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« Oscar Horrors: Johnny Depp Is Empty in “Sweeney Todd” | Main | Have You Caught Up to Amazon's "Fleabag" »
Sunday
Oct302016

re: Isabelle Huppert's e-mails

by Nick Davis

Why did I hack into Isabelle Huppert's e-mails?  I mean, I do feel bad about it, and I didn't even swipe that much.  But if forced to state my reasons:

1. On a long Friday night, I was innocently taking a writing break from some essay revisions, only to discover that everybody is still all about digging into everybody's emails.  So, right there, I can plead temporary insanity... though I admit it made me curious if there's anyone whose e-mails I would illicitly want to read.

2. During the same writing break, I was confronted with the info that Nathaniel and Jessica Chastain, who are now on bestie/hugging terms, had spent the day cooing to each other about Isabelle Huppert, as sensible people do.  And then I thought: well, there's someone whose e-mails are probably pretty interesting...

3. Hillary and Isabelle were already linked in my mind because right after my friend Anna and I saw Ellewhich is amazing, but still not as amazing as Isabelle's other current movie, Anna turned to me and reflected about the protagonist, "She was so incredibly controlling. She really wanted to master everything around her, including her own rape. I think this movie is about who Donald Trump thinks Hillary Clinton is: power-mad, successful, disliked even by her own underlings, amoral, sexually debased but somehow complicit in that debasement."  Which is pretty genius.  (This is the director's cut of Anna's comment, which I had to abbreviate for Twitter.)

4. Once I became interested in Isabelle's private correspondence, it was just a short leap to the idea that I should visit WikiLeaks, which is such an uncontaminated, unimpeachable, undisturbing source for blithely unfiltered stolen goods information that the whole world needs. 

click to embiggenclick to embiggen

 

I was disappointed to only find two e-mails from Isabelle, but hey, that's two more than I found from Trump or Putin!  Which is the kind of thing that really makes you think.  Anyway, technically they hacked her e-mails and I only made fair use of what they had provided, with their famously excellent, morally pristine ethos of customer service.  I'm sure if I keep digging, I'll find more, and then we can really know what went down on that Huckabees set.  But for now, we'll have to pore with rabbinical care over these texts and glean every nuance and morsel we can from them.  Oh, but one more thing! --


5. I am happy that, having now ascertained Isabelle's e-mail address as well as Paul Verhoeven's, I can contact them directly about my brilliant post-screening epiphany.

 

 

 

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Reader Comments (20)

Masterpiece! Most hilarious article I've read this week

October 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterStefano

I can't even begin to pick a favorite thing about this -- i would need a top 10, nay a top 20 but one sure candidate would the email addresses. Laughing so much my cheeks hurt which is a great feeling if not "lacerating" Je m'excuse Isabelle!

October 30, 2016 | Registered CommenterNATHANIEL R

I'm loving this article, including your friend's comment on Michelle.
But, truly, Sharon was so amazing as Catherine that even La Huppert can't match that performance.

PS: Isabelle's behavior in that leaked (word of the year?) video from the I <3 Huckabees set is an infinite source of CAPTION THIS.

October 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJames T

:)

I was personally proudest of "different-places.net"

October 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNick Davis

Oh, this was fantastic

October 30, 2016 | Unregistered Commentercal roth

joaquinfan1969@yahoo.com hahaha

October 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJesse T

Only a true actressexual could have done this. Brilliant!

October 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBVR

I this American humour,I am from the UK and I don't get it,was I meant to laugh.

October 30, 2016 | Unregistered Commentermarkgordon

I've said once Michèle becomes her cat in ELLE and Nick...oops, sorry, pianiste01@gmail seems to agree with me!! :)

October 30, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterchofer

Standing ovation.

October 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterV.

It's the Map of the Sounds of Tokyo shade that really got me even though I've never seen it.

October 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAR

They say James Gray called her a "fascist bitch".

(Personally, I'll never understand how they snubbed the best movie in that competition, The Time That Remains)

October 30, 2016 | Unregistered Commentercal roth

LOL even looking at the winners, the line up has such a distinct Huppert taste.

October 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCraver

DIFFERENTPLACES.NET!!!!

This is brilliant.

October 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterGlenn

Bite your tongue...only Sharon Stone is Catherine Tramel.

October 31, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSoSue

Of course these emails threw into a deep Wikipedia hole of Cannes juries and awards. So Huppert gave best actress to Gainsbourg who was in the Liv's jury that awarded her best actress.

October 31, 2016 | Registered CommenterMurtada Elfadl

@Murtada: Ha! I never caught that!

October 31, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNick Davis

This is one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me.

November 1, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterCharlieG

Thank You For Sharing information for your blog.

September 4, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterIndia Result 2018

Great Article! i really appreciate this posts. This issue has and still is so important and you have addressed it so Informative.

October 28, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterFreshers Job

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