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« Links & Ink | Main | Red Carpet Lineup: Glam Leftovers! »
Wednesday
Mar052014

A Pizza Ranks the Celebrities Who Ate Him at the Oscars

I am no more.

But the glorious finale of my life, too brief though watched by millions, was sensual mastication in the mouths of the world's greatest beauties. My only regret, days later whether unnaturally purged or properly digested, is that I never reached the pillowy lips of the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award Winner.

To Angelina... my unrequited love!

10 Ellen DeGeneres for ordering me

09 [tie] Harrison Ford & Calista Flockhart for pizza is love

07 Jennifer Lawrence

06 Jared Leto who had for too long forsaken my brothers and sisters.

05 Julia Roberts you have worshipped her megawatt smile but I have known it intimately.

04 Chiwetel Ejiofor who I voted for for Best Actor; and none for you Matthew McConaughey

03 Brad Pitt who so lovingly passed out the paper plates which did cradle me in those final moments and who held me so gently as his perfect teeth pulled desperately at my cheesy surfaces. I didn't mean to resist; I just wanted the moment to last forever.

02 Kerry Washington to provide sustenance to your unborn!

01 Meryl Streep who is the best at everything. Including devouring me. 

if you ♥ pizza, share me on twitter or facebook

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Reader Comments (11)

LOL

March 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSad man

Ahahahahaha. The best thing to come out of that too-long bit.

March 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMargaret

Hilarious

March 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRami

Definitely think Meryl's pizza eating is award worthy.

March 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRyan T.

Incredibly funny!!!!

March 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPedro

😊😊😊😊

March 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJamie

This is a blog with The Works!

March 5, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterbrookesboy

Obviously Julia Roberts is his favorite star. She's the Mystic Pizza gal!

March 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSam

To be correct, Leto didn't actually eat the pizza, he gave it to his mother, who had the good sense not to eat it right away, as she was wearing a nice gown. Harrison Ford could have followed her lead, as most of his slice ended up on the front of his shirt.

The Oscars pizza, like all its brethren, is a contrary thing to eat, and is not at all compatible with formal wear.

March 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAbsurdist

This is obviously one of the best post ever. *lol*
I always nearly die looking at Meryl's picture.
How can a 64 years old just be so gorgeous? X3

March 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSonja

Thanks for all the great posts this year, Nathaniel!

December 30, 2014 | Unregistered Commentershawshank

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