POWER RANKING - The Many Faces of "Death on the Nile"

By Christopher James

Which member of the "Death on the Nile" is capable of murder? Only Hercule Poirot (Kenneth Branagh) can crack the case.

Who doesn’t love a good murder mystery? Kenneth Branagh returns to fill the shoes (and moustache) of the legendary Agatha Christie character Hercule Poirot in Death on the Nile, which opened in theaters this past weekend. Branagh’s stern detective finds himself aboard a glorious ship, S.S. Karnak, chartered to celebrate the nuptials of Linnet Ridgeway (Gal Gadot) and Simon Doyle (Armie Hammer). Their event is marred by death, and everyone is a suspect.

A murder mystery is only as good as its suspects, and Death on the Nile is bursting with persons celebrities of interest. So which suspects turned up the heat, and which others floundered about? Read for our power rankings of the cast (some spoilers ahead)...

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I'll Link to That

• Vulture "Do they really have enough champagne in Death on the Nile to fill the Nile?" funny must-read!
• IndieWire Hilarious marrieds Megan Mullaly & Nick Offerman will be hosting Spirit Awards
• MNPP a preview of NYC's annual "Rendezvous with French Cinema"
• Forbes Highest Paid Entertainers - annual list topped by Peter Jackson who sold part of his vfx firm WETA. He's now the third director to become a billionaire (after Spielberg and George Lucas)

Rumors about Blonde, Lady Gaga's congratulations, Flee's record-breaking Oscar triple, Dolly Parton's generosity, and more after the jump...

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The Link Boat

• The Guardian goes on a long stroll with Tilda Swinton and her dogs. She remains a fascinating conundrum
• AV Club Rooney Mara to play Audrey Hepburn in a biopic
• Vogue a profile of Squid Game's key actress Hoyeon Jung
• Cartoon Brew interesting stats piece about the very active European animation industry but the small audiences for the films. Did you know that Russia is second only France in the number of animated films produced (outside of the US/Japan obviously) 

More after the jump including Oscar's crowdpleasing trouble, Jonathan Majors, the alliterations of The Lost Daughter, Gal Gadot's Cleopatra, and Zendaya in Valentina...

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Red Notice: just enough to press play

by Elisa Giudici

As early as the prologue, Red Notice sets the bar so low that you instantly know to shut up and meekly accept every absurd thing it gives you. When an adventure movie starts with Marcus Antonius gifting his future bride Queen Cleopatra with 3 Fabergé jeweled eggs around 1000 years before Gustav Fabergé himself came to the world, you know realism is not high on the list of the movie's priorities. Not a priority at all, whether in the past or the present. Five minutes later we are introduced to Dwayne Johnson's FBI criminal profiler John Hartley. Sporting a black turtleneck (and later a silk patterned scarf), the notion of The Rock being a criminal profiler is so improbable that the screenplay mounts a preemptive defense. "You don't look like one".

"I get that a lot" replies The Rock, introducing us to a parallel world in which a lot of characters are nonsensical in service of an action-comedy about art thieves and double plays.  This is the kind of movie in which the audience will likely forgive anything, provided they are offered some spectacle, a few good liners, and chemistry between glamorous supertstars. Unfortunately, Red Notice lacks almost any of these elements...

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Would you rather?

(Our intermittent excuse to share instagrams we liked)
Would you rather?

• Hit the hot tub with Dolly Parton?
• Eat pasta (correctly) with Jessica Chastain?
• Have a slice with Lee Pace?
• Take a break with Gal Gadot & Kristen Wiig?
• Reenact the "Waterfalls" video with Laverne Cox and Peppermint?
• Pick pumpkins with Hugh Dancy?

Pictures are after the jump to help you decide...

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