Teensy Reviews: 6 Films We Didn't Review Properly

These reviews could fit in a tweet. Presented to assuage Nathaniel's guilt from not having properly reviewed them when they arrived, though he sometimes dropped hints of his feelings in other contexts.

IN THEATERS

Swiss Army Man (Daniels)
Story: A suicidal man (Paul Dano) finds companionship and a new zest for life when he meets a corpse (Daniel Radcliffe)
Review: Wobbly start, Self sabotaging end. But, Oh!, those imaginative mental heights in the middle. 
Grade: Middle Hour: A- / The Rest: C+

Genius (Michael Grandage)
Story: An account of the long working relationship between famed editor Max Perkins (Colin Firth) and one of his literary finds Thomas Wolfe (Jude Law). Let us not mention the women (Nicole Kidman, The Lovely Laura Linney) lest we rage again at the terrible gender politics
Review: The work of an editor is shape & rhythm, so why is a film about a great one lumpy and lead-footed? Over and under-acted at once. 
Grade: D- 
Extra: Amir's festival review

The Shallows (Jaume Collet-Serra)
Story: A grieving med school dropout is attacked by a shark and stranded in the ocean alone. Can she survive? Review: Mechanical, but that's meant as a compliment. It plays. Slight with just enough bite (sorry). Bonus points for Steven Seagull.
Grade: B 

ON DVD & BLURAY

The Bronze (Bryan Buckley)
Story: Two former Olympic champions (Melissa Rauch & Sebastian Stan) fight over a promising new female gymnast
Review: Rude and daring. But its suffocatingly narrow comic tone mars the promising conceit, good jokes, and a lunatic sex scene. 
Grade: C+ 

How to Be Single (Christian Ditter)
Story: Four single girls (Dakota Johnson, Leslie Mann, Rebel Wilson, Alison Brie) try to find themselves... and maybe a boyfriend... in Manhattan.
Review: Unexpectedly involving performances. Fun. And yet, as uneven and generic as first dates. One entire storyline needs to go.
Grade: B- 

10 Cloverfield Lane (Dan Trachtenberg)
Story: A woman (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) wakes up chained up by a man (John Goodman) in an underground shelter. Should she fear the man or the apocalypse he swears is raging outside the bunker? 
Review: Discomforting. What it lacks in scope, it makes up for in propulsive plotting: from frying pan to fire to inferno.
Grade: B 

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (S1.E5-6)

We haven't forgotten about Crazy Ex Girlfriend. We'll just mix in it as we get through its hilarious episodes in preparation for Season 2. 

S1:E5 "Josh and I Are Good People!"

Rebecca, still guilty from her terrible behavior with Greg, attempts to prove to herself that she's a good person by getting mixed up in people's lives including Daryl's custody battle for his daughter. Josh also goes a little mental worrying that he's too much of a sinner. Let's rank the crazy...

Click to read more ...

Daddy's Little Monster

We don't want to tire of the hype around Margot Robbie's Harley Quinn before even seeing Suicide Squad but the marketing sure is leaning heavily on her. Or, more existentially, the question: is it possible to steal a movie that's been given to you?

Your excitement level in the comments please.

Melinkia

Variety Emmys are revoking Peter MacNicol's "Guest Actor" nomination for Veep since he appeared in 50% of the episodes (it's supposed to be under 50% a rule we support after years of abuse by studios and actors) but who gets his spot? Stay tuned.
Pajiba reacts with glorious schadenfreude to the news that Divergent is being demoted to TV for its final film
What Mama Said the best review of The Legend of Tarzan out there
THR the resurgence of Dungeons & Dragons in showbiz as geek culture reigns

Interview revives an old cover story from 1991 on Kathy Bates
Decider Who is the worst character on Gilmore Girls?
No Film School on AMC's giant purchase of Odeon (they're going to be way too powerful for one company in terms of how you see movies) -- and China's growing rapidly growing theatrical business.
Towleroad IFC picks up James Franco's latest gay endeavor, King Cobra, the true story of a murder in the gay porn industry 
Pajiba Diane Kruger and Joshua Jackson have split up after 10 years. Sad face. So Pajiba looks back on their coupledom.
The Film Stage chooses the 50 best sci-fi films this century thus far. 50 is a lot for 16 years. The top ten feels substantial but I can't forgive them for having The Lobster so low it's practically sitting alongside those terrible Matrix sequels and Ex-Machina and Mad Max Fury Road not in the top ten feels... well, these lists are made to get people riled up (and clicking) so I'll stop there.
The Guardian interviews the undervalued Rebecca Hall 

Today's Watch
If you haven't yet seen this bit from The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, you must. Longtime readers will know that TFE worships Broadway musical star Laura Benanti. Her voice is spectacular but her comic skills are just as strong. Here she is doing Melania Trump just one day after people noticed their resemblance. [Hat tip: Vulture]

And James Corden gets both FLOTUS and Missy Elliott in the car (Holla!) for some Carpool Karaoke and talk about "Let Girls Learn". Joyful. Inspiring. Just what we need right now. 

Ava DuVernay Documentary to Open New York Film Festival

by Murtada

The Fall Film Festivals (Venice, Toronto, Telluride, New York and London) are almost upon us. Or at least the announcements of their programmes are. TIFF announces next Tuesday, Venice at the end of of July. New York announced its opening night selection this week, Ava DuVernay’s The 13th, a documentary about the high incarceration rate, particularly of African Americans, in the United States.

The title refers to the constitutional amendment abolishing slavery:

Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States.”

The film mixes archival footage - from the civil rights movement, Ku Klux Klan to the Black Lives Matter movement - with modern day commentary to present the ramifications of the amendment and the history of racial inequality in the US. It’s an apt choice for all that’s unfolding in 2016. The 13th will be released in cinemas and on Netflix on October 7th.

Lupita Nyongo'o and Madina Nalwanga in Queen of Katwe

Meanwhile lists are also being made for what other movies will appear on the festival circuit. London will open with Amma Asante’s A United Kingdom, and Mira Nair’s Queen of Katwe will have its European premiere there, meaning it will debut somewhere on this side of the Atlantic first. Let’s speculate what else could play at New York, based on precedent that is arbitrary and will probably mean nothing in the end. But it’s fun to speculate:

• Damien Chazelle’s La La Land - this film, with the beloved trailer, will open Venice. Another Emma Stone film, Birdman, opened Venice and closed New York, it could happen again.

• Ang Lee’s Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk - because Life of Pi opened NYFF in 2012.

• Martin Scorsese's Silence - remember when Hugo started its Oscar campaign with a surprise screening in New York in 2011?

• Tom Ford’s Nocturnal Animals - the rumour is that it will play in competition at Venice. Come to New York soon after, Tom. We'd like to see Amy Adams and Jake Gyllenhaal together in a movie, too.

• Kenneth Lonergan’s Manchester By the Sea - there’s always a Sundance movie that makes it to NYFF, Whiplash and Brooklyn being the last two examples.

• Robert Zemeckis’ Allied - his last two films, The Walk and Flight, both played at NYFF before opening nationwide.

That's just a few titles, we will know much more in the next few weeks. Are you planning to attend any of the fall film festivals?