Drag Race RuCap: "All RuPaul-A-Paruza Smackdown"

This year's reunion lip-sync smackdown has a trickier format than usual.

NICK TAYLOR: After several episodes of confusing judging and unsatisfyingly resolved lip-syncs, this RuPaulaPaRuZa felt like a return to form for Drag Race as a well-judged variety special. The ultimate top two and winner are maybe not surprising, but the talent on display is immense, and I haven’t had this much fun watching season 18 in a few weeks. As our friend Ale said, it’s a bit of a double-edged sword to see these talented queens strut their stuff and remember how the show’s done them dirty along the way. There’s a world where Jane vs Juicy is the lip-sync for the crown, and that sounds like a very tantalizing reality, but the queen’s performances and the show’s presentation of them are operating on such a high baseline. Were you entertained?

CLÁUDIO ALVES: I was thoroughly entertained, even if I’m still sorting through my feelings about the shape this year’s lip-sync tournament took. Format doubts aside, this was a smashing hour of queer television and while I like your idea of Juicy and Jane at the finale, I’m not sure Baby Dion should be among the two vying for the crown. She’d put on one hell of a show, but I also feel she’s better suited for a future All Stars title…

Before we get to the main stage and the drag duels, there’s the whole drama of a cast reunion to acknowledge, brief as it may be. Seeing all these queens back in the Werk Room really highlights how the season’s downfall stems from story producers' issues rather than a lackluster slate of competitors. Indeed, the unpolished messiness of some of these gals felt like a return to basics, to that hard-to-pin-down energy of the early seasons’ casts, even if no individual came ready with the star power of Jujubee, Raja, or Manila. Anyway, some of the big stories at the start of the episode include Briar’s pneumonia, which has weakened her to the point her doctors advise against participating in the smackdown, and Ciara Myst, who is… a lot. 

NICK: The girls are genuinely devastated for Briar, and I am too. I still hope they let her come back next year so she can compete with a healthy immune system. 

Ciara’s a lot, alright, and I’m living for the antics without always living for her, if that makes sense. It’s a more impactful statement than Myki’s “REVENGE” t-shirt after the Rate-A-Queen, so go off, diva, wear a damn good bloody suit to the Werkroom!  I’m more thrown by Jane Don’t deciding to have a shout-conversation with Ciara on opposite sides of the Werkroom about her suitcase from the party dress challenge. She demands Ciara explain herself for only packing fabric scraps, and when Ciara states, “I knew I could make them into a sickening look because I’m sickening, I wasn’t really thinking about other people,” Jane calls bullshit. The fact that she won the challenge is immaterial to her grievances. Ciara is not amused and sets her sights on facing off against Jane in the RuPaulaPaRuZa.

It’s one of the only major narratives to emerge from the makeup portion of the challenge, along with Juicy and Mia sizing up their competition as the presumed frontrunners. Jane and Kenya are given their dues as performers, and Mia correctly reminds us that Mandy won her lip-sync against Briar. Mandy and DD “Porkchop” Fuego are determined to prove themselves, though they’re not foregrounded as much as Ciara’s scheming. Meanwhile, Discord and Vita barely have any lines, while our top three finalists and the queens eliminated in the second half of the season are less central than I expected.

Perhaps there’s a structural reason for this, but before we get into the challenge proper, let’s talk about the battle costumes! Lot of rough looks. Briar and Discord are absolutely head and shoulders above their eliminated sisters, though Kenya Pleaser looks to have already RuDeemed her Chaka Khan runway. Vita looks hot! I cannot fathom Jane’s all-tassels dress, though her padding remains on point, and Mia’s propensity for fuckass wigs remains unstoppable. It’s such an obvious RuVeal outfit, but the fact that she could be hiding literally anything under her jacket and vertical Afro is mesmerizing. At least our top three are fabulous. Nini is dressed as a cunty magenta virus, Myki looks gorgeous and refined in an outfit patterned with the foliage of a set of fine china, and Darlene’s diner waitress with a stack of pancakes is clean as a whistle. Ru is living for Ms. Mitchell and her flapjacks, though maybe she’s just hungry. Also, is this the best Ru’s looked all season?

CLÁUDIO: Ciara proved on Instagram that she had a plan for an outfit made from scraps, but the energy she brought to the Werk Room was not entertaining, even though her blood-soaked styling was fabulous. 

You ask for a structural reason, and I think that’s pretty obvious. Not only did they have to account for one less queen than expected but the showrunners have been getting negative feedback for two years now about how much the audience hates three-way lip-sync battles. The entire thing felt like a desperate attempt to ensure the episode features one-on-one smackdowns and none of the chaotic mess that comes with having to account for one extra person on stage. In that regard, I like the idea. I also appreciate that, despite giving them a competitive advantage by letting the latter eliminees skip a round or two, the show is acknowledging that they've already had enough airtime. The fact that we don’t get their commentary for the first round ends up benefiting the other gals who get a chance to shine as both lip-syncers and shady bitches. 

I’m not nearly as enthused as you are about the outfits. Mostly, I was horrified by stuff like DD’s sad loofah and Mia’s tacky ass tastelessness. Why is she recycling Laganja’s redyed wig from her elimination on season 6? Even such a fashion goddess as Juicy is brought down by an outfit too conspicuously constructed for reveals. Honestly, the best dressed might be Athena and Discord, even if the latter gets points deducted for sporting a Mugler reference that’s already walked the Drag Race runway - Mistress did it on season 15 and, earlier this year, Myki’s cheetah cowgirl getup pulled from the same inspiration. The gals who came on stage just as observers, the finalists and Briar, all look good. Still, Darlene takes the (pan)cake with her diner waitress fantasy. Picking up on Ru’s Flo reference from the final four episode was smart of her. 

So much so that I want to ask you something before getting to round one. Am I crazy, or is Darlene being edited as our winner? She got the most interactions with the panel from the finalists and Mama Ru, in particular, seems besotted by her in a way that doesn’t really transfer to Myki, much less Nini. Perhaps I’m reaching. What say you?

NICK: You know me, always more positive than you. Also, much more fun to hear you tear into the bad outfits. Darlene seems like she’s getting a winner edit. She might even be receiving the more laudatory “only queen whose name Ru will remember after filming ends” edit on top of that, so watch out!

With our queens assembled on stage before a live audience - a crowd of fruity fans whose excitement really charges the performances - we begin the RuPaulaPaRuZa proper! First up to bat is Ciara Myst in her Monstro Elisasue drag. Ciara is only allowed to pick her opponent, and the queen she picks gets to select their battle song. She’s angling for the diva most likely to select “Born Naked”, and finds the right target in Athena Dion. Mama is not happy about being chosen, and according to Instagram gossip from Ciara, she was even unhappier to go against this specific costume after confiding she was “traumatized” by The Substance.

Athena is even more traumatized after Ciara sends her back to the lounge. I’ve seen a lot of guff online about this choice, and I can’t say I care very much. Ciara’s reveal is a botched mess, and according to the irrefutable testimony of an anonymous audience member on Reddit, it took even longer than we saw. Athena did the best lip-sync she’s done all season, thought she was most interesting when jabbing at Ciara’s costume and her bids to seize the spotlight. Everything Ciara did before and after the reveal was, on average, more interesting and than Athena’s performance, and I like the irony of doing The Substance drag to “Born Naked” of all songs. It’s a solid bit, and the seamless application of those prosthetic A-cups is maybe the best thing anyone presents. Not an auspicious start, but I’ll take it.

CLÁUDIO: Hands down, it was the worst lip-sync battle of the night. Although Athena looked chic as fuck in her white ensemble that dramatically revealed a blood-red interior, there was no way around the impact of Ciara’s transformation, clumsy as it might have been. The Dion matriarch’s strategies are old-fashioned to a fault, her attempts at humor exhuding the faint smell of mothballs, while the other girl’s combative ebullience fit the tune better, even if the execution was all wrong, all over the place.

Next, our man-bunned man candy picks Mia’s ball and she, in turn, opts to face off against bestie, Mandy Mango, in a move that gags the girls. The Florida choreographer has spent a good time defending her sister’s lip-syncing skills, so picking her feels counterintuitive. That is, until you hear Mia’s explanation. Basically, she wants to put on a show and is fairly sure that wouldn’t be the case had she faced off against DD or Vita. Love the passive-aggressive shade. In any case, Miss Mango picks “Just What They Want,” hoping the lyrics-heavy number will trip up the assassin that’s coming for her. And while Mandy puts up a good fight, crunchy dips aside, Mia wins this easily. And if she hadn’t already cinched the victory, the move where she showers her adversary with real dollar bills would’ve done the trick.

She’s lucky this isn’t a fashion duel, however, because what is that outfit? What is that wet wig? Mandy looks positively elegant by comparison, even if she has borrowed Kori King’s dancing shoes for the night.

NICK: I do love the wet wig as a graphic impact. Mia was putting in the work, and according to Jane she was just drenched in sweat the whole time. Which makes sense, given how hard she was going. Love the fringe as a kinetic accent. Still a bonkers outfit. Mandy would almost certainly have advanced against DD or Vita, so I’m sad she was stopped this early in the game, but for once I agree with the decision to send her home. What is shady as fuck is that Mandy is the only girl whose exit line we don’t see. What did she do to piss Ru off??

Vita and DD are the only two left in bracket one, and while I don’t think either one does a bad job, I’m not captivated by their energy. DD gets to pick the song and selects “The Main Event”, which feels like it should be a good track for these consummate performers. Vita’s consistent to the point of monotony, embodying the essence of the song without emoting once. DD would be my pick for varying her energy and serving face, and  might have won if her reveal dress was remotely attractive. Why call back to your terrible design challenge outfit from the premiere? Why only reference things we saw you wear on the show? So Vita wins, and DD gets to be the most enthusiastic member of the lounge watch party, throwing hands and dancing in her chair to every number. 

CLÁUDIO: Vita vs DD was more of a matter of who fit the vibe of the song better, and the season’s couturier par excellence can’t be beaten in terms of sheer projected regality. You believe Vita is the hyper-confident bitch singing “The Main Event” in a way Betsey Johnson’s campiest collaborator can’t quite convey, mostly looking clumsy cum frantic as she reveals one ugly outfit after another. At the very least, Vita’s cowgirl fit is cute.

Sadly, as Tom Robbins and Gus Van Sant taught us, even cowgirls get the blues and Miss Vontesse is no different. Because, moving to round two, she has the misfortune of being the first chosen by the hunk-operated tombola. She has no chance to rest and catch her breath, instantly falling into a defeated mood that’s only exacerbated when she inexplicably picks Mia as her opponent. It almost seems like she’s just getting it over with, securing an immediate elimination that she surely could’ve avoided had Discord been her opponent. Regardless of her motivations, Vita has to face Mia, who chooses violence when it comes to song picking. “Call Me Mother” is the fiercest and wordiest of these tunes, so much so that Ru herself has been seen messing up the lyrics. 

It’s a great show, alright, even if it’s also a massacre. Vita mostly keeps up with the verses, but Mia has her beat at every level, articulation included. Hell, the dancing queen pulls off a Coco Montrese move, pointing at her lips just so we can appreciate how she’s nailing every syllable. Similar to Megami on season 16, no matter who eventually won the title, Mia won the episode.

NICK: A massacre indeed. I completely forgot “Call Me Mother” had so many phases to keep up with, instead mainly remembering it for DeLa’s Julie Andrews moment. Now it’s Mia Starr’s song. She gets the royalties. Her Coco Montrese moment is phenomenal, maybe the one moment she stands completely still the whole episode, and she’s just as magnetic as when she’s prancing across the stage or doing her insane choreo. Now I’m just mad we didn’t get to see her lip-sync more during the competition proper.

Kenya’s ball is selected next, and as it turns out, she’s been nursing a little grudge against Ciara Myst for getting high marks in that celebrity red carpet challenge while Ms. Pleaser was fighting for her life in the bottom. She sees this as a chance for karmic retribution. Whether this is any more logical than Jane’s beef with the big-lipped bitch is up in the air, but it’s delightful to feel as sideswiped by this decision as Ciara clearly is. 

Ciara selects “Pretty Bitch” as their battle track, and both queens put up a hell of a fight. I had no idea Ciara could perform with this kind of calisthenic fluidity. Her Sue costume does a fabulous job of accentuating her long legs, and she works the rap with bitchy conviction. Kenya is just as impressive with the lyrics, overcoming her earlier Achilles heel to enunciate the hell out of a repetitive, fast-paced tune. She kicks and dances with all the charisma she can wield, which is a hell of a lot, and she connects with Ru’s beat while displaying a moment-to-moment engagement I hadn’t seen from her before. Both queens surpass my very diminished expectations to knock this lip-sync out of the park, which I’m sure means a lot to them. I would’ve been happy if either won, and I’m slightly bummed Ciara didn't get to continue her come-from-behind assault right when she actually started doing well, but Kenya cinched that victory fair and square. 

CLÁUDIO: I had higher expectations of Kenya than you did, but I was still impressed by what she pulled off here. I was less enthused about Ciara, who moves a lot but, in my eyes, without much dynamism. It doesn’t help that she’s trying to shake a non-existent ass or that her natural awkwardness gets enhanced by the clown mug, which is at odds with the fierceness required by the song and suggested by the outfit, prosthetic breasts and all. She did well, yet not to the extent where I thought the verdict was close. Kenya feels like a decisive champion this round.

Next come our gold and rust sisters, Discord and Jane, with Miss Don’t getting to pick the song per the hunk’s balls. Because she knows the two of them can get a good laugh out of “Sissy That Walk,” the Seattle girl goes with that, prompting her competition to capitalize on the crotch-forward catwalk Mama Ru loves so much. Jane, for her part, integrates that into her routine, and, at one point, they’re both beckoning the Discord walk with their synchronized backward leans. But this is not just a matter of playing well off the Addams queen, as Jane has a self-deprecating charm throughout, and even a couple of sickening moves, making the most of her fringed outfit and bountiful bouncing breastplate. The stage turning red is the appropriately colored cherry on top of a great battle. That said, our fifth-placer was a clear winner, with Discord still struggling to emote in a way that doesn’t convey uncoordinated mania. 

Indeed, what I liked most about Jane in this episode, needless Werk Room drama aside, was just how dedicated she was to putting on a show. She’s a smart one, so she probably knew she had very little chance against the Florida duo, yet the commitment to entertain was commendable. Not to mention that it gave a nice, more positive spin on the mockery-based style of lip-syncing that Ginger deployed to exhaustion on All Stars 10. It can be done right and be read as joyous rather than sour. Madame Minj, take notes.

NICK: Jane was the only queen to serve laugh-out-loud comedy in this LaLaPaRuZa, to say nothing of the silly or ridiculous. This has to be the most fun she’s had all season. I love how she spent about a minute leading into her song choice, emphasizing the sheer perfection of the stars’ alignment in letting Discord do “Sissy That Walk”, and getting pretty much the whole cast to laugh uncontrollably with her. Discord weaponizes her walk like a limbo, and it’s almost funnier for her recurrent deadpan. She’s not as flexible as she needs to be to beat Jane, but she builds with the song, and I have to imagine she might’ve beaten Vita to this if they went against each other. But this is Jane’s to lose, and she kills it. Their tandem walk is maybe the best moment of the whole night.

It’s almost as wild as when that fuckass former IDF Pit Crew member picks her ball again, and Jane is left with the unappetizing prospect of choosing between Kenya, Mia, and Juicy, making her late entrance to the game. She knows Kenya and Mia are hankering to perform “Peanut Butter” with their thick-ass selves, and Juicy is Juicy, so that’s no go. On stage and in her confessional, Jane practically scream-laughs at her choices. I think she could’ve turned it against Kenya, but I wonder if Jane wanted to miss out on the Kenya vs Mia rematch.

In the end, Jane selects Ms. Love Dion as her opponent, much to the shock of literally everyone, and Juicy, in turn, selects “Cha Cha Bitch” as their track. It’s over before it started, but Juicy and Jane are just tremendously entertaining together. Jane doesn’t try out-dancing her opponent, throwing ass and clowning out like she got white-girl wasted. Juicy is as precise as ever, but the party energy of the song and her own assuredness - miss thing is in her element - is so infectious to every movement. Ripping off her collar becomes an act of pure showmanship when accentuated by a high kick. She lip-syncs the Spanish lyrics with a devilish glint in her eye. When she does her handstand RuVeal to a more attractive zebra skirt, she holds her pose, before landing perfectly and going right back into the chorus. 

Maybe the best part of Juicy’s performance is how everyone goes absolutely insane watching it. Athena Dion yelling “right off the bat?!” at the first reveal is amazing, the close-up of the random cutie pie in the audience screaming with joy at her handstand was the exact same face my entire watch party made. Nini Coco can barely talk except to say how cool Juicy is, which she’s done every time Juicy’s had to lip-sync, and we love it when real recognizes real. But nothing beats Jane Don’t watching Juicy jump from another handstand into a forward flip-split, only to turn to the audience with a shattered shrug like Wile E. Coyote before falling off a cliff. She’s hysterical, sweeping up after Juicy and pretending to make it rain on her little padded ass. The moments when Juicy acknowledges her feel like a superstar winking at a fan, mocking but never crossing over to cruel. She wins handily. Jane returns to the Werkroom proud of her shenanigans and ready to drink. 

CLÁUDIO: Their silent rapport was tremendous stuff, with Juicy reminding me of one of my younger cats. Ziggy Stardust is the runt of the litter, but she’s also a predator, through and through, and, like the Baby Dion, she likes to play with her food. Glancing at Jane with a smirk, the Florida menace is the cat that ate the canary, the puss licking cream off its chops and contemplating her next meal, perchance another mischief. Honestly, as much as I wanted a surprise, to see Seattle kick the southern state’s butt for once in LaLaPaRuza herstory, there was no denying Juicy’s supremacy. Indeed, it’s a testament to her fortitude, her showmanship and instinct that Jane doesn’t give up or half-ass the whole thing. It reminded me of Thorgy on season 8, when, halfway through her battle against Chi Chi, Bob’s frenemy accepted her fate and became her opponent’s cheerleader. If it were me, I’m not sure I wouldn’t have just sat my ass down in the corner and enjoyed the show. Ginny Lemon it without fully Ginny Lemon-ing it, because I’m not going to pass on the best seat in the house. You get me?

After that spectacle, the follow-up act of Mia versus Kenya to “Peanut Butter” almost feels underwhelming. They’re both doing fantastic stuff, but I feel like the Pleaser girl gets a bit in her head. At points, you can almost see her disconnecting from the business of selling the illusion she’s singing, mouthing the words mechanically while all the focus is on the body. Mia never stumbles into such pitfalls, forever the full package, still energized despite this being her third lip-sync of the night. Inside, she must have been exhausted. But outside, she’s glorious, commanding the stage with complicated, quasi-frantic choreo while paradoxically conveying a strange sort of ease. She’s sweating buckets but making you believe this is easy, not worth fretting or despairing. “We’re all here to have fun,” she communicates and I, for one, believe it wholeheartedly. What a good time gal! 

Obviously, Mia advances, avenging herself against Kenya Pleaser. I wasn’t as offended by that elimination as you were, so I’m assuming this felt even better for you, diva.

NICK: I’m forever amazed at Mia’s physical fitness. Her hips must have been on fire by the end of this number, never mind her shoulders and arms. The second she started going off at the opening chorus, you knew it was over for Kenya, but she really did serve as best she could. As much as I know Mia beat Kenya the first time they faced off, this didn’t feel like justice being served so much as a worthy rematch. Both queens gave much better performances here than they did to “Head Over Heels”. I’m glad they got to face off in their element, rather than as the finishing touch to their terrible Snatch Game performances.

Did we always know it would be Juicy vs Mia in the final lip-sync? Maybe, maybe not, but no one can say they didn’t fight for this position. The closing track is “Cover Girl”, which keen-eared viewers might remember as the track that plays literally every episode of the show when Ru walks the main stage to introduce the judges. I also love Bebe Zahara Benet and Nina Flowers’ lip-sync for the crown in season one, an irreverent pairing of star power and sisterly affection. We’ve all heard it. It’s a certified bop and a legacy tune all RuGirls probably have to recite from memory before they’re allowed onto the World of Wonder lot. In short, Ru saved the best for the best, and the queens tear it up, facing off again on the Drag Race stage with much of the same precision vs charisma personal stylings in play.

Juicy is even more inventive here than she was in “Pretty Ugly”, luxuriating in the music and deploying some fantastic maneuvers. The moment when she goes to the back of the stage and walks in place made my jaw drop, and I’ll never get over how she can do so much choreography and still serve face with such clarity. She’s not worried about a goddamn thing! I think Mia’s exhaustion is a little more noticeable here, which makes sense since this is her fourth match of the night. The moment where Juicy goes into the “Slave 4 U” next to Mia, more or less luring her into it, definitely felt like a way to make the big back sweat to catch up. I also think the edit undermines the lip gloss moment by cutting away as soon as she puts it to her mouth. But Mia’s still doing ferocious work, dancing her ass off and keeping up with Juicy at every beat.

I’d have been happy with a tie, much as I would have been for basically every final LaLaPaRuZa match, but I don’t disagree with Ru’s winner. Mia deserves a huge tip for giving us four shows in one night. It’s heroic work. Her booking fees better be insane after this, and I hope she and Megami are plotting some nefarious revenge against the Love Dions for their lip-sync battle supremacy. Juicy earned this, accepting the title of She Done Already Done Had Herses with so much heartfelt grace you’d think she won an Oscar. There’s no way Juicy and Mia aren’t in the highest echelon of performers to compete on Drag Race, and I can’t wait for Juicy to marinate long enough to decimate an All Stars run. There's nowhere to go but up, and if she keeps kicking and flipping like that, she really could reach the moon.

CLÁUDIO: When two of the best lip-syncers of the past few seasons face off against each other, one expects a grand show. And that’s what they delivered, though I tend to agree that Mia felt a little less energized than she was earlier in the episode. I wonder if, had they been made to lip-sync the same number of times, the results would have been different. In any case, Juicy is a good winner, just like her mother was before, even if Mia is the hero of the hour. Also, no matter how many times I see that trick, I’ll never stop being impressed by someone retouching their makeup during a lip-sync, eyes on the audience where a mirror should be. It’s so cunty. Just for that, I might’ve given it to Mia, even though Juicy was superior.

Leaving this LaLaPaRuza behind, here’s hoping next Friday’s finale doesn’t come across like an afterthought in the same way season 17’s last episode did. If track record fails and one of our underdog takes it, I expect it’ll go down well. If Myki is crowned and there’s no surprise sight, then the fandom’s harshest critics may be right in demanding a freshing up in format for season 19. Let’s wait and see.

Previous RuCaps:

• Episode 01: "You Can't Keep a Good Drag Queen Down!"
• Episode 02: "Q-Pop Girl Groups"
• Episode 03: "RDR Live Returns!"
• Episode 04: "Red Carpet Mash Up"
• Episode 05: "The Rate-A-Queen Talent Show, Part 1"
• Episode 06: "The Rate-A-Queen Talent Show, Part 2"
• Episode 07: "Drag Queens for Change"
• Episode 08: "Snatch Game of Love: Island Edition"
• Episode 09: "Fannie: The Hard Knock Ball Rusical"
• Episode 10: "Drag in a Bag"
• Episode 11: "A Toast to Alyssa Edwards"
• Episode 12: "Mammas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Drag Queens"
• Episode 13: "Karens Gone Wild"
• Episode 14: "Good Morning Bitches"