AHS: Freakshow "Edward Mordrake Pt. 1"

AHS rips its own plotlines off for this new episode (guest starring Wes Bentley)How do you make an episode in which almost nothing happens almost half-again as long as episodes where lots of things happen? I know not but Hollywood is getting very good at it lately what with all their supersized TV episodes and two part movie finales for quadrilogies where a trilogy (or less) would do.

In "honor" of the bloating, we're going svelte with a briefer rundown . 

Plot: A con artist and his protege arrive at the freakshow with nefarious plans. Bette and Dot still hate each other. Bearded Lady gets bad news. And, finally, ripping itself off completely Freakshow reboots Coven's Danny Huston plotline about a ghostly mass murderer from the past being unintentionally summoned to visit our makeshift family of weirdos.

Episode MVP: Kathy Bates. Ethel visits a doctor and learns she only has a year to live. Immediately gets hammered and then recalls her tragic story of exploitation. Special shout out to Kathy Dietch, the actress playing Ethel's younger self in flashbacks who's done a great if thankless job this season.

Musical Break: Jessica Lange sings after being conned by the newly arrived "spiritualist" Esmeralda (Emma Roberts) into believing there's still a chance for stardom. Lange has now sung twice in a season in which they've hired Patti Labelle and given her zip to do. Now, that's freaky.

Body Count: Unknown. Edward Mordrake (Wes Bentley), a man with two faces, massacres an entire circus freakshow in old timey flashback before hanging himself. And a group of birds are decapitated to piss me off on my couch. Enough with the decapitated birds Miss Julie Ryan Murphy!

Movie Reference: A visual homage to a classic moment from John Carpenter's Halloween (1978) via Twisty the Clown.

Episode Grade: D+

That's it for this week but for a NSFW bit after the jump...

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Kate Winslet is FINALLY a Star

Here is abstew on Kate Winslet's star ceremony

 

Ladies and gentlemen, the ground of Los Angeles literally shook in anticipation of Kate Winslet's star today.

Don't worry, that earthquake in LA yesterday morning was all just a PR stunt orchestrated to commemorate the unveiling of the Oscar winner's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame! (That Divergent budget must be massive.) But a little ground swell didn't stop people from coming out to celebrate Kate's star at Hollywood and Vine. Kathy Bates, wearing a fabulous black and white mumu, auditioned to appear alongside Carrot Top in his Vegas act as she debuted a prop-heavy comedy routine about Kate having to clean her own star. But so Kate's not embarrassed by doing so, Bates supplied her with an "I'm NOT Kate Winslet" T-shirt. And I immediately went on eBay to buy a knock-off of it. Shailene Woodley (see Divergent this Friday!) spoke off the cuff about how Kate was always prepared and pleasant on set and then got a little choked up as she spoke of what an amazing role model she is. (Kathy Bates was seen gathering her things and mumbling, "sure, go the cheap sentimental route...) 

Kate, who joked that she had a breast-pump in hand as the earthquake rumbled that morning (always boobs with her), gave a short but sweet speech about how honored she was. She also pointed out that Titanic was 18 years ago (well, technically 17, but I'm sure filming it made it feel much longer) mainly just to remind us all that we're old if we remember seeing it in the theatre. But honestly, I'm kinda thrilled that she finally has a star! I mean, Jennifer Lopez, Vin Diesel, and Jennifer Aniston all have them–it was time. Now, she's just got to get working on that Tony in her EGOT to complete her collection...

The video, which really starts at about 1:21, is below. That Kathy Bates bit kinda has to be seen to be believed.

1 Day Til Oscar... "No. 1 Fan"

Flashback March 25th, 1991

Which one of these guys do you think Kathy Bates wanted to lock up in her house and possibly hobble? If neither Tom nor Dustin are the correct answer who do you think Kathy was eyeing on Oscar night that year? Tell us in the comments.

Question #2: If you had to nurse one of this year's Oscar nominees back to health in your remote house in the woods, who would it be? 

TFE's Coven

I apologize for the lack of American Horror Story: Coven coverage this past Thursday. Especially since you were so great about joining the conversation last time. I promise to do it weekly now...

Staring next Thursday. Which is Halloween! How perfect, right?

In the meantime for the next few days we're building our own coven of Big Screen Movie Witches for the holiday. Stay tuned! 

American Horror Story Coven: "Bitchcraft" & "Boy Parts"

So Brad Falchuk and Ryan Murphy have finally done it. After years of wooing me with meaty roles for actresses of a certain age (meat served bloody raw) in their American Horror Story anthology series, I am down for watching it as it airs. It's been clear for some time that the creative team's orientation is fully aligned with the Actressexuality™ named and promoted by TFE for several years now. Thus, a natural kinship exists even if yours truly is squeamish about horror. I have been mostly agnostic when it comes to Jessica Lange my whole life (though I thought her "Sister Jude" on Asylum was easily her best work since the 80s) but when it comes to two-time Oscar winner Lange paired with Sarah Paulson, Oscar winner Kathy Bates, Oscar nominee Gabby Sidibe, Lily Rabe, AND Oscar nominee Angela Awesome Basset? Uncle! I surrender to your casting voodoo. 

Kathy Bates in "Coven"

Please to Note: I did try to watch the first two seasons but in both cases, I eventually bailed after a few episodes from the gore and the, how to put this, unwatchable epileptic fits of lensing and editing and framing. Listen, I can live with frenetic editing (you kind of have to since the late 80s) knowing that when I need a fix of long takes that let me enjoy great acting, I can always seek out auteur films. (Odd that it would be auteurs, who so thoroughly OWN their pictures, that would be the only ones to just hand said pictures to the actors on occasion). But it's not just the genre or the typical short attention span in cutting that has previously made AHS unpalatable for me.

The show, or at least the first handful of episodes of its previous seasons, often appeared to have been shot and edited and framed by a group of wild, bug-eyed, A.D.D. addled 12 year old boys... albeit uniquely pervy pre-teens who were raised in asylums and jacked off to photos of grande dame actresses while horror movies were projected on continual loop on the grey walls of their prison. The only break in horror programming was obviously the complete filmography of Jessica Lange.

...or at least the lobotomy scenes from Frances (1982).

It wasn't just quick cutting but canted cameras, baroque flash cuts, inebriated camera swerves, you name it. But let's put that behind us and move on to Season 3's first two eppys after the jump. Spoilers ahead obviously.

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