Globe Winner Predictions. A Nail Biting Night?

I normally look forward to Golden Globe night with the feverish pitch I otherwise save for Oscar Nomination Morning and Oscar Night itself. They're the holy trinity of awards season Father (Oscar Noms), Son (Oscar Night) and uh... Holy Ghost (The Globes). Well, there are spirits involved. I expect that the drunkest table will belong to The Help or Bridesmaids. Here's to inebriated ladies!

And here are my predictions. I'm just going for it and predicting a return to... January 2003. Wait, what? Read on!

MOVIES

BEST PICTURE, DRAMA

• The Descendants
• The Help
• Hugo
• The Ides of March
• Moneyball
• War Horse 

With most of the attention swinging towards The Artist, Best Picture Drama feels like a free for all this year. Three films (The Descendants, Hugo and The Help) look like feasible winners since they've retained heat after the nominations. Common wisdom points to the inexplicable near-universal love for The Descendants but for whatever reason I'm imagining a repeat of the 2002/2003 Globes season wherein the throbbing heart of a female epic (The Hours) beat out an expensive Scorsese film and the Alexander Payne film about the widower dealing with his angry daughter whilst having spiritual awakenings. (Gangs of New York and About Schmidt)
Prediction: The Help
Spoiler: The Descendants 

BEST PICTURE, COMEDY or MUSICAL

• 50/50
• The Artist
• Bridesmaids
• Midnight in Paris
• My Week With Marilyn

This one seems all sewn up for The Artist but I think it's worth noting that the Comedy or Musical category tends to be where the Golden Globes house their biggest surprises on average. That said a defeat for the Artist would be the kind of shocker that only happens once a decade. 
Prediction: The Artist
Spoiler: Bridesmaids (imagine the uproar!) 

BEST DIRECTOR 

• Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris
• George Clooney, The Ides of March
• Michel Hazanavicus, The Artist
• Alexander Payne, The Descendants
• Martin Scorsese, Hugo

Hazanavicius may or may not be the frontrunner for the Oscar. It's tough to say with lesser known directors when they're battling cinematic giants who win awards based on their whole filmography rather than the specific film they're up for. But I'm guessing that the presence of Woody Allen pulls enough votes from Martin Scorsese to keep Hazanavicius in the lead.
Prediction: Hazanavicius
Spoiler: Scorsese

PREDICTIONS IN ALL CATEGORIES after the jump...

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Now Presenting... The Presenters!

If the starry nominee troupes marching towards you later this week and beyond are not shiny enough for you, fear not. Even more celebs will be on hand as well wishers and presenters. Here's what we know so far followed by our annual Oscar badgering. They really need help when thinking about "presenting" honors.

BFCA "Critics Choice" This is happening in just two days. Will you be here as we live blog?  Presenters include: Leonardo DiCaprio, Vin Diesel, Kirsten Dunst, Donald Glover, Dustin Hoffman, Ben Kingsley, Diane Kruger, Melissa McCarthy, Elizabeth Olsen, Patton Oswalt, Paul Rudd, Maya Rudolph, Jason Segel and Owen Wilson. 

GLOBES Michelle Pfeiffer & Nicole Kidman (!!!!!!!!! I don't mean to imply together... though wouldn't that be something?), Melissa McCarthy, Jake Gyllenhaal, Clive Owen & Natalie Portman (I don't mean to imply together... though wouldn't that be something?), Antonio Banderas & Salma Hayek (I assume together) and Mark Wahlberg. 

SAG Ed Helms, Julianna Margulies, Natalie Portman, Armie Hammer, and Southland's wonderful headliner Regina King who, as it turns out is also something called "SAG Awards® social network ambassador". Fancy!

OSCARS Nothing has been announced yet but we assume that Natalie Portman, Colin Firth, Christian Bale and Melissa Leo will be on hand to present the acting awards... unless they screw with the format again.

And once again we would like to remind the Oscar producers that no one wants to see the same people presenting Best Picture every year. Step away from the Spielbergs, Nicholsons, Streisands and Hanks. We PROMISE you they are not the only celebrities everyone recognizes.

Instantly Recognizable Faces / Audience Beloveds Who've Never Had "Best Picture" Honor

• Meryl Streep
• Jane Fonda
• Julia Roberts
• Michelle Pfeiffer
• Liza Minnelli
• Angelina Jolie
• Johnny Depp
• Tom Cruise
• Will Smith
• My three favorite Perfect Duo Suggestions for this particular year. None of them have had the honor...
• KATE & LEO  (Consider it. 2012 is the TITANIC centennial. Be a little more creative on Oscar night. Please do not sleepwalk and pull from your standard pool of 5 people.) 
• JODIE & ANTHONY (20th anniversary of Silence of the Lambs big winning ceremony)
  
  Just a couple of Dames 
• DAME MAGGIE SMITH  & DAME JUDI DENCH
  My #1 suggestion. Hear me out. They're friends. They're Oscar titans. They're both getting on in years. Plus, it'd be a sly nod to Harry Potter as it ends and James Bond as it hits its 50th anniversary. You're always worried about being "relevant" to younger audiences. How about covering all your bases at once with senior citizens who are Academy staples but who are also instantly recognizable and beloved by all generations given their key roles in long running über successful franchises that are having major moments right about now. All that plus the Dames have a new film together in 2012 (The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel). It's the best of all possible worlds. Plus it's a honor for actresses and you have to admit that you're very actress-phobic when it comes to Best Picture presentations and Honorary Oscars.
  
  Repent of this great sin and let an actress (or two) have the honor this year. 

Random Question For Anyone Who Lived Through the 1980s

How hard would you have laughed at someone who  told you in 1988 that scary seductress Glenn Close (of Fatal...Liaisons fame) and firestarter Sinéad O'Connor of "The Lion and the Cobra" fame would one day be nominated for a Golden Globe for penning an end credits lullaby to a quaint little movie about a gender bending waiter by the name of Albert Nobbs?

Glenn Close and Sinéad O'Connor at the Albert Nobbs premiere

Funny how things change. Makes you wonder how tame today's provocateurs will be in 2034.

poll by twiigs.com

Which of the Golden Globe "Song" nominees will repeat with an Oscar nomination? Or here's a better question for you: why do the Golden Globes even have this category when they don't have on air musical performances by which to jusity it? 

Golden Globe Nominee Madness

It's the last of the big three precursor nominee announcements this morning. Hot on the heels of the BFCA and the SAG announcement we have the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, more commonly known as the Golden Globes. Film and television stars Gerard Butler, Woody Harrelson, Rashida Jones and Sofia Vergara announced the nominees at 8:30 AM EST which went like so...

MOVIES

BEST PICTURE, DRAMA

• The Descendants
• The Help
• Hugo
• The Ides of March
• Moneyball
• War Horse 

For a split second when we reached five nominees I thought War Horse would be shut out and for once the Globes wouldn't stump for one of the big movies that was about to open, but nope. The Ides of March is the iffiest film here for an Oscar transfer given lukewarm reception but it's still possible. Especially since it's right in their wheelhouse. 

Ryan Gosling drank the Clooney Koolaid in "Ides of March". So did the HFPA who gave Clooney 3 nominations and Gosling 2

BEST PICTURE, COMEDY or MUSICAL

• 50/50
• The Artist
• Bridesmaids
• Midnight in Paris
• My Week With Marilyn

 People are wondering how Marilyn is a comedy. But, you know, Kenneth Branagh is very funny in it.

It's like teaching Urdu to a badger.

Plus it's got musical numbers so I think it qualifies for their split. The Artist probably has this in the bag but for the Globes willingness to surprise (i.e. far more than other groups) 

BEST DIRECTOR 

• Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris
• George Clooney, The Ides of March
• Michel Hazanavicus, The Artist
• Alexander Payne, The Descendants
• Martin Scorsese, Hugo

Sofia Vergara garbled cutely as she does. "Marine Scorsez" is quite the auteur! Expected list here but for Clooney who was an already a guaranteed show at the ceremony due to the Best Actor nom. The HFPA gets a lot of flack for star-fucking but some of their decisions can't really be explained that way. The star doesn't get to show up twice if you nominated them thusly, and you've cut off the opportunity for another star to show.

BEST ACTRESS, DRAMA

• Glenn Close, Albert Nobbs
• Viola Davis, The Help
• Rooney Mara, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
• Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady
• Tilda Swinton, We Need To Talk About Kevin

People are going to love Mara as "Lisbeth Salander" in that movie so this isn't too much of a surprise. Plus there was room with Williams heading to Comedy/Musical. This omission hurts Kirsten Dunst's campaign. Her traction seemed to begin and end with the Cannes prize for Melancholia. Also shut out was Elizabeth Olsen for Martha Marcy May Marlene.

BEST ACTRESS, COMEDY or MUSICAL

• Jodie Foster, Carnage
• Charlize Theron, Young Adult
• Kristen Wiig, Bridesmaids
• Michelle Williams, My Week With Marilyn
• Kate Winslet, Carnage

In perhaps the biggest surprise of the morning, Carnage snagged 40% of the Female Comedy honors though the film didn't garner a comedy film nod and having Foster and Winslet (who was already coming for Mildred Pierce) knocked out their opportunity to invite Cameron Diaz or somesuch. See what I mean about cock-blocking their own star-fucking?

I think they can mail this one to Michelle Williams.

more after the jump

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The Adventures of Linklink

You may have heard that Ricky Gervais will be hosting the Golden Globes again. I don't have the stomach to give this its own post but let it suffice to say what I already said on twitter... Gervais smug superiority is so offputting. You have to back that shit up and was Gervais the funniest best awards show host ever? No. 

Link Time
Tom the Dancing Bug on Steven Spielberg's The Adventures of Tintin
The Advocate fun interview with Dylan McDermott on American Horror Story, nude scenes and sexuality and Steel Magnolias
Ad Age wowee but those Oscar ads are expensive. $1.6 million for 30 second of air time please. 
The Playlist the competing Linda Lovelace porn star biopics. It's Amanda Seyfried vs. Malin Akerman. You'd think that was an easy call but for the news that Sharon Stone will play Mama Lovelace in the Akerman version. Sharon Stone!
Empire Will Amy Adams sign on to co-star with Clint Eastwood in The Curve, a father/daughter drama? He plays an aging baseball scout. We're betting that he won't be portrayed as indelicately as the "they're fossils!" approach in Moneyball. (A film we love, don't misunderstand. It's just hard on the old scouts.)
BuzzFeed 63 Reasons why Bradley Cooper is not the "Sexiest Man Alive". No matter what People magazine says. 
Speaking of Bradley Cooper...

In Ye Olden Times when I used to watch Inside the Actors Studio I couldn't help but make immediate "you'll never make it!" assumptions about many of the audience members seeking professional advice. So it's totally crazy to see an actual future star asking one. 

Puppet Mania
Flickr Muppet illustrations covering the whole alphabet
YouTube Clever Inglourious Basterds/Fantastic Mr Fox mashup

Finally, Drew McWeeney at HitFix had his son Toshi interview Kermit and Miss Piggy on the eve of the release of The Muppets. So cute...

It's a great angle for an interview since The Muppets biggest marketing muscle might well be partents taking their kids who missed out on the Muppet phenomenon to "meet" them on the big screen.