Live Blog: Your In-Flight Movie "The Avengers"

The following was written on the flight from New York City to Utah last week as I left on my vacation (and awesome people took over). When I returned home I discovered that The Avengers was reopening on a ton of cinemas for one week only -- Happy Labor Day Weekend -- so I ought not to have strained my neck.

Somewhere in flyover country...

my craned neck view of "The Avengers"

I can't decide which screen to look at. The first one is right in my face (ouch my neck), the other too far from me for its pocket-square size. And another so far it's like looking across the row at someone's cel phone in a bout of nosyness - that won't get you anywhere. This three screen option is one kind of 3-D at least. I have plenty of time to decide which screen to look at because the opening few minutes of The Avengers were never its strong suit. 

The sound mixing is atrocious on airplanes. Also I just realized that I'm listening to the movie in a Spanish dub --  Damn you channel 2. I've switched over to English just in time for meaningless human exposition on Earth. It's not like I would have understood the aliens in any language.  

The Tesseract is misbehaving!"

Samuel L Jackson intones this silly sentence for $500k (he's in so little of this I figure each line delivery is worth ½ a mil) because, you know, everyone understands how a cosmic cube should behave so we all get when it's being a naughty teenager.

Cosmic Cube Rebel ! © Nathaniel R

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Lifeboat of Pi

Despite having not read "Life of Pi" in its previsual form -- I know I know --  I found myself unduly excited this morning seeing this image from the Ang Lee adaptation. Is it because I love cats? Unfilmable books? Ang Lee? All about the above? ☑

24 Frames has an article about it involving a Scorsese/Lee conversation about Lee's 3D learning curve. Here's the image.

Despite his belief in the format, Lee was open about his struggle to adapt to the technology. While filming "Life of Pi," he said, the 3-D cameras were cumbersome, and he compared working with them to "operating a refrigerator." 

I gotta be honest with you. I love Marty Scorsese almost as much as any random film buff but his current incarnation as "Mr. 3D" may lead to divorce. Irreconciliable Differences. I preferred Marty when his cause was film preservation. 3D just takes me out of movies, ironically flattening their visual interest for me. It feels like a straight jacket to me or rather, a toothpick propping my eyes open, forcing me to see things I don't want to see. Maybe I need to use my own imagination to add the depth, I don't know. I just hate it. I keep trying to love it because powerful and great filmmakers like Scorsese and James Cameron (a hero of young me and I still love his movies) will never give up till all movies require glasses.

But 3D just makes the movies less magical for me. Sniffle. I adore Titanic and seeing it in 3D just made it... smaller. It no longer felt like THE MOVIEST OF MOVIES but just "a movie".

I'm only tolerating 3D because I have to. 

Someone toss me a Lifeboat. Life of Pi needs less 3D and more Tallulah! Can I get an amen?

Alfred Hitchcock's LIFEBOAT OF PI

Have any of you read the book? I understand that young "Pi", an Indian boy, finds himself on a boat after a shipwrech with only a hyena, a zebra, an orangutan, and a Bengal tiger. Since only Pi and Shere Khan are in the official image I'm assuming the tiger ate the other animals already?

If I were to be shipwrecked on a boat with four animals those maybe aren't the four animals I'd choose. I'd think I'd go straight herbivore across the board. Not that you can choose in a shipwreck.

But if I had to go with famous movie animals...

Life of NathanielR

Someone to entertain, someone to protect, and someone who might rescue me and look great doing it.

And there's no way it'd be anything but a 2-D picture.

Don't leave me floating in this ocean all alone... Which movie animals could you handle a shipwreck with and have you resigned yourself to movie glasses forever?

Captain the Second (and Hugo Awards. No, Not That Hugo)

The Hugo Awards for science fiction were announced over the weekend. While they mostly focus on literature, they do have one film prize. And the nominees are...

Best Dramatic Presentation (Long Form)
Captain America: The First Avenger, screenplay by Christopher Markus and Stephan McFeely, directed by Joe Johnston (Marvel)
Game of Thrones (Season 1), created by David Benioff and D. B. Weiss; written by David Benioff, D. B. Weiss, Bryan Cogman, Jane Espenson, and George R. R. Martin; directed by Brian Kirk, Daniel Minahan, Tim van Patten, and Alan Taylor (HBO)
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2, screenplay by Steve Kloves; directed by David Yates (Warner Bros.)
Hugo, screenplay by John Logan; directed by Martin Scorsese (Paramount)
Source Code, screenplay by Ben Ripley; directed by Duncan Jones (Vendome Pictures)

Here's a full list of the nominees if you're looking for reading suggestions. 

The Captain America nomination reminded me that another Captain America film was announced for April 4th, 2014 in case you plan two years in advance for your ticket purchases. Titling this one could be challenging. Imagine it: Captain America: The First Avenger... Two!  Captain America: The Second Avenger? I kid. Obviously they'll just go with Captain America 2... because the Marvel Cinematic Universe doesn't get all Batman/DC creative with their titles.

What excuse will they come up with to get the good Captain's shirt off this time? He doesn't have to do any more super serum transformation. Pity. Bonus points to whoever comes up with the best plot point for disrobal in the comments.

Summer 2013 believes in the intricate body suit

While we're on the future blockbuster topic, after the jump is the summer calendar for 2013 and beyond...

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Box Office: Dolly & Queen vs. Cher & Xtina?

I would have been all about Joyful Noise this weekend, had I not been suddenly ill. I even had to miss a bestie's birthday dinner. Boo! I think it's worth noting that Joyful Noise had a nearly identical debut to Burlesque in 2010.

Opening Day
Burlesque (11/24/10) | Joyful Noise (01/13/12)
Weekend Gross
Burlesque $11.9 |  Joyful Noise $11.3
Weekend Rank
Burlesque #4 | Joyful Noise #4
Theater Count
Burlesque 3,037 | Joyful Noise 2,735
Per Screen Average
Burlesque $3,934 |  Joyful Noise  $4,148

Given that Burlesque opened during holiday craziness (lotsa movie-going) and Joyful Noise opened in January's dumping ground, you might have to hand this battle to Joyful Noise. But will it be able to beat Burlesque's final gross of $39.4 domestic / $89.5 international? I say this with the caveat that I have not seen it yet but from the stills and trailer it certainly looks cheaper than Burlesque production wise so perhaps it'll turn out a much tidier profit. I can't imagine that it's better than Burlesque though. But we shall see. Or rather I shall see the second I feel like venturing out into the cold again.

poll by twiigs.com

Takeaway: $11.5 million opening weekends are the new decorative fanciful glass ceiling for dueling multi-media singing divas.

BAKERS DOZEN (Estimates)
01 CONTRABAND  $24.1 new  
02 BEAUTY & THE BEAST 3D  $18.4 rerelease  
03 MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE -  GHOST PROTOCOL $11.5 (cum. $186.7)
04 JOYFUL NOISE  $11.3 new
05 SHERLOCK HOLMES: A GAME OF SHADOWS $8.4 (cum. $170)
06 THE DEVIL INSIDE $7.9 (cum. $46.2)
07 THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO  $6.8 ($87.9)
08 ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS: CHIPWRECKED $5.8  (cum. $118.7)
09 WAR HORSE $5.6 (cum. $65.7)
10 THE IRON LADY $5.3 wide (cum. $5.9)
11 WE BOUGHT A ZOO $5.2  (cum. $63.6)
12 THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN $4 (cum. $67.7)
13 TINKER TAILOR SOLDIER SPY  $3.1 (cum. $15.1) 

Talking Points
• Beauty and the Beast had a successful first weekend but nothing compared to The Lion King. I hate rooting against such a great movie but the whole 3D craze? Oh, I hate it more and more each month. Do. not. want. I do not want to wear glasses while watching movies. I just don't. It never adds enough to the experience, even in its best moments, to justify changing the whole freaking experience of the movies. GO AWAY.

• A Separation continues to fill its theaters but it has yet to expand. Are SPC letting their tiny window on this one close? Let's suppose someone watching this week's awards shows (BFCA thursday & GLOBES tonight) wanted to see it after Thursday's win and tonight's possible win? Nope. They're out of luck. Just 6 theaters for this one in its third week. Carnage finally expanded in its 5th week but interest in it looks to have already crashed. Too bad it didn't open when competition was less severe for all-star adult-oriented films.

• Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows just lept-frogged The Help and Bridesmaids on 2011's top box office chart. Now, the top dozen have no originals among them - only franchise movies allowed at the top of the charts. This is why we can't have nice things and it's also our fault as audience members. We need to stop chasing old highs at the box office. Seeking out familiar experiences is what television series are for. That's their whole raison d'etre, the same characters each week but with new twists on the same old via new chapters. That's not what movies should be for. Different strengths and different purposes for different mediums.

What did you see this weekend?

The Only Upside of 3D That I Can See...

... is that we get great movies back in theaters where they're meant to be seen. If it takes a 3D conversion, well that's what it takes.

Next year, the only animated picture ever nominated for Best Picture in a field of five films -- don't you love the qualifier? -- Beauty and the Beast will arrive in the January graveyard. That's the month usually reserved for slow-ass expansions of Oscar nominees and terrible Nic Cage movies. Later in the year Titanic arrives for the centennial of the infamous watery disaster. That's good news: 2012 is guaranteed to have at least two great movies. (Yep, I love both of them.)

Given that many of the biggest hits of all time are epically romantic, why is Hollywood making so few romantic movies?

Remember early in the year when articles started popping up suggesting that 3D would be shortlived (as it's always been in the past) since its market share was starting to ebb after all the 2009  Avatar excitement and the perfectly timed hideous 2010 cash-in of Eyesore in Wonderland ? Good times. Yet the statistics, which suggested that the novelty appeal was wearing off and many people would prefer to go back to 2D, were too optimistically misleading. The further along we march post Avatar, the more the industry invests in 3D with an eye towards the next thing "Holograms!" and the the less likely it seems that it will ever be leaving us.

Which makes me sad. I hate the glasses. I hate the fussiness of it. I really enjoyed Hugo EXCEPT for the 3D. It's done very very well (that team of filmmakers is top-notch) and looks beautiful but who needs all those dog noses and hands shoved in their faces? If I want "immersive" entertainment experiences, I'll just pick a good movie to see. The good ones are always immersive, no glasses required. 

Even in films where 3D feels conceptually right somehow, like in Pina where you can understand the spatial relations of the choreography or in Hugo where the 3D plays into the idea of film artists experimenting with a new technological medium I have never once thought "Oh, I'm so glad this wasn't in 2D!" But It's looking like it's here to say. Major film artists like Herzog, Scorsese and Cameron and so on are beating the artistic drum for it and the studios are happy with the short-sighted extra bucks they can charge for it. I say shortsighted because if they keep raising the prices, they price themselves out of relevancy and further cement TV as the opiate of the masses, far and away more popular than film; don't think the price points aren't a major part of that.

How long before we have to split the cinematography Oscar categories like they used to have to with black and white vs. color until black and white I mean 2D is totally gone? Sigh.

So while I shed my little psychic tears about the death of my favorite medium as it becomes something else entirely -- I love holograms but I don't really think of them as "movies". Can't we have both? -- I take comfort that I'm not alone and that I have one bright side. It's an obvious bright side now that Belle and the Beast will soon be spinning in ballrooms and Jack & Rose will be falling in love above and below deck again. Presumably more grand entertainments will follow. Encore!