Yes No Maybe So is a series in which we divvy movie trailers up into three categories so as to manage our expectations and combat Huzz (Hype + Buzz). Huzz isn't a real word but it should be and we'll keep using it until it is. The point of the series is this: We will not be slaves to the Masters of Marketing! Except, of course, by giving them the usual free publicity that they have craftily convinced all citizens of the online world to regular deliver unto them.
The problem, we've noticed with trailers, is that they all tend to arrive at once and how does one keep up unless one merely just posts the trailer which is basically like posting a free advertisement and pretending that advertising IS content which so many websites do is just yuck. That's not a yes, no or maybe so equation. That's just a full on No, yo.
ANYWAY... today we're doing a short form genre threesome: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. 2, Rise of the Apes and The Immortals in an effort to catch up. If you haven't seen the trailers they're all after the jump, along with listy yes, no, maybe so bullet points. You know you wanna keep reading so do it.
HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PT. 2
- "We can end this." YES. BY ALL MEANS, END THIS. It's been ubiquitous for ten years ferjkssake.
- the music box sounds at the beginning are a nice touch.
- that statue with an axe that lands on the floor during "on this night". Cool.
- that split second of the battle everyone is waiting for: Julie Walters vs. Helena Bonham-Carter. "not my daughter, you bitch"
- More screen time for Ralph Fiennes, Helena Bonham-Carter and Alan Rickman. Sorely needed!
- they shoved most of the expositional boring stuff from the final book into that paint drying Pt 1 so this will have to be exciting based on the process of elimination...
- on the other hand if you've seen one CGI wand battle you've seen them all.
- even though all the boring stuff was in part 1, they'll find a way to drag out the exposition. God forbid any single page of Rowlings 3407 pages should go unfillmed.
- exactly how many times is Voldemort going to yell without words in the film. He yells I think 6 times in these 2 minutes alone. Overkill! Or should we say Over Avada Kedavra!
- that JW vs HBC battle. CALM DOWN. You know it's going to last all of 2 seconds.
- that old age epilogue that was so very annoying in the book. My 100% accurate prophecy: it will be more annoying onscreen. Especially if they put 21 year olds in old age makeup.
- If you haven't made up your mind about this series by now...
RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES
- If you're going to revive a franchise, do it in a new and fresh way. They've never tried to give this an origin story per se.
- James Franco. Still a yes even if he's on a slight Post-Oscar Night Probationary period.
- Andy Serkis. The go-to guy for motion capture performances. It's a niche but he sure does great work within it's technological confines.
- "the drug has radically boosted brain functioning." "You mean increased intelligence?" D'oh. Is the dialogue going to be that cringey and hand-holding throughout. Stupid humans!
- It doesn't look like James Franco will be kissing any apes, or that the apes will be talking and without the camp factor or the interspecies Thespian moments, why bother?
- Freida Pinto. This looks like the exact same part Blake Lively plays in Green Lantern. There's nothing for this character to do but look concerned, speak responsibility themes and prove that the hero isn't gay. Who's hot right now? Let's cast her!
- on the other hand, this line and the double take head spinning reaction it against iin the trailer could possibly still mean that they found room for camp.
This drug allow the brain to repair itself. We call it... The Cure.
- Rupert Wyatt is a fairly new director. They can surprise you. Ya never know.
- Tarsem Singh (The Cell, The Fall) can deliver a visual spectacle with the best of the them.
- Eiko Ishioka (costumes: Bram Stoker's Dracula) can deliver a visual spectacle with the best of the them.
- Henry Cavill mostly naked can deliver a visual spectacle with the best of them.
- Frieda Pinto in red can deliver a visual spectacle with the best of them.
- "To those who much is given, much is asked"... OMG did they just greenscreen Freida Pinto in from her Rise of the Planet of the Apes performance? Same Character Alert!
- All the 'we want you think this is a "300" sequel is a huge turnoff as Tarsem Singh has never made a movie that bad.
- someone on my twitter feed said it looked like a perfume ad. And well...
- "FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT" -- that's actual dialogue!" don't people ever get tired of That One Scene where the hero gets frothy at the mouth and hoarse of throat while rallying the bloodlust?
- I was an early champion of Mickey Rourke's comeback (thought he deserved awards attention for Sin City) but I'm not sure about the tone of the acting here. Feels way too modern. Looking at his nails after a kill? Really?
- how much studio interference was there with Tarsem's visions. He seems like the kind of uncommercial director that they'd mess with. In which case is this one of those rare times when someone needs a studio to fine tune their outre impulses or someone is merely drained of their genius with too many pushy external voices weighin in.
So I'm... Deathly Hallows: No (but i'll see it for completion), Apes: Maybe So (wait for reviews), and Immortals: Yes (but completely conflicted about it and I won't be surprised if it's terrible.)
Sound off in the comments. Are you a yes, no or maybe so? or do you reject categorization this time out?