Beauty vs Beast: Here Come The Bridesmaids

Jason from MNPP here -- you want to know something shocking? Alright "shocking" might be me overexaggerating (thank you for that new word, Ryan Lochte) but I was shocked anyway - I have never done an edition of "Beauty vs Beast" for Bridesmaids. Doesn't that seem absolutely impossible? I went back and forth through the archives myself a couple of times to make sure but it's true. I couldn't believe it - I saw it was Kristen Wiig's 43rd birthday today and I thought to myself, "Well maybe there's something besides Bridesmaids that I can do, since obviously I'd have done Bridesmaids by now," but nope, no, haven't, kuh-rrrrrrazy!

So let's! I've seen this movie so many times at this point (if it is on cable, and it is always on cable, I will stop my life and I will watch it) that I managed this entire post without having to cheat and look up things to jog my memory. It's already a modern classic, at just over 5 years old. But where do our loyalties lay when it comes down between these two troublesome girlfriends...

PREVIOUSLY For the Material Girl's birthday we Desperately Sought the answer to "Does anyone appreciate her acting ability?" and speaking of shocker, we do! She grooved into a 2/3rds win over Rosanna Arquette. Said Mike in Canada (and now you know!):

"I'm can't bring myself to vote against either of these fantastic women, so I'll conscientiously abstain, and just wait a week to find out how much Madonna won by."

Beauty vs Beast: Who's Those Girls

Jason from MNPP here, letting you know for this week's "Beauty vs Beast" that sometimes, at night times, I close and lock the door so no one else can see and... I dance! I dance all by myself! And tomorrow we will all dance (for inspiration) because tomorrow Madonna, the one and only, is turning 58. So now is not the time to haggle over her acting skills - let's just accept the fact that the world would be a less fun place if the she-lady of white lace gloves had never stomped into it, and look at what is probably her best (fictional) turn on-screen, in 1985's Desperately Seeking Susan.

I had never seen this movie until earlier this year when our estimable host Nathaniel dragged me to it at a screening at the Metrograph here in NYC, can you believe that? Speaking of, Metrograph is doing an entire retrospective of the Material Girl's movies later this month, including showing Susan once again, and I highly recommend catching it on a big screen - it's like being dropped into the fanciful 80s East Village of magicians and thrift shops of your dreams. The entire cast is stuffed with about-to-be-somebodies like Aidan Quinn (humina humina) and Laurie Metcalf, and the leading goofball two-some of Rosanna Arquette & Madonna are a true pop delight.

PREVIOUSLY Even though it was his birthday, and even though he's a certifiable acting legend, poor Dustin Hoffman didn't stand a chance -- we'd all long ago been seduced away by Anne Bancroft's smoky eyes and smokier delivery as the iconic older woman in The Graduate; Mrs. Robinson took just under 80% of your vote. Said Tom:

"As soon as Mrs Robinson wondered into his bedroom "mistakenly" looking for the bathroom, I knew this was a performance for the ages."

Beauty vs Beast: Koo Koo Ka Choose

Howdy and Happy Monday it's Jason from MNPP here on this, the day that the great Dustin Hoffman is turning 79 years old. How do you think he now views the concerns of his most famous character Benjamin Braddock of The Graduate, from the opposite vantage point of age? Of course he's much older now than Anne Bancroft was as Mrs. Robinson (now that I think about it I'm actually right around Mrs. Robinson's age myself! Weird!) so he probably looks back at Ben with tired eyes at this point. Heck I do myself, although I don't know if I entirely sympathize with Mrs. Robinson's self-destructive behavior either. But where do you stand? That's right it's time for this week's "Beauty vs Beast" ...

PREVIOUSLY We are smearing our sad clown make-up off this morning and waving an over-sized glove goodbye to International Clown Week - last week's competition of clown couples in Short Cuts fell on the "Julianne Moore & Matthew Modine" side, probably because of the film's still infamous full-frontal fight scene - said Mark, speaking truth to privates:

"The genius of Moore is you watch her face in this instead of her special lady place."

Beauty vs Beast: Send in the You-Know-Whats

Howdy folks it's Jason from MNPP here wishing everybody a candy-colored start to a candy-colored week - that's right, today marks the first day of International Clown Week, held every year right at the start of August, aka the best time to make that make-up run right off your face and give you the time honored "Creepy Clown Effect." But while (in a weird but total coincidence) I may have just started re-reading Stephen King's It this week I'm not going to make you think about Scary Clowns today - oh I know for some of you there is no other kind, but I'm going to try to temper that with Auterism because...

... hey remember that scene in Robert Altman's 1993 masterpiece Short Cuts where Claire (Anne Archer), a professional clown, and her husband Stuart (Fred Ward) get blasted at dinner with new friends Marion (Julianne Moore) and Ralph (Matthew Modine), and instead of the partner-swapping you expect to happen they all just put on clown make-up and dance around instead? I sure do. It's one of the many right turns the film takes when you've braced yourself for a left. So let's face off these two couples for "Beauty vs Beast" this week...

If you need a refresher both couples are in the middle of personal crises -- Marion & Ralph (Moore & Modine) are the couple who have the long fight about her cheating whilst Juli proves she's a natural redhead, while Stuart has just told Claire (Ward & Archer) that he and his fishing buddies fished around a corpse all weekend long. In the grand tradition of Altman-esque character studies, they're all a bit beastly.

PREVIOUSLY Last week we ventured to Mortville with John Waters and his muses for a look at one of his most underappreciated efforts, Desperate Living (and the poll showed just how underappreciated the film remains, with one of our tiniest voting totals ever) - it was Queen Carlotta (Edith Massey) who was carried by her loyal litter of man-servants to the victory, taking 55% of the vote. Said Ken S:

"I'll teach you to arouse royalty! - Team Carlotta all the way!"

Beauty vs Beast: Stuck In Mortville

Jason from MNPP here, saying howdy from a steamy-as-Hell Monday in New York. The heat reminds me that the Film Experience is celebrating 1977 this month -- 1977 in NYC was the "Summer of Sam," with heatwaves and black-outs and serial killing, oh my. We don't have it that bad, thank goodness. Anyway I just recently celebrated the Year of '77 on my own site with a Top 5 but there was one movie I hated leaving off, so let's take advantage of the opportunity with this week's "Beauty vs Beast."

John Waters' Desperate Living was released on May 27th 1977 - sandwiched as it is between Female Trouble (his masterpiece, says me) and Hairspray (his big mainstream hit) Desperate Living often gets overlooked, but it's High Trash Heaven thanks to its two leading ladies, John's manic & marvelous muses of manure...

PREVIOUSLY Sharon Stone achieved near dominace (and she wouldn't want it any othe rway) with last week's Basic Instinct poll - she topped Michael Douglas (ahem) with nearly 92% of the vote! Said forever1267 and Ryan Murphy, heed our call!):

"Such delicious filthy trash Brilliant movie movie dialogue, and that all empowering Scene. The only person in that room with power is wearing white... and nothing else.

Sharon really should chat up Ryan Murphy."