Square Garden yesterday. (I'm guessing she was on her way out because she's totally smiling and Gaga concerts are fun.) Which means she was right here in NYC last night. Wheeee.

They filmed that particular concert for HBO. She and David E Kelley were taking their kids Claudia Rose and John Henry who are now 17 and 16 respectively. This is all an effort to make me feel old since I still remember the first photo I ever saw of Claudia Rose, her daughter, (who turns 18 very shortly), which happens to be my favorite paparazzi photo of Michelle  since she looked ridiculously happy. I'm sure she didn't like the intrusion of the cameras though since Pfeiffer is not a Fame Monster. She once told Rolling Stone.

I act for free, but I demand a huge salary as compensation for all the annoyance of being a public personality. In that sense, I earn every dime I make.

What does Pfeiffer make of Lady Gaga and her ilk, the celebrities who LIVE for their own celebrity? Different times. Different breeds of stars. When Lady Gaga was born (1986), Michelle was probably filming The Witches of Eastwick! Bye Jack. Now Gaga is the horned one.

What do you suppose La Pfeiff's favorite Gaga song is?

Dark Shadows Slowly Moving Our Way

A big screen adaptation of television's cult oddity supernatural soap opera  "Dark Shadows" has been in development for ages now but it looks like it's finally happening. Tim Burton is finalizing his cast. In previous years this news would have thrilled me to no end. But it's been a long time since I could love a Burton film without reservation and adapting long form serials to the two hour demands of the big screen is wrought with... ahem... issues, no matter how talented the team. But maybe it's worth hoping that Burton could regain some early 90s glory? The last "vampires" (of sorts) that Tim Burton trained his camera on were actors playing them in his superb biopic Ed Wood (1994) so let's take that as a good omen.

And this:

"Elizabeth Collins Stoddard" and Michelle PfeifferDeadline reports that both Michelle Pfeiffer (wheeeeeeeee) and Helena Bonham Carter (duh! It's a Burton film) are both lined up for the major roles of Elizabeth Collins Stoddard and Dr. Julia Hoffman respectively.

The best part of this news might be this sentence at The Hollywood Reporter.

Pfeiffer is finding herself very much in demand this new year.

Music to a pfan's ears.

Since I've never seen an episode of Dark Shadows (have you?) I had to look these roles up. Elizabeth sounds like a beauty of a part. She's the regal shut in matriarch of the mansion where the story takes place and Wikipedia says "Despite her imperious and reserved exterior, Elizabeth is a deeply passionate woman who harbors several dark secrets." Ice queen with deep wells of inner fire? That's what you call Pfeifferian. It's not exactly a stretch but let's pray that Burton gets performances as good as he got for Ed Wood (which won Martin Landau the Oscar as the drug-haunted, faded star Bela Lugosi).

Dr Julia Meet Dr HelenaAs for Helena's role, she's a doctor who specializes in blood disorders who discovers the vampiric lead character Barnabas Collins. Over the course of the series her relationship to the vampire changes apparently but since this is a feature film with only two hours to tell the story who knows if she's friend or foe.

Some of you may recall that my friend Susan wrote a piece on this movie a couple years back at the old Film Experience blog and wherein she saw HBC coming in this exact role, writing.

Dr. Julia Hoffman's questionable methods and attitude make her my favorite character (so far) from the original series. The epitome of Barnabas’s foolishness is that he can’t see how fabulous the not-so-good doctor is since he’s blinded by the boring (but youthful) babes. If Burton ends up directing this, I’ll expect Helena Bonham Carter to take on this role, and since she doesn’t have to sing, I think she’d be a pretty good choice.

I presume I don't have to tell you which movie star has the lead role of Barnabas Collins. Who else would it be? Yes, him. Eva Green as the witch Angelique and Jackie Earle Haley as the con artist Willie Loomis have also joined the ballooning cast.

Have you ever seen Dark Shadows? Do you like the casting?

Purrfect Anne Hathaway Has Big Stilettos To Fill.

A horror movie serial is opening (at least) every month all over the internet for the next 18 months. It's called News and Rumors and Collective Freakouts Concerning Chris Nolan's The Dark Knight Rises. With each new chapter the internet will shiver and tremble, cry out or shake with alarm, fury, disbelief, fear and finally cathartic release. The latest chapter involves two official casting reveals from Nolan himself. The first is that Inception's Tom Hardy will be playing the grotesquely muscular "Bane" (who we last saw onscreen in the fiasco Batman & Robin, 1997) and the second is that Anne Hathaway, she of the backless gowns and "look at me, I'm fabulous!" nakedity in Love and Other Drugs, will be playing Selina Kyle. Selina is, rather famously, Catwoman's alter ego but given Nolan's two previous Batman films we have no indication that we'll actually get Selina as Catwoman, just that we're getting Selina. 

Julie Newmar (the first Catwoman) | Anne Hathaway (the latest)

Remember when Sam Raimi kept setting up Dylan Baker to play The Lizard in his Spider-Man trilogy and never delivered?

I'd say the most we can hope for is that Anne gets to let her bitchy freak side fly a bit. Rachel Getting Married minus the babbling and the "L'Haim!"s divided by Get Smart physicality? She'll probably use a weapon at some point but sadly, it'll probably be a plain ol' gun and not sewing machine claws. What I'm trying to say is that I wouldn't exactly expect her to have nine mystical lives or suit up and throwdown with Christian Bale with pithy one liners and claws out. Maybe she'll get a whip if we're lucky. Nolan likes his female characters as dangerous window dressing or as damsels in distress and on either front Hathaway will be terrific. Or at least more terrific than previous Nolan women.

Believe it or not I don't consider the role too sacred to be recreated. (Someone will reinterpret The Joker before too long, too, even though everyone currently thinks that that'll never happen. It always happens. Trust.) Superheroes and Villians are just from that school of roles that are meant to be constantly reinterpreted, like uh.. .Shakespearean protagonists! Not that the birth of any new feline fatale will ever measure up to Michelle Pfeiffer and that snowy alley with pussies galore.

We'll always hear her roar.

Live Blog Golden Globes

8:01 SEE PREVIOUS POST FOR WACKY ARRIVALS.
I'd start there as some of the narrative threads continue into this live blog below

8:03 Ricky Gervais has already decimated The Tourist. Ouch. and even brutalized my Cher. "Why don't you want to see Cher?" Because it's not 1975." Ouch 2. And this wasn't part of the joke BUT when he said "The Walking Dead" they cut to Steve Buscemi. Ouch 3

8:04 My "comedy" in the arrivals was much kinder. Well but for the Silence of the Lambs joke.

Bale wins the night's first award

8:04 I don't know if you read Friday's Towleroad article but I devised a Golden Globe Drinking Game which goes like so.

Drink every time...

• Someone makes a Black Swan joke.
• Someone makes a Facebook joke.
• Cher licks her lips.
• Every time a presenter arrives that has absolutely no business being there other than as shameful attempt at attracting young viewers who won't be watching anyway. (Justin Beiber et. al)
• When "Miss Golden Globe" is introduced.
• Another swig if she's totally awkward about it. Having celebrity parents is SO mortifying!
• You spot a closeted gay. (Kevin Spacey et. al)
• Every time there's a closeup reaction shot of someone who clearly did not get Ricky Gervais's joke. (Even if they're laughing)
• You see two celebrities you'd otherwise never see together sharing a table. (The seating arrangements are so bent sometimes.)
• A winner is announced. Keeping chugging until they make it to the stage!

GOOD LUCK.

A Drinking Opportunity: Captain America with "The Fighter"?

8:14  BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR - CHRISTIAN BALE. The speech is great and I loved that he singled out Mark Wahlberg's work and mentioned that the stoic character never reaps the benefits. Like so.

Mark, really got a give a shout to Mark. You can only give a loud performance like the one I gave when you have a quiet anchor, a stoic character. I've played that one many times and it never gets any notice... thank you buddy. Kudos to you for that. Otherwise we wouldn't have gotten away with it.

8:16 Katey Sagal wins BEST ACTRESS IN DRAMA SERIES for "Sons of Anarchy" but we were ordering pizza so I missed her speech.

8:17 Miss Golden Globe already? "Gia Mantegna". She was not awkward about it at all so you only get one drink not two. Don't be greedy about it. You'll be drunk in no time even if you're VERY strict about the roles.

8:22 Ricky Gervais just introduced Bruce Willis as "Ashton Kutcher's Dad." HEE. But then Bruce made the evening more absurd by saying the word "fabulous". I somehow didn't expect that word out of Bruce's mouth.

8:25 BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR TV - CHRIS COLFER "GLEE"
Oh he's so shook up. And he's way back there, table-wise. Beautiful speech.

I think I dropped my heart between Natalie Portman and Julianne Moore so if anyone sees that please return it to me.

You know every gayboy in the world would love to say that line. It's "fabulous" as... uh... Bruce Willis might say.

8:30 UHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhh

8:31 I don't even know what to say. They bring La Pfeiffer out to present and she is the one who gets the "honor" of introducing Tim Burton's Eyesore in Wonderland. 

Let this be a lesson to us all: BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.

complete post -- you see there's more: Brad & Angie 'they're just like us!', shiny new Globe toys, The Bening's crazy ass hair, Pfeiffer's exhaustion, Portman's cuteness, and more.

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