I Am Number Four's Power Apps

Have any of you seen I Am Number Four? In a brain dead mood -- it's summer, it happens -- it was watched right here. At first I thought I might write up a whole review. Its jumbled five or six films in one chaos might be worth savaging as it continually reveals itself as a member of the  "we're making this shit up as we go along!" school of storytelling. Pettyfer is number four of a race of escapee aliens who are being hunted on Earth by their old nemesis and they're being killed in numerical order. I'll give you one guess as to how many of them are already dead.

Number three is dead.

Good guess!

I knew nothing about I Am Number Four's origins but immediately assumed it was based on a comic or graphic novel due to its continual expository mythology. All this for one stand alone feature? It must have fuller origins elsewhere. 

But in the end the movie is too disposable and harmless to be mean to. So let's just focus on the troublesome pet peeve: Alex Pettyfer's Magic Hands.

Pettyfer knows he's an alien and he knows he's number four but he doesn't actually understand his own powers yet and strange things keep happening to his body, like pulsing blue light from his hands. Pettyfer is a bit too, um, well-developed for I Am Number Four to double property as a puberty metaphor but it seems to be trying anyway. Once he starts using those hands his powers seem limitless. His hands are always ready with some solution: lock-picking, energy blasts, heat generation, super strength, you name it. At one point when he just decides to use them as flashlights in a dark room where key exposition secrets are hidden we had to add our own dialogue from the couch: "I've got an app for that, too!"

There's just nothing those mitts can't do.

Note to all filmmakers of this and Green Lantern and anyone taking on any future heroes with undefined powers: it doesn't work. If your hero's gifts are never defined there are no stakes. You can't push them to their limits for a dramatic climax if you've never given any indication that they have any. Think it over. 

Box Office: Dark of the Horrible Zookeeper's Moon

I've got those whirling clanking gear-spinning metallic vibration noises clogging my brain today. Thanks a lot Greg P. Russell! ;) The 14 time Oscar nominated mixer had another epic job to perform with Transformers Dark of the Moon and how. Will he finally win the Oscar? Stay tuned.

Yes, readers I did see the latest Michael Bay spectacle. After that shot of glossy violent shot of testosterone I watched Far From Heaven and The Lady Eve back to back as schizophrenic counter-balance.  What did you see this weekend?

Weekend Box-Office (Estimates)
figures via box office mojo

01 TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON new $47.1 (cum. $261)
02 HORRIBLE BOSSES new $28.3
03 ZOOKEEPER new $20 
04 CARS 2  $15.2 (cum. $148.8)
05 BAD TEACHER $8.9 (cum. $78.6)


Nation Somehow Failed To Predict Attack By Michael Bay


06 LARRY CROWNE  $5.9 (cum. $26.1)
07 SUPER 8 $4.8 [thoughts] (cum. $118)
08 MONTE CARLO $3.8 (cum. $16.1)
09 GREEN LANTERN $3.1 [review] (cum. $109.7)
09 MR POPPER'S PENGUINS $3.1 (cum. $58)

Number two, bitch.Talking Points: Transformers is now the top US hit of 2011, outgrossing The Hangover Part 2 and Pirates of the Caribbean Part Another One. Worldwide grosses paint a different surprising picture of the film year with Pirates way out front of everything having grossed a billion dollars and Fast Five the second biggest hit of the year with over half a billion. I did not know this. Everyone loves action movies starring cars I guess. But regardless of how you count beans it's a sequel world out there. It's shocking when anything original breaks through.

Meanwhile Bridesmaids and Midnight in Paris, which had both been hanging on to the top ten despite being two months old (the box office equivalent of senior citizens) finally slipped out. Even though they're losing theaters each week they still have tinier percentile drops than any other pictures indicating that word of mouth continues to draw in the curious... or maybe repeat visitors? 

First and Last, On Our Own

the first and last images from a motion picture.

and the first and last lines (both in voiceover) for another clue.

first: look at yourselves...
last: It appears, at least for now, that we are on our own. 

Can you guess the movie? Check your work after the jump

Click to read more ...

"The Link! The Link!"

My New Plaid Pants Meet Brienne, who'll be very important on Game of Thrones. Eventually.
Critical Condition asks what it will take to get Ewan McGregor an Oscar nomination? We've been asking this for years. He ought to have at least two by now (Moulin Rouge! and Trainspotting)
Tom Shone makes a sound ExPat confession about Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. Heh.
Frankly My Dear remembers Richard Linklater's Slacker for its 20th.
Pajiba Peter Dinklage (Game of Thrones) will play Hervé "the plane! the plane!" Villechaize in the biographical My Dinner With Hervé. Like Pajiba I don't see a resemblance at all but Dinklage is a great actor so we wish him all the best in the role.
Sunset Gun recommends Over the Edge with Matt Dillon as a great time capsule and timeless rebellion teen film. I haven't seen this one but I'm now intrigued.
PopMatters I'm not going anywhere near Zookeeper but I'm finding the reviews somewhat interesting in a staring through thick glass kind of way. This one wonders which voice actor has the worst job in the film. That's a good question! 

Several blogs have been noting the revision of the Straw Dogs poster -- the original version is to your right where Alexander Skarsgård is mysteriously inside of or ramming into James Marsden's eye (ouch!) rather than reflected in his glasses. Poster design is so half-assed these days, right? It looks much better (to your left) now all black and white and reflected. BUT while they were revising shouldn't they have come up with their own design rather than just recreating the original poster from the 70s Dustin Hoffman film?

Poster design is just so frustrating in Hollywood. The internet reminds us every single day --  and usually several times an hour -- that there are abundant graphic artists out there with the talent to make this another golden age of movie poster design and it just never quite happens. Hollywood, which runs on images, doesn't trust the visual literacy of its clients.

Maybe they shouldn't. I mean I'm sure you've all heard someone look at the rare illustrated movie poster and say "is that a cartoon?" but it's still sad-making.

488 Days Until "Bond 23"

It's been three years since we last saw Bond, James Bond but his licence to kill never expires. Neither financial difficulties --such as those experienced by his parent studio -- nor frequent cosmetic surgery (Connery to Lazenby to Moore to Dalton to Brosnan to Craig) can retire 007. His licence will be renewed all over again on November 9th, 2012 or thereabouts. That's the tentative release date for the as yet untitled Bond 23.

Thankfully everyone's favorite secret agent will still look like Daniel Craig when he returns (and presumably Judi Dench will still be giving him orders). Javier Bardem will be the new supervillain. Ralph Fiennes and Naomie Harris are also supposedly joining the cast in roles both new and familiar (Yay "Moneypenny"!).

No word yet on the number of or identity of the new Bond Girls but they'd better be sensational if they're hoping to pull any attention from that very formidable quintet. 

Sam Mendes (Revolutionary Road) will direct and though he isn't a director that's known for using the same cast frequently, he has worked with his Bond before. Oscar-philes will note that Mendes was one of the earliest directors to give Craig a mainstream attention-grabbing part in Road to Perdition (2002).

It's all so fucking hysterical.
-Daniel Craig as Connor Rooney in Road to Perdition

It must have been hard to cast for Paul Newman's son given the legendary blue eyes. Craig's are crueler than Newman's but good call nonetheless, don't you think?

Are you excited for that the new Bond is back on track? What's your favorite of the 22 films? I've always been partial to Dr. No (1962), On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969), Tomorrow Never Dies (1997 but mostly for Michelle Yeoh) and Casino Royale (2006).