Beauty vs Beast: Mars Girls Are Easy

Jason from MNPP here with this week's "Beauty vs Beast" -- today is the 25th anniversary of one of our most favorite trash spectacles, Paul Verhoeven's Total Recall! The film was dropped on a unsuspecting public on June 1st, 1990, probably expecting the usual Arnold Schwarzenegger shoot-em-up... you know, "usual" meaning without any little people with crimped hair shooting machine guns. Little did they know! Well maybe if they'd seen Verhoeven's previous Amrican effort, the similarly bonkers Robocop, they had a clue. Still the movie was a great big hit, as to be expected in 1990 with Arnold's big face on the poster, even if it's still incredibly strange in that incredible Verhoeven way.

Back in 2009 I listed five of my favorite side characters from this movie over at my own site - I've seen this movie more times than I could count, so every twisted-up face is like an old friend - and I figured it'd be more fun to dive a little deeper than just Arnie vs Ironside or Sharon Stone vs that dark-haired lady that isn't Sharon Stone for today's competition. So on one side we have Mary... who the hell is Mary, you ask? She's probably better known as "The Three-Breasted Hooker." Ahh now you know who I mean. (As an aside here's a dishy necessarily-NSFW interview with the actress Lycia Naff who played the role.) And on the other, the rebel leader Kuato, played (and voiced) by Marshall Bell and a gooey gut-puppet. Freeeee Marrrrrsssssss...

I know what a hard decision this is, so you've got one whole week to choose.

No, not two weeks. One week. ONE week!

Box Office Quickie: Meryl Streep, The Right Choice

Remember that glorious bit on the sitcom Modern Family where Cameron sang the praises of Meryl Streep?

Meryl Streep could play Batman and be the right choice from Kristian Møller Jørgensen on Vimeo.

Meryl Streep could play Batman and be the right choice."

I kept thinking about that this weekend when Hope Springs hit theaters competing with all these new releases. Could Streep play a genetically mutated super spy like Renner? Could Streep play Catwoman as well as Hathaway? Could Streep play a disaster seeking political office like...Oh wait, that was last year. Whatever, one thinks of her range, she is a box office star as the opening weekend of Hope Springs indicates. Sure 4th place isn't great but when you stop to remember that it's a movie about senior citizens struggling with sexual intimacy than 4th place is basically 5 consecutive weeks at number one.

The Bourne Legacy's terrific opening weekend is interesting. Does this mean you don't need Matt Damon or that even just the memory of Matt Damon is bankable?

Top o' the Box Office To You
01 new THE BOURNE LEGACY $40.2 
02 new THE CAMPAIGN $27.4 
03 THE DARK KNIGHT RISES $19.5 (Cum. $390.1) Review
04 new HOPE SPRINGS  $15.6 Oscar Prospects?
05 DIARY OF AN ANNOYING FRANCHISE PT. 2 $8.2 (Cum. $30.5)
06 TOTAL RECALL $8.1 (Cum. $44.1) Review

Jeremy, Rachel, Meryl and Anne race away with the box office

Other box office notes of...uh...note:
Total Recall took a disastrous 68 percent drop in its second weekend suggesting that it probably won't earn back even half of its budget in domestic release;  Brave continues to climb the Pixar charts having just passed WALL•E with Cars in its sights next; After seven weeks Beasts of the Southern Wild appears to have finally hit the wall and will now descend *sniffle*. (It's done very well for itself but I was hoping we'd see braver moviegoers embrace it in larger numbers. It's always worth hoping that the general public will get a little more adventurous in their moviegoing... I mean THIS is available to them and they still want reheated superhero leftovers?); Farewell My Queen, my pet cause, has been inching towards the magic $1 million mark at the arthouse but I worry it'll fall short now... it'll need a couple more weeks to get there and those might be hard to come by.

Finally, Ruby Sparks couldn't drum up much interest in a big expansion so it's not much longer for this world... I have the guilt about not seeing this. I must go this week! Must you? 

Review: "Total Recall"

This review originally appeared in my column at Towleroad

It's hard not to feel sympathy for Colin Farrell. His secret movie star weapon is those long, thick unmistakable eyebrows. When he's in distress his brow lifts and pulls them up into a converging point, creating a perfect triangular frame for big brown orbs of boyish angst. "Help me!" is written all over his eyes. That same furrowed brow expression with just minor flickering shifts can also say "Please love me!" and "Aren't I funny?" and "..." His capacity for impish excitement and moral confusion were a perfect match for his best star turn to date in the hitman seriocomedy In Bruges (2008) and it helps the TOTAL RECALL do-over more than it should.

Farrell plays everyman Doug Quaid who doesn't realize he's actually someone else because his memory has been erased. A trip to the fantasy memory banks of "Total Rekall" (a reversal of Eternal Sunshine's "Lacuna Inc" since the company aims to give you false memories rather than take real ones away) upsets his reprogramming and suddenly he's killing soldiers with the trained might of a futuristic Jason Bourne. Returning home his formerly loving wife (Kate Beckinsale) tries to kill him.

Quaid realizes he's completely lost in a false life with no memory of the real one. Cut to: plentiful moments of Farrell Furrowing!

But you shouldn't have time to think about the magic and mystery of physiognomy while you're watching an action movie. If you do your mind wanders and questions come cascading in like...

"When did Kate Beckinsale's Hair becomes self-aware like SkyNet?" When?!?

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Contest: Development Hell

If this blog were a movie, you'd have never read it. I'd have typed up innumerable drafts and discussed them with producers. They'd have missed the point entirely -- 'Have you thought about adding more unmade superhero movie rumors (the internet loves those) and ditching the actresses (booooorrring!)? -- then they'd hand over the reins to another writer entirely and another. No one would hit publish.

But this blog is not a movie and I hit publish all the time. The only "Tales From Development Hell" that effect me here involve plans for series that have trouble getting going or lose their way during production. 

If this blog post were a movie it would never be published and the books I have to give away to you would gather dust, cobwebs, and cat hair... so so so much cat hair (curse you, summer!). 

Anyway... THE BOOK! 

It has crazy stories about various aborted versions of The Planet of the Apes which led to Tim Burton's trainwreck. It charts the difficult journey of Total Recall  to the screen just in time for the remake.

Ahnuld demonstrates the face worn by all people working on movies in development hell.

'First of all, I really wanted to cast William Hurt,' he says, 'and the difference between Bill Hurt and Arnold Schwarzenegger probably tells you everything. I was doing something that I thought was faithful to Phil Dick and also to my own sense of the complex understanding of what memory is and what identity is. Obviously it would have been sci-fi and you would have gone to Mars, but it would have been like "Spider" goes to Mars,' he adds referring to his 2002 film starring Ralph Fiennes as a man struggling to piece his memories together, 'as opposed to "Raiders of the Lost Ark" Goes to Mars.' "
-David Cronenberg on his version of "Total Recall" 

It has a depressing story of Darren Aronofsky's Batman:Year One proposal (depressing because "gimme")... and much more. The movie choices lean a little fanboy -- I'd love to read a book like this on Jodie Foster's Flora Plum -- but the stories are interesting and it'll totally make you respect movies that get made... at all. What a rough business showbizness is.

If you wanna read it send me an e-mail by Saturday July 14th with "Development Hell" in the subject line with the following three pieces of info:

1. Your Name
2. Your Shipping Address
3. (Briefly for possible publication here): Name a recent movie you wish had stayed in development hell longer. What two things would you have changed about it before it hit screens.

I'll announce the winners on Sunday! So start e-mailing and rewriting recent movies.

P.S. While we're on the subject of development hell, a version of the 2002 documentary The Sweatbox (supposedly Disney prevented the release from ever happening?) about the difficult production history of The Emperor's New Groove is showing in its entirety on YouTube. Have any of you seen it?

Beauty Break: The Best of Colin Farrell

Colin Farrell turned 36 years hot today and after a tumultuous career that saw him win major celebrity status well in advance of anyong seeing his actual Acting, he finally seems to have settled into life as a reasonably famous, reasonably scandal-free (unlike before), well employed and consistently delivering screen presence in films both big and small.

Photographed by Tom Munro

The two things he doesn't totally have yet are a reputation as a great actor (though he's certainly a good one) or a bankable star. He'll take another shot at both of those missing ingredients this year with Seven Psychopaths (which reunites him with writer/director Martin McDonagh who yanked an Oscar-nom worthy performance out of him in In Bruges) and the sci-fi remake Total Recall (in the Arnold Schwarzenegger role).

Regarding the latter, the last time the Irish actor headlined an 80s remake audiences ignored him. Will he fare better this time? We'll find out in August almost exactly a year after Fright Night bowed and was promptly staked.

Five Favorite Farrells and Five Favorite Fotos after the jump...

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