Beauty vs Beast: Girl-On-Girl Power

Jason from MNPP here feeling sweaty and gross here in the annual inferno named July -- I wish I could say I was using this week's "Beauty vs Beast" to cool us down but instead I'm turning the heat up up up thanks to today being the 78th birthday of the spicy Paul Verhoeven, helmer of the hotly anticipated rape-revenge thriller Elle with Isabelle Huppert, and of legendarily epic dumpster-fires (a term I use in this context with extreme admiration) like Showgirls and Starship Troopers and today's honoree, 1992's Basic Instinct. Muy caliente! So everybody slip off your underpants (if you're wearing any), straddle your favorite gal-pal in the bathroom, and help me slash away at this one...

PREVIOUSLY Anticipating this past weekend's Ghostbusters we hit rewind to Paul Feig's last great comedy Spy, forcing you to choose between Head Funny Lady Melissa McCarthy and Supporting Funny Lady Rose Byrne - well it was as called in these parts a total Supporting Actress Smackdown, with Byrne slinking off with 73% of your votes. Said Jakey:

"What a stupid fucking retarded poll."

Beauty vs Beast: Bustin' Spies Makes Me Feel Good

Well here we are and it's Monday and I'm Jason from MNPP and this is your weekly "Beauty vs Beast" moment. Ya ready? This Friday (otherwise known as my birthday!) Paul Feig's loooooong awaited and ultra discussed reboot of Ghostbusters comes out. Maybe you've heard something? Something about ovaries or something? I don't know. All's I know is the reboot's got four of the funniest lady-people who make funny today in Melissa McCarthy & Kristen Wiig & Kate McKinnon & Leslie Jones, and I'm all in. Hell, I even liked the much-reviled trailer.

In fact the only thing that's given me a sad face in the lead up to Ghostbusters was when I scanned through the cast list and I realized that Rose Byne's not in the movie. How great would Byrne have been playing the dastardly William Atherton role from the original? But then I did just re-watch Feig's previous film, the gets-funnier-every-time-you-watch-it Spy, and speaking of...

PREVIOUSLY Two weeks ago (sorry for the July 4th lapse) we celebrated the 30th anniversary of Jim Henson's film Labyrinth by pitting a pretty girl against a Golbin King, and this time around David Bowie's bulge came out on top with almost 3/4s of your vote. Said Glenn:

"The tights are most definitely not a con."

Beauty vs Beast: The Original Maze Runner

Jason from MNPP here using the ocassion of another's week's "Beauty vs Beast" to give good goblin love to one of our favorite 80s kid's movies: Jim Henson's Labyrinth is turning 30 today! The film was released on June 27th 1986, and to folks my age it became pretty much an instant classic. Labyrinth tells a tale as old as time - girl babysits, girl wishes baby away to David Bowie, David Bowie's innappropriate bulge mesmerizes an eight-year-old me, so on and so forth. What's not to love? I saw Jennifer Connolly on the subway once and it took all the restraint inside of me not to yell, "Your mother is a fraggin' aardvark!" at her.

PREVIOUSLY It was the start of the endless summer season last week so what better way to 'celebrate" than by looking back at the romantic-comedy that dragged it out to (500) Days - in the end it was the dancing charms of Joseph Gordon-Levitt that won your heart (at least for a few months anyway) with 57% of the vote. Said Noecitos:

"Team Tom! If only because of the inspired fanfic writers who paired him with Tom Hardy's character in Warrior."

Beauty vs Beast: The Dog Days of Romance

Jason from MNPP here at "Beauty vs Beast" o'clock, wishing everybody the happiest First Day of Summer possible... and if you're like me and you hate this season as much as I do then that includes a locked door, some drawn shades, and an air conditioner on full blast. Heat! Sweat! Sunshine! Blah! I want none of it. I have the opposite of what Mama Cass had in "California Dreamin'" - I dream of such a winter's day. (And that's why I live in NYC.) But you know what? There are only 93 days of Summer... it could be worse!

PREVIOUSLY Knowing full well that Finding Dory was about to flood the marketplace we went Pixar-themed last week too, asking y'all to pick sides in the Great Toy Battle of 1995 - Are you a Buzz or are you a Woody? Turns out that 75% of you are Woodies, who knew? Said BVR:

"I love that Pixar resisted the urge to endear Woody to us, instead playing up the mad, jealous, even scheming nature that springs from within as he sees his #1 status being gradually taken away. You would think this would make me vote for Buzz, who seems totally innocent, delusional and oblivious to Woody's schemes; but as funny as that quality is, I just love Woody for being so flawed and human."

Beauty vs Beast: Spaceman Blues

Jason from MNPP here - it's time for another "Beauty vs Beast" y'all! Today's we're talking Pixar because of two reasons -- first off their sequel Finding Dory is out this weekend, prepped to splash magic across the summer box office. And next off it's the 63rd birthday of Tim Allen today, whose greatest role (give or take a Galaxy Quest) came divorced from his physical being, his essence siphoned into Pixar's patented pixels and then tossed into the greatest toy box there ever was with 1995's Toy Story. Can you imagine a world with Buzz Lightyear or Woody the well-meaning cotton-stuffed cowpoke? I thought not. But try to remember that once upon a time they were more at each other's throats than anything else, and then take your sides...

PREVIOUSLY Last week we stormed onto the primary-color-coated set of the soap opera satire Soapdish, maneuvered ourselves between the divas and dimbulbs, and asked you to choose between the Queen Bee and the Crazy Bitch - well with 60% of the vote once again Celeste Talbert (Sally Field) has made her way to that podium. Said Sawyer:

"'What am I, 70, David? Why don't you just put me in a walker? Buy a goddamn walker and put me in it!' #celesteforever"