The teaser for Sofia Coppola's remake of The Beguiled (2017) is upon us and it is glorious if surprisingly faithful. In fact, if you watched the original 1971 movie with us during the last season of Hit Me With Your Best Shot you'll be hard pressed to spot many immediate differences beyond of course the new cast. Nicole Kidman takes the Geraldine Page role (we worship Kidman but good luck topping one of Page's juiciest star turns), Colin Farrell gets the Clint Eastwood wounded womanizing soldier part, Kiki steps in for Elizabeth Hartman, and Oona Laurence (who was so good opposite Gyllenhaal in Southpaw) plays the Pamela Ferdin role.
If you haven't yet seen the trailer or would like to watch it again (I'm on round 5) it's after the jump along with a short "Yes No Maybe So"...
Ready? Let's break it down with our patented Yes No Maybe So system
• the first little girl stroll in the woods
• the "shhhhh"
• Why can't Colin Farrell be under every tree we walk by?
• The mossy shot of the school
• Kirsten Dunst praying
• Nicole Kidman considering taking a peak at Colin's family jewels as she bathes him. Remember when she did that in Far and Away with Tom Cruise?
• Kiki staring out the window and her "to be taken far away from here" line reading... mysteriously depressed daydreaming Kiki Dunst is the best Kiki Dunst, don't you think?
• All those shots of Nicole Kidman with her schoolchildren - they look so threatening even when they're being polite
• The music once shit goes down (and when we say "shit going down" in this case we mean Colin and the girls getting down) with the insanely great cast shots interspersed with title cards.
• Nicole Kidman looks like she was lifted directly from Cold Mountain!
• More shit going down because of the original shit going down.
• And the coup de grace...
What have you done to me? You vengeful bitches!!!
• ...yeah, I said yes to every moment in the trailer. What?
• um... er... Why not "RIGHT NOW" instead of "summer"?
• what if Sofia hasn't rethunk it at all? You know what the bitches have done to him if you've seen the original. The original does feel very forward feminist so maybe Coppola didn't have to update? Although it will be weird if it's TOTALLY faithful.
• Oh wait she did change something. She seems to have removed the sole black woman, Hallie (very well played by Mae Mercer in the original) who works for Martha and is suspicious of the soldier in the way the girls aren't. This seems like a very problematic thing to change but we'll see...
• You're joking, right?