Contest: Development Hell

If this blog were a movie, you'd have never read it. I'd have typed up innumerable drafts and discussed them with producers. They'd have missed the point entirely -- 'Have you thought about adding more unmade superhero movie rumors (the internet loves those) and ditching the actresses (booooorrring!)? -- then they'd hand over the reins to another writer entirely and another. No one would hit publish.

But this blog is not a movie and I hit publish all the time. The only "Tales From Development Hell" that effect me here involve plans for series that have trouble getting going or lose their way during production. 

If this blog post were a movie it would never be published and the books I have to give away to you would gather dust, cobwebs, and cat hair... so so so much cat hair (curse you, summer!). 

Anyway... THE BOOK! 

It has crazy stories about various aborted versions of The Planet of the Apes which led to Tim Burton's trainwreck. It charts the difficult journey of Total Recall  to the screen just in time for the remake.

Ahnuld demonstrates the face worn by all people working on movies in development hell.

'First of all, I really wanted to cast William Hurt,' he says, 'and the difference between Bill Hurt and Arnold Schwarzenegger probably tells you everything. I was doing something that I thought was faithful to Phil Dick and also to my own sense of the complex understanding of what memory is and what identity is. Obviously it would have been sci-fi and you would have gone to Mars, but it would have been like "Spider" goes to Mars,' he adds referring to his 2002 film starring Ralph Fiennes as a man struggling to piece his memories together, 'as opposed to "Raiders of the Lost Ark" Goes to Mars.' "
-David Cronenberg on his version of "Total Recall" 

It has a depressing story of Darren Aronofsky's Batman:Year One proposal (depressing because "gimme")... and much more. The movie choices lean a little fanboy -- I'd love to read a book like this on Jodie Foster's Flora Plum -- but the stories are interesting and it'll totally make you respect movies that get made... at all. What a rough business showbizness is.

If you wanna read it send me an e-mail by Saturday July 14th with "Development Hell" in the subject line with the following three pieces of info:

1. Your Name
2. Your Shipping Address
3. (Briefly for possible publication here): Name a recent movie you wish had stayed in development hell longer. What two things would you have changed about it before it hit screens.

I'll announce the winners on Sunday! So start e-mailing and rewriting recent movies.

P.S. While we're on the subject of development hell, a version of the 2002 documentary The Sweatbox (supposedly Disney prevented the release from ever happening?) about the difficult production history of The Emperor's New Groove is showing in its entirety on YouTube. Have any of you seen it?

Frank Langella, Name Dropper

On my way out west to see family, I found great escapist distraction in Frank Langella's memoir "Dropped Names: Famous Men and Women as I Knew Them" When the book was first released earlier this year, I thought it sounded so distasteful so I didn't pick it up. As it turns out Billy Held an Oscar wouldn't let me go without reading it and sent me a copy as an early birthday gift. Thanks, Billy!

Frank Langella in his first flushes of fame. The book is about dead celebrities he met.

I hadn't realized that Langella was only talking about dead celebrities -- sorry, no shacked-up-with-Whoopi Goldberg or Frost/Nixon chapters! -- and I can't decide if that makes the sometimes unflattering anecdotes more wonderful or more distasteful. Probably both. Initial reservations aside the book is well written and a real page turner. Langella even predicts and silences most "they can't defend themselves!" criticisms with a clearly stated prologue, including this bit:

Separate and diverse individuals as they may be, my subjects have in comon the inevitable outcome awaiting us all: to live only in memories. In this case, mine.

I admit that they are most likely prejudiced, somewhat revisionst, and a tad exaggerated here and there. But were I offered an exact replay of events as they unfolded, I would reject it. I prefer my memories.

I am forcing myself to read the book very slowly so as not to exhaust all the juicy anecdotes quickly.  I still have a lot to read but my favorite story thus far is remarkably not about a movie star at all but about the movie starriest of American presidents John F Kennedy, who Langella met when he was all of 15 at a rich friend's parent's brunch. Langella, who is now 74 has a wealth of material to draw from given that his showbiz career started as a teenager and he's achieved success on the stage, in film and on television. 

Nothing shocks Bride of Frankenstein Elsa Lanchester!

I thought I'd share an example after the jump -- a little Elsa Lanchester bit...

Click to read more ...

Which Book Would *You* Grab From This Wicked Library?

Snow White's Evil Queen needs to expand her literary horizons don't you think?!

poll by twiigs.com

• Why'd you choose the book you chose? 
• What do you expect to find inside?
• And what the hell did Disney have against Astrology in the 1930s? Horoscopes aren't evil!

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves (1937) was so fun to watch again. I could do a massive post like those  101 Dalmatians or Toy Story look backs. Have you watched Snow recently? Tonight is HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT and it's not too late to join in. The post will go up at 10:30 PM. Pick your shot and join in!

Cronenberg. Cosmopolis. Can't Wait.

Since I neglected to share the Cosmopolis teaser when it first hit the net and we'll wait for the full trailer for our Yes No Maybe So treatment (obviously I'm an orgasmic yes... Cronenberg. Duh) so I thought I'd share my 9 favorite images from the teaser in sort of chronological order...though I lost track of them as they exploded orgasmically over my terrified/turned on eyeballs.

If anyone can make a Don DeLillo novel which takes place solely in the back of a car cinematic, isn't it David Cronenberg?

Robert Pattinson is painfully attractive ... which is painful to admit. Damn you, RPattz!

7 more increasingly freaky shots after the jump...

Click to read more ...

Box Office: Hungry For a Potter/Twilight Replacement

Audiences were ridiculously eager to collectively devour their new multi-year franchise, giving Hunger Games with no bankable stars and only books to sell it, a gargantuan opening weekend... right up there with Batman and Spider-Man with nary a superpower in sight... unless you count archery skills. I guess Hawkeye would. You'd think people were actually reading (gasp) given the enormous success of these bestseller-to-movie transfers for about a decade now. Sadly the numbers do not bear this out with one famous study claiming that 27% of adults in the US don't even read one book a year. 

As I walked into my consulting job Friday I overheard two women talking, and the conversation might have been scripted for an informercial specifically designed to sell tickets... 

Younger Woman: What is this Hunger Games? Everyone is talking about it!
Slightly Older Woman: It's going to kick Twilight's ass. Do you want to know the premise? 

I knew it would be big but I didn't know it'd be colossal. 

TOP TEN (Estimates)
01 THE HUNGER GAMES  $155 new in wide release
02 21 JUMP STREET  $21.3 (cum. $71) [Reviewed]
03 THE LORAX  $13.1 (cum. $177.3)
04 JOHN CARTER  $5  (cum. $62.3) [Review, Kitsch Beefcake, Dr Seuss's John Carter]
05 ACT OF VALOR  $2 (cum. $65.9)
06 PROJECT X  $1.9 (cum. $51.7)
07 A THOUSAND WORDS $1.9 (cum. $14.9)
08 OCTOBER BABY $1.7 new in limited release
09 SAFE HOUSE  $1.4 (cum. $122.6)
10 JOURNEY 2 THE MYSTERIOUS ISLAND $1.3 (cum. $97.1)

How early did you have to show up to get a good seat? We arrived 30 minutes early and that was just barely enough time to get two seats together... on the side. My preference is middle middle but whose isn't? They always fill up first.