Introducing... Princess Merida

For what seemed like 17 weeks, I kept receiving 'character intro' emails introducing each new set of wheels for Pixar's Cars 2. That's Junk Mail! Even if you're one of those peculiar people who really loved Cars, could you possibly care enough to need weeks upon weeks of rollout images of sad descendants of Herbie the Love Bug (I'm sorry but Herbie > Cars) prior to release? I keep trying to pretend that Cars and its sequel don't exist so that I can enjoy the happy mass delusion that Pixar has never made a dud. Why do they have to make it so hard with the constant marketing. Don't make me think about Cars 2!

Here's a character worth getting a first good look at as seen at the Daily What. It's Princess Merida from BRAVE which will open on June 22nd, 2012.

Yay! She looks a bit like Lil' Orphan Annie but with pupils and warrior skills. And Sandy the dog is a big black horse.

Okay, they don't look a thing alike but we love the gingers at the movies. They're like one big feisty sorority with Julianne Moore as the head sister. Nicole Kidman is constantly having to go through initation and hazing all over again since she can't commit to the red.

Do Androids Dream of Polaroid Film?

I'm dying. Look at this! From the set of Blade Runner!! The internet is a wondrous place!!! (Filled with things worthy of exclamation points, too.) I have no idea if it's freshly revealed or if it's been online forever and it matters not, "Roy Batty" (Rutger Hauer) & "Rachel" (Sean Young), all friendly-like.

from the personal collection of Mary Sean Young

You can see more of such polaroids at Sean Young's home page. Including shots with Harrison Ford and Ridley Scott (both pictured below) as well as plentiful crew members I'm guessing but none of the photos are labelled). [Hat tip to the always enjoyable Natasha VC.]

Once my initial joy expires (maybe in one hour, two?) I'll sniffle at the appropriateness of extinct Replicants captured on extinct Polaroid film.

All these moments will be lost in time, like tears in the rain.

"Bionic"

This brand new short film, from photographer/filmmaker Greg Williams (who won prizes a year ago for that Sergeant Slaughter short with Tom Hardy just discussed), gives newish meaning to the term Bionic Woman. The header says that a sex doll (played by French celebrity Zahia) exercizes her own free will... but it looks just like malfunctioning to me.

Bionic from Greg Williams on Vimeo.

 That shot of her with the banana is just painful (but funny), you know? Is it wrong to interpret her vacant eroticism as satirical commentary on Britney Spears's airheaded marionette carnality?

Android lovers are such a mainstay of science fiction, aren't they? Our two favorites have always been Blade Runner's Pris and A.I.'s Gigolo Joe. But maybe that's because they're two of the only ones in sci-fi movies. (Are they ever going to make a movie of Saturn's Children ... we're guessing no. Too weird and potentially NC-17)  We'll have cars that fly and maybe even teleportation devices before sexbots are a reality; sex is too complicated for scientists!

Speaking of Gigolo Joe... Williams shot Jude Law just last year for Madame Figaro.

We're always hoping that Jude Law has another Talented Mr Ripley in him. If so, when is it coming our way?

Top Ten: Tom Hardy's Back Side

A week ago I just couldn't get myself worked up over the first glimpse of Tom Hardy's back in The Dark Knight Rises. The new pic spread across the internets so fast you'd think his flesh was covered in Lady Gaga tattoos. I couldn't get excited because I'd seen it so many times before with better views; the back, not the shot of "Bane"! Bane once broke Batman's back so it's fitting that we'd see that side of him first. It all comes back to the spine.

So herewith an impromptu top ten random ten shots of Tom Hardy from the back.

10 THE CODE  (2008)
The Code, which often films Tom Hardy from the back as more important characters are viewed from the front while they chat is a prime example of the retroactive casting problem with rising stars. When you watch their pre-ascendance movies, it's totally distracting how little the director notes their presence... as if you should actually care more about the characters who share their scenes. As if!

Stop talking men in suits. Show us the Hardy!

09 STAR TREK: NEMESIS (2002)
One of Hardy's earliest roles was one of his highest profile parts as he puts the nemesis in Nemesis. When Shinzon (Hardy) meets the crew of the Starship, the room is dark and the camera is careful to only show him from behind (or cloaked in shadow) for minutes on end.

You're not at all what we expected you to be.

...Capt. Jean Luc Picard tells him and he doesn't even know how true that is. Turns out Shinzon is actually genetically identitical to Picard, a clone! The antagonist decides to stop playing coy. "Computer bring the lighting up four levels," he says for the dramatic reveal. The lights come up and I think you're supposed to gasp that Tom Hardy LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE Patrick Stewart.

If by exactly like you mean: also bald. Hollywood hates bald people! We all look the same to them.

08 THE DARK KNIGHT RISES
Seen up top. The reason it's not higher is I actually prefer my Hardy with less steroid bulk. Where are the architectural details of a screen body when it's shaped like a brick wall? Give me "Handsome Bob" rather than "Bronson" is what I'm saying... even if Bronson is definitely the... uh... fullest... way to really enjoy your Tom, heartily. To date.

More on Bronson in a bit. Warning: nudity after the jump...

Click to read more ...

If The Elevator Tries To Bring You Down...

GO CRAZY !