True Blood 4.3 "If You Love Me..."

Another Monday, another day spent thinking about last night's True Blood eppy. My favorite B story thread this season is definitely Arlene's devil baby so we must begin with my single favorite shot in the episode. The little monster slobbering all over Jessica's Capital C Creepy family heirloom doll.

He's so cute. Don't you just want to procure victims for him and grind them up into mushy baby food?

"If You Love Me, Why Am I Dyin'?" is a solid episode but can't help but feel like a smidgeon of a comedown after last week's instant classic in which Eric was robbed of his memories by the new witch coven led by Marnie (Fiona Shaw). This week's episode provided several fun moments and some promising future-implications but the plot mostly was little beats in which characters were trying to decide how to deal with the major events of the previous episode: where should Sooki hide Eric? is Tara getting sucked back in for good? will Lafayette's fear of Eric continue to get everyone in trouble? who is Pam going to eat if she gets too angry? exactly what is Marnie channeling?

Cheers: True Blood is giving both Lafayette and Tara more subtle emotions to play this season.

The major B story his season appears to be Jason's stud captivity in that redneck nightmare village (they mean to use him to sire new werepups). Someone rescue him!

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"Sookiiiiiieee"

It's sounds pornographic when Bill & Eric say it, right?

Are you watching tomorrow night? If so make sure to chime in when we get to Monday's review. Previously on True Blood recaps "She's Not There" and "You Smell Like Dinner"

True Blood 4.2 "You Smell Like Dinner"

Last week on True Blood I bemoaned the scattershot expository-heavy nature of the season 4 premiere but Holy Recovery. This show must have taken a hit of "V" last week because it came on supernaturally strong in the second episode of the season. If they keep this up we could be looking at a peak season. The show managed to pull at least a third of its characters (can we hope for two thirds?) back into a central plot (the emergence of a powerful new witch coven) in organic ways. It's the kind of braided multi-strand narrative that the best television series thrive on and which newly fanatical Game of Thrones watchers are going to eventually realize will never ever happen again on their new favorite show ever -- unless the production team ditches the source material for original stories -- but let's not get sidetracked!

What were those vamp whores up to this week?

'You want to call me that again?'

"You Smell Like Dinner" covers as much recap ground in its first half as "She's Not There" did in its entire hour while actually advancing the story. Jason is being held captive by his were-panther community and we learn why. The vampires at Fangtasia are still beset by Right Wing Christian groups -- Pam gets a particularly choice zinger in before hot-headed Hoyt gets a pumelling. Sam's shapeshifter friends become more interesting, particularly Luna. Eric continues his takeover of Sookie's house and life. He calls her "saucy" which is an impressively perfect word choice on behalf of the screenwriters given that it's 100% accurate, a bit old fashioned (he's hundreds of years old) and English isn't his native tongue.

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True Blood 4.1: "She's Not There"

Bill still makes her red eyed and weepyLet the Season 4 premiere of HBO's hit series True Blood be a lesson to all future showrunners. This is what happens when your show has introduced non-integrated plotlines for each and every member of a huge ensemble cast. This is what happens when you try a time jump so popular post Battlestar Galactica and don't trust the audience to just reconfigure the pieces on their own.  This is what happens when you back yourself into storylines that maybe weren't good ideas to begin with. I speak of Jason Stackhouse becoming the paterfamilia (of sorts) for a whole den of barely human hilbillies and a certain reveal about our heroine. To quote Sookie (Anna Paquin) herself with the same annoyed/surprised/this-is-stupid inflection from the Season 3 climax...

I'm a fairy?

And what is it that's happened, exactly?

The show's premiere episode "She's Not There" proved to be a random disjointed mess, forced to spend the entire hour on reintroductions to every character since we've missed a whole year of their lives (as has Sookie). I can't speak for television ratings but if True Blood hadn't already peaked in terms of the number of fangbangers gathered for each episode, this premiere had garlic all over it. Wouldn't it automatically repel new viewers?

Fairy-Land

"She's Not There" kicks off with a weirdly dull and anachronistic (for this show) opening. Sookie is trapped (though she doesn't yet know it) in an alternate fairy dimension which looks like a gaudy Maxfield Parrish knock-off painting with no-budget set dressing. Sookie doesn't eat the glowing fruit which turns out to be a good idea -- the side effects are both nasty and uglifying.

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Red Carpet Lineup: Four On Blondes

Nathaniel: hey you!
Jose:  sir
Nathaniel: Time for a total quickie Red Carpet Convo.

We just have four blondes today starting with LUCY PUNCH at the premiere of Bad Teacher. There's something about this look (is it the seven bracelets?) that makes me think she's taken her gawdy character in You Will Meet A Tall dark Stranger to heart. (I have yet to see Bad Teacher...)

Lucy Punch, Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, and Evan Rachel Wood

Jose:  Is it me or does Lucy look like a more wholesome version of Gaga?
Nathaniel:  Wholesome is not what i think of when i think of Punch so maybe it's ME who has taken her comic characters to heart?
Jose:  something about her bone structure...but yes, the bracelets and heels, yikes, very Pretty Woman
Nathaniel:  Pretty Woman before it was Disneyfied... $3000 !
Jose:  lol
Nathaniel:  I don't understand what CAMERON DIAZ is wearing. Like, not just the cut but the material itself. What is it? Apparently there was a black & white & blonde & leggy theme at the Bad Teacher premiere.
Jose:  it looks like her mesh t-shirt got attacked by pins from here, but let's not kid ourselves, everyone's just staring at her legs anyway
Nathaniel: I was actually staring at the bracelet wondering if it could deflect bullets but I am very gay.
Jose: Maybe she's trying to steal the Wonder Woman thunder from our Christina!
Nathaniel: (I think we should all except that there won't be a big screen Wonder Woman.)
Jose: I do wish Cameron would do something different with her hair sometime though. we get it, you're sporty and surfy and whatnot but find a freaking iron sister
Nathaniel: ♪ ♫ She's as free as her hair She's as free as her hair. She is her hair. She is her hair. ♪

Doesn't it seem like a trillion years ago that Cameron Diaz and KATE WINSLET were actually co-stars in a romantic comedy. Ohmygod maybe-it-never-happened-at-all?
Jose:  I'd been trying to forget The Holiday for years, thank you for rekindling that trauma

Oooh is Kate wearing the classy lady version of Cam's dress?

Nathaniel:  I don't know but I have to say that it's both fierce AND fugly. That midriff detailing is so... is she expecting the postman to deliver bulk mail?
Jose:  LOL Actually I loved it for very odd reasons it's a Victoria Beckham dress. and I remembered when i was 12 how I loved Kate and how the British press was always making her try to be as skinny as Posh Spice, so I see her in this dress as kick-ass cosmic retribution
Nathaniel:  the 12 year old in you rejoices.

Also this dress on Kate… David Cronenberg would salivate. It's very eXistenZ "portal" and... well, I can't look at it for too long. Disturbing.
Jose:  thanks to you now I'm expecting Jude Law to emerge from it (Holiday reunion?)
Nathaniel:  LOL. Speaking of emerging from Kate Winslet (ba dum dum chhhh)... Next we have her evil incarnate spawn from "Mildred Pierce" at the "True Blood" premiere.
Jose:  ...channeling Hayden Panettiere by way of "Express Yourself"
Nathaniel:  When you put it that way I suddenly love the look not.

And I was just about to say that I liked it.
Jose:  EVAN RACHEL WOOD always wears odd things to premieres, last True Blood premiere  she did a librarian sort of thing that everyone hated.
Nathaniel:  I was going to compare this to one of Dazzler's looks from the X-Men comics but I realize that would be like the 4th time I've gone there this summer. There is something very wrong with me. I apologize.
Jose:  uh-oh, she would make an awesome Dazzler though

poll by twiigs.com

Nathaniel: Anyway I kind of love it because it makes me think that I don't fully understand Evan Rachel Wood yet and that's always a good feeling when it comes to young actresses. Surprise us or risk replacement! There are a gigajillion young blondes eager for your spot.
Jose:  Totally. When it comes to the freaky, what-will-she-do-now department, Marilyn Manson did good by her. And her smile made me forget how much I hate her as Veda Pierce too
Nathaniel:  her or the character?
Jose:  o Veda, I hate all incarnations of that tramp but Evan's was especially easy to loathe.
Nathaniel:  but that's the point!
Jose:  I know but I was worried I'd hate Evan too afterwards. Hopefully True Blood will make me forget all about her
Nathaniel:  Veda. You know you're trouble when undead soulless bloodsuckers have more soul.