Top Ten Triple: Time Tables 'Tween Movies

Generally speaking a human infant can be produced in nine months. Baby elephants take two years. But when it comes to directors birthing their next celluloid or digitial babies, the time tables from conception to birth remain a calendrical mystery. Outside of Woody Allen, who brings an infant film into the world each and every year and Clint Eastwood, who often has twins, there's just no telling!

It's so hard to please movie buffs

We're thinking about this because Darren Aronofsky is lining up his post Black Swan project and Serious Film was just rejoicing over the news that P.T. Anderson is back to work. His thinly veiled Scientology film, formerly titled "The Master" has a June start date. Michael is like Goldilocks on the topic of time between pictures and we are too -- it's hard to satisfy us! -- but the Robert Altman / Martin Scorsese time table, a film every two or so years, is deemed "just right".

Michael writes:

Sure that makes them more vulnerable to the occasional dud, but it also opens them up to all the interesting follies and surprise discoveries that wind up being as treasured as their major masterpieces. Marty would never had produced anything as odd and discomfiting as King of Comedy if he has been moving at the glacial pace of a Terrence Malick, and the cinematic landscape would have been poorer for it.'

Can he get an amen?

We're limiting the following lists to living filmmakers / post-studio time frame because everyone was more regular when films ruled the world (prior to tv) and were assembled with greater efficiency. So for today's lists, let's look at the slowpokes, inbetweeners and quickies. These are not exact lists -- imagine trying to research every director in the world and we've also extracted shorts, tv films and documentaries -- but lists of commonly discussed feature filmmakers and a few of our favorites thrown in for good measure. 

DISCLAIMER: We're fully aware that financial backing is a factor in speed but have to ignore it for the purposes of this article. Also, we're aware that release dates don't always reflect timetables but you try looking up start of filming dates versus release date disparity on thousands of movies.

also: eating, sleeping, thinking, applying sunscreen.

SLOWPOKES
Listed from the very slowest to quickest among the slow. One is forced to imagine that the following filmmakers actually hibernate inbetween films. Only intense hunger pains ever reawaken them. This list is dedicated to Spike Jonze (who has only made 3 features since he started movies and they're all brilliant. But three is no kind of legacy: Commit!) and to Jonathan Glazer who we can only assume is having problems with financing. He's only made 2 films, both of them wonderful, in the past 10 years. His next feature is supposedly Under the Skin (2014) which would arrive a full decade after Birth, one of the most brilliant films of the Aughts.

1. Terrence Malick
   Quickest: 5 years between Badlands and Days of Heaven.
   Slowest: 20 years between Days of Heaven and The Thin Red Line.
   Rough Breakdown: One film every seven and ½ years (5 films thus far)
2. Baz Luhrmann
   Quickest: 4 years between Strictly Ballroom and Romeo + Juliet
   Slowest: 7 years between Moulin Rouge and Australia
   Rough Breakdown: One film every four years and 9 months (4 films thus far)
3. David Lynch
   
   Bob, Dale Cooper and Lynch in the prolific Twin Peaks years.Quickest: He's managed one year gaps on occasion
   Slowest:

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This Must Be The Link

It's a link extravaganza. So many stories/goodies!

Comic Book Movie imagines Marvel and DC characters in the Situation Room. Love Hilary Clinton as Wonder Woman.
Nostalgic Times 12 classic actresses who are actual redheads.
Austin Translation the holiday is over but you have to see the greatest mother's day card ever (via Aliens!)
Scanners David Lynch's coffee commercial. "Real Good" says Barbie's head.

And appropos of nothing... the first official still of Brad Pitt in Cogan's Trade (2012)

Brad Pitt in COGAN'S TRADE (2012)

Money Technological prophecies from books and movies. Scifi that's become fact.
Towleroad Sean Penn clip from This Must Be The Place.
In Contention also has something to say about that goth rocker Nazi searching drama.
Letters of Note Quentin Tarantino's letter to a teenage fan. Fun / flashbacky. Remember when he was with Mira Sorvino?
CriEnglish Zhang Ziyi and Aaron Kwok share a cold bathtub in the new AIDS drama Love for Life (Zui Ai). Ziyi claims she'd doing anything for this movie.
People Magazine It seems like they've been together our whole lives but Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver have separated.

USA Today Woody Allen promises that his Rome picture is "an out and out comedy" and that he's going to be in it. First time in front of cameras since Scoop.
Stale Popcorn's 'Cinema of the Absurd' returns with Teen Witch (1989)
Antagony & Ecstasy's 'Blockbuster History' returns to look at The Labors of Hercules (1958) and the birth of the sword and sandal subgenre. Speaking of...
Twitch has the first trailer to Ronal the Barbarian, a bawdy Danish toon. America does seem to be the only country that views the animation medium as only for family films.
Frontiers has an interview with Raja, the latest winner of RuPaul's Drag Race and, yes, there will be a "Heathers" tour...

Hence this Heathers style photo with (left to right) Delta Work, Carmen Carerra, Manilla Luzon and Raja.

More from Thor?
Scene Stealers has been really working that Thor groove lately. They've got a top ten list of Most Iconic Movie Weapons.
Low Resolution has assorted thoughts. Joe's always a good Reid. (see what i did there?)
Cincinatti The Avengers will shoot in Ohio just as podcast guest Robert hinted this past week. For two whole weeks

Take Three: Brooke Smith

Craig here (from Dark Eye Socket) with Take Three. Today: Brooke Smith

Take One: Series 7: The Contenders (2001)
Smith's performance as Dawn “Bloody mama” Lagarto in Daniel Minahan’s Series 7: The Contenders is a goldmine of maternal aggression. Dawn is a risk-taking, self-serving, take-no-prisoners single pregnant woman with a gun and a hit list of new Contenders to wipe out. It's as far from life-affirming as it gets making Dawn the kind of caustically fantastic role that most A-list actresses would give their right arm... to steer clear of. Thank the gods of indie cinema that they gave us Brooke Smith, then. We first see her enter a convenience store to shoot an old guy in the back. “You got any bean dip?” she asks the cashier. The humour is black and she dishes it dry. In one of the film’s sickest/funniest TV-montage parodies we see Dawn slit someone’s throat in a lift, kick a guy downstairs, drown someone else in a toilet and strangle a woman in a car à la Halloween’s Michael Myers, all whilst with a bun in the oven. This is not a rom-com.

Smith exudes confidence as an actress and is completely believable even within the outre satiric prophecies of Series 7. I’d like to see her trade fiery, meaty dialogue with some of today’s cinematic greats; this may not have happened yet because she may somewhat show them up. With its sly undercurrent of political commentary, Series 7 (and, to a lesser extent, its closest imitator, 2005’s Live!) is the kind of film that prods the dark funny bone of anyone who finds the ongoing fad for “reality” TV (now more hatefully extreme then ever) dispiriting and ripe for incisive satire. Ten years on the film retains its grim, acidic bite. In my view, Smith’s performance is one of 2001's very best. Shame Oscar wouldn’t go near it with a barge pole.

Take Two: Melinda and Melinda (2005)
In Woody Allen’s double-plotted Melinda and Melinda Smith gives a supporting turn as friend and confidant of both lead Radha Mitchell’s Melinda and Chloë Sevigny’s Laurel. (She was at it again earlier this year in Fair Game, where she had one group dinner scene and a brief chat with Naomi Watts and was still the best thing about it.) Smith played pregnant Cassie, the only female role (barring bit parts) without her own (sub)plotline. This is a shame as there are mild hints (thanks to Smith) that Cassie has a sly, playful side that would’ve dazzled in a fun, stand-alone narrative strand. Sevigny and Mitchell, both ordinarily very good actresses, give strained, overdramatic performances. That left Smith to bring the goods.

More on Melinda² and, you guessed it, "The Girl in the Pit" after the jump.

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Links. Episode #14,001,382

I apologize for my uncharacteristic absence today. The day is just not really working out for me. Enjoy these links while I try to shake the mood off.

Frankly My Dear... Captain Adama Edward James Olmos honored at the Florida Film Festival. He's still very proud of his contributions to Blade Runner and Stand and Deliver.
My New Plaid Pants signs on to the Saoirse Ronan bandwagon post Hanna. People keep asking me if I have seen this. I have not seen this. I need a reason as I'm so not enjoying this teen assassin pop culture craze. It makes me so queasy.
Slash Film Robert Richardson, one of our favorite DPs will shoot Brad Pitt's World War Z movie.
Sunset Gun on an unusual choice in heartbreaking Woody Allen pictures: Take the Money and Run.
The AV Club looks at the new Mike Leigh Topsy-Turvy DVD.
The Wrap the BFCA has a spin off group now BTCA which will host Emmy style awards. Hopefully they'll use their powers for good and not try to predict the Emmys. The Emmys, way more than the Oscars, need pushes towards quality tv when they are often so content to vote for whatever they voted for the year before, even when shows take quality downturns.
Celebrity Blend Kelly McGillis is working at a Rehab Center. Good for her.
Slate with Arthur in the pop culture air again -- albeit sobered up -- here's a piece that looks on artists before and after sobriety including Stephen King and Martin Scorsese.

One of the things that makes The Shining one of the best books ever written about alcoholism is that it doesn't know what it is about. It was an act of urgent self-diagnosis, conducted in the pitch dark.

Finally...
Tribeca Film asks if movie theaters should think more like Netflix. I L-O-V-E this idea. I really think subscription models are the way to go in many business.

Would you buy admission to your favorite movie theater on a subscription basis?

Yes, No, Maybe So: "Midnight in Paris"

It occured to me yesterday while writing up the Crazy Stupid Love trailer that we hadn't yet discussed the new Woody Allen trailer for Midnight in Paris. Despite the occasional Vicky Cristina Barcelona or Match Point the Woodster has been dwindling creatively for some time. Let us not speak of last year's obnoxious and unfunny Woody. So let's break this one down like we do: yes, no and maybe so.

I have to admit that that "But Paris after midnight... is Magic" beat, got me. Especially because the staccato images included Owen Wilson dancing. I am a firm believer that dancing makes most any movie better, no matter who is doing it and it also brought back warm memories of Woody's 1996 musical Everyone Says I Love You which I really loved at the time (I haven't seen it since. Does it hold up?). In fact pretty much everything in that little sequence of the trailer looked promising, though Marion Cotillard as Ideal French Woman is a bit...expected at this point. There are other French actresses you know. France churns out awesome gorgeous talented actresses with pretty much the same speed that Australia manufactures movie stars.

For all the surface excitement of the new "Woody Allen, World Traveller" film series (it kicked off with The Blondes in London Trilogy), he's still making pretty much the same movie every time: Unhappy well educated couples cheat and even the cheating doesn't make them happy. This happens whilst Woody philosophizes either through the characters or a narrator. The samey-sameyness of the filmography didn't used to be a problem when the films were as perfect or as imaginative or as funny as they once were. To be honest, I'd rather he stopped switching countries and experimented with switching genres. Lately he seems to just be doing dramedies that aren't fully dramatic or comedic. One of the reasons Match Point worked so well was that it was quite a serious darkly dramatic picture.

But I guess I am interested in seeing Owen, Rachel McAdams, Michael Sheen and especially In the Loop's Mimi Kennedy act within his universe.

The most promising aspect of the trailer is that it does not in fact, tell you the plot. It does what all trailers should do instead: set up the premise, leave said premise dangling in the air, allow audiences to wonder about What Happens.

Most of the trailer is familiar but then we get the sense that Something Happens and a P.I. is brought in but that P.I. disappears? This doesn't seem to be the same movie unless it's a red herring.

Are you a Yes, No or Maybe So?

I guess I'm a soft No based on what I see here -- and how much I actively disliked You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger -- but my vote matters less than yours. See, I religiously see Woody Allen pictures even if I don't want to. It''s kind of my personal annual thank you for him being such a crucial figure in how I came to love the movies.