Drag Race RuCap: "The Rate-A-Queen Talent Show, Part 1"

Nest week, on DRAG RACE, Isabella Rossellini will be suing Nini Coco for copyright infringement.

NICK TAYLOR: Fuck me, how long has it been since we got a lip sync this explosive this early in the season? Both those divas turned it, and the best queens in the talent show (not coincidentally, the three best lip sync battle performers we’ve seen this season!) made the peaks here worth celebrating. There's a lot of shenanigans leading up to it, and dear god, this better be the worst runway we’ll get all season. Why the fuck was it satin? And while I like shaking up the talent show from a premiere challenge, why not wait until there’s a small enough crowd to cram it into one episode? Not a necessarily great episode of Drag Race, but the Rate-A-Queen judging is fairly just, and it sticks the landing in a way the past two episodes haven’t. Next week’s results might even make this split episode format worth it somehow. Are we in the same boat, or are the valleys pulling you further down?

CLÁUDIO ALVES: Splitting an already reduced talent show into two episodes, without on-stage critiques to pad things out, makes this hour feel a tad insubstantial. Even so, it was a whole lot of fun because those girls were at the top of their game. Be it the lip sync, the Green Porno revival, the silliest strategizing this franchise has ever seen, they delivered the goods and then some…

But first, the queens must reckon with Briar’s elimination and a relitigation of her fainting spell. It’s nice to see that the sisters who were closer to Miss Blush do come to her defense, somewhat, vouching for the veracity of what happened on that stage. Even so, nobody seems to be mourning her departure too much. They’re much more interested in ribbing each other over what they perceive to be unfair judging. Discord is confused by the feedback she’s getting, with Ru loving her walk while the rest of the panel couldn’t hate it more if they tried. Darlene is pressed about being deemed worse dressed than Athena, to the older queen’s great outrage. Vita, for her part, defends Mother Dion, which, frankly, leads me to question her taste level.

Indeed, am I imagining things or has our Alabama couturier been getting a bad edit lately? Maybe it’s just me, but her shadiness last week and how often the other girl’s critiques of her talent show routine were highlighted this episode have me questioning Vita’s longevity in the competition. Right at the start, I felt she had winner energy. I don’t think that’s true anymore.

NICK: Neither do I, unfortunately. Being shady and strategic isn’t always an issue with the edit, though she doesn’t read as ingratiating with her sisters. Nor are her Machiavellian plays entertaining, coming off instead as untrusting and closed off. Onya Nurve also started off wary of her fellow queens, but she opened up pretty quickly, and Vita’s edit isn't giving her that arc. She’s got higher highs than many queens this season but palpably lower lows,. Her only ride-or-die sister appears to be Discord Addams, and I don’t think we got to see them have a one-on-one this episode.

The next day in the werkroom, Ru announces this week’s challenge will be the Rate-A-Queen Talent Show. The queens will perform in two groups, with the highest scorers in each group lip syncing for the win while the lowest scorers face off for survival in week two. Everyone is gagged to have this challenge presented several weeks into the competition. It’s no longer the main introduction, but a real test for the friendships these queens have already formed, on top of the relationships they brought into the competition. No one is taking meritocracy for granted.

The main fallout is a whole lot of shenanigans about alliances and which day everyone will be performing. Jane Don’t is worried the voters will punish her for her success, and correctly assumes the contingency from Ron DeSantis’ Florida will be sticking together. Mama Dion immediately collects Juicy and Mia to announce they have her unconditional support. She’s not shy about it - family sticks together, and it’s enough of a character point I worry it’ll bite her in the ass. The funniest part is Ciara Myst slowly but very conspicuously getting the GLAM girl group together for an alliance, since they’re the only team with all their members . . . . for now. Mia somehow ends up promising fealty to half the cast, and everyone watches. Also, doesn’t she look like Tom Hanks in that one chapter of Cloud Atlas with her brows on like that?

CLÁUDIO: That is a psychotic comparison, and you know it. Deranged stuff, you are unwell, diva. Funnily enough, judging from the queen’s social media chatter, it seems Mia started gluing down her brows and putting on her contacts at the hotel since she was taking so much time to paint her face in the time allotted. I didn’t imagine she’d be the spiritual sister to Kamohra Hall, but here we are.

Honestly, part of me wants to dismiss the queens’ concerns as overblown. However, by the end of the episode, I was rethinking that. Mostly because there’s one particular girl that might have placed in the top two if she had waited for week two, and one of our two victors probably lucked out on the DeSantis sisterhood having her back. We’ll have to wait till Friday to see if Jane’s paranoia will also be justified. That’s my way of saying sorry for clowning on these divas so often. It’s also a testament to how entertaining they are that his whole strategic nonsense fills up around a third of the episode and it was still fun to watch. Put some previous casts on the same position and the entire thing would’ve been an unendurable slog. 

Two things are worth commenting upon for me. First, there’s Nini Coco’s whole deal and how the other queens see her. Dennis Whitaker on SSRI and fake lashes is cute as a button as she kikis with the other girls and a whole lot of them seem charmed, Kenya especially. However, others in the Werk Room mention some serious doubts about her plan going forward. Basically, the engineering twink will bring her viral performance as a cannibalistic mantis to the main stage, adapting a tried-and-true drag routine for TV. Jane Don’t, who’s feeling the pressure of her drag house’s past misfortunes in this very challenge, is not having it. She questions why her sister would present something everyone will have already seen. But she has no such concerns for the bitches who are just going to do some dance moves they already do every week, nor does she acknowledge that only very online drag fans will probably know of Nini’s iconic routine.

Secondly, can someone explain why so many of those queens are wearing blue Nazars while putting on their face? Are they feeling spiritually threatened up in there? Who is cursing them? Is it Briar Blush?

NICK: It’s an amazing fashion statement, akin to when Bake-Off contestants all wear the same outfit in tribute to a fallen comrade. If they don’t all wear matching Nazars at the reunion I’m gonna be pissed.

After her suspicion towards Nini and Ciara’s talent shows, I’m curious what Jane’s got locked and loaded for next week. Evoking her drag sister Irene the Alien’s talent show with the tenor of someone who watched their family member die in a hideous, preventable accident, Jane is not interested in reinventing the wheel. So what options are left to Jane? Will she be doing an original comedy number? Have stand-up routines bombed too frequently for her to risk it? Granted, Ciara’s declaration she’ll be performing an original poem is the kind of radical sincerity that doesn’t typically survive the Drag Race stage. Ask Megami!

I don’t agree with Jane’s prognosis on Nini, but the impression that all the divas have actually seen the mantis already made me worry. Miss Coco also gives the most nonsensical filler of the episode, flailing like a caged parakeet for five minutes as she decides which group to join. Ultimately, the final teams are: 

Week one: Ciara Myst, Darlene Mitchell, Juicy Love Dion, Mia Starr, Nini Coco, Vita VonTesse Star.
Week two: Athena Dion, Discord Addams, Jane Don’t, Kenya Pleaser, Myki Meeks. 

After this is finalized, we’re whisked to the main stage. This week’s special guest judge is Swedish pop musician Zara Larsson, though her casual glam and giant blonde unit are nearly upstaged by the crystal gecko on Ross Mathews’ shoulder. Talk about a scene-stealer! The runway category is “Not Today, Satin”, and I could hear you revolt against it as soon as the runway started. So let’s hurry and get it over with.

First down the stage is Ciara Myst, who’s done some insane facial prosthetics, leather gloves, and cloven heels to sell her garment. Does she want the dress to be a supporting player in her runway? Is she holding the satin so much because it has no movement on its own? Still, it’s a striking presentation that works within the limitations imposed by the fabric. How often are we gonna say that?

CLÁUDIO: I love a good pun and this one is particularly timely considering the trailer for the sequel just dropped. The demonic touches of the cloves, the prosthetics and horns tie in to the category’s own pun, while the dress with its oversized Prada-esque tag on the back is serving The Devil Wears Prada in the most literal possible way. It’s a fun idea. The general ensemble, however, is a bit of a snooze. I think the problem is that the frock is a big ol’ nothing. Moreover, it does nothing to shape her despite the boning channels. Then again, better be boring than ugly. Some queens down the line didn’t get that memo.

If Ciara kept things simple, Juicy Love Dion decided the best way to make something interesting out of satin was to overwork it to hell and back. Or, more precisely, the Italian designer Rochart, who has been responsible for many of her more high-fashion looks this season. This baby has money to spare it seems, and she’s spending it well, serving a cabbage painted by Georgia O’Keefe but make it couture. Everything is immaculate, including the accessories, matching shoes, the mug… well, nearly eveything. My only complaint is that wig, which we’ve seen too much already. C’mon, girl, you must have some other hair to show us. And no, I’m not asking for a repeat of her blonde pussycat number from the premiere and girl groups challenge.

NICK: That wig has had more screentime than DD Fuego. I’ll just second everything you said, with one addition: it’s really amazing how she’s not getting eaten alive by this look. Juicy is wholly part of this art piece, rather than its host.

Nini Coco’s runway is even more worked over than Juicy’s, to glorious effect. In her confessional, Nini says this is the only look she’s presenting she did not create, and she’s damn proud of how her designer realized this concept. Miss Coco looks like an entire brain coral ecosystem, albeit snatched as fuck. I love this unabashedly. Even with leggings and shoes seemingly designed to be looked over like a hand up a muppet, this is major, so fastidiously detailed you could poke at it for eons. She might very well have an eel living in there.

CLÁUDIO: I have two notes. First, the shoes are a horrible choice, to the point that I wish this were a floor-length gown, even if that would come at the cost of those trembling tendrils. Second, as impressive as the technique is, all those serged ruffles piled on top of one another, it also obscures the material. It looks like she’s trying to hide the fact that this is made of satin rather than embracing it. Kim Chi would disapprove.

Whereas Vita has embraced the material a bit too much. It’s been revealed by other queens that this was a costume made in the Werk Room, which would explain the slapdash proportions and weird construction of the back. It also explains why the nude illusion top feels unresolved, as if Vita ran out of bling halfway through making it. Still, it’s serviceable, with only those silver shoes presenting a needle scratch I can’t bring myself to ignore. All gold accessories with silver pumps? Make it make sense. 

NICK: It’s her tribute to Briar Blush! But we’re pretty sympatico on this. Would a breastplate have given her top more oomph? Mid all the way down, though the mug is fierce.

Darlene Mitchell credits Athena for giving her this wig, and it’s a damn good level up from what she’d planned on wearing. I kinda hate this! Excluding the sleeves, which are such a lovely burgundy, and the geometric oddity of the wig. The pink is a more flattering color than the blue, but it’s so clearly a wrap-around piece of fabric, and the skirt underneath is fucking hideous. 

CLÁUDIO: Hate the colors - who mixes that fleshy pink with powder blue and cranberry? Hate the frock, the reveal, the gauntlets, the flammability of all that cheap poly satin. Hate the tights that don’t match her skin tone. Hate the shoes, which are somehow worse than those she wore last week. Forget the talent show and the Rate-a-Queen, this should have automatically landed her in the bottom. Hell, I wouldn’t mind an immediate elimination!

And then comes Mia Starr, who’s almost as bad as Darlene this week. I don’t hate the idea of this outfit, but the bow is too unstructured, so it looks droopy, heavy and sad. Worse still is the matching shapeless gown underneath, coupled with a tiny wig and tiny gloves to further fuck with the already unattractive proportions. The most annoying thing is that it could have been fixed with styling alone. Wear the bow and the train by themselves with a black bodysuit or just a corset and panties, maybe some black sheer tights, those black stretch velour opera gloves from Amazon every queen has, ditch the necklace and put on an updo with some heft to it. Surely, it wouldn’t be a great fashion moment, but it’d feel less like a sartorial calamity.

NICK: She is drowning in that dress. So many outfits would look better if they weren’t made of satin, but Mia’s look would’ve been a mess with any fabric choice.

Myki Meeks is doing something interesting, in sharp relief from the unmitigated disasters preceding her. Specifically, she’s modeling a color story that isn’t ugly as hell for Darlene, and showing Mia how to wear a bow that doesn’t eat the wearer alive or get lost in the garment. These maybe aren’t difficult tasks, but times are tough out there. That structure over her head is nutty, and not totally able to support itself, but it’s a neat idea. She’s like a snapshot of a sexy tree getting TP’d by neighbor brats. Love the mug. 

CLÁUDIO: To me, it reminded me of the hagoromo with which Japanese female deities are sometimes portrayed in art, those silk scarves floating around them, framing them. Or Angewomon if you prefer Digimon to Shinto myth. For what it’s worth, I think Myki gets the effect well, even if it looks a bit crafty. The neoprene body for the dress is a cool, unexpected choice, as are the black earrings. The blossoms on her hair are a nice touch, too, adding to that mythological vibe.

Athena opts for a monochrome look in a warm pink that suits her complexion rather well. There’s no great concept to this thing, just a whole lot of satin, perfectly worked into an attractive design that could’ve done with a few tweaks here and there. I’d have raised the hem of the skirt, for one, and maybe left the gloves in the Werk Room. Am I crazy, or is this almost too similar to her “favorite body part” runway? Maybe it’s just the cape-to-skirt/train thing.

NICK: This bugs the shit out of me! Yes, it reminds me of her favorite body part runway too, but I think between her and Mia I just hate how a bitch looks drowning in one shade of satin. Very good construction, but I don’t want to look at it

Kenya Pleaser is giving us another wild story: the actual satin runway she commissioned was not delivered by her designer in time, leaving her stranded for this challenge until Jane Don’t produced this number from her bag, which fit Kenya perfectly. The people at my work who super believe in synchronicity would lose their fucking minds. I really like the warm color palette happening here, and how Kenya looks like she’s playing one of the gods in a production of Once on This Island. Lovely and elegant. We should all be so lucky to have a fit this good arrive just when we need it most.

CLÁUDIO: It’s a coat which she cinched with a corset belt… fit had nothing to do with it. That’s not a ding against Kenya, whose resourcefulness impressed me, as did her styling skills. Because this look is all about styling, pulling from the warm tones of the satin, playing with African jewelry in combination with a pair of cutesy gold sandals, and that dense afro wig to tie it all together. This might honestly be my favorite thing she’s worn on the runway thus far.

Kenya kept things simple and chic with her borrowed number from Jane, while Miss Don’t herself continued to extol the merits of maximalism on the runway. Or demerits, as the case may be. Sadly, I think this ensemble goes a bit too far, with that bird just destroying her shape, while looking like she’s about to be suffocated, mayhap sexually assaulted Zeus-style. The color story is very pleasing in its loudness, though. And while the sunny sky dress might be puckering all over the place - satin is so unforgiving - the design is pleasing to the eyes. Love the pops of hot pink. 

NICK: It’s absolutely too much, but mostly I’m impressed by the maximalism. Jane is taking so many risks with color, shape, and design I’d have longed to see the other girls try. You’re not wrong about the bird fucking up her silhouette, but I can only care so much when the vision and execution are so ballsy.

Last but not least, Discord Addams is giving us a version of Emma Stone’s garbage camouflage moment in Cruella. I can get behind the messiness she’s bringing here, while still layering on colors and accessories like a cat covered in an old newspaper. She’s covering her whole body, the headpiece is fun, and her sprint to the exit is the most physical exuberance I’ve seen from this diva yet. Still not a complete knockout, but I’m into it. 

CLÁUDIO: I’m not. The whole point of Jenny Beaven’s Oscar-winning creation was how Cruella took garbage and made it into couture. Discord just looks like garbage. Sorry, but everything is too limp, too haphazardly assembled, with the corset base not even looking like it fits properly. It’s much better in the editorial-style photos Discord has posted on social media, so I think this is a case of a piece being meant for carefully posed stills rather than the runway. Part of me wonders if it could have been improved by a heavier-weight satin, perchance a structured duchesse that made the main body of the garment appear more purposeful in its arrangement. The personalized newspaper print satin is a great touch, though. 

Overall, this was the worst runway of the season thus far, and I can only hope things improve from here. Then again, the fashion presentation seemed almost perfunctory, entirely besides the point, though some of the girls did mention it as a tie-breaker when it came to their rankings.

Moving on, the Talent Show is a matter of contrasts. It’s fairly obvious that the girls are split in half, with three succeeding tremendously while the other three flop despite some good ideas. The first act is one of those promising failures, with Ciara performing to a pre-recorded spoken-word text about self-loathing, which was inspired by a friend who took their own life. I admire the sincerity of the exercise and Ciara’s commitment, but the performance is sloppy, only tangentially working because the skeleton butterfly costume is so entrancing and intricate, strange as it might appear at first glance.

Ciara also has the misfortune of being immediately followed by what, to me, were the week’s two best performances. Juicy does the traditional dance extravaganza to the sound of an original track, but there’s a sharpness to her interpretation. Instead of showcasing decontextualized fierce moves, the little Dion fashions herself a robot, turning the whole routine into a play on classic drag choreo made mechanical by sheer staccato athleticism. Nini, on the other hand, condenses her mantis routine into a 60-second delight that incorporates some acrobatics for variety. It’s perfect, really.

NICK: Ciara’s costume is amazing. Learning the backstory behind her poem made me appreciate it more in retrospect but it’s still an awkward performance. Juicy and Nini are, by contrast, precisely calibrated at every step of their talent shows. Nini’s physicality is so funny - I loved watching her beat the shit out of her husband behind the bush, and the frenzied way she ate his head. Juicy’s video game controller costume is fab, and I appreciate how she incorporates some frenzied emotions into her mechanical theme. The moments in her original where she howls are fabulous, and basically ending the routine with M3GAN’s feral run on all fours was genuinely unexpected.

Vita VonTesse Star’s performance is also unexpected, in a bad way. She goes the route of an original track styled as a workout video, and it’s just kinda sad to see her not know the words to her own song. Not keeping up with Cardi is one thing, but flubbing this is making me question Vita’s longevity in the competition. Her choreo looks stiff rather than precise, and she keeps hiding her face from the camera. Darlene Mitchell goes for a bawdy number about getting the perfect screw, dressed as a construction worker with Pee-Wee’s Playhouse set dressings for her double entendres. She puts it over well enough, but one wishes she went a little farther with it. It’s cute. Reminded me of Lydia’s numbers last year, which conveyed her kookiness in a way that came across as underbaked.

Mia Starr ends things on a high note, doing an original bitch track with two distinct beats and two distinct wigs. The drama of whether her padding was going to escape her bra was the most exhilarating tension this season has given us. Her choreo is less insane than Juicy’s, but it’s still serving fierce and fabulous exactly as the number demands, and I dug the attitude she’s serving here. Plus, it’s my favorite of the original songs.

CLÁUDIO: Vita was the disappointment of the episode, for sure. There was much ado about her choice to perform in flat sneakers, but I found that to be the least of her issues. The real problem was how low-energy she was in what was ostensibly a peppy exercise demonstration, plus all the deficiencies you pointed out. Darlene is charming, but there are limits to how much I’m willing to let a queen skate by on being endearing alone. Part of me wonders if this could have been pushed to a more entertaining skit were she afforded more than 60 seconds, but even then, I doubt Miss Mitchell would have come out looking good.

I’ll start my assessment of Mia by confessing that I loathe the lewk, from those boring heels to the precariously covered breastplate to those diabolical rainbow wigs. That being said, the song is, indeed, the best of the lot and she performs the hell out of it. As portions of a variety show, I much prefer Juicy and Nini, but Miss Mia delivers pop star at the gay club realness, the sort of thing that would drive a crowd insane if seen live, where the energy of the number would be even more palpable, suffusing the air with sweat and electricity.

Which makes the queen’s ultimate decision understandable, even if I can’t quite say I agree with the results. Juicy and Mia make for a great top two, but I can’t help but wish Nini was up for the win, too. Depending on how things go next episode, our favorite sad-eyed twink delight might live to regret the decision to perform with the first group. Oh well, between personal alliances and pet peeves, the rankings were whack across the board, landing Ciara in the bottom for taking a risk and failing while saving Vita, who took no risks and still failed. I wonder if Discord’s commitment to protecting her sister was the deciding factor, but probably not. So many of the girls looked weirded out while Ciara was on stage that not even her tearful explanation of the number’s inspiration could save her.

Did anyone’s ranking jump out to you as insane? And what do you make of the final top two and bottom placements? 

NICK: I absolutely wonder if anyone in group 2 will match what Nini is serving, to say nothing of the two winning girls. Do you think Ru will share the rankings next week, purely for the gag of it, or will she wait til the dust settles? I have to imagine it was a close race to the bottom. I’m most surprised by Kenya ranking Ciara fifth, despite their alliance.

Even with Mia’s runway weighing against her, I can’t actually complain about her winning this week, especially when her face-off with Juicy to Zara Larsson’s “Pretty Ugly” results in the best lip sync we’ve gotten since . . . . “Boss Bitch”, probably? The ratio of gags-per-second, multiplied by song-specific moving, grooving, and emoting (all added together in parentheses), all equals one astonishing performance. Mia gives all the old-school emoting you were asking for last week, and Juicy’s acrobatics are pushed to an even more ridiculous degree. She jumped so fucking high, what the hell. Both queens turn this shit in ways I was not prepared for, never once losing the song in favor of a choreography contest. Indeed, the contrast of Mia going all in on “pretty ugly” against Juicy’s tightly controlled swagger makes them both look even more distinct. The tie is inevitable, and for me it’s fully deserved. What say you, diva? 

CLÁUDIO: This is one of those performances where both queens look like they’re collaborating to put on a great show rather than battling each other for dominance. Which isn’t to say they’re not approaching the tune with different instincts, because they are. On the one hand, I am more impressed by Juicy’s precision and how she also delivers with her face, keeping herself from falling into the trap other dance-forward lip syncers sometimes do - looking at you, season 14 Jorgeous. On the other hand, Mia just gloms onto the vibe of the song and doesn’t let go, looking like she could be performing this on stage with Larrson herself. While her work is less surprising, it’s so perfectly calibrated that I can’t help but want to stand up and applaud her instincts, not to mention the confidence with which she executed the improvised choreo. Also, bless the editors for presenting the unedited song and lip sync. For a moment, I thought I was watching Drag Race Canada - a huge compliment, in my book.

If you point a gun at my head and force me to choose a sole victor, I’ll probably go with Juicy. However, I’m more than happy with the tie. Hell, part of me wishes these two would flounder soon, so we can watch them lip sync again. But, right now, I think that’s unlikely. Indeed, the baby Dion is quickly becoming a real contender for the crown, being the first to nab two wins this season.

NICK: It’s an impressive track record! I would like Juicy to be a little more independent when it comes to the non-performance challenges, but her victory here is undeniable. If nothing else, there’s a good argument to be made about Juicy and Mia outlasting the other girls as assassins. We’ll see if Ciara Myst is able to hold her own against whoever bombs next week, and if her threat to vote strategically against her opps will have any real ramifications. Let’s go girls!!!

Previous RuCaps:

• Episode 1: "You Can't Keep a Good Drag Queen Down!"
• Episode 2: "Q-Pop Girl Groups"
• Episode 3: "RDR Live Returns!"
• Episode 4: "Red Carpet Mash Up"

Comments

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