Halfway Finale: Eye Candy Highlights
Thursday, July 9, 2015 at 5:00PM 
½way mark - part 9 or 9
We conclude our celebration of the Best of 2015 (thus far) with a truly random list of visual highlights. Please to enjoy and do share which of these goodies you were sweetest on. Or propose alternate candy for us to suck on. Ready? Let's unwrap those candies before the next movie begins.
BEST LOOKING SPY
Jude Law in Spy. Prettier than James Bond. And Bond Girls.
PRETTIEST NIGHTMARE
Mad Max Fury Road's scorched orange earth, colored smoke fares, white faced war boys, smokey eyes foreheads, and more. A visual feast. Just don't expect water with your meal.
AWESOMEST PROPS
Can we give a special Oscar to the props department on Mad Max Fury Road? Chastity belts w/ bolt cutters, detachable custom steering wheels, blood bags and iron masks, flame throwing guitars? Overachievement, thy name is Fury Road.
BEST BLUE
Cinderella
BEST RED
Magic Mike XXL
14 more honors after the jump...
BEST GOLD
Far From the Madding Crowd
BEST GREEN
Cinderella
MOST INGENIOUS POSTER SERIES
Animals - there was a whole series like this with different drug paraphenalia. It was kind of amazing but I can't find the others.
GRATUITOUS HAND ACTING
Elizabeth Olsen, Avengers: Age of Ultron
GRATUITOUS HAIR TENDRIL ACTING
Chris Hemsworth, Blackhat AND Age of Ultron. He puts those follicles to work, baby. So much shape making and punctuation, So much range: anxiety, arousal, just chillin', seduction, distress, fatigue, intense thinking, and man of action windswept madness
GRATUITOUS LIP ACTING
Dakota Johnson, 50 Shades of Grey
BEST LIPS
Tom Hardy, yes... even while trapped and you have to imagine them uncaged.
BEST DIVERSITY IN CASTING
Blackhat. Chris Hemsworth, Viola Davis, Tang Wei, Wang Leehom, John Ortiz and Holt McAllanny all in the same movie? May I hug casting director Bonnie Timmermann please?
HOTTEST SIBLINGS
Wang Leehom & Tang Wei were lovers last time we saw them together (Lust Caution) but just as believable as siblings this time around (Blackhat)
HOT ASS
Tuppence Middleton in Jupiter Ascending
HOT MESS ASS
Eddie Redmayne is terrible in Jupiter Ascending but look at the real-estate-envy views from his cosmic fountain of youth pool!
BADASS
Charlize Theron as "Imperator Furiosa"
TIGHT-ASS ?
Both definitions this time since Terminator Genisys is the first time travelling killer Skynet robots movie to be stingy with the butt shots. Damn Hollywood's obsession with PG-13 ratings (though you can still get PG-13 with a butt shot so what's the big idea stiffing us?). We'll have to assume that Jai Courtney, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Emilia Clarke, and Lee Byung-Hung all have tight asses since the movie biffs all four of their time travel sequences. This is especially true of Courtney who, despite TWO very long scenes in which he's meant to be butt-naked, only has about two frames of actual nudity. (*ahem* Not that we were counting.)
MOST ASS - GRATUITY AWARD
Obviously this should go to Magic Mike XXL but instead Europe has to pick up the nudity slack for America (as per usual) so this prize goes to Germany/Brazil's Futuro Beach & France's Saint Laurent, both of which understand that a) people tend to be naked when they have sex and b) they don't generally move solely between strategically placed objects whilst naked.
Futuro Beach
Previously at the Halfway Mark
pt. 1 Oscar Chart Updates - Acting
pt. 2 10 Leading Performances
pt. 3 Best & Worst in Animation
pt. 4 Most Ubiquitous - Alicia Vikander
pt. 5 Oscar Chart Updates - Picture
pt. 6 Supporting Performances
pt. 7 Top Ten List
pt. 8 Best Screen Animals
Reader Comments (10)
You gave me another reason to skip "Terminator: Who Cares?!" remake.
Part 9 of 9. Sorry.
Jaragon -- i know right? i dont think hollywood knows that people like to see butts (see also magic mike xxl) which is a weird thing not to realize, given all the hits songs about them. ;)
volvagia -- i'm bad at math. fixed.
I hadn't heard of futuro beach - i now want to see it, badly
You can FedEx Sandy Powell's 4th Oscar right now. She'll tie Canonero.
Cal -- as long as they both stay ahead of Colleen Atwood i'm okay with that.
matt -- it's on Netflix Instant Watch
You are a treasure, Nathaniel
thanks Nathaniel; Netflix in Australia is pretty basic when it comes to content but I'll check out whether its available.