Beauty vs Beast: The King and... Who?

Jason from MNPP here. Tomorrow is the 97th anniversary of the great Yul Brynner's birth, and while there are several options we could tackle for this week's "Beauty vs Beast" (The Ten Commandments being the most obvious) I decided to go with the most awkward for me - 1956's technicolor musical The King and I, because I feel like we could use a colorful musical right this minute. There's just one problem, which is what renders this "awkward" - I haven't ever seen The King and I. Whoops!

I know the basic gist - Deborah Kerr plays a school-teacher who moves to Siam and she and the King (Brynner) teach each other about their different cultures and fall into something like love. But specifics? Notsomuch. So here's the deal - I will go home and watch The King and I this week, pinky swear, and you guys tell me in the comments what your "Pros" and "Cons" are for each character in place of me listing them. Deal? Deal!

PREVIOUSLY Last week we went looking for the best Wingman of the Top Gun bunch, and as I figured might happen the current anti-Cruise zeitgeist carried Iceman (Val Kilmer) up into the stratosphere with 52% of the vote. Tom Cruise, your career is in the Danger Zone! Said Travis:

"I'm just very concerned for the well-being of anyone that would vote for a tiny troll over the delicious Iceman."

Beauty vs Beast: Who's The Maverick Now

Jason from MNPP here - I think that most of us have mixed (to put it mildly) feelings about Tom Cruise, who is celebrating his 55th birthday today (yes, he was Born on the Third of July). But there's no arguing that his radar for Big Mainstream Action Movie Success has seemed fairly fine tuned for all of the four decades that he's been batting in the major leagues. Well... until The Mummy this summer, which more than just being a bad movie (he's had plenty of those) felt like an actively bad choice for him particularly. The role didn't fit him and he didn't manage to make it fit him by the sheer force of smiling will that his stardom's been so foundationally built upon.

So perhaps that why now he's finally stepping back into the role that made him a star in the first place, and asking us to remember when something as simple as a jet plane and a pair of aviator glasses was all it took to throttle the box office - the Top Gun sequel, subtitled Maverick, was finally made official this week - it will be out in two years (July 2019) and it will be directed by Joseph Kosinski, who worked with Cruise on the (underrated, says me) sci-fi flick Oblivion. So let's look back ourselves, here on this Patriotic Eve, at the movie as American as American Military Might...

PREVIOUSLY I was about to say that we couldn't have made a more wild swing, celebrating Tom Cruise this week to having celebrated Peter Lorre last week, but you know... not really? Perhaps as Cruise grows older he can embrace his diminuitive weirdness to similar effect. Anyway as for last week's Maltese contest it was Bogart who won, but barely, with just 53% of the vote. Said Tom:

"I think both are lucky Mary Astor isn't here. But as it is I vote for Sam. He does such wild and unpredictable things."

Beauty vs Beast: Follow That Bird

Jason from MNPP here, delicately fondling every cane in sight in honor of the birth of one of my favorite all-time scene-stealers, Mr. Peter Lorre, who was born on in this day in the year 1904. I, like many of you, probably first knew Lorre without actually knowing him, via his animated likeness always popping up for a quick n creepy gag in Looney Tunes; funny enough my mom wasn't rushing to show me Fritz Lang's masterpiece M as a child. But once I did see M... wowza. And Casablanca. Double wowza! And Hitchcock's original The Man Who Knew Too Much -- wowza squared! And on and on... but for today's "Beauty vs Beast" let's pit him against that other favorite of the Looney Tunes animators, his co-star in John Huston's 1941 classic noir The Maltese Falcon...

PREVIOUSLY I'm sure some of you are still wearing your Nicole Kidman party hats - the celebration never ends! - but let's take stock of last week's Moulin Rouge competition oh right shocker Nicole Kidman won. She took 58% of your vote over poor suffering Ewan. But y'all were torn. Said Sawyer:

"The Hardest One Ever. As usual, it's Nicole by a nose."

Beauty vs Beast: All You Need Is Lovers

Jason from MNPP here with this week's "Beauty vs Beast," which is falling square on Nicole Kidman Eve - the actress, perhaps you know her work, is turning the big Five-Oh tomorrow, and I heard if you put a cube of ice below your pillow tonight she might visit you while you sleep! I kid, don't come as me, Kidmaniacs - I adore her every bit as much as you all do. Which is problematic for this series - where could I possibly find someone to challenge her? I mean there's... no... I couldn't... could I? I am sorry, folks, but this is the only choice. Who else might beat her but the one whose heart beats so big and free...

PREVIOUSLY It appears that none of you learned anything from Rosemary's Baby, and you're all perfectly willing to fall prey to a pretty face covering up a treachorous heart - you gave Guy (John Cassavettes) the win with 56% of your vote over Roman (Sidney Blackmer), and while I'll admit they're both bad choices I really find Guy the most despicable so I can't agree with y'all. He deserves that loogie he gets! Or as Nick T put it:

"I'm sitting by this bag of garbage at work and like. It's less charismatic, sure, but also less morally repugnant, so it's got the edge. Still, I don't think Roman's creepiness is given its due since his wife is way more fun to watch. I'll give him my first born as tribute. It only seems fair."

Beauty vs Beast: The Men In Rosemary's Life

Jason from MNPP here on another Monday afternoon with another round of our weekly "Beauty vs Beast" series - today happens to be the 49th anniversary of my favorite movie Rosemary's Baby. Roman Polanski's masterpiece (one of his several masterpieces) was dropped from beak of the devil's stork into the world on June 12th 1968, a wailing bundle of joy (with its father's eyes) that became the 8th biggest film of the year, scoring over 33 million at the box office (aka 230 million in 2017 dollars, putting it on par with what Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them made last year) and forever giving pregnant woman something shiny and new to worry themselves about. (All of them witches!)

This being my favorite film we've already devoted one of these columns to it - we faced off the womenfolk with Rosemary (Mia Farrow) taking on Minnie (Ruth Gordon) last fall. Gordon won, same as the Oscars. So this time around let's turn our attentions to their respective partners! There's no time like Right Now for "Sleazy White Men Who Think They Own Women's Reproductive Organs" after all, so I give you Guy Woodhouse (John Cassavetes), star of "Nobody Loves an Albatross" and a world-class creep, and Roman Castavet (Sidney Blackmer), door to door Satan salesman. Choose wisely, your womb will thank you...

PREVIOUSLY We took a quick trip to the Moors last weekend to put poor Jane Eyre through the wringer again but in the end Mia Wasikowska came out on top (and who wouldn't want to come out on top of Michael Fassbender) with 58% of your vote. Said Nick T:

"I'm so happy to cheer for Jane. It's a great performance (yay Mia!), and if Jane won't act as her own hype man then I'll happily do it tor her."