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Monday
May022011

Superboyfriend

may flowers bloom daily at noon

Kal-El is not just Superman, he's  Superboyfriend.  All Lois Lane needs to mention is "woman's touch" and "dinner" and he's not just ordering out, he's flying to far off continents to fetch her munchies and exotic florals to improve the mood.

After dinner, a little suggestive banter...

"I thought we might, uh..." [cork popping]

He's also got Super Bedroom Eyes (x-ray vision, don'cha know).

Lois is a goner.


voila...
Super Dessert!


Superman II is so 1980. Could you imagine a superhero plot now in which a superhero must renounce all his powers to have sex? Although, come to think of it, the most promiscuous heroes -- billionaire playboys Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne -- don't actually have super powers so maybe this plotline is telling.

 

Sunday
May012011

April Showers Bring May Flowers. (Plus: More Film Bitch Nominees)

As illustrated by that pocketful of sunshine, Emma Stone.


April Showers: American History X (1998), How Stella Got Her Groove Back (1998), A Walk on the Moon (1999), South Pacific (1958), Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001), The Long Good Friday (1980), Groundhog Day (1993), A Streetcar Named Desire (1951), The Hurt Locker (2009), I Robot (2004), Single White Female (1992), The Fifth Element (1997) and Shutter Island (2010).

May Flowers: Weekdays at noon. Any suggestions?

oh, okay, okay. I know we can't end without actually watching Emma doing "Pocketful of Sunshine" again. If the entirety of Easy A had been as great as this post-credits opening scene, the movie would have been an A+

P.S. This one-minute delight is nominated in the 2010 FiLM BiTCH Awards for Best Musical Number from a Non-Musical Film. Here's that last page of honorees in progress. Almost finished. Sorry for that weirdly protracted hiatus.

Sunday
May012011

Take Three: Brooke Smith

Craig here (from Dark Eye Socket) with Take Three. Today: Brooke Smith


Take One: Series 7: The Contenders
(2001)
Smith's performance as Dawn “Bloody mama” Lagarto in Daniel Minahan’s Series 7: The Contenders is a goldmine of maternal aggression. Dawn is a risk-taking, self-serving, take-no-prisoners single pregnant woman with a gun and a hit list of new Contenders to wipe out. It's as far from life-affirming as it gets making Dawn the kind of caustically fantastic role that most A-list actresses would give their right arm... to steer clear of. Thank the gods of indie cinema that they gave us Brooke Smith, then. We first see her enter a convenience store to shoot an old guy in the back. “You got any bean dip?” she asks the cashier. The humour is black and she dishes it dry. In one of the film’s sickest/funniest TV-montage parodies we see Dawn slit someone’s throat in a lift, kick a guy downstairs, drown someone else in a toilet and strangle a woman in a car à la Halloween’s Michael Myers, all whilst with a bun in the oven. This is not a rom-com.

Smith exudes confidence as an actress and is completely believable even within the outre satiric prophecies of Series 7. I’d like to see her trade fiery, meaty dialogue with some of today’s cinematic greats; this may not have happened yet because she may somewhat show them up. With its sly undercurrent of political commentary, Series 7 (and, to a lesser extent, its closest imitator, 2005’s Live!) is the kind of film that prods the dark funny bone of anyone who finds the ongoing fad for “reality” TV (now more hatefully extreme then ever) dispiriting and ripe for incisive satire. Ten years on the film retains its grim, acidic bite. In my view, Smith’s performance is one of 2001's very best. Shame Oscar wouldn’t go near it with a barge pole.

Take Two: Melinda and Melinda (2005)
In Woody Allen’s double-plotted Melinda and Melinda Smith gives a supporting turn as friend and confidant of both lead Radha Mitchell’s Melinda and Chloë Sevigny’s Laurel. (She was at it again earlier this year in Fair Game, where she had one group dinner scene and a brief chat with Naomi Watts and was still the best thing about it.) Smith played pregnant Cassie, the only female role (barring bit parts) without her own (sub)plotline. This is a shame as there are mild hints (thanks to Smith) that Cassie has a sly, playful side that would’ve dazzled in a fun, stand-alone narrative strand. Sevigny and Mitchell, both ordinarily very good actresses, give strained, overdramatic performances. That left Smith to bring the goods.

More on Melinda² and, you guessed it, "The Girl in the Pit" after the jump.

Click to read more ...

Saturday
Apr302011

4 Things We Didn't Get Around To Saying This Week...

Which we really meant to. It was a sorry week in time management. So... Let's cover them right quick now.

1. The cast of Moulin Rouge! will be reunited on May 3rd on MTV for the 10th anniversary. The movie's exact anniversary is kind of confusing, so I'm choosing to celebrate the 10th anniversary on June 1st which is the date it went wide. May 30th through June 3rd is MOULIN ROUGE WEEK!

2. Congratulations to Darren Aronofsky for his Venice Film Festival Jury gig. I've always said that artists aren't necessarily the best judges of art so you can't really tell if a brilliant person at any one particular thing will have any brilliance at recognizing the brilliance in others within that same thing (hi sentence. You are too long). Nevertheless, it's always interesting to see which film luminaries the prestige festivals choose and who their jury ends up being.

3. I would pay good money for a way to watch old sitcoms with the laugh tracks removed. Why is this not an option? I literally can't watch anything with a laugh track -- with one or two exceptions -- it just takes me right out of what I'm watching.

4. It was 18 years ago this week that the death of Brandon Lee on the set of The Crow was proclaimed "negligence" That was such a sad creepy movie story back in the early to mid nineties but me and my friend Kevan, who I went to every movie at the time were really obsessed with the movie.

I have a soft spot for the movie (it's set in my hometown on a holiday I always had to explain to people "Devil's Night" once I left Detroit) though it's not exactly a great movie. And I love Brandon Lee in it. So I've been sad to hear about the rethink these past couple of weeks (to star Bradley Cooper?). Although technically a revival of this franchise isn't at all sacrilegious because it's a resurrection myth and there's no reason why the Crow can't keep raising the dead, you know?

Saturday
Apr302011

Sage Advice From the Movies

Always reward correct answers with chocolate!
The next time anybody tells you what you want to hear, give them a candy bar. (Unless that somebody is a dog or an unfortunate human with allergies) Positive reinforcement, baby!

"The Great Lesson: Chocolate, the Ultimate Reward" -Nathaniel Rogers

This worked for Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous Minds. Let that be a lesson to us all!

Any teachers reading? Have you tried this or do you do boring things like give them good grades when they answer well?

I did this drawing for Illustration Friday since the week's theme is "lesson" and the very first thing that came to mind was the ridiculous Dangerous Minds (1995) which I love, don't you? I love chocolate more than just about anything and if "White Bread" Michelle Pfeiffer was tossing it to me for being a good boy I'd probably love it even more.

Next up in the ridiculous teacher genre:
BAD TEACHER with Cameron Diaz. We didn't do a yes no maybe so on that trailer but are you excited for it?