Links: Vampire Tears, Akira Troubles, Beach Sex Showstoppers

IGN Sarah Buffy Michelle Buffy Gellar (she has four names okay?) talks about her new TV series Ringer
Joblo the first image from David Cronenberg's Cosmopolis. Just two actors in a car. Woooo
Tyler Shields envision rising stars Juno Temple and Emma Roberts crying. Vampire and unicorn tears fall.

poll by twiigs.com

Twitch ah, the ongoing saga of the ill fated live action version of Akira. The troubled project just lost its director. Honestly, any director who signs on in his stead and is okay with the white-washing (with the retention of the Japanese character names, which makes the whole white-washing grossly confrontational and proud of itself. Ewww) deserves the mess he inherits.
Pajiba invites everyone into the pool to celebrate Memorial Day Weekend (at the movies)
Towleroad The Hangover Part II reenergizes the misunderstood topic of male nudity in film. See, Hollywood only believes in the penis as a comedy prop. Thus, this is hardly a groundbreaking film in the nudity department ;)
Johnny Wander check out these amusing Batman illustrations. Excuse me, "Batmen".
Lemonwade Barbra Streisand's version of Gypsy wants Hugh Jackman for Bernie. How about them eggrolls? My oh my what a strange film this will end up being no matter what occurs.
Natasha VC Did Darren Aronofsky trick us with The Wrestler?

How on earth will they mic the actors in the famous beach scene?Stage Door
I know I've been terrible about keeping up my theater column. But theater awaits tonight -- seeing The Normal Heart with friends -- and the Tony Awards are not far off. Here's a few theater bits to tide you over.

Broadway World The famous lyricist Tim Rice (Evita, The Lion King, Chess, etcetera) is doing a musical version of Oscar winner From Here To Eternity. He's aiming for a 2012 West End production
American Theater Wing offers up noteworthy advice to Broadway stars heading to new TV Series this fall.
Playbill Sandra Bernhard's new show, just a couple days after her birthday (I know because we share one), is called I Love Being Me, Don't You? Hee. Special guests include Rufus Wainwright, Liza F****** Minnelli and Mx Justin Vivian Bond so I'm there four times over. Although it would be silly to buy four tickets.

Yes, No, Maybe So: "The Descendants"

Robert (author of Distant Relatives) here, taking a look at the trailer for the new Alexander Payne film The Descendants, and pondeing Yes, No, Maybe So.

Do you remember what you were doing in 2004? Perhaps sometime around when Massachusetts was performing its first legal gay marriage, Friends was going off the air for good, and George W. Bush was being elected to his second term as President you watched Sideways and thought that this Alexander Payne fellow was really hitting his stride as a director of intelligent comedies. If you, like me, were a fan, you didn't expect to have to wait seven years for another dose.

While Payne has been out of the director's chair for that long time, his influence has been undeniable. Darkly comedic slice-of-life films about men living lives of quiet desperation, while always present in the cinematic landscape, are starting to feel more and more like Payne knockoffs. Films like The Weather Man, Dan in Real Life, Lars and the Real Girl, or Smart People have attempted to capture some of that magic with varying results.

Now that we have our first look at the trailer for his latest, which teams the director with George Clooney as a man who must spread the word about his wife's recent accident, reconnect with his daughters, and come to terms with a revelation of infidelity.

YES. Alexander Payne's name was always going to be selling point enough for me. But there's also something here about George Clooney that's intriguing. Maybe it's the constant sadness behind those eyes, or that head full of gray hair. The knock against him has alway been that he only plays variations on the same character (an acting style I've never minded, if it's good enough for Bogart and Cary Grant). But comedically Clooney has always been in the realm of over the top. Here, he's doing something more subtle and my immediate sense from this trailer is that I'm watching what could be a very good, very awarded performance.

NO. Then again, Alexander Payne's name is one of the few things in the trailer that suggests you're not watching one of those many Payne copy cats. All the standard genre tropes are here. Single parent (sort of). Check. Mid-life crisis mode. Check. Relationship with kids he doesn't understand. check. There doesn't seem to be much new ground. What this could be is a good but minor work from Payne, expelling some leftover ideas, and cleansing his palate for the future. Unfortunately that's the sort of artisic luxury we only allow directors who are a bit more prolific. If you're waiting seven years between pictures, sorry we're going to demand another masterpiece.

MAYBE SO. Removed from any preconcieved expectations, there are some really nice moments here. While Robert Forster (it's always great to see him) punching an annoying kid in the face is guaranteed to please an audience, my favorite human moment is Clooney's inability to audibly say that his wife was sleeping with someone, quickly morphing the word "sleeping" into "seeing." It's small things like that which separate Payne's films from the pack, and the presence of even one in this trailer suggests that at least he hasn't forgotten it.

Your Turn: Yes, No or Maybe So? I sense that this isn't the type of trailer that sets the web ablaze with buzz. How do you feel? If you're not a Payne/Clooney fan is there anything here to stoke your interest? If you are does the trailer whet your appetite?

Introducing... Princess Merida

For what seemed like 17 weeks, I kept receiving 'character intro' emails introducing each new set of wheels for Pixar's Cars 2. That's Junk Mail! Even if you're one of those peculiar people who really loved Cars, could you possibly care enough to need weeks upon weeks of rollout images of sad descendants of Herbie the Love Bug (I'm sorry but Herbie > Cars) prior to release? I keep trying to pretend that Cars and its sequel don't exist so that I can enjoy the happy mass delusion that Pixar has never made a dud. Why do they have to make it so hard with the constant marketing. Don't make me think about Cars 2!

Here's a character worth getting a first good look at as seen at the Daily What. It's Princess Merida from BRAVE which will open on June 22nd, 2012.

Yay! She looks a bit like Lil' Orphan Annie but with pupils and warrior skills. And Sandy the dog is a big black horse.

Okay, they don't look a thing alike but we love the gingers at the movies. They're like one big feisty sorority with Julianne Moore as the head sister. Nicole Kidman is constantly having to go through initation and hazing all over again since she can't commit to the red.

Do Androids Dream of Polaroid Film?

I'm dying. Look at this! From the set of Blade Runner!! The internet is a wondrous place!!! (Filled with things worthy of exclamation points, too.) I have no idea if it's freshly revealed or if it's been online forever and it matters not, "Roy Batty" (Rutger Hauer) & "Rachel" (Sean Young), all friendly-like.

from the personal collection of Mary Sean Young

You can see more of such polaroids at Sean Young's home page. Including shots with Harrison Ford and Ridley Scott (both pictured below) as well as plentiful crew members I'm guessing but none of the photos are labelled). [Hat tip to the always enjoyable Natasha VC.]

Once my initial joy expires (maybe in one hour, two?) I'll sniffle at the appropriateness of extinct Replicants captured on extinct Polaroid film.

All these moments will be lost in time, like tears in the rain.

"Bionic"

This brand new short film, from photographer/filmmaker Greg Williams (who won prizes a year ago for that Sergeant Slaughter short with Tom Hardy just discussed), gives newish meaning to the term Bionic Woman. The header says that a sex doll (played by French celebrity Zahia) exercizes her own free will... but it looks just like malfunctioning to me.

Bionic from Greg Williams on Vimeo.

 That shot of her with the banana is just painful (but funny), you know? Is it wrong to interpret her vacant eroticism as satirical commentary on Britney Spears's airheaded marionette carnality?

Android lovers are such a mainstay of science fiction, aren't they? Our two favorites have always been Blade Runner's Pris and A.I.'s Gigolo Joe. But maybe that's because they're two of the only ones in sci-fi movies. (Are they ever going to make a movie of Saturn's Children ... we're guessing no. Too weird and potentially NC-17)  We'll have cars that fly and maybe even teleportation devices before sexbots are a reality; sex is too complicated for scientists!

Speaking of Gigolo Joe... Williams shot Jude Law just last year for Madame Figaro.

We're always hoping that Jude Law has another Talented Mr Ripley in him. If so, when is it coming our way?