We've never really imagined visually acclaimed director Tarsem Singh as the Evil Queen type but the release of the trailer to his next flick Mirror Mirror (included at the bottom of this post) so quickly on the heels of Rupert Sanders Snow White and the Huntsmen trailer (previously discussed) changes that immediately. Suddenly it's remarkably easy -- nay required! -- to imagine Tarsem all fussy, bejewelled and panicky with sweat in front of his own magic mirror when it declares Snow White and the Hunstman the fairest of all new Snow White projects. That's admittedly a small 50/50 type achievement, but still...
Breathe deeply and put The Fall on loop in your home theater, Tarsem! Movie magic is temperamental even for the most skilled visual magicians.
But it's time for our Yes, No, Maybe So breakdown. As we do in this series, let's start positive...
- As in The Social Network, Armie Hammer seems more than perfectly cast as upper crust... in this case upper upper crust as in the royal family, as in Prince Charming.
- Birch trees are pretty and there seem to be a lot of them in this movie.
- Lily C... Ju... the se... the cos...vi... oh fuck it, let's move on.
- Julia Roberts used to be so great at comedy. But it might just be true that if you rest, you rust.
- That "I believe I believe I believe in love" musical number is strangely off putting. Was it the smug way Snow White already thinks she's the fairest of them all with her dance move? Was it the Bollywood influence without really committing to Bollywood?
- Why does the whole thing look lower budget than even the cheeztacular Once Upon a Time on television?
- Why does the sound drop out for each Julia Roberts moment like an awkward silent laugh track?
- Being banished to the woods isn't very scary when the woods look like the soundstage adjacent to the soundstage you were just banished from.
- Why is Nathan Lane in this?
- Why did they release a trailer when the images aren't color corrected and they didn't even fix the green screen backdrop in the "you're not as pathetic as I thought" scene?
- Why is the dialogue so anachronistically modern?
- Why is Julia shouting all of her lines. Wouldn't the highlighting and underlining of 50% of each sentence be enough for a line delivery?
- "Snow White? Snow Who? Snow Way"
- I think instead of Seven Dwarves they've given us Seven Jar Jar Binkses. *shudder*
- No, Julia... I don't think there's a happy ending coming your way here.
- "Say Hello to My Little Friend" ... seriously? SERIOUSLY?!? What is this Shrek only without animation and with hoarier lame pop culture jokes?
- If you're going to risk being laughed at, by all means wear swan dresses! Really go for it. Should your swan be pooping out your leading lady instead of casually draped around her a la Björk? WHY NOT!? Go for it Eiko Ishioka! Your cuckoo bravery is inspiring. We love you.
- The Fall is awesome and maybe it looked like shit at some point during production?
The atrocity in full is embedded below... Are you a No, No or Maybe No? Sound off in the comments.