Review: Batman v Superman (aka the Dawn of Wonder Woman)

This review originally appeared in Nathaniel's column at Towleroad

Just over a hundred years ago the movie serial was born. The stories were divided up into small chapters and kids would return each week to the movie theater to see how the cliffhanger endings were resolved. And then they’d watch the feature presentation. Cut to: March, 2016. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice is now open in theaters. There’s no serial preceding it but it is one. While Warner Bros, the studio that owns the DC heroes, has several superhero shows on television and stresses that they’re unrelated to the movies, the lines are ever blurrier betwen the two mediums. In fact, Batman and Superman actually both had movie serials in the 1940s. The most popular movies seventy years later are all what you’d call “franchises”. That’s code name for a very expensive serial which doesn’t air weekly but annually. And you have to see them in movie theaters.

With serials/franchises/TV shows you’re perpetually aware that there will be another episode. So the heroes are never really in danger; contractually they’ll be back next episode/season. But let’s not leap tall buildings in a single bound into the future. Is Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice a worthy movie or satisfying episode on its own?

Spoiler alert: It’s not. Many reasons why come after the jump...

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A Star is Risen!

For Easter weekend, here's Kyle Stevens author of Mike Nichols: Sex, Language and the Reinvention of Psychological Realism". You can read more about our team members here.

Stars are our larger-than-life figures. We worship them. We tell stories about them and fancy ourselves made in their images. In fact, bona fide movie star celebrity dates all the way back to 1909, when Carl Laemmle (who would later co-found Universal Studios) placed false notices of the tragic death of “the Biograph girl” in a street car accident. When it was revealed that she was alive and well, the nation rejoiced and everyone cesuddenly knew the name of Florence Lawrence. In this way, Hollywood stardom has always had not just a religious flavor but a Christian Messianic one at that.

Over the next century, countless stars have profited from the love of the resurrection narrative. Remember the elation when Barbra Streisand announced to the world that Lauren Bacall wasn’t in the tomb but gorgeous and talented and right there on-screen? And it was just two years ago that Matthew’s McConaissance brought him Oscar glory.  

What are your favorite movie star resurrection stories?

Curio: "we went skinny dipping and did things that frightened the fish!"

Yes. that's a quote from Steel Magnolias. I apologize as this is entirely unrelated. It happens.

Are you familiar with "Fish Love"? It's a not-for-profit company from Nicholas Röhl and the actress Greta Scacchi. The goal? I'll just quote them here:

to raise awareness of the unsustainable fishing practices that are destroying the the earth's marine ecosystem. Since then, the Fishlove images have succeeded in bringing the subject of over-fishing to the front covers and pages of the world's media many times over. 

This year's catch is the adorable Emma Thompson and Greg Wise shot by photographer Jillian Edelstein to promote the endangered. But there's more (slightly nsfw) after the jump...

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Good Movies v Terrible Movies

Josh here to talk battles.

Currently yelling in cinemas is Batman v Superman, a dazzling acting showcase about Batman and Superman getting divorced and having a heartwrenching custody battle over their son Billy. Both characters were created in the 1930s and onscreen in one form or another since the 1940s. It's surprising that it's taken this long for the powers that be at Warner Bros to put them in the same movie, and have them spar. The Avengers beat them to it by a blockbuster mile with characters created in the 1960s an onscreen much later. It, too, had its iconic heroes having a tiff even if only ever mildly sparring (until Civil War hits cinemas later this year). There's an audience itch that is scratched seeing two things we know, putting them into the same box and shaking it to see what happens. For Batman v Superman? A 33% Rotten Tomatoes rating.

Let's look as the history other Vs to see if they fare any better. 

Freddy Vs. Jason.
Once Destiny's Child disbanded, Kelly Rowland was not going to let Beyonce be the only break out star, so she did the only thing anyone would do to ensure mega-stardom: appear in a horror movie where the human characters don't matter at all, and still get murdered anyway. The premise isn't that bad; people have forgotten Freddy and forgotten fear so he resurrects Jason to pave the way. But then they get fed up of each other playing with each others toys and THEY want to be the one to impale post-coital teenagers not the other facially challenged undead monster! The execution is as sloppy and lacking in tension as the stomach muscles on the other end of Freddy's machete.
Sequel/Prequel to: Direct sequel to Friday the 13th (1980) and Nightmare on Elm Street (1984). The last film in each franchise before they were both rebooted.
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 41%

4 more battles after the jump

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Thoughts I Had While Looking at Television's Actress Elite...

Good morning, readers! Here's your wake-up call:

That's a whole lot of actress powerhouses on television in one small selfie: Sarah Paulson (The People vs. OJ Simpson), Julianna Margulies (The Good Wife), Constance Zimmer (UnREAL and House of Cards), Regina King (American Crime), Kirsten Dunst (Fargo), Kerry Washington (Scandal), and Jennifer Lopez (Shades of Blue). Before you jump to conclusions that Ryan Murphy is just expanding his empire, let's take a closer look:

1. What exactly caused this moment of divinity? Casual friday brunch? Do they all share a dentist?

2. We are not worthy of Regina King and we never will be.

3. Kerry Washington is there too?! Ray reunion! Wouldn't they make a great duo in something fun and female-empowering like Thelma and Louise?

4. Everyone is lovely here, but Sarah Paulson is serving.

5. It's easy to forget if you're like me and don't watch much television that even large stars are making the TV leap by the minute - but haven't we kind of been sleeping on the fact that Jennifer Lopez is the star of a network procedural?

6. This is the Emmy's Actress Roundtable we actually want, yes? Yes.

7. Maybe Jennifer Lopez should be planning the members of group magazine covers a la Vanity Fair. I'd totally buy this off that magazine rack!

8. Wait! There's room for one more next to Constance Zimmer! What TV actress would you squeeze into this selfie?