3 Days Til Oscar. Open Thread
Thursday, February 27, 2014 at 9:30AM 
A genie appears offering you three wishes. One of the wishes can't be more wishes (duh!) and this genie is an Oscar queen so he demands that all three wishes be about Oscar night. Go!
Here are mine if you need a moment to think about yours...
1) That 12 Years a Slave wins Best Picture
2) That Kim Novak and Liza Minnelli's appearances go so spectacularly well that the Academy magically stops worrying about whether 14 year olds are watching and sets in motion plans to make the Oscars grander again with more living legends and classic film shoutouts that aren't as passionless as "montage celebrating ___". (Listen, genie. It's not like I'm asking that all of this minute's biggest stars share the other 364 days of the year but Oscar is one freaking night a year and it's about the grand tradition of the cinema. And you can't have grand traditions without having had a glorious past. And if you don't acknowledge the scale of that past, your tradition starts feels tremendously tiny and hollow.)
3) That someone on stages thanks The Film Experience catapulting yours truly and the site to global fame and fortune for all the thankless years of Oscar coverage (What? It's a free wish. I have to dream big because I like to be able to pay rent and eat and I want to keep doing this)
Reader Comments (66)
1 - Lupita wears Vera Wang
2 - Cate wears Alexander McQueen
3 - Ginger Fassy wins
1 - 12 Years wins Actor and Supporting Actor instead of Supporting Actress
2 - 12 Years wins Directing
3 - Inside Llewyn Davis wins cinematography
The lovely Sally Hawkins gayhardens herself, wins and includes you in her speech.
Bruce Dern
Patricia Norris
1- Before Midnight pulls out a screenplay win
2- McQueen manages Best Director
3- Ellen doesn't vacuum again
I would abso-fuckin-lutely love a Before Midnight win.
Also the girls from 20 Feet from Stardom to sing along side Bette Midler in the Memoriam section, if not completely on their own.
1) Kim Novak receives a standing ovation from the audience!
2) Better Midler signs both The Rose (!) AND Wind Beneath My Wings (!!!)
3) They don't use clips for the acting nominees that we've seen 1,000 times already (i.e. "I'm the Captain now.... Eat the fish, bitch")
***Side note: how great would that be if those lines were swapped and Barkhad Abdi tells Tom Hanks to, "Eat the fish, Bitch" or Julia Roberts yells at Meryl Streep, "I'm the Captain now!"***
LOL
1 - a tie in a major category
2 - liza minnelli and lorna luft get snippy over who mama loved best while introducing 'the wizard of oz' tribute (joey doesn't get involved because he knows it was him)
3 - a debbie allen dance number, for old times sake
Bad Grandpa wins Best Makeup. Just to hear the entire room gasp and go silent.
American Hustle pulls a Color Purple and gets no Awards. ( I actually can see this happening, right now I'm not seeing where they win except maybe Costume Design and even there I think they could lose to Gatsby)
Two actress nominees wear the exact same dress.
Leo finally wins an oscar
American Hustle at least gets one trophy
All this Woody's scandal just goes away for ever ( I know it's not quite relevant, but it will always comes up again for every fucking oscar woody and his movies are ever nominated again)
Dave: When Julia gets her "I'm running things now" (which is her best line delivery in the movie, I think), it's totally the August Osage version of "I'm the captain now."
My wishes are for at least one of 12 Years/Lupita (both would be great), an upset in best Actor (anyone will do), and for Ellen to be as great as I know she can be.
Midler sings "For All We Know" during the "In Memorium" montage. "Before Midnight" takes Adapted Screenplay.
1. Inside Llewyn Davis wins cinematography
2. All is Lost wins sound editing
3. All the Farrows have network connectivity problems and they can't publish their stupid tweets
Dave- love your aside.
My three-
1- Gravity wins Best Picture
2- Her wins Production Design
3-Just Before Losing Everything wins Best Live Action Short, convincing a producer somewhere to turn it into a feature length film that makes a star of the film's Toni Collette look-a-like lead actress.
1. Whoopi does such an outstanding job presenting that they ask her to host again next year.
2. Just Before Losing Everything takes Best Live Action Short.
3. Michael Fassbender kisses me on his way to the stage. It will require a three-hour plane ride, but it will be worth it, and the show's probably running long already.
John T-- great minds think alike!
I'm seeing so much hype for this little film in the past three days. I'm hopeful...
1. June Squibb
2. HER - Production Design
3. FERAL - Animated Short
American Hustle to win ZERO awards
Leonardo Dicaprio wins
Best Picture goes to 12 Years a Slave
1. Fassbender for Best Supporting Actor.
2. McQueen for best director.
3. Dern for best actor.
1. No complaints or jokes about the length of the Oscar ceremony. I love the Oscars, it's only once a year. Let it go on for hours.
2. No complaints about the age of Academy members. You can't gain experience in your craft without aging. Members with decades of experience are able to discern between a flash in the pan and something of lasting value. Be appreciative of their expertise.
3. Let Before Midnight win the only Oscar it's nominated for. I'm still sad it didn't get nominations for Director, Actress, Picture.
1. Her wins Production Design
2. Blue Jasmine wins Original Screenplay
3. No orchestra cutting off speeches!!
1. Leo wins best actor.
2. Spike Jonze wins best original screenplay (I only include that because I have a strong feeling that Russell is going to take this)
3. The Price Waterhouse guys announce that they miscounted last year and Lincoln actually won Best Picture after all.
- Her wins all of its nominations.
- Inside Llewyn wins all of its nominations.
- Before Midnight wins Adapted Screenplay.
1. Leo wins Best Actor.
2. Her wins Original Screenplay.
3. Anyone but Jennifer Lawrence wins Supporting Actress.
1. A Best Picture three-way tie
2. Amy Adams pulls off a surprise win
3. American Hustle wins for Costumes (which it 100% should)
1.. My nerves will be on edge until late Sunday night, out of sheer frustration and anger if American Hustle were to win Best Picture. Not only is 12 Years a Slave an important, historical movie (which Oscar loves), it's also a cinematic masterpiece, a win-win for being "important" to Academy voters and "brilliant" to film scholars. Rarely are Best Picture winners this visually bold, narratively durable, or emotionally engrossing. It's win would be among the ranks of It Happened One Night, Gone with the Wind, or Rebecca. If American Hustle, a poorly made hodgepodge of American culture at its finest, would beat out 12 Years a Slave, it would be a hugestep backward for The Academy. While I don't hate American Hustle (it can often be quite fun and astute), it's level of proficiency cannot even compare to McQueen's masterpiece.
2. BARKHAD ABDI
3. The Act of Killing
***4. Emma Thompson is present.***
Ha-Evan, that was definitely well-timed. :)
That movie has stuck with me for weeks-brilliant film (easily the best of all of the shorts in all categories I saw this year).
1. Julia Roberts win Best Supporting, but in her speech she says, "Thanks for the honor, but I'm the fucking lead! When are you guys going to get this right" and gives the Oscar to Lupita, who really deserves it.
2. Twenty Feet from Stardom wins doc (only because Stories We Tell was not nominated) and all the ladies run up on stage to accept with director/producers and break out with an impromptu Gospel number.
3.Tie between Cuaron and McQueen, who say "Keep true to your vision, and don't let a distributor/producer (e.g., TWC) mess with your movie!"
Only three? Damn, Nathan, you're a hard-ass genie! Oh well, OK, that's the drill...
1. Dern AND Ejiofor BOTH win Best Actor in second-only tie in category (I could have been sneaky and wished that all my acting choices win, but see, Nathan, I don't want to be greedy!)
2. Movie god Albert Finney makes FIRST Oscar appearance as he presents Best Picture
3. Lotsa and lotsa modern AND classic film clips
OK, I know I said I wasn't gonna be greedy BUT I'll be good if you grant me one more...
4. Oscar Isaac calls me last minute to be his date
I already posted my three wishes above, but if I had a fourth I'd wish for Gravity and 12 Years to tie in Director and Picture. That'd be fun.
1) Ellen de Generes somehow convinces Emma Thompson to serve as co-host, and they blow everyone away with their combined hilarity.
2) Jennifer Lawrence and Lupita Nyong'o win the BSA in a tie. This is mainly so that I won't hate the internet every time I go on a website that is even remotely film related for the next two years as Lawrence promotes her major projects. Nyong'o was better IMO, but Lawrence is a fascinating presence on screen.
3) 12 Years a Slave sweeps the major categories.
1. 12 Years a Slave sweeps every category it's nominated in except...
2. ...Best Picture, which goes to Her.
3. Best Actress: Dench, in attendance.
(These aren't my real-world wishes, but with a genie at my disposal why the hell not?)
1) They announce that they are going back to five Best Picture nominees and that the winner will be selected from a straight up "one member, one vote" ballot.
2) They announce that they will be presenting the honorary awards at the main Oscar event. They promptly give the award to the first recipient of the "new" award: Doris Day.
3) They announce that Best Foreign Language Film will only need the requirement of being in a foreign language, not of having been picked by the country (or convoluted representative country) of any particular film.
Dave, i LOVE your first two wishes!
1. That Matthew McConaughey wins
2. DBC wins best original screenplay
3. 12 years a slave wins best picture
1. For your second wish to be answered
2. Lupita to win and that helping her be cast in something major by an interesting director making her a true leading lady
3. They let someone there's not a white middle aged man actor give the Best Picture Award, why not Angelina (so she could give it to Brad for 12 years, now that's an Oscar moment)
Suzanne -- your third wish is genius. :)
1. 12 Years a Slave sweeps all the categories it should, including a win for Ejiofor tied with write-in Oscar Isaac.
2. Ellen is sick and McCarthy/Bullock/Streep host instead (sorry ellen).
3. Tom Hiddleston and Michael Fassbender (with a full beard) present best cinematography, Deakins finally wins one, and Fassy and Hiddles are so delighted they start making out. You can swap in Elba for Fassy and I'll take it, I'm not picky.
1. That WOLF OF WALL STREET wins best picture.
2. That Martin Scorsese wins best director.
3. That BEFORE MIDNIGHT not only wins nothing but the president of the Academy comes out and apologizes for nominating it in the best adapated screenplay category in the first place, citing a computer glitch.
Genie wishes.
My main real-life wish is for McQueen to win director and HUSTLE to win picture, but even that (the latter) seems unlikely.
1. J.Law wins Best Supporting Actress while wearing bespoke Dior (none of those awful things in the recent collections)
2. Liza does "Over the Rainbow"
3. Fassy wins an Oscar.
lawrence wins BSA but uses her speech to ask hollywood to give lupita a movie.
(jk)
1. Her wins everything it's nominated for
2. 12 Years a Slave wins director, actor, sup. actor and sup. actress
3. Before Midnight wins adapted screnplay and Julie and Ethan announce that all three movies were actually documentaries filmed by Sarah Polley.
McConaughey is defeated by his rival nominees. I prefer Ejiofor and DiCaprio, but if Daddy Laura Dern or Christian Stale take it -- it's one Oscar McConaughey can look but can't touch.
I have one wish I'll wish 3 times... Please let Her win Original Screenplay over American Hustle. I know that's not a long shot, but I'm terrified that a wholly original script might be upset by a famously improvised movie.
1) A write-in ballot happens that results in Cliff Martinez winning Original Score for Only God Forgives.
2) All four Best Original Song nominees get to perform their entire songs on the telecast.
3) Gravity wins Best Picture, marking the first time a straight up science fiction film takes the top prize at the Oscars.
American Hustle takes Picture, Actress and Supporting Actress
Before Midnight wins Adapted Screenplay
Her wins screenplay, score and production design
12 Years wins
Leo wins
CM repeats her MR double.
Three wishes
Upsets across the board (except for BActress where Cate takes it as she should). Pundits be damned!
Someone(s) fails to follow the stylist's advice and dresses themselves. To disastrous results.
American Hustle fails to win anything (except perhaps costume).
Fourth wish(s)--No Farrow tweets, Music branch reorganized, New rule whereby films have to open by Dec 1 to be eligible, shorter period between nom announcement and voting deadline.
1. I won't cry too much when I see Ebert's picture.
2. Dench, Dench, Dench
3. Mathew McConahey thanks the Film Experience.
1. Michal Fassbender wins best supporting actor and he gets so excited that his pants explode.
2. "Let It Go" wins and the composers invite Idina Menzel to the podium.
3. "American Hustle" doesn´t win anything.
1. 12 Years a Slave wins Best Picture.
2. Michael Fassbender upsets in Best Supporting Actor and he doesn't attend.
3. Sally Hawkins, Best Supporting Actress.