Poker with Molly & Wrestling with Brie -- onward to the Globes!
Sunday, January 7, 2018 at 5:48PM by Nathaniel R
A silly and serious Globes preamble. We won't be live-blogging the Globes tonight though we'll do as much as possible tomorrow for a recap so until then one serious thought and two silly ones. We're heading into an unusual season when Hollywood is in a very serious mood due to the sexual harassment scandals. Awards shows aren't all that well-equipped to be serious as their format is inherently celebratory and "fun". That comes partially from the practice of comedians as hosts but it's there in the basic DNA since each awards night is a long and glitzy 'you get a prize and you get a prize and you get a prize' parade of the rich and beautiful and famous. In times when Hollywood curtails the glamour to address a serious crisis (like a new war for example or the lack of gender parity in Hollywood) it can come across as merely glum. It's as if the entertainment industry has crises of identity whenever they think people don't want escapist diversions but direct addresses to their ills.
Our theory is that people actually want both (which is why we try to balance the fun and the serious here in film conversations) and the celebrities that are best equipped to actually deal with tonight's mood are probably the celebrities who are inherently "fun" but can also turn deadly serious without feeling like a buzzkill. Or, in other words: Meryl Streep. Rescue us Meryl.
One area we know will be atypical (at least) is the red carpet...
Many actresses are planning to wear black tonight in #MeToo solidarity / resistance to end Hollywood's sexual harrassment culture. Curiously there's also been talk of men joining them in wearing all black and though its unkind to judge anyone's intent when they fight for worthy causes, this last bit rankles in concept. Men almost always wear black to awards shows so this "solidarity" carries the risk of looking like the emptiest gesture of all time in a time when empty gestures are their own kind of epidemic. But that's a topic for another time. For those of you who long for the glamour of traditional red carpets, don't feel bad about yourself. Vox has a stunning interview up with the Go Fug Yourself girls in which they address the debates that always rage in serious times as to whether red carpets and fashion are frivolous. [Hint: they're not if you do them right!]
And now on to silly fun before you hit your viewing parties! We asked Team TFE and friends to address the two following scenarios in honor of Molly's Game and Glow.
SCENARIO: Jessica Chastain hosts a poker game with all the Lead Actress nominees. Who wins? Who sucks at bluffing?
Jazz Tangcay: Chastain watches. Streep wins. Williams folds. Hawkins thinks she has a full house, but Streep has the royal flush!
Nick Davis: Frances McDormand wins AND sucks at bluffing. Imagine Frances McDormand bluffing. Though she did describe Ben Davis's cinematography of Three Billboards as exceptional in an interview, so I guess she can fib with the best of 'em. She gives herself good cover with all that straight talk, the other 99% of the time.
Guy Lodge: Sally Hawkins wins quietly, just because everyone assumes she's so guileless. Mirren gesticulates so hammily that she accidentally reveals her hand to everyone.
Ilich Mejia: Mirren wins. She was in between Robbie and McDormand's ham the whole time, so no one even noticed she was playing.
Glenn Dunks: Helen Mirren wins with a dud hand because her wigs and accents distract everybody. Emma Stone has the best hand, but bows out early because she's run out of chips to play. Judi Dench never bothers to show up, but Jessica invited her anyway. Sally Hawkins never says a word, rarely wins, yet somehow comes out even steven. Michelle Williams just makes All the Money in the World puns to disguise the fact that people are suspicious of her being there.
Jorge Molina: Frances McDormand has the best poker face anyone there has ever seen. Margot, Saoirse and Emma are just glad to be included but they're still getting the hang of it. Judi Dench is not what she used to be; she wins a few hands but has gotten rusty. Michelle Williams has never played poker in her life, and Sally Hawkins spends the entire game trying to teach her. At the end, it's a battle between Helen and Meryl, with Helen winning it allbecause of her ruthlessness. Playing The Queen has finally paid off for her.
Chris Feil: Fran cuts out early and heads to the bar. Jess politely explains the game to Michelle all night, losing focus and the hand. Meryl leads most of thenight, but wrongly suspects Sally of bluffing and never recovers. Sally wins.
Who do you think wins this poker match readers, and why?
In honor of GLOW... Who would emerge victorious if you threw all the nominated TV actresses in the wrestling ring with Alison Brie from GLOW?
Nick Davis: I don't really know what you're talking about, but I suspect Reese is a scrapper. Ann Dowd, too. High likelihood Susan Sarandon winds up in a headlock or worse, from almost any corner.
Salim Garami: Susan Sarandon looks like she's seen some shit, so my money is on her.
Dancin Dan: Something tells me Susan Sarandon would go all out in a wrestling match.
Katey Rich: I would never bet against Reese Witherspoon.
Guy Lodge: Nicole Kidman, because she emerges victorious in most aspects of life.
Matthew Rettemund: I hope Alison would win, to give "GLOW" some props.
Kim Rogers: Listen, don't mess with Caitriona Balfe. Have you SEEN what she's had to deal with on Outlander?
Jorge Molina: As with wrestling, it doesn't matter who wins. I now need a "GLOW" type show with all these actresses coupling up and take on one another. Issa Rae against Shailene. Pamela Adlon taking on Michelle Pfeiffer in a Grease 2 reunion. Elisabeth Moss versus Nicole. Ann Dowd and Jessica Lange. Please, who do I pitch this to?
Lynn Lee: No question Reese Witherspoon's Maddie ("Big Little Lies") would come out on top of that heap. That woman will go for the kill every time.
YOUR TURN READERS. WHO WINS IN THE WRESTLING RING?
HAVE FUN TONIGHT!
Reader Comments (20)
God love E! Channel for still fawning all over the actresses attire despite the all black statement. Cluelessly missing the point
In a wrestling match, Jessica Biel wins. That woman got ripped for her superhero roles.
Poker game Chastian wins. As nice a person as she is, Chastain is a work horse making 5 movies a year. Homegirl likes to win.
I liked Debra Messing calling out E! while being interviewed by E! lol
Frances is getting her second Oscar.
I can't believe 3 Billboards win almost everything. Damn.
Definitely rooting for Guillermo at the Oscars.
YES ALLISON JANNEY!
Loving the BLL lovefest!!!!!
Three Billboards is the Aaron Taylor Johnson of this year.
I actually think Three Billboards is the La La Land of this year. It's a movie that audiences loved during the festival season that ends up doing well with the Globes and now the internet hates it with a perverse passion.
I also want a movie starring Angelina Jolie & Isabelle Huppert NOW.
One thing is certain though: Gary Oldman is locked and loaded for Oscar. Sad for Timothée Chalamet, but this was really the only place he stood a shot.
I haven't seen Three Billboards and was wondering if it is anything like No Country For Old Men .....WHICH I ABSOLUTELY HATED! I don't want to waste $22 seeing another shit Oscar winning film. p.s. I don't think Lady Bird and Three Billboards have the oscars all locked up. One thing for certain , we will definitely see the Best Picture and Director going to two different films again.
Says Bette: "One thing for certain , we will definitely see the Best Picture and Director going to two different films again,"
Agree, and if the past is any indication, what with two films directed by Black directors winning Best Picture recently, but those Black directors themselves being snubbed, we'll probably have something like... Best Picture: "Lady Bird" and Best Director: one of those white guys (or del Toro).
Is Shape of Water really out of the running for BP? It ticks a lot of boxes, Del Toro seems to be a shoo-in for BD, and I'm just not sold on either Lady Bird or Ebbing taking it. Somehow I'm not surprised the Hollywood Foreign Press ate up Ebbing. I liked it too. But it just doesn't read Oscar winner to me yet. I'm hoping McDormand does take it though...she was phenomenal.
Well the good thing is the TV choices are generally great IMO.
Supporting actress is the only one category I have no problem with I Tonya winning, so YAY to the wonderful Alison Janney.
Billboards winning that much though is such a cringe fest, but I guess u can't expect hfpa to not mess up at all.
How gratifying that The Post lost in all categories:)
BD : I hope you're right.
Robbie was the last one piece to make these awards really hated for you Nath. Oldman, 3 Billboards, Franco, Janney... This is probably a long season.
3 Billboards actually strikes me as more of a The Revenant. (Festival run and “backlash” notwithstanding. It’s not Globes backlash; it’s a bad film.) A leading actor Oscar vehicle that’s unfortunately totally tone-deaf.
Metcalf and Dafoe's losses feel shocking but also, kind of...on the nose.
Nat—general trivia question. I'm trying to recall Oscar losers who won four or more big critics awards. Virginia Madsen in Sideways (BFCA, NSFC, LAFCA, NYFCC) came to mind. Ditto Amy Ryan for Gone Baby Gone (BFCA, LAFCA, NBR, NYFCC).
And Pfeiffer in Baker Boys (LAFCA, NBR, NYFCC, NSFC) of course.
Metcalf would join this club if she wins the BFCA and loses the Oscar; Dafoe will have all five if he wins the BFCA—and could potentially lose the Oscar.
Stupidest piece in the history of your blog, going back to the film bitch days. Yikes.
I love poker AND wrestling so I will probably need a year to answer this. Reese wins the wrestling match but only as a sneaky heel.
Thank you for the presentation of gambling clubs Jessica Bosworth. Attractive list of online casinos, suits me. I have selected a few of them to play where the games are more fascinating. And I also liked the interesting special bonuses called "Refer a Friend" or "Invite a Friend", it's just kind of novelty in gambling, I haven't seen it before.
I would love to play poker with Jessica and in principle, the film Molly's Game turned out to be very successful. I have heard a lot of positive feedback.