Yes, No, Maybe So: "Dark Shadows"
Thursday, March 15, 2012 at 10:42PM I meant to start the Burtonjuice series tonight, a full retrospective of Tim Burton each Thursday night, but that might have to wait one more Thursday. Because we're all Burton'ed out after watching the trailer to Dark Shadows twice in a row to see if it was for real.
Are you for real, trailer?
The trailer runs its mouth but does not answer.
It blabbers, nudges and winks, spreads its finger claws dramatically then goes back to amusing itself. We're glad someone is amused.
So let's break it down with our Yes, No, Maybe So system.
YES
- It does appear that Eva Green is having some fun with her role. Particularly fun is the ass on the piano bit and her deranged in-your-face sexuality.
- Green reminds me a bit of Lisa Marie here. I know that Tim Burton has long since moved on to Helena Bonham-Carter but don't you kind of miss Lisa Marie? I do.
- Production Designer Rick Heinrichs is clearly enjoying this Production Designer's Dream Project.
- As is the costume designer.
- Ummm... I'll think of something else. I will.
- That moment with the gates opening is beautiful. Gothic gates and mansions bring back fond Burton memories.
- Helena Bonham Carter's voice. I could definitely listen to that for a whole movie.
NO
- Didn't know this would be so entirely comedic. Only problem is, it doesn't seem very funny.
- Hate the weightless CGI. Why is it even necessary? Take the scene of Johnny Depp being tied up by magical chains. They look so fake, all animated and circling. Correct me if I'm wrong but actual chains are not outside the budget of Warner Bros.
- What was with the Ha Ha sound effects during the rough sex scene?
- On the fakey fakey CG tip, why risk direct comparisons to Batman Returns' frisky licking move when Michelle Pfeiffer is in the picture risking it and you've already failed the comparison with a silly CG tongue?
- And there are some awfully JOKEY JOKEY sound effects in the sex scene.
- Also Johnny Depp is not what he used to be and it can't be just me who wonders how Eva Green could be so obsessed with him?
- Is it just me or does this trailer have a weird habit of stopping in its tracks for Depp to say a punchline (but each lands with a thud)?
- Speaking of Michelle and Johnny, this trailer has way too little of the former and way too much of the latter. And unfortunately what we do see of Michelle's matriarch seems as arch and stiff as the rest of the trailer.
MAYBE SO
- On the other hand, Johnny Depp and Michelle Pfeiffer and Helena Bonham Carter are, generally speaking, highly charismatic actors who are also gifted at stylization. Burton features are nothing if not stylized.
The wrong actor is out of focus. Just saying.
- A lot of people think Mars Attacks! is not funny (and it might be the closest comparison point - a cheesy genre piece that's meant to be funny/retro in Burton's oeuvre) but Mars Attacks! is, in point of fact, hilarious. Perhaps the comedy will work in context?
- Collins Canning Co.? Okay, there might be a self aware joke in there somewhere.
I began with a screenshot that most expressed my feelings while watching the trailer. I end with the last image from the trailer which also happens to be the last feeling I'm left with.
Which is also, quite coincidentally, the expression often found on my face while being forced to look at Chloe Moretz in movies.
I'd be a "No" but for the completism with La Pfeiffer and that Burton alimony... even after the divorce we are required to buy tickets to his movies. How about you? Yes No or Maybe So?
Chloe Moretz, Dark Shadows, Johnny Depp, Tim Burton, Yes No Maybe So, comedy, vampires
Reader Comments (55)
@Nathaniel: why do you think Johnny Depp has lost so much of that magic he brought to the first Pirates installment? AND do you think Pfeiffer will ever win an Oscar or at least get a great role, leading or supporting, give or take Oscar attention?
I still have hope for the film. This should be in Burton's wheelhouse, even if he did go full blown campy comedy. It's a film that requires spooky shtick. That's what Burton does.
Yes: Michelle Pfeiffer
No: Blonde Eva Green
Maybe So: Cheesy 70s music
I don't know why... but i really liked this trailer. Even with all it's problems. It's so goofy. His movies always seem more funhouse and less goth to me. This looks like Beetlejuice and Big Fish had a baby.
I hate that little girl.
BVR -- i let that dream go years ago.
3rtful -- we are legion!
robert -- big fish and beetlejuice's baby? If so, I would like to change my answer to yes.
At the very least, I expect Helena Bonham Carter to do good work. She's consistently the highlight of disappointing films, but I would love to see her get a role worthy of her talents. The lead in a Bette Davis biopic would be divine.
Ugh.
Chloe Moretz is so annoying. Plus, I'm going through Depp fatigue. And Burton fatigue. And vampire fatigue. So NO.
How depressing...it is not funny, sexy, scary or campy. What the heck is going on?
Pfeiffer is eternally beautiful.
How could they make Johnny Depp not look beautiful?
Long live Grayson Hall !!!
Eva Green is so pretty, even with that horrid blonde hair.
... that's all I've got.
I totally see where you're coming from... But still, this looks way better than "Alice", so I remain hopeful!
No No NO! As a fan of the original series this trailer looks dreadful. They've messed with the entire timeline of the original series, the tone, the mystery, the magic, the late 60's camp, everything. It's wrong, wrong, wrong. And having seen stills of the alumni Burton brought in for cameos I now know where he stuck them in the film. This is not fans of the original doing a remake that does justice to the tv series. This is the Mad Hatter doing Dark Shadows. Or as my sister said, who isn't half the DS fan I am, if Pee-Wee Herman came to Collinwood as a vampire, this would be his story. I can't disagree with her. My only positive thought is that this is such a butchering, it won't affect the original DS fandom or it's legacy. It will just be another Burton/Depp collab that people will look at down the road as "WTH were they thinking???"
I apologize for my incorrect use of "it's" instead of "its". When I get this riled up my grammar goes out the window!
That was... surprising!
My senses tell me to say No but maybe the best thing Burton has to do right now is to admit that he and seriousness are not a good couple anymore.
It looked like it could be fun. It probably won't be but if I'm in a generous mood at the time....
Maybe So
I think it looks kinda fun....don't stone me! (It won't work).
Why the hate for Chloe? Trailer looks awful.
I hope this is a campy classic because it seems to have a lot of potential. I wish they were aiming for a more sexy black comedy than goofy black comedy
IM SOLD. THIS LOOKS TERRIFIC AND ITS REMEMBER ME TO BEETLEJUICE AND THE ADAMS FAMILY
I am maybe.
I was not strongly interested before and still aren't.
As for loss of Depp magic, my theory is that no-one says No to him since Pirates 1.
Often in life, the most creative ideas come when our first idea is blocked. If he just gets to do whatever he thinks of first, then he won't have to have a better idea.
For Dark Shadows, Depp is the producer so who gets to say No when something isn't working.
I'm probably leaning toward a "no," but my Oscar completist side (you just know that it's getting in for Art Direction and Costume nominations) probably mean this will happen, either in theaters or through Netflix. But I will likely be dragging myself to it.
That said, I don't hate Chloe Moretz and don't entirely understand the hatred for it, but I do think that most people are absolutely hilarious about it. I kind of think the internet is going to implode if that girl ever gets nominated for an Oscar.
John T -- totally. I will admit to vague enjoyment of her on 30 Rock but otherwise, i'm not buying what they're trying to sell me with her as new movie stars. Give me either Fanning or Ronan any day of any week
For me It's definitely a very big YES!!!!
I didn't see the orginal Dark Shadows, so I can't compare with this.
But I think that the trailer looks so funny, with a crazy Burton behind the camera.
I'm sure that It'll be some horror scenes because Barnabas has to eat!!!
Is this the first time we're going to see a sex scene with Johnny Depp in a Burton's film? I think so! And It looks so weird and funny!!!
And finally I have to say that Eva Green is soooo SEXY!!!!!
I will let her to turn me into a vampire or any other creature!!!
I'll probably still see if although the trailer is disappointing. As a fan of the original I was hoping for something closer in tone to that with higher production values, this looks like just some slapstick comedy.
I love HBC and Jonny Lee Miller so I have some hope since she was the best part of the preview. Never been a big fan of Depp, he always seemed too busy trying to be edgy and downplay his looks but just struck me as unkempt instead. I don't want to see movie stars that are dirthbags hell I can walk down the street and see that! His makeup here is ridiculous. The CGI is far to prevalent another thing that makes me under enthused.
Die, Burton, die.
That is all.
Is it just me or the whole of it looks extremly boring? I mean it supposed to be fun but somrthing doesn't work here... I'm so tired of Depp's weirdness! He used to be terrific and original in every movie he's been in. And now all I see is Jack Sparrow with a lots of make up.
Everything about this trailer is a HUGE "maybe so" for me. Even though I ADORE Mars Attacks!, I really wish Burton hadn't gone the obvious camp route with this. It's still quite possible that he hasn't, as they have to make the trailer appeal to mass audiences to pack 'em in opening weekend, but... I dunno...
And, while I really don't get the hate for Chloe Moretz (while I've never found her to be on the same level, talent-wise, as the Fannings or Ronan, I do generally find her a lot of fun), if she's the best thing about this movie (she certainly was the best part of the trailer, as that final screenshot proves), then we're in BIG trouble.
Johnny Depp has been riding on shtick for a long time - for more than 10 years now, his filmography has consisted of little other than the Pirates films, bad-looking Burton movies and flops that play off his image (Tonto? Seriously?). He used to do interesting films, but these days, if I hear he's in a movie, it's almost a guarantee that I won't want to see it.
I do have a bad feeling about this.
I expected to see more of Bonham Carter & Pffeiffer in the trailer.
While Carter seems to be playing a cool bitch, something's a masterclass at, Pffeiffer seems to be just standing there... "Fight for us Barnabas" ? yuk...
We have to wait and see the film though!
What a coincidence! I'm finishing Bram Stoker's "Dracula" tonight and I deserve an Oscar for enduring all of Van Helsing's cheesy remarks.
I wish I was a yes. I wish I could find everything that is intended to be funny, funny. But unless by then I'm stoned or under some kind of medication, it's unlikely.
I wish I could've seen Pfeiffer having at least something to do.
These two remarks summarize my opinion:
Didn't know this would be so entirely comedic. Only problem is, it doesn't seem very funny. ----- Ha! I saw the video as part of a segment in Ellen and thought the laugh track during the sex scene was a (cruel) reaction of the studio audience. Now, it's even worse. At least that would've been an explanation.
Is it just me or does this trailer have a weird habit of stopping in its tracks for Depp to say a punchline (but each lands with a thud)? ---- Yes, it's almost like a monologue in a late night show. Why? The trailer seems to imply it's Depp's show, and I don't know if right now, that's a good idea. Does Burton see his own movies? Did he he see Alice?
So, no, I'm a NO, even in spite of Pfeiffer. She's going to be 15 minutes in the movie anyway.
I have to admit, I thought it was cute and funny. I laughed at the "tiny songstress" bit and of course, Helena's delivery/ psychedelic granny look was cracking me up.
Fromage! Tis Cheese, it is!
But that said, it also kinda has a guilty pleasure vibe going for it...
This doesn't look like a movie I'd pay to see in the theatre, but something I wouldn't mind watching at home on the movie channel.
Regarding the Chloe Morentz hate...I think it's kinda of unjustified. I remember not being blown away by her in 500 Days of Summer, but she had such a small role there that she couldn't be faulted for not bringing much to the part.
She was fine in Hugo. Coincidentally, Let Me In was on the movie network last night, and I re-watched it, and y'know, she was good in that. I agree that she isn't on the same acting level as the Fanning sisters or Sairose Ronan, but she really isn't that bad either. I think a lot of the dislike stems from the fact that she seems to be the latest "It Girl", touted as the new teen wonder of the acting world. Given that there are a lot of pretty young and talented things on the scene at the moment (Fannings, Ronan, Breslin, Steinfeld), this rubs the young actressexual fan the wrong way. We know there are equally talented - if not more so - young actresses that deserve the praise, opportunities and accolades just as much.
Morentz's seems to fit the profile the public is looking for at the moment - capable, pretty but not so pretty that she couldn't be the girl-next-door type.
Put me down for Maybe so. As a fan of the original, the tone seems way off (though the series did have moments of high camp, such as rebellious Carolyn Stoddard mixing it up with beatnik Buzz). And despite my reservations, I can understand why Burton wouldn't want to go the "broody" vampire route, given how overdone that is. Still, I may need to judge it on its own (versus the series) in order to get any real enjoyment out of it. We shall see.
I have to say the second I saw this was online I thought, "What's Nathaniel going to say!?!?"
Looks like a lot of fun to me. I'm kind of delighted that they're doing it as a schticky fish out of water comedy. It might turn out to be terrible, but this trailer has a little of the old subversive Burton twinkle to it.
Also, I suppose it's character appropriate, but doesn't Depp look like the love child of Herman Monster and Justin Bieber?
I was 'maybe so' leaning towards yes with the fish-out-of-water first part of the trailer, but the whole creepy stalker/obsessive type eventually gets him to fall in love thing, played for laughs, turned me off.
I thought Eva Green was actually Heather Graham in this movie.
It's a maybe so. I don't remember ever seeing the original show, but this looks all over the place for me, and considering the cast, i would have liked to have seen more of them.
Maybe it's because I'm not familiar with the original (beyond a few clips), or maybe after reading this I was expecting really terrible but - this made me laugh at least a couple of times. "Tiny songstress", *lol* I actually liked that Burton went for humor, it also reminded me of Beetlejuice. (Although I doubt it can reach that high point of glory). And most of Depp's line readings worked for me here. And I've become incredibly bored by Depp in the last few years. But that may be the cut - and there's always the risk with a comedy film (the funny bits end up in the trailer but in the theater the laughs are few and far between.)
Loved HBC's reactions - loved every second of her in this trailer. MORE, please. Pfieffer seems almost nonexistent though ("Fight for us, Barnaby"? Ick.) Do they not realize that she's still a name who will put butts in seats?
I don't know if I'd go to the theater, but it looks like it MIGHT be amusing.
I don't get the Chloe Moretz hate either. She's a nice charming perfectly fine young actress. But then again, Dakota Fanning irritated the hell out of me when she was the current IT child actress so what the hell do I know?
YES: Michelle Pfeiffer, Eva Green (!), Bonham-Carter, wonderful costume and art direcction.
NO: Burton and Depp in combination. Sigh.
MAYBE SO. Burton. Depp. Individual.
In my book it's...Ronan > E. Fanning > Moretz > D. Fanning.
A VERY BIG NO
Brian Z: Umm...I used to think that Dakota was nothing to talk about, and if only grading her live action work, she's made almost entirely extraordinarily bad choices, something that hasn't yet changed. But...Coraline was phenomenal work and I'm disheartened at the rampant undervaluing of V/O because she's, really, better than at least FOUR (haven't seen Helen Mirren in The Last Station) of that year's nominees. Can't judge Elle because I haven't seen Super 8, Somewhere or the My Neighbour Totoro dub (her only real substantive roles). Have a great bearing on Moretz (I've seen Kick-Ass and Hugo but not Let Me In) and not quite feeling it yet. She's not bad, but not great either. Ronan...she's the undisputed peak of young performers right now (most of that being her weirdly dead-on taste in animation and live-action roles) and if anyone can elevate an adaptation of Stephanie Meyer stupidity to being watchable, it's her.
My ranking of their raw talent:
Ronan > D Fanning > C Moretz & E Fanning = ?
As for this movie:
NO! NO! NO! Get away from me Austin Powers with Vampires!
"Ronan...she's the undisputed peak of young performers right now (most of that being her weirdly dead-on taste in animation and live-action roles) and if anyone can elevate an adaptation of Stephanie Meyer stupidity to being watchable, it's her.
My ranking of their raw talent:
Ronan > D Fanning > C Moretz & E Fanning = ?"
But Ronan is just way too smart to ever get involved in any Stephanie Meyer project!
Though I do agree if anyone could sell that dreck, it'd be her.
Dakota is a very good actress. When she was much younger, she stunned the world with her performances in Trapped and I Am Sam. Her more recent career choices tend to more populist projects, where she hasn't really been challenged to show her range. BTW, she's the youngest actor ever inducted into AMPAS. She was granted membership in 2006, when she was all of 12 yrs old!
She also seems to be quite well liked, with many of her past co-stars (big name actors all) having maintained a friendship with her to this day. Puportedly, Sean Penn, Tom Cruise, Denzel Washington, Robert DeNiro all speak very highly of her and will even visit her on set.
Based on her past work and her potential, I'd say she's got a slight edge over Sairose Ronan.
My rankings:
D. Fanning > S. Ronan > H. Steinfeld > E. Fanning > C. Morentz > A. Breslin
Steinfeld has had only one major role - but what a role! - but going on that, I think she's got real talent and it wasn't some sort of odd fluke, so I rank her higher than Elle, Chloe, and Abigail.
Apologies Nathaniel, for de-railing the Dark Shadows thread with discussion of young actressexuality!
I dunno. I think I can stand any movie to watch HBC's killer line deliveries. Especially in an orange wig and coked-out glasses.
Just saw the trailer again in front of Casa De Mi Padre. Fell flat and was a lil bored by it this time. Big flip for me. Hmm...
Gosh, as a longtime Pfeiffer fan and devotee, is this the best she can get in Hollywood? This, and the troubled-looking "People Like Us" mean those of us anticipating her big return this year could be left disappointed. Why is she taking supporting roles in these shit-looking films, and not accepting leading roles? Surely Hollywood is offering her some of those?????
Pfeiffer gets second billing after Depp. I think, in the film, her role will be much more substantial. But Depp is the movie's producer and HBC is his friend, so Depp made a trailer that spotlights himself and HBC's best lines. The trailer doesn't do Pfeiffer justice, but I think the movie will.
I'm glad I wasn't the only person who felt each punchline land with a sickening thud.
I will still go but I am very very worried.