A Gynecological Weekend
Friday, October 25, 2013 at 6:00PM Three makes a trend, right? This weekend will open to you like an oyster. No... not like an oyster. The weekend will open to you like a magnificent vagina.
1. I must begin by warning you away from Ridley Scott's The Counselor. It's quite nihilistically repulsive despite elements you'd think would add up to an enjoyable watch, particularly Cameron Diaz's cheetah-obsessed bad girl. In one of the film's best moments -- and I use the term "best" only in the sense of grading on a curve -- Cameron spread-eagles on the windshield of her car. I'm sure Cameron Diaz has beautiful lady parts but, rather amusingly, her screen boyfriend Javier Bardem seems less aroused than shell-shocked. He finds the moment difficult to recover from describing it, dumbfounded, as "gynecological"
2. Not one to miss out on an impending internet meme, Jennifer Lawrence's big moment in the X-Men Days of Future Past teaser of a teaser is a spread eagle attack.
3. Finally... the coveted ticket this weekend is the Cannes winning Blue is the Warmest Color, finally opening up to you. In this three hour lesbian romantic drama Léa Seydoux and Adele Exarchoupolos get naked (but for their prosthetic vaginas) for an explicit seven minute sex scene... a sex scene that so excited Cannes-watchers that the length of the scene was widely misreported to be twenty minutes. Despite my genuine love of sapphic drama I've managed to miss every critics screening so I'm seeing it this weekend with the masses.
Happy spelunking!
Reader Comments (27)
so Nate what did you think of Diaz's performance / character ? was she a good bad girl or a bad bad girl lol .
So sad that Lea and the director are now feuding... I think he's being rather ridiculous though.
Wait, why why why would they film a fight scene like THAT for Mystique?? COME ON. Does this mean she has no bits? Does she have blue bits that are rendered invisible by the speed of motion? How much time did JLaw have to spend in the makeup chair getting her vagina made up for this one shot?? And anyway, isn't that the LAST place you want to expose in the middle of a fight??
I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO CONTEMPLATE MYSTIQUE'S LADY PARTS WHEN I WATCH XMEN MOVIES JUST DO ANOTHER COOL MOVE UGHHH.
Roeper gave The Counselor four stars in the Sun Times. There goes his last shred of credibility. Nathan, do you think Diaz can still pull off an Oscar nod?
I think that Diaz prediction is over
I'm on a winning streak: Gloria, Gravity, Captain Phillips and now, La vie d'Adéle. I just saw it. I'l wait for your review, but let me just say that I'm amazed.
@Peggy Sue--Sing it sister!
Kidman almost made it in for The paperboy and that was an enjoyable pulpy mess too,so Diaz could get in,i say she has a better chance for Annie next yr.
I think I need to let it rest a little bit more. Right now, I feel crushed in a strange way. I don't like to use expressions like "turning point", but I'm tempted with this one.
Damn. I was really hoping The Counselor would get an endorsement from you and end up being something akin to The Paperboy. I still want to see it, but I'm less enthusiastic about it now after the, not exactly unexpected, critical response.
@Peggy Sue--Never understood the need for a settling period more than in the few days after my screening of that movie. Totally unnerving experience, but in the best of ways for me. Even two weeks later, I'm still finding new things to think about in it.
Blue is actress heaven. You'll love it. :)
Well, it was just two hours ago! Generally speaking, the more I like it the more I feel I need to let it settle. I don't trust my senses much ;)
The wildly - WILDLY - diverging reviews for The Counselor have actually elevated it to a must see, for me. I was feeling pretty meh about it based on the trailers and clips that have been released, but if it is as genius/crazy/awful as various reviews suggest, then I absolutely have to check it out!
Re: X-Men, pretty sure J-Law was wearing a suit this time, but still - weird choice.
I don't trust the reviews for Bluel. I saw Keciche's last film, Black Venus, one of the most unbearably brutal slogs I've ever sat through. It was good, don't get me wrong, but punishing in a way that very few movies have been. Three hours of lesbians falling in and out of love, from this director, sounds like a potentially treacherous adventure.
there are gifs online of 'the scene' in "blue is the warmest color" (I love the english title) and it looks... quite interesting! audience reaction reports should be interesting.
@Roark--I'd say punishing is about the absolute last word I would use to describe Blue Is The Warmest Color. It's the kind of movie you want to live in.
I am willing to give The Counselor a chance when its defenders compared it to last year's Killing Them Softly, which was in my top 20 last year and has risen steadily up my rankings. Screw that 'F' cinemascore, that film was expertly crafted and featured some of my favorite acting turns last year. That the script is written by Cormac McCarthy already had me expecting nihilism.
As someone whose #1 of last year was KILLING THEM SOFTLY, I don't see much in the comparison. They both have long monologues, yes, but those in THE COUNSELOR say absolutely nothing at all other than to telegraph the brutality to come later. Ugh. And as great as Diaz is (and to a smidgen of a lesser degree, Penelope Cruz who has nothing to do but does it wonderfully) the rest of the film is so bizarrely unfocused that she merely sticks out as a bright spot rather than a shining emblem of the film like Kidman was in THE PAPERBOY (a film every bit as absurd as she and it new it).
After watching it with Nathaniel I mentioned how it just made me want to watch WILD THINGS to remember how to do that sort of pulpy thriller with elements of erotica and absurdity and do it well. Both Cormac McCarthy and Ridley Scott are reserved when they needed to just go for it or try and be a serious movie. Trying to have their cake and eat it too, in a way. They want the novelty but are afraid to go all the way.
If Kidman couldn't make it in in a very slim year where there were only six genuinely viable contenders, I can't imagine Diaz getting in.
I'm really looking forward to reading your reactions to Blue. I was hopelessly in love with it -- wishing it would go on and on (those three hours just flew by!). It's my favourite film of the year.
Don't forget Ridley's brother died during shooting maybe he wasn't as focused.
The Counselor -- The trailer was horrendous. I never expected much.
La vida d'Adéle -- I can't stop thinking about it
@Sid & @Peggy Sue--Such a relief to see other people rocked by it. For a while I thought I was going crazy.
@ Thefilmjunkie --- re: but I'm less enthusiastic about it now after the, not exactly unexpected, critical response.
On the contrary, the critical bashing of THE COUNSELOR (36 % on rotten tomatoes) IS pretty unexpected. I think most people expected another No Country For Old Men.
But I've always found Ridley Scott to be completely overrated as a filmmaker. And Cormac McCarthy, while a great novelist, is not neccessarily a great screenwriter.
But I'm still gonna see it, I love all-style-and-no-content-nihilistic-trash.
Ieven liked The Paperboy better than The Counselor... too bad ... I wa looking for a nom for Diaz
OK, so I saw The Counselor and I am now officially confused by the negative reviews. I thought it was AMAZING! Cameron Diaz is just brilliant and I loved the ending.
"I think most people expected another No Country For Old Men."
That is a really hard thing to do for any filmmaker.
It sounds like a hot mess.