Would you rather...

It's another edition of our favorite made up game: instagram battles. Today's question.

Would you rather

... work out with Jai Courtney and his trainer?
... get a lift to a fashion show with Isabelle Huppert? 
... nap with Luke Evans and his monkey ?
... doodle self portraits with Boy George ?
....eat fire with Arjun Gupta? 
...or doze off during Emma Roberts book club? 

Pictures are after the jump to help you decide.

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American Horror Story Coven: "Bitchcraft" & "Boy Parts"

So Brad Falchuk and Ryan Murphy have finally done it. After years of wooing me with meaty roles for actresses of a certain age (meat served bloody raw) in their American Horror Story anthology series, I am down for watching it as it airs. It's been clear for some time that the creative team's orientation is fully aligned with the Actressexuality™ named and promoted by TFE for several years now. Thus, a natural kinship exists even if yours truly is squeamish about horror. I have been mostly agnostic when it comes to Jessica Lange my whole life (though I thought her "Sister Jude" on Asylum was easily her best work since the 80s) but when it comes to two-time Oscar winner Lange paired with Sarah Paulson, Oscar winner Kathy Bates, Oscar nominee Gabby Sidibe, Lily Rabe, AND Oscar nominee Angela Awesome Basset? Uncle! I surrender to your casting voodoo. 

Kathy Bates in "Coven"

Please to Note: I did try to watch the first two seasons but in both cases, I eventually bailed after a few episodes from the gore and the, how to put this, unwatchable epileptic fits of lensing and editing and framing. Listen, I can live with frenetic editing (you kind of have to since the late 80s) knowing that when I need a fix of long takes that let me enjoy great acting, I can always seek out auteur films. (Odd that it would be auteurs, who so thoroughly OWN their pictures, that would be the only ones to just hand said pictures to the actors on occasion). But it's not just the genre or the typical short attention span in cutting that has previously made AHS unpalatable for me.

The show, or at least the first handful of episodes of its previous seasons, often appeared to have been shot and edited and framed by a group of wild, bug-eyed, A.D.D. addled 12 year old boys... albeit uniquely pervy pre-teens who were raised in asylums and jacked off to photos of grande dame actresses while horror movies were projected on continual loop on the grey walls of their prison. The only break in horror programming was obviously the complete filmography of Jessica Lange.

...or at least the lobotomy scenes from Frances (1982).

It wasn't just quick cutting but canted cameras, baroque flash cuts, inebriated camera swerves, you name it. But let's put that behind us and move on to Season 3's first two eppys after the jump. Spoilers ahead obviously.

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Links: Vampire Tears, Akira Troubles, Beach Sex Showstoppers

IGN Sarah Buffy Michelle Buffy Gellar (she has four names okay?) talks about her new TV series Ringer
Joblo the first image from David Cronenberg's Cosmopolis. Just two actors in a car. Woooo
Tyler Shields envision rising stars Juno Temple and Emma Roberts crying. Vampire and unicorn tears fall.

poll by twiigs.com

Twitch ah, the ongoing saga of the ill fated live action version of Akira. The troubled project just lost its director. Honestly, any director who signs on in his stead and is okay with the white-washing (with the retention of the Japanese character names, which makes the whole white-washing grossly confrontational and proud of itself. Ewww) deserves the mess he inherits.
Pajiba invites everyone into the pool to celebrate Memorial Day Weekend (at the movies)
Towleroad The Hangover Part II reenergizes the misunderstood topic of male nudity in film. See, Hollywood only believes in the penis as a comedy prop. Thus, this is hardly a groundbreaking film in the nudity department ;)
Johnny Wander check out these amusing Batman illustrations. Excuse me, "Batmen".
Lemonwade Barbra Streisand's version of Gypsy wants Hugh Jackman for Bernie. How about them eggrolls? My oh my what a strange film this will end up being no matter what occurs.
Natasha VC Did Darren Aronofsky trick us with The Wrestler?

How on earth will they mic the actors in the famous beach scene?Stage Door
I know I've been terrible about keeping up my theater column. But theater awaits tonight -- seeing The Normal Heart with friends -- and the Tony Awards are not far off. Here's a few theater bits to tide you over.

Broadway World The famous lyricist Tim Rice (Evita, The Lion King, Chess, etcetera) is doing a musical version of Oscar winner From Here To Eternity. He's aiming for a 2012 West End production
American Theater Wing offers up noteworthy advice to Broadway stars heading to new TV Series this fall.
Playbill Sandra Bernhard's new show, just a couple days after her birthday (I know because we share one), is called I Love Being Me, Don't You? Hee. Special guests include Rufus Wainwright, Liza F****** Minnelli and Mx Justin Vivian Bond so I'm there four times over. Although it would be silly to buy four tickets.